I don't see what the fuss is all about. It was okay, but I don't think it's worth the trouble. My theories are:
1)http://books.google.com/books?id=49q...um=1&ct=result
2) I didn't stimulate my prostate hard enough/wasn't sexually aroused much
3) I don't enjoy masturbation much to physical or psychological reasons
4) I'm so happy most of the time that the pleasure from sexual stimulation just doesn't seem like a big deal by comparison.

Now for the description: I woke up with a bit of a hard on and started thinking about prostate stimulation. Some time later I did a google search, went to poop and pee, then started preparing. I put a latex glove on my right hand, got a carrot and broke it a few inches from the large end, got some KY, got some paper towels, and went to my room. While there I moved my blanky out of the way and lifted up my bed sheet so it was covering my pillow, then I went to the bathroom and got an old sheet from my dirty clothes container(I don't get my clothes very dirty), went back, and put it on my bed. Lubed up the carrot, dropped it, washed it, lubed it again and got started. I laid on my my back on the bed and arched my legs, then I decided to lift them off the bed a bit 'cause that position seemed better. Inserting the carrot was surprisingly painless and easy, but it did feel a tiny awkward at first. A bit of thrusting and trying to find the best depth and it's fairly fun. I then try my index finger in order to try to stimulate my prostate better, but prefer the carrot. After a while I lube up my penis using my left hand and start jacking off. The orgasm was a bit better that usual, but not amazing. I suppose if I had abstained from masturbating for a long time and was pretty aroused it could've been quite good, but I'm sticking to my belief that sexual pleasure isn't necessary and is hindering my development. Surprisingly it wasn't really messy, must be my high fiber balanced diet. Cue to shower 'cause I don't like being covered in lube and semen. about 30-45 minutes have passed since I orgasmed and I'm still feeling aroused. I noticed a nice sexual buzz that lasted for a while, kind of like when you're aroused, except located more in the prostate area rather than the penis. Anyways, I started jacking off, the tip of my unit was too sensitive, gave up cause I couldn't orgasm. Start my shower, 20-40 minute after I tried to jack off I try again. Tip is still sensitive so I just jack off the traditional way. More fun than usual, get a few short bursts of pleasure when I normally would've orgasmed, keep going for a while and my orgasm is more intense than usual, but still not impressed. Total time I spent showering was about 3-1/2 to 4 hours, this is normal, I tend to...not gauge time like most people. it just doesn't mean much to me and I like getting really clean(scrubbing everything throughly).

I think I'll try to maintain abstinence. Like I said, the whole sex thing just doesn't compare with the pleasure I can receive by just choosing to be happy. I must prepare for the time when I will leave my physical body.

Uhh, comments?

You have no sex drive, or one comparable to that of a sloth on anti-depressants.

I pity, laugh, and envy you all at the same time.

What a fucking faggot.

Well...at least you tried it before ruling it out. That counts for something.

well, I'm impressed with the story, a short list of my thoughts.

1) possibly OCD
2) possibly gay
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And let me tell you this, theres nothing more hilarious than imagining a possible OCD shove a lubed carrot up his ass while jacking off.

+1

remove bolded text

well kudos to you for trying. maybe you should get a girl to do it for you?

This belongs in the totse erotica section lol.

Ipod boy, you're right, I should've mentioned that I have a very low sex drive. I only masturbate because it's less messy than having a wet dream. I should try to reduce thee amount I masturbate to [i]strictly[/b] once a week. Masturbating less seems to have a good effect on me. I've never had a wet dream if I've masturbated at least once a week, I might try to increase it to 1/2, it should work.

Also, yeah, I'm kind of obsessive about cleanliness, except that I only shower once or twice a week, I really to stop spacing out and wasting so much time, it feels like I'm slowly loosing my grip on the passage of time and I don't think I'm ready for that yet. Although, this schedule does leave my skin quite nice. I actually use those rough pads that are used to wash dishes, the iron wool like(not that rough of course) ones.

Oh yeah, I was gonna write how sexuality factors into this. Of course, especially in the U.S., a lot of people are uncomfortable with the thought of doing this and I think it's obviously because of the homophobic socially conservative culture that's prevalent in most of the world. I used to be part of it(back when i was insane), I remember that there was a shitload oh homophobia back in middle school. Fortunately I left behind my ties to other humans(haven't had a friend in about 4 years) and became sane. Part of the reason it was easy for me is probably because of my indifference to gender roles, and comfort/indifference to my sexual preference, women, I'm not sexually attracted to men, but I do think with enough effort I could be and of course I could enjoy sex with a male if I chose to, that'd probably be fairly easy. I know this sounds pretty gay, but it's not, I'm actually devoting my energy to becoming asexual, which is kind of hard do to the corrupting effects on the mind that are caused by having a physical body.

Well, that's about it. Oh right, don't knock it 'till you've tried it. It was kind of fun, I must admit that giving my bum a good 'ol rodgerring has a certain flair. I certainly recommend trying it, could definitely be fun for couples.

Um.. wow...

How old are you?

Don't stick carrots up your butt you big gay faggot.

I'm 18 and I must say that I'm surprised by the amount of homophobia(it's okay if you're not serious) and people that seem surprised by this. I suppose HTS-Noobs little mishap while stimulating himself might've scared people.

One time I tried sticking my finger up my ass while masturbating in the shower.
Didn't get very far, prolly not past the first knuckle.
It was meh.

inb4highlighter

Too late.

tl;dr

try using a hi-lighter... Totse's users have found that this works well

lol u sound like ur on natural anti-depressants but your not depressed. so your overly happy which is great, and you also have a very low sex-drive.

Just out of interest, in what way have you now become sane by choosing to have no friends?