totse.com | How to make suicide look like an accident?

DocShay · #1 2008-06-25, 06:00

Well, to be fair - hypothetically, it would be pretty bad ass to go out in some sort of unusual way, but given that...

- My girlfriend would be torn up forever
- My mom would be torn up forever
- Everyone "close" would be torn up forever

...if it were to look like a suicide.

I'm not coming here to ask for conventional totse psychiatrist help. I need a fool proof way to make a suicide, look like a tragic accident of sort.

Weather its something spontaneous, or something disease/sickness I could give myself over time - I do not care. I just need some help brain storming. Totse, help me out here please.

Numberjumbo · #2 2008-06-25, 06:06

While painting your roof, accidentally fall off.

Cutter De Blanc · #3 2008-06-25, 06:20

Drive off a cliff.

El Grapadora · #4 2008-06-25, 08:00

AIDS

done.

DocShay · #5 2008-06-25, 08:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by Numberjumbo View Post

While painting your roof, accidentally fall off.

Roof is not high enough, at best i'll be a vegetable, which is not what i'm looking for here

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cutter De Blanc View Post

Drive off a cliff.

Looks to obvious, but I think we're onto something here. Maybe on a designated drive to somewhere people nowhere i'm going, I "skid out" and smash head on into something at a very high rate of speed without a seat belt (as everyone knows I don't wear) - Just can't be a "random" thing, or else it will look suspicious. Definitely something to work on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by El Grapadora View Post

AIDS

done.

Meh, then i'd have to cheat on my girlfriend, which would upset her and i'd have to deal with that the entire time before I finally died. No thanks.

Anyone else have any ideas?

Ed Lister · #6 2008-06-25, 08:14

They are going to be fucking torn up anyway you douche. Make it obviously a suicide so they realise what a fuckup you were and can get over it easier.

anarchya22 · #7 2008-06-25, 16:14

od on oxyies

DocShay · #8 2008-06-25, 17:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ed Lister View Post

They are going to be fucking torn up anyway you douche. Make it obviously a suicide so they realise what a fuckup you were and can get over it easier.

No fucking shit they'll be torn up you dumbfuck, but I think there would be a lot more permanent damage left with them psychologically if it was deemed suicide you retard.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Misfit View Post

Have sex with your fat girlfriend. When she rolls over on top of you you will surely die.

Girlfriend weighs like, 105 pounds. Nice one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Seventh_Artist View Post

Just don't forget to not make a suicide note. Most suicides have suicide notes so don't ever make one.

*rolls eyes*

Quote:

Originally Posted by anarchya22 View Post

od on oxyies

Good suggestion, as i've been wanting to try oxyies for awhile now which is know to my girlfreind, so if I were to "try them" and OD - it would just look like an accident (unless I took WAY to many)

superspeedz · #9 2008-06-25, 19:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by DocShay View Post

Roof is not high enough, at best i'll be a vegetable, which is not what i'm looking for here

Looks to obvious, but I think we're onto something here. Maybe on a designated drive to somewhere people nowhere i'm going, I "skid out" and smash head on into something at a very high rate of speed without a seat belt (as everyone knows I don't wear) - Just can't be a "random" thing, or else it will look suspicious. Definitely something to work on.

Meh, then i'd have to cheat on my girlfriend, which would upset her and i'd have to deal with that the entire time before I finally died. No thanks.

Anyone else have any ideas?

get "stuck" on a train track.
BAM

romaniw · #10 2008-06-25, 23:06

Immediately, that episode of "Crossing Jordan" comes to mind. The one where he sets the guy up on a block of ice so that it looks like he hung himself, when actually he just slowly choked to death as the ice melted beneath him.

But that is how to make a murder look like a suicide... which is not what you were asking.

Just drink yourself to death. Easy. Fun. Painless.

fat_people_suck · #11 2008-06-25, 23:13

you should poison yourself slowly, it won't look like a suicide and they will put everyone you know under investigation for murder, and you can be in hell watching and laugh your ass off

soro_one · #12 2008-06-26, 01:30

Just get drunk and crash into an on-coming semi with no seatbelt on.

cocacola14 · #13 2008-06-26, 02:30

-Pay someone to kill you
-eat mercury
-Crash into a guardrail and hope it kills you

KriminalMinded · #14 2008-06-26, 03:05

Out of total curiousity, why do you want to commit suicide? Are you poor, depressed etc.? Or does it just sound awesome?

cocacola14 · #15 2008-06-26, 20:53

^ The only problem with the balloon thing is it's gonna land somewhere and they'll know.

Run Screaming · #16 2008-06-28, 17:06

Make it look like someone else killed you.

hypno · #17 2008-06-28, 21:33

go sky diving, and dont pull the chord. Or cut the chord while falling so it looks like they gave you a broken parachute. Your family will get money from it...maybe

The goatse man · #18 2008-06-28, 21:55

They make you sign papers dog^

hypno · #19 2008-06-28, 22:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by The goatse man View Post

They make you sign papers dog^

Even if they give u a broken parachute? Thats not cool

cocacola14 · #20 2008-06-28, 23:32

If your gonna do the skydiving thing, try and land on some tall sharp pointy landmark

Issue313 · #21 2008-06-29, 01:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by hypno View Post

Even if they give u a broken parachute? Thats not cool

You can't normally disclaim liability for negligence, no matter how hard you try.

Ljudska · #22 2008-06-29, 07:26

you have people that care about you. what on earth could be so bad that you'd want to kill yourself over it?

harry_hardcore_hoedown · #23 2008-06-29, 09:47

Just get drunk and jump off a highway overpass.

Spanish Castle Magic · #24 2008-07-07, 03:29

Join the army/marines and go fight with no fear of dying. You will either die or become a hero and make something of yourself. Win/Win.

lordkiller · #25 2008-07-07, 20:50

If you want to commit suicide then that means no one gives a shit about you anyways so you shouldn't give a fuck how they would feel because with you gone they will be able to accomplish more without your whiny bitch ass nagging them about how you cant get your hair to do that flip thing and asking them to buy you shampoo that adds volume to your hair you fucking emo cocksandwich. Just blow your brains out and post a bulliten/forum on myspace telling them you're sorry and asking them to do you a favore (notice the e, you have to put the e on the end) and the favore would be for them to call the cops, also you should tell someone they broke you or some shit

Acroix70 · #26 2008-07-07, 21:37

Fire...lots of it

ruckus · #27 2008-07-17, 20:32

murder/suicide

that way you wont have to worry about how everyone feels... they'll be dead

ICantThinkOfAnythingNow · #28 2008-07-17, 21:28

OMG FUCKING GOD SOMEBODY POSTED THE BALLOON AND IDEA AND I JUST SAW THIS ON THE NEWS!

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcont...n.3d76e7d.html

LLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOOLOLLOLO

SquishFace · #29 2008-07-18, 01:52

wow cool you posted the same article on the last page......

Watcher1 · #30 2008-07-18, 03:49

All these ideas seem too painful. Just make a list of things to do before you die, and don't stop adding to it.

static flight · #31 2008-07-20, 18:00

Docshay last post- 2008-06-25, 17:56 (june 25 2008 at 5:56 pm)

news article - On March 15, two motorists discovered his body in the field.

thread=FAIL

/thread

ijustsmokedmylastbowl :( · #32 2008-07-21, 01:39

Leave no note. Leave a diary to be found. In this diary write all happy things, about how much you love everyone and junk. You could cleverly craft it to say everything you wanted to say in your suicide note and more.

When you are gone, they shall find this diary and see that you were just tragically taken from your happy-go-lucky life on some ambiguous rock in the middle of nowhere.

Foil Charizard · #33 2008-07-21, 03:48

When the cops are investigating your death they will probably find this thread in your internet history during the investigation. Good job.

Chimro · #34 2008-07-27, 05:44

Why do you want to kill yourself? You have a girlfriend who loves you and a caring mother, that's more than a lot of people have. Whatever's wrong in your life, you can fix it.

Feds In Town · #35 2008-07-27, 21:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chimro View Post

Why do you want to kill yourself? You have a girlfriend who loves you and a caring mother, that's more than a lot of people have. Whatever's wrong in your life, you can fix it.

Yeah he probably lives a better life than 70% of the other humans on earth, and thats a very conservative estimate.

But if you wanna kill yourself, I would suggest getting drunk and getting yourself in some kind of wreck, or procuring a gram of heroin and shooting it all.