Say some one cheats on you, on a very deceitful way (nothing that can be excused), but then they show a level of regret so huge and want a second chance so much you give it to them. How does that shit work? Wouldn't you never trust the person again? And wouldn't the cheater think that the other person will get revenge at some point?

Any one ever given a cheater a second chance?

Did you:

1. Crack down on them a lot and give them less freedoms? Or give them even more trust as a sign of good faith?

2. Cheat on them in revenge?

3. Every fully trust them again?

4. Put some strict rules in place, if so, what type of rules?

Answer the above please.

Dude. Any girl who does this and then shows "a level of regret so huge" is a unfaithful, uncaring, manipulative slut, who couldn't care less about you or your feelings. To her, you're nothing. Tell her to take her sob story somewhere else, and to have fun fucking all those wonderful guys that obviously matter more to you than me, I'll be out moterboating the biggest titties my good looks can buy. Sorry.

Once a cheater always a cheater I say. If I were ever cheated on, they would really have to go through the grooling process of earning my trust back and have to prove to me it would never happen again.

But seriously, don't listen to this guy. DUMP HER!

depends. I'd say theres room for forgiveness if you drove her to cheating by not being an a+ boyfriend/she made some other guy her emotional tampon.

but just grabbing strange on the side is always grounds for an immediate breakup in my book. those are just weak willed or shitty people in general and neither are you going to be to effective at reforming or changing without a behavioral pyschologist on hand.

No one ever just cheats once. If they know they can get away with it, they will keep doing it. Well, thats what I think at least.

I was cheated on once, it completely destroyed the relationship instantaneously. In my eyes I see trust as an integral, if not most important part of a functional relationship, once you cheat, that trust is blown to bits.

Personally I don't think there's any point trying to salvage a relationship where one or both parties have been unfaithful. There will always be an underlying suspicion, paranoia and a fuck load of emotional turmoil. Don't put yourself through that shit, totally NOT worth it in the long run.

My advice; cut your losses and get the fuck out of there.

Nice responses, but no one has really answered my questions.

1. I would say set some restrictions and boundaries that are doable or acceptable on both sides.. Give someone more trust after a thing like that?? No way.

2. If you are going to cheat on the person for revenge, might as well not give a second chance. Why bring about pain like that? Why be just like the cheater?

3. I have no idea on fully trust someone again after something like that. I think that is all on the person and if they have the ability to do so.

4. See answer one.

Everyone is different, so, it is completely up to the person who was cheated on whether the relationship is worth saving. Hell, I think people are batshit crazy when they say when their partner cheated, somehow it brought them closer together. I do not know if I could forgive something like that. Personally, it would all depend on the person and circumstances.

I gave my husband a second chance after he cheated. We saw a counselor together and worked on our problems for 6 months. We were actually separated during that time, but still married. After the six months...He was going to be transferred and I basically had to decide whether to stay separated or get back together. I chose to move to Texas with him and it was the right decision. If he had just been my boyfriend, though...I totally would've dumped him.

As for "rules" and stuff...It wasn't like that. 2 adults can't impose rules on each other. They both have to just want the change. Our counselor really helped us. We've gone again for other problems and it always helps our relationship a lot. I think if more married couples tried counseling...There wouldn't be very many divorces.

I will never tell my boyfriend this but there is one situation where him cheating on me will be forgiven, I think. It hasn't actually happened yet, so if it does we'll see if it goes this way...

See, we've been together for two and half years. We were one another's first serious relationship, we lost our virginities to one another (neither of us had so much as fooled around with another person), and before we met at ages 14 and 16 respectively, he had never even so much as french kissed another girl. Now he's heading off to university three hours away. And I expect that after the length of time we've been together, us being separated for the first time ever, and the fact that he's never experienced another girl will mean that he will eventually get curious, get drunk, do something stupid. And if he tells me, immediately afterwards, "I know you're going to hate me for this, but I did something stupid. I made out with/got a bj from/banged this slut at a kegger. It meant nothing to me and it will never happen again." I think I might be able to forgive him, but to answer your question I would have to explain to him that if he wanted to stay together after that fuck up he would pretty much have to forfeit his privacy, call me often and tell me what he's been up to and be tolerant of random jealousy and mistrust. I might be able to trust him again someday because he was at least honest with me about what he did, but it would be a long, long time until I could put the thought of him with another girl out of my head.

However if he kept it from me, did it again, or had like...an emotional attachment/another girlfriend on the side, his ass would be gone so fast his head would spin. A moment of weakness that he is honest and regretful about...that I can forgive, just one time. But anything beyond that...well I have more self respect than to stay with a guy who doesn't respect me enough to be monogamous and honest.

Pretty much the answer I was looking for. That would be the ONLY thing that would put my mind at ease, and it's so much effort why not just find another girl? That and I'm sure she'll be a cheater for the rest of her life, inevitably dying alone.

Here's hoping.

Some people cheat because they don't respect the person they're with or for some other selfish reason. Some people, who are otherwise perfectly attentive and loyal partners, falter and do a stupid thing and regret it. You can usually tell which you're with.

1. No crack down, just a lot of talk bout the how and why. She hurt me while i thought she loved me, i wanted to know why


2. Yes i cheated on her too, but not out of revenge, i never ment to hurt her but i was mentallly fucked up and confused, it's not easy someone you've loved with all your hart for 4 years cheating on you. You get drunk, sleep over at a female friend in her bed (always did that, never a problem) you talk all night and she understands and then you do stupid stuff. Love sucks...

3. Yes, i fully trusted her again later on, once i was, less fucked, up again, and still would trust her with my life even though we've been seperated now for 2 years and i see her only now and then. I understood why she did it. It wasn't the way she should have expressed how she felt, but i understood.

4. We had a rule, if you ever cheat, with condom, and not somebody who's in love with you. She broke the second one. I didn't give her any extra rules or anything, just told her, this rule, and specially that person again and you'll never see me again this life.


Later on she broke both with the same person. I never touched her with a finger after that, but even what she did then i can understand, the why i'll keep to myself



edit : ohw and i agree with silverfuck

OMG, I can't believe people actually answered these questions and gave advice when the answer is so obvious:

COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!
COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BREAK UP WITH HIM/HER!

"Trust- never easy to build...harder to embrace...easy as shit to destroy and impossible to regain"

Never again will I give a cheater a second chance. It bugged the crap out of me whenever she went out without me and I'd stress over the lamest shit, because the trust was no longer there no matter how much I wanted it to be and how much we BOTH tried to get it back...I just couldn't put it out of my mind once and for all. And once I broke that personal rule of mine (to never take back a cheater) it was SO easy to break other relationship "rules" of mine...and I gradually lost a lot of my self-respect and my self-esteem suffered and she gradually gained the majority of the power in the relationship and after it was all over I was left a shell of a man and am still trying to build myself back. I'm sitting here all the time again reading threads by kids asking how to lose their virginity...because I feel like I need to start over and review the "basics". I feel socially retarded now and I am having a lot of trouble getting back into the game.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. If they really liked you as much as they claim, they wouldn't have cheated. Doesn't matter if they were "omg so drunk" or whatever. Break it off and move on to someone who can control themselves and likes you enough to do so.

Yeah cheatings pretty great if you get away with it.

That is if your the kinda person who does that kinda stuff and feels good about it.

If my woman were to cheat on me its the end of the relationship, but i wouldnt end it then and there - i'd cheat on her a bit and be a shitty boyfriend before cutting it off - that way NOBODY WINS!!

This.

If I knew and she didn't know that I knew I would invite her over for one last romp then tell her to GTFO when we were done, then never talk to her again :-)

Only if I was 100% sure on it though

To quote The Sopranos

listen to all you, apparently most of you have never been in a serious relationship and been cheated on.

My current GF cheated on me about a year ago, she got fucked up at a party and it just happened. It hurt a lot, I cried and then had to do a lot of thinking.

but in the end I knew it was only human, I knew it meant nothing, I knew we still loved each other.

in the end I bitched at her a little, made her do some things she doesnt normally like to do, and went on with life.

I later cheated on her, and she dumped me for about a week then called back crying, saying that she loved me and wanted me back. we have been together ever sinse and still have trust for eachother.

our relationship isn't open but we understand that shit happens. if it happened again, I would forgive her again and Im sure she would forgive me as well; but Im also fairly sure that neither one of us plans on it happening again.

somthing like 50% of married people ADMIT to cheating. think about that.

Ive been going out with my gf for about 8 months. I love her so much but if she cheated on me I would never talk to her again. But in saying that I completely trust her to never do anything like that.

I could never cheat on her either. When I was 6 my dad beat up my mum and left her for some whore so I could never do that to anyone.

If I were to go down that road,

1. Crack down on them a lot and give them less freedoms? Or give them even more trust as a sign of good faith?

Crack down on them.

2. Cheat on them in revenge?

Probably xD

3. Every fully trust them again?

No.

4. Put some strict rules in place, if so, what type of rules?

Way too lazy to think ..

This is what's wrong with the world.

I've cheated on my gf and she forgave me.

I wouldn't have if I were her...

tHIS ONE

cheating shouldn't ever happen.

because us men should not give a fuck about the bitch.

me and my friends share our bitches.

believe it or not, if you "love" you will have expectations.

if you have expectations you are setting the stage for failure.

if you never love the hoe it will never hurt you. get it??

im in that situation now..I just got back with my ex who cheated on me and I cheated on her..i dont know how it will end up, but im just taking it slow and not too seriously until we build trust so i dont get as hurt if it doesnt work out

How did she cheat on you? Once off with some one at a bar? Two timing? etc.

rules? I don't know. I used to be a very forgiving person, but now I'm just not petty. So I don't really know. I'd like to think that answer would be to have a relationship where cheating would even enter into the equation. I'm starting to think that ever being in a relationship again is just laughable for me since I feel so detached from humanity's inane pettiness.

I mean, I want fun & adventures & madness & love & fun and all anyone wants to do is bitch about so and so or such and such

but then again

isn't that what I'm doing right now?

hah.

fkkking asinine

i dont think shed rlly be sorry i got cheated on and that to and had a very eventfull relationship. But what i found out was that your partner usualy cares alot more bout themselves than you and only probaly regrets it because you found out. If you never knew she wouldn't regret shit.

Why would any one cheat one some one so awesome?

rules to live by:

-everyone lies. everyone.
-people don't change.