My girlfriend and I have gotten back together after a year break. Before the break we used to have sex close to everyday...now I'm lucky if we do once a week.

So last night we both have our shirts off, and I go to take off her pants and she freaks out.

When she was younger her dad molested her and lately she has been seeing someone professionally and talking about it. But I think it's fucking her up more.

So I couldn't help but think it was me at first until she started crying and saying that was why she couldn't. I've known about this molesting thing when we started dating years ago...but it never affected our sex life.

I don't know what to do. I feel selfish and inconsiderate cause I was pissed because I still wanted to get some...and I'm a girl too, we're dykes so I don't even resemble a man's body...I don't know, I just don't get it or even what to say to her. She was crying on me last night and just talking about it all, each time she tells me about it, it's with more detail...and that shit just kills the mood. I'm at a loss...I still want to have a healthy sex life with her but I don't feel like I can if we are going to have sex only when she wants to.

Do you love her?? If so, be patient, please listen and try not to get angry. I am assuming you have no idea what she feels like.

It could be the fact that she is going to the therapist is bringing it out more and is causing her hesitancy. I totally applaud her for getting help, that means she wants a healthy sex life and a "normal" life as well. When she talks, just listen. Talking is healing. I know this, I was too scared to seek professional help for lots of reasons, so I admire your girlfriend for doing so. (To those that will ask, NO I was not molested by my father or family member, I was raped at 16 by an acquaintance, my first everything in one night) I have only recently, with my current boyfriend, let EVERYTHING come out as it pertains to that night. It was very healing and I have to say I have never felt more "normal" in my entire life. Please, if you love her, be that person who will help her be normal again. If you do not love her, then leave. It is not fair to either one of you. I am not saying you have to take this on, and you should not if you do not love her enough. It is a lot to take in and cope with. You will not be a bad person for leaving, you will be correct.

Encourage her to speak when she wants. She will come to you when she is ready. I wish you both the best of luck and I am here if you need to talk.

Edit* I think the sex everyday was her way of trying to forget, to fill her mind with other sexual experiences to get rid of the one that hurts. I went through that as well. It is nothing personal against you, please know and understand that.

Ever think that she's a lesbian because of it, and after therapy she might go straight? Maybe she's realizing the only reason she was attracted to you was because a guy did that to her. That's all I can think of, but yeah, she sounds to have some issues that need working through.

Thanks for the fast responses. I do love her a lot and I could tell she really appreciated me listening to her last night and not getting outwardly angry even though we were both half naked.

I actually did ask her flat out if that was the reason she was a lesbian, and she said she felt that way before the thing with her father happened. So if she is telling the truth (which I assume she is) then that makes me feel better.

I'm gonna stick by her but I still can't help feeling a little selfish and inconsiderate cause I still want to have sex. I would never push it on her though, I guess I'll get over that aspect.

This. It's a lost cause right now.

You can stick with her and gamble with the fact that she might loosen up or just stay the same/get worse, but that's your own issue.

Those responses are normal. I cannot tell you how to deal with those, I have never been on the other side when it comes to those things. I know you would never push it on her, and in a way, I am not sure people can get over being "rejected" no matter what form it comes in.

Just be there for her, show her love and support, and above all else, just listen and comfort her. Things will be so much easier with those things. She is lucky to have you.

You have two choices...

1) You stick by her. Be there for her. Be her shoulder to cry on. To hold her hand and tell her that daddy is going to Hell for it all. But only when your not out scissoring, licking, fingering and rubbing against another woman to fulfill your sexual needs.

or

2) You suck it up, strap yourself to the mast and take the full force of the storm until it dies down and you can rebuild a once healthy sexual relationship whilst taking frequent breaks to buff the bean in the toilet. (no pun intended with the "ship" thing)#

Sorry for the visuals there...Damn whisky goes straight to my cock!

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http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i138/tsubaka/psycho_8b.gif

I call troll.

Seriously man. Who the fuck makes that shit up on a message board? If you do then I feel sorry for you. But I've never once "trolled" on Totse as long as I've been here since '05. Check out my other posts if you feel I'm a troll so much as to make a post in my thread about it.

It sounds like she went through a bad patch, blamed the past for 'messing her up', and is now reliving the entire ordeal through therapy.