totse.com | Still in love..

2008-06-18, 19:52

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Still in love..

Alright, as many of you may or may not know I found my soul mate etc etc. We've been great friends for 2 years, we both fell in love (as much as any 2 people could possibly love each other, I know I'd be willing to give my life for her and she would do the same for me), but for some reason or another (the fact that I'm probably bi-polar, I've got crazy mood swings, drugs etc), but she's that one person where no matter how bad my day is going, seeing her makes the sun shine (metaphorically of course) and it's the same for her.

She got knocked up, which killed me inside I really felt as if I had died inside. Now, she had a boyfriend when I met her, now she's with another man and I've just liked her so much the thought of telling her my true deep feelings and getting rejected were too much to bare, even though I know she felt the same way. Blah blah blah, fast forward to now: She's pregnant, renovating a house with her boyfriend, has made a baby room and everything. As of recently I've been socializing more, getting out etc. She loves me so much she refuses to meet my new girlfriend (I guess you could call her that) because she said it would hurt her too much to even see me getting that friendly with another woman, but at the same time I don't think she wants to be any more than friends now.

I told her I didn't want to be friends when she got pregnant (the hurt was just too much), and she came over (to give me the rest of my pills I gave her), walked away and I said no hugs today? And when she started hugging me she just started balling, putting her face into my chest really tight etc putting a huge guilt trip on me telling me how much she needed me to stand by her side, if I loved her I would see that etc and so we talk now, less than ever but still every day we at least talk. I don't want to care for a kid, she doesn't believe in abortion in the slightest nor would I ask her to do so, but yet she guilt trips me into still associating with her and continuing this relationship when I just can't. It's like, when I'm with my new girl that I'm kinda talkin to it dulls the pain, but seeing her again and watching her leave to go home to another man, where she's gonna have this kid just wrecks me. What would you guys do, or how can I dull this heartache? :(

2008-06-18, 20:13

SilentMind SilentMind is offline

Regular

Florida, US

Re: Still in love..

Having another mans child is the end all-be all of deal breakers.

Fuck the guilt. Don't see her, don't awnser her calls, forget about her. Nothing good can come from keeping up the charade. The only way you'll heal is if you put some distance between you, the sooner the better.

2008-06-18, 20:25

Clover

Regular

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Re: Still in love..

Yeah, I just don't see where she's coming from, if it were mutual and we both decided not to even see each other it would be easier. I hate to see her in so much pain, but at the same time why is she so different, and just having me 'stand by her side' like all healing or something, it almost seems that she loves me more than I love her with the way she acts. I can keep my cool about it, whenever I even bring up like not wanting to see her or she just loses it, get's weak in the knees, grabs me as tight as she can, starts profusely crying, (her cry face is just so adorable I have to admit, as shitty as that sounds), but she almost can't handle it. One time I was going to jail for a while (I got off as a first time offender, but had to do a bit of time) and she started crying saying 'all I ever wanted in the world is to be your girlfriend' etc etc

In a nutshell, it would seem to be that easy, but then she'll call my mom or another member of my family, and they'll call me and guilt trip me! I mean, they see her undying love for me, and I love her too and it doesn't help that she's an absolutely drop dead gorgeous Russian chick. It just hurts so bad, it was the first girl I fell in love with and I can't be with her. It's just sad, I didn't know love like this existed; I have full trust that she would do anything for me, anything I wanted and I know I'd do the same for her but I just can't do this :(.

2008-06-19, 04:40

MrMojoRisin MrMojoRisin is offline

Moderator

Ft. Liquordale

Re: Still in love..

"Out of sight, out of mind" really applies in this situation. The problem lies in the question of how much grit do you have to keep her out of sight?

After having such deep emotions for someone, they never go away totally. Even if they change into a total different person, the memories you have will fuel an emotional response years later. You just have to stick with what you know is right if you want to stop hurting. If you keep seeing her and interact with her, you're just reopening a wound that can't heal.

Let some scar tissue form.

But you are in dangerous territory. If you're depending on your new girl too much to soothe the pain of the ex, you could be sabotaging your relationship. You may want to look into that.

2008-06-20, 16:07

Clover

Regular

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Re: Still in love..

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrMojoRisin

That's the problem, I don't know if I can just completely ignore her unless it's mutually agreed upon. It's not that I don't want to, I just don't honestly think I can. She'll call my mom crying as I said, and my mom will put a guilt trip on me like awwwww why are you making her cry she really needs you right now. And when I try and tell her it's her man she needs, she just acts like I'm being a cynical asshole or something. And btw we've never even formerly been a couple or anything, we've been best friends for a few years. At first I didn't have any feelings for her, they didn't develop until recently, and I know that her feelings for me have been really really strong since we virtually met. I don't know if that changes the situation, but we've only ever been friends, but I don't want to be friends and I was telling her this before she decided to go get pregnant. This is probably the shittiest thing I've ever had to go through damnit. lol.

Lol. She came over and came in and I just went upstairs to see her. My sister is here at my house since she was partying here last night, and she is pretending that I don't exist now :p she usually let's me cook for her and make coffee and shit, she just said NO this time lolololol. But that's the problem, she's so acquainted with my family making it even harder. She'll probably come over to see me with my family even if I told her we shouldn't talk again whenever she gets the chance. Erm Mad

2008-06-23, 06:28

uage10

Regular

Re: Still in love..

well you ether tell her how you feel and whatnaught and see what hapens, hopefully itll go well for you dude. might involve you gaining a girl and a kid, i dunno but still you can hope

Other option is tell her to leave and just put the distance between you and her. if staying friends is that painfull you really cant do it, and when she tries to guilt trip you just be a cunt, if she asks "why are you upseting me" "because i dont give a fuck about you" should be your response. Just be a cold hearted bastard, and it will hurt like a bitch inside but you will put the distance between you and her.

Sorry about what your goin through man, ive had something similar hapen and its the worst time i had in my life.

2008-06-23, 08:45

E-digger

Regular

Re: Still in love..

Talk to her about it.

2008-06-23, 14:37

HTS-Noob

Regular

Re: Still in love..

Seems like ultimatum time. Confused

2008-06-23, 14:52

southernsun southernsun is offline

Regular

Elysium

Re: Still in love..

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilentMind

I am in total agreement.

I was in a similar situation last year, had been seeing this girl for 3 years or there abouts, we never arguied, loved each other as much as anyone could, seen each other everyday, did everything together, it was great, she was the best girlfriend i could of asked for.

Until i decided to join the military, saying goodbye to her was the hardest knowing i wouldn't see her for a few months while i was in recruit training, anyway got that over with. I would ring her every night and she would ring me etc, send each other letters etc.

Then one day she called my by someone elses name, i asked who this person was and she said "just a friend, nothing to worry about.", so i said ok then fair enough and left it at that as i had no reason not to trust her.

Weeks passed, training got more intense, the constant lack of sleep made my long fuse go very small and i would go mad at the smallest thing, i started to get phonecalls off this fella who she had been callin me on the fone, by accident of course instead of saying my name she would say his as her excuse was she spent alot of time with him. Anyway the phonecalls off him where bragging to me about him shagging her all over his house etc, which of course got me angry and me and her fell out.

Weeks passed, i got injured, could of either spent over a year in rehabilitation before they put me back into recruit training, or opt out and leave, and go home and sort this shit out, i chose the latter, worst mistake of my life.

Got home, found out she was pregnant to him, threw her down the stairs and put his face into the pavement, i counted 7 of his teeth on the floor, could of been 8.

Moral of the story is, do what you wanna do in life, love is indeed blind and you make stupid decisions when in love, going to rejoin the forces soon, i've learnt enough in life to know don't let a girl stop you from doing a good thing and what your heart is set on doing, there's always someone better.

Oh, and her baby is due this week, the slag.

#10

2008-06-23, 15:23

whitelightning whitelightning is offline

Regular

Re: Still in love..

sorry to hear that ^

anyways...i have been in this situation before...

i think it amounts to the girl not being able to make her own decisions and thus letting the more dominant males make them for her....

thats why she tells u one thing because she wants you to take charge, but hey man, its WAY too late for that.

right now all you can do is get out because these feelings only get more intense with time and exposure. The sooner you delete her from your life the sooner you will feel like u did before you even met her. TRUST ME. one day u will have that girl you wish you never met because of the pain caused.

#11

2008-06-23, 15:28

Clover

Regular

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Re: Still in love..

Talk to her about it.

Were both not exactly in the dark about it, we've both told each other how I feel. I guess it's just like..meh.

Seems like ultimatum time. Confused

Nah, everyone here is right; it's way too late for that.

#12

2008-06-23, 15:52

Clover

Regular

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Re: Still in love..

That's the other shitty part too, I'm not even shy and I never fucking hid my feelings for her. Yeah they didn't develop until a little later in our relationship, but I still told her months before she got pregnant. She actually only got with this dude to make me jealous (she told me, which is just fucking retarded. She's actually gonna have no problem telling some random fucking Joe she wants to be with him while now apparently she 'actually just wanted to be my gf'...she cried when she told me that. HAhahaha bitch) so she's just dumb as fuck. I at the time didn't love her enough to give a fuck what she was doing, because we saw each other less back then. Since she got with this dude she acted like it was the best way to see me the most or something...like a retarded bitch. Gah. This probably makes no sense lol. When she comes over to go to the movies I'm gonna tell her to fuck off Mad

#13

2008-06-23, 16:33

CarbonB

Regular

Re: Still in love..

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clover

You are a fucking idiot.

#14

2008-06-23, 16:38

Clover

Regular

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Re: Still in love..

You are a fucking idiot.

Yeah bro, I wish I could be a pimp liek you bro.

#15

2008-06-23, 17:10

southernsun southernsun is offline

Regular

Elysium

Re: Still in love..

It's simple logic really, no man on earth would want to have a girlfriend who is pregnant with another mans child.

#16

2008-06-23, 18:40

The_Seventh_Artist The_Seventh_Artist is offline

Regular

Re: Still in love..

She actually only got with this dude to make me jealous (she told me, which is just fucking retarded. She's actually gonna have no problem telling some random fucking Joe she wants to be with him while now apparently she 'actually just wanted to be my gf'...she cried when she told me that. HAhahaha bitch) so she's just dumb as fuck. I at the time didn't love her enough to give a fuck what she was doing, because we saw each other less back then. Since she got with this dude she acted like it was the best way to see me the most or something...like a retarded bitch. Gah.

Just leave her!
Even if you still feel that you love her. I know that you can never replace her, all your memories together, the good times you shared etc. but you can forget her eventually and stop loving her altogether.