DISCLAIMER : All information below is not hypothetical, and the events were undertaken in a controlled and safe environment. For the welfare of yourself and your peers, we urge you not to smoke anything that is usually found in your backyard. That is, of course, presuming you aren't a tobacco farmer.

I am a dignified and proud owner of a nice weathered oak pipe. Me and my learned friend, HippieLoveIsBack, decided to have a little rendezvous.

We were having a delightful time smoking with the aforementioned pipe when a problem arose: we ran out of tobacco.

We floundered helplessly for countless minutes. I decided to take matters into my own hands an procure something to smoke. Too lazy to search INSIDE the house, as we were outside sitting in front of a bonfire, we foraged for an hour so collecting any and all dried specimens that appeared remotely smokable.

This is the list of smokeables we compiled:

1.

Fennel. - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fennel

This was the easiest to procure, as it grew in abundance nearby. It also stayed alight for an unusually long time, even more so than the tobacco. The taste was bland yet with a hint of saccharine. The smell could only be described as almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.

2.

Dried Grass. - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cynodon_dactylon

This was also quite easy to collect, as grass is naturally plentiful in a garden. Attempts to smoke green grass were unsuccessful, as they were green. This implies that it has a high percentage of water. Quite an undesirable feature for a prospective connoisseur. The taste of the dried grass was bland, yet the smell was actually quite pleasant. Sadly, it burnt much too fast for practical use. It is noteworthy that it was considerably smoother on the palate than regular tobacco.

3.

Bay Leaf. - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bay_leaves

This specimen was an extremely unworthy candidate for smoking. While procuring the leaves was easy enough, we were hard put to shred these tough, fibrous leaves. While the smoke did have a pleasant, tangy flavour, it did not prove its worth as it did not stay alight, and the smoke was sparse.

4.

Sourgrass. - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sour_grass

While chewing half-heartedly on one of these, I realised we may be able to smoke it. We quickly abandoned the idea as the long stems are at least 98% water, as well as the plant itself having a dangerously high concentration of oxalic acid. This however, was only discovered after smoking. We are yet to encounter any medical complications. It is only a matter of time.

5.

Dandelion - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dandelion#Seeds

Despite the various medicinal properties that the noble dandelion is proudly associated with, we found the smoking of the dandelion quite unsatisfactory. While it did stay alight, the taste could be readily compared to burning faeces. Do not recommend.

Discuss.

Bump.

What the fuck, this is an awesome thread.

i probably didn't need a thread telling me not to smoke things randomly lying around the backyard but thanks anyway.

You sir, are silly.

If you are that hard up, I'll just mail you some tobacco.

AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!

Good one.

So you searched for an HOUR outside looking for substitutes for something you could've found inside in probably half the time or less?

yeah, that's silly.

i smoke weed in my pipe nothing but weed and not dried weed you find outside i smoke marijuana you find from a drug dealer

I think the fact that we were smoking common garden plants stopped us realising in the first place.

Bump.

hey you need to try a dozen or so more common plants and send this in as an article. could be very useful imo.


this is a good thread