I'll start.

Once after I got titfucked by my now ex girl Dea...I came a huge load all over her big tits...well she said..

Dea: Let me go in the bathroom and wipe this off...
Me: Or I can lick it off...
Dea: Ooooh sounds sexy. Ok!

So I proceed to do such...but instead of licking it off first thing I do is make this huge awkward slurp noise while sucking some in my mouth. Then there I am...we are looking at each other...and I have a ton of my cum in my mouth that doesn't taste good because I had been eating salty stuff alot. I swallow it...then jump off her and start just eating all her gum...

She got cleaned up then told me you're paying me for all that gum.

inaftertroll

Huh? I'm not a troll

dont eat your own cum, or admit to it. society isnt ready to deem that hetero yet

Dude................. you ate millions of your potential children.

Man tits and a strap on...interesting

Dude, eating your own cum is one thing, but you crossed the line with the gum.

Im sorry, not to try and flame you but, I would never eat my own cum, for any bitch. SORRY.

To the OP: I really have no clue why you would EVER divulge that gay ass story. Really. I hope you run for president and this story resurfaces during your campaign destroying any chance of winning or retaining honor.

That said,

I have a story of my own.

It starts by a night of drinking at my friends house. Everyone is pretty drunk, and we get hungry. The ole' "Who wants to go to taco bell?!?!" question is posed, and shortly after we realize there is no one sober enough to drive. Being the team player I am, I convince this girl that I brought to the party to drive her car to get food. She said ok, only on the condition she could ride with me. "Wow," I thought. "Im not gonna be the only one puttin meat in peoples tacos if i play my cards right" So anyways its just me, her, $25 to get food, and a list of demands that I was too drunk to ever get right.

We get the food at taco bell and Im driving back to the party. She tells me that she needs some gas, so stop by the station on the way back. Meanwhile she keeps rubbing my dick and licking my ear... i knew it was going down. At the gas station i get some condoms. I tell her i know this place up the way that we can chill for a minute. After almost crashing into various things that would probably kill us several times, we get to the place.

On the way we had eaten most of my friends food i was supposed to get. Upon arriving my stomach was feeling worse and worse. All the vodka, tequilla, and cheap mexican food was not agreeing with each other... I knew it was only a matter of time...

Shit starts goin down and im takin her clothes off in some small ass shitty geo metro. She starts takin my shirt off but i feel like i gotta fart helllllla bad and i know it will stink forever in this small ass car so i tell her that i need to piss and that ill be right back. i go outside around the block and fart, but halfway thru cuttin it i feel something else coming at an alarming rate. It was probably half digested gorditas. Perhaps a chalupa. Whatever it was, it was a fat load of shit that i just let go in my pants. Not the hard clay like play-dough shit either. this shit was like a can of watery soup. Ass soup.

Upon realizing what happened I searched for something to clean this up with. I started jumping for the leaves on a tree that I could use as toliet paper, however with every jump came another drip of shit down my leg. I was wearing 2 shirts so i used one of them to clean up a lil bit and I trew it over the fence into someones yard. That must have been surprising the next day.

I get back to the car to get my dick sucked and to fuck, and the bitch is rubbing herself and ready to fuck. She starts up again and I dont think she noticed the shit smell. I was hella happy. Hell yeah, shes too drunk to notice! But then she stops sucking and takes her head out of my lap. "Uhhh what the fuck is that smell? It smells like shit!" Then i was like "um, nothing, i just stepped in shit i thnk or something. Forget about it." After some sucking we move on to fucking. I took my pants off and i saw I had shit smeared all down my leg, along with a leaf that I had used to clean up with in my pants. Thank god she didnt notice. I ended up fucking her, despite my shitty shit and we drove back to the party. I told my friends that the bitch ate all their food and they were more focused on that then my shit pants. All in in it was a good night hahaha.. shhiiiit..

*in while tr0lls/predisposed shit stories from 2004, that are in fact predisposed, and from 2004*