You thought today was going to be a fine day; you and your beloved girlfriend have come into possession of her parents house for the weekend. Just you, and her. Getting the idea? As soon as you arrive at her front door, you see her awaiting your arrival, and she tells you she has a nice little surprise awaiting you on her bed. She pulls at your shirt and motions to follow her as she gracefully skips into her room. You follow. As you turn the knob and open the door to her room, a gentle aroma of strawberrys float into your nostrils, and the next thing you know, your both under the covers exchanging saliva. Things heat up and she start undressing. Her shirt slides off ever so delicately and you begin to suck face again. Right as she begins to slide her hand down past your belt - your phone rings. As you know from previous experience, your boss calls from a restricted number. You never know why but that doesn't matter.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this" you tell your sweaty, shirtless lover. She nods.
*CLICK"
You open your phone and press 'send'
"N'yellow ther--"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY DAUGHTER!?" the voice on the other line blares. You immediatley hang up, confused, but try to resume your passionate love making; but your lover seems eerily quiet. This concerns you.
Before you can even ask what is wrong, she whispers under her breath "My dad.. He's dead." It's clear she overheard the conversation.

She starts to wimper. Clinging to your chest she begins to sob uncontrollably. This is impossible, the deceased cannot use telephones. Well, because they are dead. Leaving one question..

Who was on the telephone?

It was me

You're a lesbian and the phone call was meant for the other chick.

Probably.

I'm too high for this shit.

I choose door 2.

The dude next door with a telescope.

It was her mom. dur

Also, fail for posting *chan copypasta

Are you asking us who was phone?

Fuck off.

You already said that YOU picked up the telephone... so it's YOU

Stupid trick quesitons

Probably this.

This is not your fucking blog. I hope her dad rapes you to death.

Zombie rape?

I thought his girlfriend said her dad was dead?

There are a multitude of realistically viable answers.

-deus-

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cover up them boobies!

pics of naked girlfriend or GTFO

1234?

It shall be done.

WHO WAS PHONE?

I've figured it out. E.T. phoned homo.

You know what this topic needs?

picture this if you will...
10 to 2 am, X, yogi DMT, and a box of krispy kreme's in my "need to know" pose just outside of area 51, contemplating the whole chosen people thingy when just then a flaming stealth banana split the sky like one would hope but never really expect to see in a place like this. Cutting right angle donuts on a dime and stopping right at my birkinstocks, and me yelping "holy fuckin' shit!"

then the X file being, looking like some kinda blue green Jackie chan, with Isabella Rossellini lips, and breath that reeked of vanilla chig champa, did a slow mo matrix decent outta the butt end of the banana vessel, and hovered above my bug eyes, my gaping jaw, and my sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip and all I could think was, "I hope uncle martin here doesn't notice that I pissed my fuckin pants!!"

so light in his way, like an apparition, that he had me crying out...
"fuck me! It's gotta be the dead head chemistry. (the) blotter got right on top o' me. Got me seeing E mutha fuckin T!

and after calming me down with some orange slices and some fetal spooning, E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose. He said. "you are the chosen one. The one who will deliver the message. A message of hope for those who choose to hear it, and a warning for those who do not." Me! The chosen one. They chose me!!!! And I didn't even graduate from fuckin' high school!!

Then he looked right through me with somniferous almond eyes. Don't even know what that means. Must remember to write it down.
This is so real. Like the time Dave floated away. See, my heart is pounding. cuz this shit never happens to me.
Can't breathe right now.

It was so real. Like I woke up in wonderland. all sorta terrifying. I don't wanna be alone while I tell this story.
And can anyone tell me why y'all sound like peanuts parents?
Will I ever be coming down?
This is so real. Finally it's my lucky day See, my heart is racing cuz this shit never happens to me.
Can't breathe right now.

You believe me don't you? Please believe what I've just said. See, the dead ain't touring and this wasn't all in my head. see they took me by the hand and invited me right in. then they showed me something. I don't even know where to begin.

Strapped down to my bed, feet cold and eyes red.
I'm out of my head am I alive? Am I dead.
Can't remember what they said. God damn. Shit the bed.
Overwhelmed as one would be placed in my position...
Such a heavy burden now to be the one
Born to bear and bring to all the details of our ending.
to write it down for all the world to see.
But I forgot my pen. Shit the bed again. Typical.

Strapped down to my bed, feet cold and eyes red.
I'm out of my head am I alive? Am I dead.
Sun kissed and Sudafed Gyro scopes and infrared
won't help. I'm brain dead. Can't remember what they said.
God damn. Shit the bed.

Can't remember what they said to me.
Can't remember what they said to make me out to be the hero.
Can't remember what they said.
Bob help me.
Can't remember what they said.

We don't know and we won't know.
God damn shit the bed.

This.

the government


if that wasn't already posted

Picture this, fuck off.

Hell. Fucking. Yes.

Best song ever... I really need to listen to that while really fucking high.

This part is so epic.

HOLY SHIT! Every time I hear "picture this" I think of "picture this if you will" because of this song. I was about to post the lyrics, but you beat me

http://nudesdaily.net/twistys%20treat%20of%20the%20month.jpg

Make sure you pay attention to the nuances of Danny Carey's drumming. I did that once while high and my mind was BLOWN. I couldn't even believe it. IS HE HUMAN?!?

http://galleries1.cocklovingmoms.com/hosted/deecash/freesites/tgp/608795/images/12.jpg

i am a heron. i ahev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont repost this comment on 10 other pages i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans

Since when do I have a girlfriend?
And why didn't anybody tell me I was a dyke?

It was M. Night Shymalan.
Ohohoh, plot twist!
And then you hang up the phone, turn around, and your girlfriend is a PANDA!
And the panda RAPES YOU IN THE ASS!

12346