Yeah...

So I come home the other day and my Miniature Doberman Pinscher is nowhere to be found. So I go out into the back yard, and find that he has gotten into some garbage from a camping trip and devoured a full pound of raw bacon, which is more than a tenth of his body weight in raw meat, as well as various other shit like coffee grounds and processed cheese slices (how he managed that much food I shall never know.)

I figured he would just kind of puke it up and be fine, and if he started getting sick I would take him to the vet. My other dog eats retarded stuff all the time (two dozen triple-chocolate-chunk cookies etc.) and was just fine, so I kind of figured he'd ralph, get it out of his system and be hunky dorey.

But it's like...two days later and he hasn't eaten anything (although that doesn't exactly surprise me) but he refuses to come out of his kennel. Usually one mention of 'walk,' 'car ride' or a brandished leash will have him literally doing aerial acrobatics, but today he looks forlorn and is quite obviously sick. I really can't afford to take him to the vet unless he's like...on the verge of dead. Is there anything I can do for him?

Feed it exlax.

Give him some tums.

Beat the shit out of it so it'll learn to do that again.
There's probably not much you can do except take it to the vet if it gets worse.
Hahaha, I hope your dog dies. Oh, I just thought of an awesome scenario: your dog's dying, you're holding it in your arms, then when it finally dies it takes a massive dump on you!

How's your dog doing?

Well...he's not dead.

He hasn't pooped since he ate the bacon (that's 3 days now, I think.) And he doesn't get up and walk around on his own; he lays in his kennel unless I pick him up and make him go for a walk around the yard. He also isn't eating much. But he's still alive and seems to be improving a little bit so I figure he'll live.

And thanks for all the great advice, everyone . Really helpful.

I still think exlax will do more good than harm. Hes probably crazy constipated.

No offense, but that's your fault, you should keep all food out of reach of your animals, you mentioned that your other dog eats chocolate bars, you do know that chocolate is extremely bad for dogs right?

Keep your food out of their reach and they'll be fine, get rid of that garbage don't let it sit around.

Who the fuck throws out a pound of bacon? YOU eat that shit next time.

goodbye dog