My girlfriend moved to the other side of the country a little while back and we won't be able to be together again until the end of the year. Basically at the moment our only contact is via internet and telephone.

Recently, she made a new male friend. He started talking to her at her work, he doesn't actually work there, they have gone drinking a few times along with some of his other friends. Before I get into the heart of the matter I want to make it clear I trust my girlfriend completely, there is no way that she would let something happen, this isn't about her cheating on me.

This guy has been calling her a lot and asking her to come hang out with him. She tells me that he's not interested in her sexually and that they see each other purely as friends, he's been friendzoned (her words not mine). He recently asked her out to a dinner with him at a private residence in a few weeks and to come "hang out" at his place Saturday.

Whilst she sees this as him just wanting to be her friend I can't help but think that he wants to fuck her and it bothers the shit out of me. She seems to be under the impression that the dinner was just because he thought she'd enjoy it. I honestly just don't feel comfortable with her hanging out with him because I can't meet him and I don't trust his intentions.

The problem is whenever I bring it up I end up coming off like a jealous dick. She is convinced he only wants friendship but knowing what guys are like I can't see that being true, but trying to explain this to her only ends in an argument.

Is it unfair of me to ask that she doesn't see this guy or at the least a lot less of him? I don't want to upset her and ruin new friendships she is forming but this bothers me. I've already asked her to decline the offer of dinner to which she agreed (but not happily). Am I being controlling for no reason? Should I even be worried? Is it possible this guy actually does just want to be friends?

You're not being unfair. Maybe he does want to be friends, but you don't know that....and I doubt that's what he wants anyway, since he's invited her to do things alone with him. You're not being overly controlling - she needs to respect you and your relationship, and if she knows this "friendship" makes you uncomfortable, she shouldn't keep it going.

I'm a guy, and i wouldn't invite some girl for dinner unless i seriously wanted to fuck her.

I'd tell her to cut it with that guy, before it brings more drama to your relationship.

Man, you're in a really shitty position. Like you said, either you come off as a jealous, overprotective dick, or you risk having some guy rape/be weird with her. As least you can trust her, that helps a lot.

I dunno. Be completely honest with her, have you? Tell her that you really want her to make new friends, but you think that this guy really does want more than this.

A good thing in my experience is to get her to make guy friends with girlfriends, so you absolutely don't have to worry.

Does she have a girlfriend there? If so just ask her to ask him if she can bring her along as well. If he says sure with no problems then friendzone it is and she can even say that the friend cancelled later. If he acts in a more, "I thought you knew this was one on one time," she'll get the point.

Although this does rely on her going along with trickery, deceit... and the such.

If she says shes just friends i would trust her. But this guy does sound likes hes up to no good. Tell her that you trust her and her decisions but you dont trust this d-bag.

It sucks that your trust issue isn't with her, but if you push the subject too much that's exactly how she's going to take it.

Yes, Catch-22 situations; they're perpetual when it comes to girlfriends.

This is what I would do: Hear her out without giving the condescending impression that you already know his intentions and she's just being naive. After she's justified/described the situation to you, tell her calmly and patiently what you feel is going on, and tell her that as her boyfriend it would be nice if she could respect your advice (but try to assert that she's her own woman, and the choice is ultimately hers.)

If she chooses not to listen to you and proceeds to go see the guy, and shit happens...well then, buddy, you can tell her (with disappointment, not anger) that you are extremely sorry that she chose not to listen to you, and then end things.

....if the bastard rapes her, still tell her you wished she'd listened to you, and then go over there and pull his testicles out through his eye sockets.

Good?

Just tell your girl that you trust her to not get sexual. If she likes you enough she wont, if she does, then you don't want that girl anyway, trust me. You are just displaying really insecure traits here by getting really worked up over nothing. Play it cool, and it will turn out the way you want.

So I spoke to her calmly about this. I don't think it went so well... Here's an example of some of the responses I got:

"the dinner is at an award-winning artists and he invited me because he thought I'd like to meet her and see her home because it is beautiful" My thoughts are this is complete bullshit, but she's convinced.

"if you asked women about this they'd see my side"

"I see your point, that doesn't mean I have to agree with it"

"I just don't see why it'd bother you aslong as you knew I was faithful, if you had some girl who wanted to fuck you I wouldn't give a shit because I know you wouldn't let her"

I don't know what to do. I think I will just leave it be, at least that way I can't make things worse.

Let's look at some facts:

You aren't with her, and this guy is. She'll feed you bullshit about how they're 'just friends.' Obviously this guy does not want to just be friends. I'm friends with this girl at work. She has a boyfriend. I don't invite her to dinner or call her all the time. We talk at work, and maybe we'll get a drink once in a while. Hanging out all the time, talking all the time, and going to his place are not good signs for you. You know he wants to fuck her.

The question is, can she remain faithful for an extended period of time? Long distance relationships almost always fail because of lack of contact or jealousy issues.

Decide if what you have with her is worth the mental anguish. You either need to break it off with her or find a way to stop thinking about it. If you choose to stay with her, you have to stop bringing this shit up. If you're questioning her all the time, she'll break up with you. You have to stop trying to control her.

Anyway, why can't you fly out to see her? If you two arrange to see each other a few times, that'll probably keep the relationship going. Otherwise, I really doubt it'll last. Sorry, but that's just how it usually works.