i need to get this off my chest. i don't really know why i'm going to type all of this background info, but i do know that i am EXTREMELY emotionally confused.

okay so i have this ex. kind of. before her i vowed i wouldn't have another "girlfriend" for a long time, but after a few months of her telling me she wanted to be my girlfriend, and seeing her every day; she begged me to ask her out on her birthday night. earlier that day she told (repeatedly and with much emotion) that she loved me. we were both pretty drunk which wasn't unusual and so i went ahead and asked her out, it made her really happy.

about 3 days later immediately after we finished having what i can say without reasonable doubt was great sex for both of us, she started crying into my shoulder. she was crying so hard she could hardly get the words out when i asked her what was wrong. she said "i can't be your girlfriend anymore". i was really fucking confused at this point. i let her cry a little longer before i asked why. she said something to the effect of "i don't know", i repeated and got the same answer. i wasn't acting upset in any way, i was comforting her. i asked her again and she tried to kiss me but i said no, i wanted to know what was wrong. it went on for a while and she never gave me a reason.

i should mention that the whole time we'd been together we never fought, or even argued. it seemed perfect, and i did love her. i even told her i loved her, which was breaking another one of my rules.

after that nothing really changed. we kept seeing eachother everyday for about a month, and we slowly drifted apart. i can't remember how or why, but i was upset over it. i got edgier than usual, and my parents threw me in a mental hospital for 12 days. when i got out, i had sex with some girl at a party before even letting her know i was back. looking back on it upsets me, but i didn't think much of it at the time. this was over spring break. when i got back to school, i saw her and she said to me "i heard you fucked some dirty bitch". she was clearly pissed off, which is not what i expected. i later found out from her friend that when she heard about my mistake, she cried hysterically and wouldn't really talk to anyone for a couple days. i felt terrible.

she only stayed mad for about a week though. she even seemed like she wanted me more. she seemed really happy whenever she was around me, but the "i love you"s were replaced with "you're my best fucking friend /hug kiss". we would kiss and play around when i saw her at parties but no sex. what followed that was a lot of drug use, and a hospitalization (i hardly saw her after that one), and about a month later i got sent to a group home. fortunately i'm out now after just a month. i'm on probation and i'm getting straight.

over the last 3 months or so i haven't even seen her (she's called a few times though), but i've dreamed about her EVERY NIGHT. it's really starting to bug me.

now, i've been out of the group home for a few days and she doesn't know. i haven't spoken to her in over a month. i miss her, but i don't know if it would be good for me to start seeing her again. she's just too fucking confusing. i'm going to see her when school starts though.

i've got myself so confused right now i don't even know what my purpose was in posting this. i feel like my minds been running circles around itself. shit.

if anything could help to clear up or give reason for anything i mentioned, that would be great.

this is my brain off drugs. :s
also, my grammar is butchered, i think i just beat the shit out of the english language.

Why did she say she couldn't be your girlfriend? I mean, did she ever give more of a reason than 'I don't know'?

Umm, well, I for once have no idea what to say except RUN FORREST RUN LIKE THE FUCKING WIND AWAY FROM THIS CHICK. I understand she is your friend and all, but she is FUCKED UP. That is way too much baggage for someone so young. Now, if she actually loved you and cared about you it would be different, but judging by her actions she does not (maybe as a friend).

You are dreaming about her because you are worried and nervous seeing her again. I would say try not to let it bother you and keep yourself busy, but that is easier said than done. Oh, ya, her reacting to you fucking the other girl, it was most likely not out of feelings, but more of a jealousy.

Best of luck in the future.

nope.

thanks, AngelMA. i see exactly where you're coming from, and i think you're right. i can't bring myself to believe she never loved me though. it seemed too real.

she really is crazy, but that's part of why i'm so attracted to her. it's a really bizzare relationship as i'm sure you've come to realize. i'm stuck, i really do like her despite all of this.

She sounds retarded. Be glad you have no formal attachments to her. If a girl can't commit herself but somehow feels she has a right to be jealous, she's not worth your time.

Move along to greener pastures.

I understand completely. I was like that when I was a teenager. I would seem to really fall hard for the people who I thought I could "help" or "fix" and all it brought me was a shitload of pain. I am sure she loves you, but not in the way you love her or need. I am guessing there is some deep seeded emotional issues going on that she is not yet ready to deal with. Or maybe, you were like a "chase" to her. When she got you, she lost interest. Or, it could be she is all about the drama. I do not know. But you yourself, if you are going to get yourself on the road to recovery and you do not need that around. Hell, even if you decide that is not the time for you, you still do not need that.

In that case, what everyone else said. Sounds like just another manipulative girl who can't handle you wanting to have sex with someone else.

you're spot on. i have a thing for smart girls with unusual personalities (and personality disorders), as long as they're not ugly and overly weird. yeah, it usually does lead to a lot of pain and complication. the thing is, they're easy for me to get along with. normal girls just bore me.

everything you said applies to her at times, i think. i'm going to wait until school starts to see her again. i'm pretty sure she's going to want to spend some time with me, though. i'll just have to wait and see how it goes.

i'm probably going to keep everything posted here to prevent further confusion.

oh, and she's not retarded; although it may seem that way. she's actually very smart.

another problem is she's always high, but i can't smoke anymore. :l

im sort of in the same predicament

im waiting for her to call me now

I'm in the same exact scenario, except without the hospital/proby parts.

Kinda creepy how similiar our problems are.