totse.com | Regaining confidence and approaching girls

Modzilla · #1 2008-07-16, 16:42

After my last relationship I seem to have lost a load of confidence and, despite getting "interest" from a few girls.. I still seem to have taken a giant knock. However; I can't let this take over me and spiral down.

So I've decided to start being pro-active; and approach random girls - just to build up my confidence and maybe find someone to have fun with? I went out today with a few mates - and felt a girl checking me out... but I couldn't quite go for it. I pretended I hadn't noticed and continued messing about with them.

Now I have felt lonely recently - friends often busy and it means I have a lot of time on my own. I live quite close to a popular park which is normally packed in the summer... so I was thinking this would be an ideal place for me to get my confidence up. I can literally walk over there within 10 minutes. It seems ideal...

Now my main points are...
*How do I not look like a complete and utter weirdo wandering about alone? :P I feel like I need to walk and look like I have a purpose.. like I am confident. Take a book and relax in the sun, keeping an eye out for potentials? Catch up on some study time - take some work and study in the shade, keeping an eye out?

*Conversation topics and starters... I know basically I need a couple of open questions, a joke or two - and the rest should all be improvised. I mean; planning conversations is stupid IMO.

*Confidence - Or lack of it. But this will come with time right? Today I felt disgusting.. really shitty. Worst I have in ages... this isn't a frame of mind I want to get into.

Any advice/tips would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks.

superspeedz · #2 2008-07-16, 16:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Modzilla View Post

After my last relationship I seem to have lost a load of confidence and, despite getting "interest" from a few girls.. I still seem to have taken a giant knock. However; I can't let this take over me and spiral down.

So I've decided to start being pro-active; and approach random girls - just to build up my confidence and maybe find someone to have fun with? I went out today with a few mates - and felt a girl checking me out... but I couldn't quite go for it. I pretended I hadn't noticed and continued messing about with them.

Now I have felt lonely recently - friends often busy and it means I have a lot of time on my own. I live quite close to a popular park which is normally packed in the summer... so I was thinking this would be an ideal place for me to get my confidence up. I can literally walk over there within 10 minutes. It seems ideal...

Now my main points are...
*How do I not look like a complete and utter weirdo wandering about alone? :P I feel like I need to walk and look like I have a purpose.. like I am confident. Take a book and relax in the sun, keeping an eye out for potentials? Catch up on some study time - take some work and study in the shade, keeping an eye out?

*Conversation topics and starters... I know basically I need a couple of open questions, a joke or two - and the rest should all be improvised. I mean; planning conversations is stupid IMO.

*Confidence - Or lack of it. But this will come with time right? Today I felt disgusting.. really shitty. Worst I have in ages... this isn't a frame of mind I want to get into.

Any advice/tips would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks.

Bring a book + ipod, the ipod will make it seem like you're in your own world.

Modzilla · #3 2008-07-16, 16:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by superspeedz View Post

Bring a book + ipod, the ipod will make it seem like you're in your own world.

Yeah man - that seems like an awesome idea; would also help me feel good. Music is pretty awesome when it comes to helping my mood and my confidence. Thats also another conversation topic - music. Thanks =]

eBagger · #4 2008-07-16, 17:23

First of all, definite yes to the book, that will be the whole reason your here.

As far as conversation starters, its hard to explain how I do it, I met my girlfriend at subway starting a random conversation, and we've been together over 2 1/2 years now.

The most important thing is to talk about something in the moment, like the weather, events around town, etc. something you won't feel nervous talking about.

I've met numerous girls, like even a fast food line, if its taking long I'll be like "I don't know why they call this shit fast food, its slow as hell" Depending on how they look say it with or without bad language and they will usually laugh and agree and etc. and something could get started. It sounds retarded written down but in action it works great.

Agent 008 · #5 2008-07-16, 17:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by Modzilla View Post

Yeah man - that seems like an awesome idea; would also help me feel good. Music is pretty awesome when it comes to helping my mood and my confidence. Thats also another conversation topic - music. Thanks =]

The only downside of course is that a person wearing headphones doesn't look too approachable. Obviously you're going to be the one approaching people, so whatever works for you to feel cool and relaxed when you do it.

chilldo · #6 2008-07-16, 17:31

*How do I not look like a complete and utter weirdo wandering about alone? :P I feel like I need to walk and look like I have a purpose.. like I am confident. Take a book and relax in the sun, keeping an eye out for potentials? Catch up on some study time - take some work and study in the shade, keeping an eye out?

pretending to jog or exercise could work too.

*Conversation topics and starters... I know basically I need a couple of open questions, a joke or two - and the rest should all be improvised. I mean; planning conversations is stupid IMO.

dont have a script but have a list of things to talk about so there arent any akward pauses or gaps in the convo.

*Confidence - Or lack of it. But this will come with time right?
keep talking to strangers and it definately will

dont give up, just keep getting out there regularly

ive actually been meaning to just get out there and start doing something similar just to get that confidence up

Modzilla · #7 2008-07-16, 19:00

Thanks for the advice guys, I hadn't actually considered the fact that headphones may make me look a bit unapproachable. I think I'll take that risk though - as it'll give me a bit of a boost and I will probably be doing the approaching. Its something I'll bear in mind though!

eBagger - 2 and a half years from a simple conversation? Thats pretty amazing! I guess you have to meet somehow though... I guess its all about picking the right people. Quite an inspiration though

chilldo - The jogging idea is also good, as I need to get training again anyway.

Agent 008 · #8 2008-07-16, 23:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Modzilla View Post

Thanks for the advice guys, I hadn't actually considered the fact that headphones may make me look a bit unapproachable. I think I'll take that risk though - as it'll give me a bit of a boost and I will probably be doing the approaching. Its something I'll bear in mind though!

eBagger - 2 and a half years from a simple conversation? Thats pretty amazing! I guess you have to meet somehow though... I guess its all about picking the right people. Quite an inspiration though

chilldo - The jogging idea is also good, as I need to get training again anyway.

Good way to chat up a stranger: http://youtube.com/watch?v=5T7qEdrZvT4

reject · #9 2008-07-16, 23:11

A friend of mine said to me the other day "you know, since getting your hair cut you're a lot more confident and you're actually flirting with chicks, I don't know what's happening!", but personally I think it's gone the other way. Even if I am more confident and flirty, I'm still failing to get chicks so I'm just going to give up and become a drug addict and die a nameless, faceless person on the streets by the age of 21.

Agent 008 · #10 2008-07-16, 23:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by reject View Post

A friend of mine said to me the other day "you know, since getting your hair cut you're a lot more confident and you're actually flirting with chicks, I don't know what's happening!", but personally I think it's gone the other way. Even if I am more confident and flirty, I'm still failing to get chicks so I'm just going to give up and become a drug addict and die a nameless, faceless person on the streets by the age of 21.

Fuck off.

Who the fuck cares about chicks at your age.

I mean everyone does, obviously, but you shouldn't be focusing on the short term that much.

A man has an advantage over a woman in that he reaches his peak at about the age of 37. And that the beauty of his face doesn't count for much, and pretty much everything else he can change (body shape (well, except for height), personality and what not).

So yeah - don't give a damn if you fail with women now, just keep building and look at the big picture.

reject · #11 2008-07-16, 23:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by Agent 008 View Post

So yeah - don't give a damn if you fail with women now, just keep building and look at the big picture.

I just want somebody to care about me in an intimate way and hug me whenever I feel down

Agent 008 · #12 2008-07-16, 23:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by reject View Post

I just want somebody to care about me in an intimate way and hug me whenever I feel down

Well, from what I've read of you we're not far off in this sense.

I mean shit, you probably have had more interactions with females than I have.

Thing is, a defeatist attitude is not gonna help. Also, there's always some way in which you can improve yourself. One is to clear your mind and become more independent. There is a difference between "want" and "need" - your "wants" shouldn't be allowed to bring you down, they should only be bringing you up when fulfilled.

So stop pitying yourself and get back to work you slacker.

violet · #13 2008-07-17, 00:56

Grab a friend and play frisbee or soccer. Or, if you have a dog take it with you.

Edit: A stray frisbee/soccerball/dog can be quite convenient.

Hero Of The Day · #14 2008-07-17, 04:49

Just get out there and get cocky - it'll put you in the state of mind of thinking you can talk to anyone and not care if you get shot down. And if your having a conversation with someone and theres an awkward silence - dont fill it, coz 9/10 times they will if you let them.

reject · #15 2008-07-17, 09:52

Screw the advice so far, take some diddley's. They have me talking to anybody with so much confidence for hours and hours, they really are the best way to make new friends.