I don't know if anyone will be interested, but it's a pretty interesting story: a failed attempt at a relationship and how it's changed me as a person. I tell you this as friends - we can laugh together, we can cry together, but mostly I hope someone learns something from this. It's a long read, so sit down, have one of my cigarrettes - i can always chop one off you later, don't worry about it; and listen to what I have to say. I'm gonna change some names just because I don't want this thread coming up on google in the future.

I first met Kathryn when she was in 10th grade and I was in the 9th, in 2006. She was together with my close friend, Andreas. He's the sensitive musical type. Anyway, my first impression: she was beautiful, didn't judge me and enjoyed a laugh.

We didn't see much of each other until the next year, when she started coming into our common room to hang out with us year 10s, because she was making closer friends with our yearlevel than her own. So yeah. We instantly clicked and became the closest of friends - but with close friendship, comes responsibility of each party.
She told me EVERYTHING that she had kept secret - she had a pretty hard life in the past; her mother beat her as an infant. In the 9th grade, she had been raped, got pregnant and had a miscarrage from her bullemia. She was very depressed and refused to get help.

I started caring too much. By the time of her second miscarrage, with her current boyfriend, due to an ovarian cyst, she was an emotional wreck. She had been through a lot of emotional and physical pain - and it took its toll on her as a person. She grew further and further apart from her boyfriend, and then, one day, Jeri, a German exchange student came to our school.
She didn't love her boyfriend anymore, and she wanted to find a way out.
Her boyfriend went on camp, helping out with some younger kids, and that's when she made a move on Jeri. She ended up fucking him. I didn't know what to do - on one hand, my good friend was being betrayed, but on the other, I could never hurt another close friend by revealing her secret.
Eventually, the truth came out from someone reading her diary while she was in another room, and told Andreas about her cheating. He was destroyed emotionally - he's not the same, even to this day.

One day, I was smoking some weed underneath a bridge with her, looking into her eyes, and I just felt a real connection to another human being for the first time in my life. I fell in love - but I would never make a move on her while she was in another relationship. The relationship with Jeri soon ended, when she found out that he was nothing but a womaniser who lied about the emotions he felt towards her.

I kept it in while she was healing from that experience. I waited about four months.

By this time, it was Febuary 2008. Valentines day was when shit really hit the fan.
I decided I could wait no longer, and she was saying how that nobody could ever love her in a romantic way. That's when I told her how I felt. I asked her if we could be more than friends.
Then, her first lie to me spew from her mouth.
She claimed she had sworn off men forever.
She still claims to this day that she doesn't believe that I was senscere in how I felt.
But the real pain didn't hit me yet.
It hit when, about three days later, I walk to Smoker's Hill, the secluded smoking spot at my school, and there she is, kissing a friend of mine (who, i should note, up to this point she claimed "reminded" her of the boy that raped her). This friend of mine is a blatant compulsive liar, and he doesn't give a shit about her. She believes he loves her because it keeps her happy. She admits that.

I didn't know what to do. I just turned around, walked away. The next few days were a total blur to me - I remember one moment, where I was standing in the schoolyard, outside my classroom, and everything was moving in slow-motion.

I was a wreck, I was so depressed that I couldn't function. The only reason why I didn't kill myself was because I didn't want to look like she had so much power over me that she could cause my death.

A few months later, I was still the same. I had wagged nearly a whole school term and I didn't care. Then, I met Laura.
My relationship with Laura is best described as... a confusing, meaningless fling with the added care and affection you would find in a romantic relationship.

Since then I've been healing. But the story doesn't end here. Today, I've found out, she has left my friend and has moved onto an even closer friend; I can't help but think she's doing this because she wants to strike down any sense of closure I had. That's not just paranoia, by the way - ironically, Kathryn is the one person I could talk to about the pain that she caused, and i'll give her some credit in that she helped me through it. I was always there - even after she rejected me - to reassure her that she WAS beautiful, that she WAS worth existing and that NOT everyone hated her.

I'm slowly healing - very slowly. Today is 8/08. That means in 6 days, it will be 6 months since Valentine's day.

I question, do I still love her?
The answer is yes, unfortunatly.

Another question: would I give up everything for one night of purity with her, one night where everything was right?
The answer, again, is yes.

I'll leave you with one more question to myself. Would I take a relationship with her, if she offered it?
What she has done is unforgivable. I love her, but I hate her. It's a contradiction that I don't expect anyone can understand. The answer is no.

If you've gotten down here... wow. Thanks. Please reply with any comments, positive or negative. It would be much appreciated.

Forget

The

Worthless

Bitch

/Thread

Heh. If I could, I would have, a long time ago.

Thanks for the advice anyway

Don't lower yourself, forget her, shes obviously a filthy whore in need of acceptence and you dont need to be her emotioanl blanket, only getting pulled out of the closet when she needs you.

The best thing you can do for yourself is forget her and let her rot in her own self destructive stupidity and whoring.


Hope i dont come off as to offensive to the girl you love but i kinda know were your comming from on this one.

Wow, that's some great advice... i'm gonna try to take it into consideration, no matter how hard it'll be.
thanks man

I read the whole and decided not to flame you, because I liked your introduction, it made me feel special

But I hate seeing this happen to like, every young male out there these days.
They get hopelessly attached to some girl they 'think' likes them back.
You can't get attached to her before you're ballsdeep inside her!

But hindsight is 20/20...

I've been in your shoes as well, and I swore "never again"
And life has taken a turn for the better I'd say

Bitch is full of bullshit.
Replace.

Don't be a doormat, as hard as it may be to accept it, this girl isn't for you. Keep looking bro you'll find the one you're looking for eventually.

I don't smoke. But thanks.

I don't see why everyone is telling you to forget her, because it really doesn't work that way. Just don't lower yourself to getting involved with her if she decides she wants to. It could actually be fairly therapeutic to say no to her face, if the situation ever came up.

Find another one. This one is one of the ones that will always fuck you over. She seems like the one, but isn't, I've learned that the hard way. And it haunts me to this day.