Okay well it's obvious that guys and girls are wired differently, so I was hoping for some male input on this situation.

First off, I have terrible beer goggles. Long story short, I kind of fooled around with this guy 'John' a long while back not really thinking much about it. I didn't really know him and thought he was sort- of cute.

Anyways, time has gone by and now I hang out with John quite a bit. He lives two houses away from me so I'm always there just kicking it with him and his room mates. Now that I actually know John, I know I would never fuck him (unless I was truly very inebriated/ high on coke) and I would certainly not date him. I've never told him this though.


Poor John is always trying to hold my hand, cuddle, or getting me stay over for a cuddle, cooking me dinner, etc. I don't mind cuddling with him but I see it in a completely platonic way.

How should I break it to him? Just stop all physical contact with him? Give him dirty looks when he calls me 'babe'? Or should I just be completely honest?

I hate talking about my feelings.

be a man do da rite ting

Yes. Avoid any confusion.

^ OP already sounds like a big waste of fucking time.

Set him aside and have a nice little quiet chat about how he's grown to be more of a friend/brother and is no longer a viable prospect for "fooling around."

Stop leading him on. By going over there and cuddling with him, hanging out with him, letting him cook you dinner, that gives the impression that you're interested in him romantically. Those aren't things you do with people you have a platonic interest in. It's much nicer to be honest with him and tell him that you're not interested, and then actually ACT like you're not interested, (as much as that may hurt him) than it is to beat around the bush and let him think he's got a shot.

Just tell him you think he's a cool dude and would like to continue the friendship but you just don't see him in that sort of way. If it hurts his feelings well, that sucks but that's how it goes. It's better then you feeling fake all the time pretending to have an interest in him.

Not like this:

well did u actually think we wud meet up again? in saying that we must have planned about ten times to meet up and never did once. it was a joke, wev nothing in common, we dont evn get along.. ur a nice guy but lets jus leave things yeah?there rly is no point to be honest..

ps i never did get to apologise for my behaviour that thursday nite, cringe material eh!

All I said to her was whats the craic with you, haven't heard from you in about a week.

I just wanted to fuck her anyway. Also potentially because we messed each other around in a series of mishaps it could work out in one of those fun, treating each other like shit relationships.


DON'T EVER SAY TO HIM "YOU'RE A NICE GUY"

That was the worst part of it.

Next person who says to me I'm a nice guy will get pistol whipped, to fuck

Back to matters of the OP: Just stop hanging around him. It'll get creepy

her: i like you, you're a nice guy, but it just won't work...
him: *BAM* bitch am I nice now motherfucker?!
her: *cry*

lol...

There's no way to make it nice.

I'm being completely serious..

Your best bet is, fucking him then leaving it alone. At least he'll be content.

Stop being a little bitch. If you aren't into him just tell him you don't like him like that. But for fuck's sake don't ever use the sentence "let's just be friends."

there is no possible way to let a guy down nicely, end of story

tell him about how much of a piece of shit you are for getting drunk, screwing around, then being dishonest about it later. shit like this is what makes guys snap and bring an assault rifle to work.

i didnt want to make a new thread for this but. how do you let a girl down? there this girl i can tell likes me but shes like 13 (im 16 and have a girlfriend) and looks more like a 6th grader while im not too partial on looks, thats just weird. how do i let her down without being a dick

yeah i know.. there really is no nice way about this.. but usually its girls who get hurt right?

What? Are you 12 or something? Girls fuck guys over all the damn time. There is no "oh well girls get hurt more usually" bullshit. I've hurt some girls, but plenty have hurt me. The worst is when it's some bullshit excuse. "Lyke zomg I'm not over my ex, but lyke I totally didn't know that when I was sucking your dick."

Everyone gets hurt. It's just best not to drag it out.

Be honest because if you hang with him a lot and cuddle or whatever then he probably thinks he at least has a shot and the longer you let it go on the more you can hurt him.

Stage an argument nd have him break it off?

And what would be the point of that? They aren't even together. He wants her. She does not want him. She needs to make it clear that she does not want him, because he is obviously making moves and she is not willing to reciprocate for some reason. So, she needs to tell him she doesn't like him like that and that it'll never work. Simple as that.

If he was after me solely for pussy then would he really be that hurt?

Yes, he will be pissed. Not as much as if hes in full blown love though.

Is it honestly that bad to use that term? I am being 100% honest though.

It seems like has been going through an awful lot of trouble, so there are two likely conclusions about his motives.

1. He really likes you as a person(very likely), and desires a relationship, and you shooting him down will make him feel like shit.

2. You are really hot(not likely) and he has been working very hard to get in a position to fuck you, and you shooting him down will make him feel like shit.

Either way, the situation is bleak. I recommend you string him along some more until you can manipulate him into doing favors for you, such as going down to the store for you, lending you money you never pay back, posting your bail, listening to your romantic problems involving other men, etc. That's what a quality person would do in this situation.

Well it's hard to distinguish if he generally 'likes' me or is just about the pussy. I think this is a tie between #1 and #2. Maybe if I just keep the pace the way things are going he will eventually get bored of the chase and give up..

no, he wont.

ever?

tirty fo fitty!

There is absolutely no way to do this nicely. They do not get it. No matter how clear, concise, and direct you are, if you've given a guy enough attention in the past, there's NOTHING you can say that will make them piss off. TRUST ME.

The only way is to ignore them. You don't have to be mean, if they say hello or speak to you, be nice, but make it short and sweet and get out of the situation as soon as possible. It is the only way.

The only way to prevent the situation from getting this far is to never give them too much attention/hook up/whatever in the first place. Keep guys at a distance, because once you've crossed that line of too much attention, you're stuck with a booger on your finger that's difficult to get off.

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Don't be a hater! Bitches.

Everytime you cuddle with him, he just will fall deeper for you. Feelings will get hurt - you just got to speak your truth and then ignore 'John' till he gets over you..

Yeah I would be so pissed. It's happened before to me but I've kind of quit letting myself getting into those situations of platonic fucking cuddling because it still feels so good and real especially when she rubs your cock head between her thighs with shorts on.. oh god

You've said exactly what I was thinking.

Haedis, you're using him to make yourself feel better because you enjoy his attention. That makes you a stupid cunt. I do not use my friends. They're my peers, my equals. I care about them, and I do not lie to them or make them do shit for me. Why don't you grow up and realize that he's a person. You love the feelings he is giving you but you don't want him.

Fucking tell him you don't want him. Mojo is fucking retarded or just gets with retarded guys, making her retarded by association. It is not difficult to spot crazy people. It is not difficult to keep yourself out of annoying situations with clingy people. If you are not interested, do not flirt, and do not show signs of interest. You made out with this guy. You hang out with him. You let him cook for you. Those are all signs of interest. If you aren't interested, don't make out with him or hang out with him. It's that fucking simple. Christ I'm surprised people with such poor abilities to analyze situations even manage to survive from day to day.

If you do not want the consequences of certain actions, do not fucking do said actions. Is this really that difficult to understand?

Lastly, if a girl EVER came out and actually told me straight up that she wasn't interested, I don't even know what the fuck I would do with myself. The shock of having a girl actually be straight up honest would probably give me a heart attack.

fixed

MAKE HIM DO SHIT FOR ME? It's really not that way at all. Actually I do realize he's a person (surprising I know) and I do care about him. If I didn't give a shit I would have just told him to fuck off. Hanging out with someone and eating together doesn't automatically mean interest actually, but I do agree that there are a lot of mixed signals. The whole point of this thread is trying to salvage a friendship and spare some hurt feelings which understandably, is going to be hard. I don't 'love the feelings' he gives me, because if I truly did I would reciprocate them.

Tell him the situation. And not in that girl way of throwing out hints that really mean nothing. Plain language, fucking use a checklist if you think you might come off as too subtle.

Your friendship may suffer, more or less dependent on how much is was based on friendship and how much it was based on his hitting on you and your reciprocation of his actions.

... don't cuddle with a guy who wants you, when you don't want him and already need to tell him that.

Or you'd keep stringing him along because you love the feeling so much that you don't just want one guy doing your bidding, you want an entire horde. By not committing to one, you can have the attention of a group of guys.

I love how everyone on this forum thinks they can decipher a person from text.

Most of the time I feel no need to defend myself because I know I kick ass in every way, but seriously, the vanity of self-loathing a lot of you people have is sickening. A lot of shit I say has undertones of sarcasm and humor, obviously you people don't pick up on that. Do I have high self-esteem? Of course. It's just a shame that I'd have to limit myself for you to understand and appreciate where I'm coming from. (Kind of like when one doesn't use "big words" because they know the other party will not understand them) When I DID do that (when I first started on totse) I was everyone's favorite. It's because then I suppose I cared, and wanted people to listen to the wisdom I've acquired through my own mistakes. Now, I really could give a shit either way, take it or leave it. I don't care if you think I'm a dumb broad, why?

Because you've never MET ME!

You aren't there when I hold doors open for people. When I refuse to talk shit about someone or throw them under the bus. You aren't there when I have an infinite amount of patience and understanding for some people who don't get it, or when I'd do anything for the people who are closest to me. You weren't there when I protected the weak and made people who looked up to me feel good about themselves.

Ya'll can continue to think I'm a dumb bitch. Whatever, I know I kick ass. And if you'd appreciate it more if I came on here posting pictures of myself saying "Ugh, I'm so ugly, I'm so fat" just to fish for compliments, sorry. Nope, don't need to do that. I've seen plenty of these little girls posting total myspace angles of themselves then going on and on about how average they are, being oh so humble. Give me a fucking break. Then all the 14 year olds slobber all over them telling them how boneable they are, like that isn't the reason they posted their pictures in the first place.

But I digress, like I said, the tone and manner of my posts I'm sure get lost from reality to type. I have a strong personality and if you think you can know who I am through some words on a screen... you are mistaken. And I'm not going to alter the way I type just so you can have a better understanding of "who I am."

I originally came here to learn and to teach, not to win popularity contests or be validated by a bunch of faceless know-it-alls. And the fact that YOU like to spread hate on the internet says a lot about you. The passion in which I've seen such disdain, almost breaks my heart. Not just directed at me, but other people. You think I'm on a high horse by speaking well of myself while you all go around speaking ill of others. Pshh, I haven't the care to go around judging others and their actions, I post by my experience and what I've learned.

I can only that other girls will have as much confidence in themselves as I do. I've busted my ass to get where I am. I love my life. I love my job, I love my car, I love my family, I love myself, I love my apartment. I love EVERYTHING about me and I'm totally excited for my future. If that pisses some of you off, well, who's problem is that? Sure ain't mine.

That being said, if you reply and pick apart my post quote by quote like some of you LOVE to do, I'm not going to reply. I've said what I need to say and I have better things to do then argue with some asshole who's taking his/her insecurities out on me.

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Don't be a hater! Bitches.

ITT, MrMojoRisin hides behind a facade of "good deeds and hard work IRL" to justify her arrogant and self-absorbed comments that barely qualify as advice.

you strike me as one of those conceited bitches that likes to pretend guys like them so they can brush them off and feel superior.

I bet half of it is in your head, but shooting guys down gets you wet and feeds your ego, so you do it wether they want you or not.

I could ignore him very easily and not talk to him, but that isn't the point. If I was a stupid bitch, I would have ignored him and moved on a long time ago. The thing is, he is a GREAT guy, and it is obviously very hard to move to the a friendship. Obviously when I tell him he is going to be choked, and I'm just hoping that he doesn't hold a grudge against me.

Fuck him one last time then tell him you have AIDS. Problem solved

You led him on. If you lose him, that's your own fault. Learn your lesson and don't do it again next time around.

If he is so great why don't you give him a shot? What is it that you don't like about him? You wouldn't want to regret letting him down later, I have with some girls and it sucks.

Thankyou Dr.Phil

You're welcome, new arrival.

alright, after reading this whole thread the only way to not make yourself look like a complete bitch is to become ANNOYING AS COMPLETE FUCKING HELL. this really is the only way after youve led him on after so long. you cant cuddle with a dude then expect it to be "as friends." if the girl i was seeing now decided that she didnt want to date me anymore and still wanted to cuddle, id be completely tripped. so basically just annoy the shit out of him. he may not want to talk to you but at least you wont be seen as a complete tease in his eyes

No, you couldn't, because then he wouldn't cook you dinners, treat you everywhere you go (I assume and know) and give you all this girlfriend attention without you having to sleep with a guy you find physically unattractive.

That would've made you a smart bitch. That is what I envy about so-called "bitches", they don't lead anyone on and make guys chase empty dreams.


This is girl speak for "he spoils me and I don't even have the common courtesy to sleep with him".

If he's a real man he'll just brush it off maybe call you a cunt (which you are, again, for leading him on), but he'll be pissed about putting all that work in for nothing. Nothing makes a guy angrier than the girl he likes treating him like one of the girlfriends, that's far more humiliating than getting rejected, atleast to a real man it is. The lesson for you? Don't hook up with guys you dont find physically attractive, they're people with romantic feelings, not a set of croc shoes (is that what retarded women wear nowadays??) you can put on and off depending on your mood. Unfortunately, our Western society fills women up with this stupid sense of entitlement (rather than making you 2nd class citizens as they do in rational islamic societies) and men play right into it.

Not to say it's completely your fault. THis guy sounds like a total dimwit as well. Real men don't cook for women, they demand it be the other way around. And unfortunately for you, the favor-well is going to go dry, men generally can't be platonic friends with a girl they find attractive, it's all or nothing.

Whatever you do, do it in person for christ's sake. Too many dumb girls doing their dirty deeds from afar and wondering why all of a sudden they are a pariah.

God damn you sound like a dumb cunt. I hate girls that lead me on, then once I find out they don't actually feel that way its like "WTF BITCH" cause it really is a bitchy thing to do. What you should do is face up to the facts, quit being a dumb cunt, and flat out say you don't like him. But I know its tough for women to actually be straightforward and honest, I know you'll try to play some teasing mindgame with them thinking he'll figure it out that way so you won't have to confront him with it. So basically YOU FUCKED UP. You SHOULD tell him but really I dont give a fuck what you do.

what dont you fucking understand? he doesnt want to be your friend, he wants to be inside you. he will pretend to be your friend if he believes he will eventually be inside you. since you find him too unattractive to fuck you need to make this clear to him and move on. you cant both have a lustful toy to spoil and dote on you and zero hard feelings when his needs are never met.