I've never been one to talk a lot. Not only with girls, but just in general. I'm never the one who keeps the conversation going. It's always the other person. If it's up to me, the conversation goes to shit.

I think to myself, if I have trouble keeping conversations with friends I've known for years, how will I talk to girls I've known for a relatively short amount of time.

I think not being able to hold a conversation has kept me from having a girlfriend (although there are other factors, I feel this one is most significant). I was talking to this girl over the phone and she literally said "your communication skills are shit". She said she was joking right after and laughed it off but it was obvious she was serious.

There was this other time (I look back and realize how stupid I must've looked) where I was with a guy and girl. We were all talking and the guy had to leave for whatever reason. The girl and I just stood there and after about half a minute, she left without saying a word.

So, do you have any tips for keeping a conversation going (not only with girls, but with friends/acquaintances as well) or conversation tips in general?

There was this other time (I look back and realize how stupid I must've looked) where I was with a guy and girl. We were all talking and the guy had to leave for whatever reason. The girl and I just stood there and after about half a minute, she left without saying a word.


I have been in this exact same situation, with the same outcome too.

Just start talking. This one kid who sat in front of me had a similar problem. He wasn't good at conversing. It was annoying really. He would ask if I wanted to talk, and what I wanted to talk about. When he was going to say something that would have been funny, he would interrupt himself to add something like "well a comedian said it" or "this was one of my friends" and ruined it. Remember, being honest isn't that important, having fun is.

alcohol will help, so will add medicines since we can tell you dont have any case of add. or maybe you do.
get some adderall and try it out. you may love it.

Oh my GAHD yes. Rail 200mg of Adderall and you will be the world's greatest orator.

Oh my GAHD yes. Rail 200mg of Adderall and you will be the world's greatest orator.

adderall won't talk for you. if you have nothing to say you will only say more of it. so hopefully it's from anxiety and not because you're a dumb little fuckwad.

adderall won't talk for you. if you have nothing to say you will only say more of it. so hopefully it's from anxiety and not because you're a dumb little fuckwad.True, but everyone has something to say. I'm sure he's just shy, not actually handicapped.

adderall won't talk for you. if you have nothing to say you will only say more of it. so hopefully it's from anxiety and not because you're a dumb little fuckwad.

uhh actually adderall will help him open up to people and boost his confidence if only for a short while it will teach him that you dont have to be shy because you can have fun talking and communicating with others

op, dont think so much about what your gonna say or what people will think about you when u say them just say it!

adderall wont help your conversation skills?
you serious?
robinhoody comeon man, that shit spracks you out so crazily youll be talkin nonstop, and not even stupid things either, itll actually relate to the topic!

I talk too much :(

True, but everyone has something to say. I'm sure he's just shy, not actually handicapped.

timmy, timmy, timmyyy

Or he could be retarded.

Ohh and for those of you who didn't get it its a south park reference

uhh actually adderall will help him open up to people and boost his confidence if only for a short while it will teach him that you dont have to be shy because you can have fun talking and communicating with others

UHHH, are you even talking to me? because that had absolutely no relevance to my point.


op, dont think so much about what your gonna say or what people will think about you when u say them just say it!

bad advice. don't talk before you think next time you fucking moron.

Funny enough, if ADD medicine like adderall won't fix it, then benzos probably will. But the problem with the adderall is that it will jack you up and make you feel like a crackhead b/c of the l-amp, which also comes with increased anxiety. And so if you're anxious/nervous about interacting with people, which is one of the most common reasons for not being able to have good conversations, you'll want to say things but feel uncomfortable. That's no good.

Similarly, if you take benzos, it'll get rid of all your anxiety and inhibition, but it won't make you want to talk more, and could dumb you down to the point of retardation. You won't give a shit about people thinking you're a loser anymore, but you might start being weird or just a jackass b/c of benzos. And trust me you don't want to be the barred out asshole at the party/get-together/ whatever social event.

So my advice is to try add meds, try benzos, and if neither one of them works try both at the same time. But keep in mind either way, if you're using drugs to get to the point where you want to be it's still a crutch no matter how you look at it. Your true goal should be to get to the point where you can have conversations without help.

EDIT: wow I thought this was BLTC for a second. If you were looking for a less-BLTC reply, I would say that nobody is born a perfect social animal. Practice makes perfect. Go out there, talk to girls and guys that you wouldn't normally, and keep working on it until you can approach random people without that fear of them thinking you're weird. The secret is that the person who is taking the action, as in approaching people of their own accord and talking to them(YOU in this case), has the upper hand. There's no reason to be scared of people who are not doing anything, and if they ignore you then fuck them. Because you were the one who had the balls to reach out and try and make a connection, while they were too pussy to even give something new/ different a shot.

For one, don't feel sorry for yourself. Everything is learned. You learn to tie your shoes, learn to walk, and learn to talk. It just so happens that some people haven't learned to do the last one very well.

http://www.succeedsocially.com/

There's a reason why you think your communication skills are shit: people are fucking boring. Most people are looking for their own personal jester, someone to crack jokes and offer petty observations and commentaries on life's nuances to entertain them. At the same time, most people are also craving attention from those around them, and they get this attention by being entertaining to others. It's like a trade extroverts have worked out; they trade jokes, bullshit talk, and confirmation for attention, and vice-versa.

Frankly, I hate dry, forced conversation. If you aren't interested in someone, I don't see why you should push it just to avoid silence. Silence is nice. I don't think I've never been annoyed by silence.
However, if you are insistent on carrying on a conversation with someone, even if you don't particularly find them interesting, I can only think of one piece of advice: ask questions.
* By asking questions you control the conversation. The topic depends on what you ask, so if you want you can steer the topic towards something you know thoroughly.
* People generally like talking about themselves.
Start off with just generic bullshit questions ("What do you do? Do you sing/play any instruments? Have you seen *movie*?") and the more questions they answer, the more specific your questions can be ("Oh, you like Donnie Darko too? Did you know they're making a sequel?"). Just remember that he who asks the questions controls the conversation.

Yeah, I'm a loner and I hate conversing; hope my advice helped. :o

OP, all I can say is that it takes practice. There's no quick fix to becoming a good conversationalist.

Or you know, you could date one of those "LiEK OMg!! grrrlllzz". I personally don't talk good, and I like to surround myself with people who talk a lot, so that all I have to do is ask the occasional question and let them go at it.

Or you know, you could date one of those "LiEK OMg!! grrrlllzz". I personally don't talk good, and I like to surround myself with people who talk a lot, so that all I have to do is ask the occasional question and let them go at it.

Both of these statements have more meaning than you might think. One, is that associating with and surrounding yourself with those type of people "Like he said this and she said that and OMG can you believe..." those people you know who I'm talking about goddamnit is a good way to get the practice. If you're not one of those people who has good communication skills, then practicing on those type of people is very crucial. Because it somehow happens to even out in that the shy people have interesting and relevant things to talk about but don't want to for whatever reasons (bad communication/social skills), and the people who have ridiculously good communication skills talk about celebrities' lives and other retarded shit.

And the part you need to learn is not being interesting, that comes with your personality and your style, what you know about, etc. You just need to learn to make small talk and continue conversations even if you don't want to, and all the things that go along with that. Pretending like you're interested is a key skill, and that involves also asking questions even if you don't give a shit. You also need to make eye contact, give good body language, and practice timing and delivery, especially speaking loudly and clearly. However there is no cut and dry formula for these things. We can't say, "Say that if she says this and then wait 2.5 seconds and react this way" because planning conversations out doesn't really work like that. You can't transition from one topic to another too roughly either. So learn the finer intricacies of conversation, to the point where you'll be able to talk about stupid, boring shit with people you don't really enjoy talking to. Then, imagine how easy it will be to carry a conversation with your friends or someone you're crushing on.

The other part that's meaningful here is that you don't have to do all the work or be constantly talking to have a good conversation, or to be considered interesting. Like this poster said, he often just interjects some things and asks a few questions. If you haven't noticed, some people love talking (I am once I get started), so sometimes all it takes is a question or two to get them going. If not, then it takes more on your part. But you can't expect to have a good convo if you're not into it because it takes two people for that. Anyway the point is that you don't have to always be talking to be "cool" or even just not awkward. Just say shit when you have shit to say and stay within your boundaries. Don't talk about things you know nothing about and don't say anything you know is stupid. Other than that just chip in when you can and try and let some of your personality and charm shine through. I think you might be a little caught up on this concept of being a good conversationalist without noticing that it's not absolutely necessary to have a good social life.

Shit, people could end up loving you because you're not so damn outspoken and you don't start spewing random opinions about shit you don't even know about. That's where listening will really be important. You can start and continue conversations without even listening to people(honestly, try it sometime). Stupid people won't even notice as long as you give off the correct body cues and facial expressions, etc. But if you listen to what people are actually trying to say, you'll be able to truly connect with someone you might not even expect. Note: your conversational partner has to actually be saying something for this to be true, so don't apply that to everybody.

Anyway that ended up being kinda long and disorganized but I hope you take something from it.

Just talk about yourself, it's the easiest subject for anyone to talk about. everyone is going to be interested, think about it, everyone wants to know about other people. and even though talking about yourself is boring to you, there are people out there who havn't heard it, and would like to.

also talking about yourself gives the impression that you're proud of yourself and confident, both attractive qualities.

Listen to some radio shows, note how the radio people just spit random bullshit simply because they can't afford even 5 seconds of silence when live. Mentally imagine yourself doing the same, just saying random crap and then having a laugh about how retarded it turned out to be. Remember this feeling, and try to learn to trigger it by something. You've got to enter the conversation in that mood from the very beginning.

How you say things is more important than what you say.

dude, dont surround yourself with those "OMG girlllzzzz" all they do is fucking annoy and make you hate humanity. therefore making you hate conversation with anyone in fear of them being one of those people.
find some hippies or find those who take drugs to find inner meaning, those are the ones you want to talk to.

How you say things is more important than what you say.

I think that rule only applies to dogs, infants, geriatrics and foreigners.

I think that rule only applies to dogs, infants, geriatrics and foreigners.

No seriously. If you're talking complete bollocks with confidence and energy people will listen to your shit.

No seriously. If you're talking complete bollocks with confidence and energy people will listen to your shit.

Haha, I was joking. I was a telemarketer, I realize what talking bullshit enthusiastically does.

Yo, a good way to keep a convo. going if your with a girl is to talk about her... As she talks, find ways to keep the conversation going.. If you and her have something in common talk about it... Sorry i gotta cut this short ...i have things to do places to go....
just be yourself!!!

"Just be yourself" is the worst fuckin advice ever. Obviously if he's asking for help then "just being himself" doesn't quite cut it, you know?