totse.com | Funniest trip report I've ever read

fretbuzz · #1 2008-09-21, 20:50

Quote:

I had just eaten some fried chicken. I went to the store and bought a 4 ounce bottle of VICKS with just DMX in it. I drank the whole thing. Got home about 30 minutes later, drank another bottle of VICKS, but this one had pseudophedrine in it as well. After about 3 hours, I was feeling stoned and drunk, but I could still be coherent, and walk normally. I was getting pissed, because usually it doesn't take 3 hours. I decided to drink another half bottle of VICKS with pseudophedrine. Bad move. Turns out, the food had delayed the reaction. Somewhere from 30-45 minutes later, I realized I was fucked out of my skull, and was tripping balls.

At this time, I began to watch the movie snatch. My parents were gone at this time, and as I watched the movie, I began to consider the actors characters in a video game. It was fucked up shit. I lost track of time, and thought my parents had been gone for about 6 hours. It had been about two. I called them, told them I was lonely, and that they should come home. I was beginning to slur my words. They didn't notice though.

My dad is an ER doctor. He sees quite a few people tripping, so I had decided to stay in my room that night and watch my colored lights and listen to Floyd. Good idea. I staggered upstairs to my room as soon as I heard the car pull in. I stayed in there for about 30 minutes, but I started overheating and got really thirsty, so I went downstairs to get a drink of water.

My parents were standing there in the kitchen talking about something. I can only imagine how stupid I looked - staggering into the room, no wait. I couldn't really tell where my legs were, so sometimes I would stomp my feet down, sometimes putting them down very lightly - I fell once, which I think tipped them off. I got up, and opened the cupboard and got a glass. My parents are watching me still. I filled it up with water, and tried to drink some. It took two hands to hold the glass, so I looked pretty fucking retarded. I turned to stomp/stagger up to my room, when my mom says, STOP. At this point I was tripping so bad it didn't register I was going to be possibly caught. She says, why are your eyes so dilated? Jesus Christ! Look at his eyes! My dad looks, and says, yep. They are dilated. Are you high?

I said no quite vehemently. I actually yelled it, so I pretty much said 'Yes, I can't control the volume of my voice!' That's what it amounted to. Anyway, they started a ruthless interrogation, which dragged on for hours, actually about 5 minutes. During this time, my answers were complete gibberish, if I managed to get the whole sentence out before my mind trailed off into the trippy, trippy, DMX high. One question was, why are you so thirsty? My answer:

Hime notch hirsty I gust..... then I looked around until they told me to go to my room.

The next morning, I received a drug test. I was positive for Amphetamines and PCP. My dad informed me that he had found 3 bottles of cough syrup in the trash, and that DMX and pseudoephedrine can cause false positives. I have to get another drug test in about a week.

source

I thought maybe any other/ex Dex users might find this one hilarious. Don't be this guy.

LegalizeSpiritualDiscovry · #2 2008-09-21, 20:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by fretbuzz View Post

One question was, why are you so thirsty? My answer:

Hime notch hirsty I gust..... then I looked around until they told me to go to my room.

Roflmaowtf!

dummy · #3 2008-09-21, 20:56

i never really considered dxm a real grown up drug, so to speak. just some shit high schoolers do for fun. don't get me wrong, i did silly shit in hs too. silly shit that i learned on totse. but it just seems like no one else bothers with this shit

jamaica0535 · #4 2008-09-21, 21:34

wanna read some fucked up shit?

look into the datura reports...

Sypher_X · #5 2008-09-21, 21:38

Hardly the best trip report I've ever read, my personal favorite consisted of I guy eating datura seeds and then running around his friend's apartment building butt ass naked knocking on people's door looking for John Connor.

jamaica0535 · #6 2008-09-21, 21:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sypher_X View Post

Hardly the best trip report I've ever read, my personal favorite consisted of I guy eating datura seeds and then running around his friend's apartment building butt ass naked knocking on people's door looking for John Connor.

ive read that one...

he was running around naked knocking on doors at like 3am and when someone would come to the door he was scream "I AM THE TERMINATOR!" and then run off in a deranged laughter...

fretbuzz · #7 2008-09-21, 22:03

Quote:

I lost track of time, and thought my parents had been gone for about 6 hours. It had been about two. I called them, told them I was lonely, and that they should come home.

This made me laugh real hard.

Before the Opiate · #8 2008-09-21, 22:04

That one aint bad...but not the funnies i've seen. My long time favorite also involves DXM though.

Two words:

Rectal Robo.

Okay, I was stupid, very stupid. Don't do this. And if you do, read everything I say!

11:15 injected about 7cc /water 4cc/generic light dry rum and approx 500mg pure dxm into my rectal cavity

11:43 slight discomfort in within my lower intestinal region, similar to normal DXM gas

12:03 rush to the bathroom without even getting dressed, landing on the pot without even closing the door releasing more anal force than i have ever experienced, including my recent encounter with food poisoning

Okay, this experience is very similar to severe hershey squirts, with the addition of dxm ejecting itself from your body. I dont know how many times ive chatted with people before during and after they snorted dxm, and not to forget my own near death experience doing it as well, just imagine that 100x!!!

I know the exact moment the powder hits my asshole, I bite my lips really hard while trying to scream, but I cant because all sensory is focused on the Birth of Satan. THis is truly horrible but not long lasting, and solved by wiping my ass with toilet paper. Unfortunatly I took this to be the alcohol coming in contact with my asshole....

12:15 all showered up and laying in bed in disbelief of what i had actually done, listening to music, suddenly noticing a very slight enhancement and serenity to to my overall consciousness, with a deeper focus and involvment towards it.

1:03 after several trips to the pot to 'blow off steam' remaining inside me, i contemplate on Gdog's enema recommendation and grin to myself thinking how could i possibly have anymore fecal matter waiting to be born? considering trying it again, this time with a lesser dose.

1:05 That becomes a reality and this time i find myself shoving about 300mg pure in a cap up my ass as far as it could go

1:11 reconnecting with feelings recently experienced, i found myself quickly squatting on the can hoping i dont poop out the dxm. yup. it happens. i quickly clean up and get myself showered and just sit on the toilet smoking cigarette after cigareette.

1:50 Realized that almost a very small fraction of my intestinal merchandise had been excreted the first time, and considering that maybe having shit deep within my bowels might be my problem i decide to give myself an enema, and try again.

2:00 on the dot i shove another pill up my ass, this time about 500mg

2:40 i sit here and think, man what if i took to much? what if i get so completely fucked up, this is the longest ive gone without discomfort of any kind yet, i guess ill wait and see. im pretty accustomed to running to the toilet and releasing pressure now. ill just lie down and ride it out.

2:50 okay fuck this bullshit. i got all gassy and shit again. only this time it was fucking BLOOD.

Source

I also agree that Datura has some very interesting trip reports.

SomeLowLife · #9 2008-09-21, 22:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by Before the Opiate View Post

I win.

Pretty much.

droppinds · #10 2008-09-21, 22:56

Quote:

1:05 That becomes a reality and this time i find myself shoving about 300mg pure in a cap up my ass as far as it could go

lol im not sure if that or the terminator one is better...