First of all I kno what this board isn't the equivelent to:

I want to know if anyone here is willing to evaluate me to find any potentoial problems. I'm not looking for a label happy person either, but I really think I'm loosing it.

Anyone up for the challenge?

Let me grab my crystal ball and try to remotely mind meld with you...

Seriously though, n one can help unless you spill your guts.

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Stalker: sentenced to life.

Ok where does one start?

Fuckin' speak.

What's wrong with you? What do you THINK is wrong with you?

Stop asking and start telling!

I think the most anyone can do is give you a good idea - but that's not to be 'trusted' per se.

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Well obviously I think that I'm slowly starting to loose it, and some recent events sort of reinforced this notion.

Hmm, now how can I make this not look/sound emo?

Recently, I made the decision to "shut down" so to speak. I felt like I was losing control, so instead of doing something foolish or rash, I removed myself from the situation the only way I could. Now this opens up an entire new can of worms. I almost always percieve myself from the 3rd person viewpoint. A result of this is going very hard on myself. I operate balls to the wall with everything relating to myself. To give an example of this, I demand perfection from myself. If it is anything less I write off as a failure. I go much easier with other people. I generally help them learn and help in any way if I am capable. To give an example of me going balls to the wall, I am about halfway through my time frame to have my definition of a perfect body. I don't mean so damn skinny you can see my ribs, but I mean asthetics, a balance between endurance and strength, etc. This has led to me being obsessed with hygeine aswell. If I feel that I am behind with my goals, I just work harder. Inadvertingly this leads to me hurting myself. Stress fractures, lack of sleep, etc.. As for having a perfect body, I know I probably won't reach it, but it won't keep me from trying. I can keep naming examples, but I will wear everydown with pretty much the same thing.

I looked into cognitive therapy found here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cogniti...vioral_therapy

I honestly think that all it is doing is trying to put a silver lining on something and essentially trying to get you to lower your standards.


On to the next thing, there are certain events in my childhood-end of highschool years that I would rather not talk about, but my friends definately said they noticed changes (mostly negative) after those events took place. I still deal with the aftershock of them, but sometimes it is better to just bury your past so no one knows about it.

I'm currently in cognitive therapy, it, along with all the other divisions of therapy are complete bullshit.

Figure it out on your own or just accept that your brain is shit.

I'm not qualified to analyze you or anything, but let me save you some of the suspense and say this:

Are you human? If you answered yes, there's at least one thing very wrong with you. If you answered no, then... Well, there's definitely something wrong with you.

Post of the week.

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Everyone has faults and different strengths, I try to minimize my faults and maximize my strengths. . Perfection is a nice dream to chase. Lately I have been thinking I have some loose screws.

Things just keep piling up and the worst possible times and I find myself acting as a healer, a business man (almost have my site up and going, but ugh), a caregiver, all of that ontop of normal daily things.

I find myself painting on a persona every morning and pretty much faking my way through each day in order to keep people from asking questions.

Many people rely on me for various things. If I slack up even for just one day, that really messes up the works and changes how people percieve me.