I'm 17 and I've never had a job before because none of the asshole places I apply at never hire me.

I don't blame dominoes for not hiring me though, I used to go in there high all the time and just fuck around.

I also don't have a car or my license or anything. I'm so fucking sick of sitting at home like a fucking bum all the time I want to go and make some fucking money but it's kind of hard with no license, car, or any existing money.

I can't just be like "hey dad, take me to get my license!" shit costs money, and my dad isn't fucking rich. this isn't the goddamn brady bunch where I just go ask mommy and daddy for what I want I have to do shit on my own. my dad never drives me anywhere either, so if it's too far, whatever it is, fucking forget it.

I'm almost 18 and I have fucking nothing. I'm able-bodied, determined, quick learner, decently intelligent.

what the fuck do I do? I suck at mowing lawns and nobody ever says yes anyway. I live decently close to a few places, riding my bike around isn't that big of a deal, just a pain in the ass. When I apply, I make the application clear, legible, seemingly determined for the job.

sometimes I even call the place up a week later and ask politely and professionaly about the position but I can never get shit. this is a serious issue for me, please please please help me out here with some serious suggestions.

I don't care if I have to run around and do odd jobs, the only problem is where the fuck do I start? I get on craigslist and all that shit but everything is too far away or something else is wrong with whatever it is.

Mow lawns

This might be obvious, but the easiest way to get a job is by knowing someone who already has one. Most people get jobs because their friends hook them up with one, they vouch for them. I got my shitty pharmacy job through a friend, despite the fact that I failed the initial personality test (stupid fucking test they make you take). So just ask your friends to put in a good word for you.

Man I've done that twice and it didn't work.

Just apply everywhere. Even places you would never want to work at. Any job is fine - have you tried applying at fast food like McDonalds? They have large turnover rates and hire frequently... and it's a nice "beginner" job.