The girlfriend and I have been together for 5 months now - its both of our first real relationships; we both lost it to eachother and its been really good. She got scared and thought it was too serious and dumped me about a month back - but it didnt change anything and she ended up telling me she made a massive mistake and wanted me back.

Since then its all been sweet; really lovely. Although I was a bit scared of showing affection at first incase she thought it was too serious again.

Now I was arrested a few weeks back, my laptop was confiscated along with USB disks, digital camera and mobile phone. Naturally I've been a bit depressed since then - as my life is on hold while I'm on bail. Then I have my circumcision coming up [For tight foreskin] - which I am scared about; first surgery and all that. Family life could be a lot better; my father seems to seriously be considering move back to Northern Ireland from London; and I'd probably go with him.

On top of that I have the usual stress of finding work places, getting on a college course and more. So at the moment I have been in a pretty bad state - I might've neglected myself a bit, I know my hair has got a bit scruffier then usual and I haven't been wearing contact lenses - as I don't like too when I'm stressed out.

Friends wise I have culled my myspace down to people I actually give a fuck about; same goes for all those other stupid social networking sites. Then I've also done the same to MSN. What with my mobile phone being confiscated by the police I have practically cut contact with those I don't care about. This has left me with a small number of real friends; beats a larger number of fake friends, eh?

Now the affect this is having on my relationship is worrying. It might be my current mood making me paranoid and insecure but I am obsessing over little things like not getting "I love you"'s, not getting lots of 'x's, her phone being pin locked now... stupid things, but they all add up. Its making me look as if my relationship is ending - and if that ends then I'm fucked at the moment. Shes the one whos helped me through all this.

Yet she sent me a "photo" to my phone, and if I look on my phone I even have a txt saying "Love you :) x" from a few days back. That then puts my mind at rest. I'm pretty sure things are going downhill - and I blame my mood. So now I am going back to *acting* happy; which is hardly ideal.

I am also planning on bringing back "that spark" - making her remember the first few times we met up, how we would amuse ourselves doing nothing etc. I'm also planning on a few days out during the summer - taking her into London and doing a few touristy things, then taking her to the beach - then a few little things like picking fruit. Its sweet; cheap and is a way of getting some quality time.

Also, whenever we see eachother we seem to end up having sex; I want this to stop - and my circumcision is the perfect excuse for a weeks. She says she doesn't care about sex, yet neither do I... how come we always end up "at it"? :/

Naturally, If we couldn't last 2 weeks without eachother and she ended up asking me back - I was lucky to get a second chance. I am NOT going to throw this a way.

TL/DR: Is stress and a little bit of depression making me more vulnerable; and is it making me think my relationship is slowly failing?

You're getting a circumcision. Of course you're going to be depressed. That's got to be the dumbest shit I've ever heard of someone capable of making decisions do.

Stress attacks the things most precious to you. Your relationship most probably isn't failing, but because it is important you are scared of losing it, scared it will go the way other things in your life seem to be going.

I really feel your pain with this one - but I urge you to ignore that little voice in your head thats saying that your relationship is being ruined.

minds can be cruel sometimes.

Well my Consultant and General Practitioner both disagree with you. It wasn't a decision that was taken lightly, plus as it was done on the NHS they had to go through a lot of paperwork for it to be approved and have it deemed necessary.

Circumcision was deemed the best form of treatment for a severe case of Phimosis. Both steroid creams and stretching were seen as temporary cures as it can come back with time. [Both had been spoken about. I had even tried stretching]

Stress attacks the things most precious to you. Your relationship most probably isn't failing, but because it is important you are scared of losing it, scared it will go the way other things in your life seem to be going.

I really feel your pain with this one - but I urge you to ignore that little voice in your head thats saying that your relationship is being ruined.

minds can be cruel sometimes.

Thanks man, I think it is the stress. But I'm worried now about becoming too clingy because of it. I'm gonna talk to her about a few days out in the summer.

I accidentally sent her a message in the night [worst time, eh?] saying that it can't have been easy with me recently, but I'm going to fix it and that I haven't forgotten about our plans for the summer. I made it light hearted and put a joke or two in. But I kind of regret it now...

But thanks again! I think you're right.

Well my Consultant and General Practitioner both disagree with you. It wasn't a decision that was taken lightly, plus as it was done on the NHS they had to go through a lot of paperwork for it to be approved and have it deemed necessary.

Circumcision was deemed the best form of treatment for a severe case of Phimosis. Both steroid creams and stretching were seen as temporary cures as it can come back with time. [Both had been spoken about. I had even tried stretching]




Ah, makes since now. Carry on...

It sounds to me that you're going through a totally normal, healthy phase. Shit comes up in people's lives and it can feel like a dark cloud hanging over you and it makes a relationship hard. Often when you're going through a rough patch all the little, normal bumps of life are magnified and stress you out even more and it's terrible, and it can put you in a bad mindset.

Try and take things slowly. Talk to your girlfriend. Ask her in a non-needy, non-accusatory way as possible 'are we still having fun together?' or however else you want to phrase it. Just let her know that you're feeling a little swamped and bummed out and you just want to check in and make sure everything's cool. Chances are you're just fine and the stress is just wearing you out and making you a bit anxious.

I think you're right about the stress - its just everything putting me in a bad mindset.

My biggest worry is that its making me needy; Like I haven't spoke to her today and I'm thinking "Where is she? Whats she doing? I want to talk to her?!".

Its really not good - I'm having to hide this side as I don't want to look needy; thats the last thing I need at the moment. I am NOT a obsessive and insecure person.. well, ok I am - but not to this degree.

Like I want to ask her "We're still having fun, right?" - But I'm too scared the question will be a "No.". I've never been like this for fuck sake. Maybe I will at her prom in a few weeks.

I'm now putting up my usual self defence method - act HAPPY as if you're hot shit and have everything going for you. Thats not good in a relationship.. :/

Heres a "screenshot of my mind" so to speak - Right now I haven't spoke to my girl for a day. I txt her a few times after a gig she went to last night. And.. I feel so shit because of it. I ALWAYS have a MSN convo open; no matter where she is as she MSNs from her phone and we chat. I haven't had anything - and god, its been for a DAY.

She didnt reply to a myspace comment left on Wednesday, about going out tomorrow [with the intention to "talk" - but she doesn't know that was my intention] - so thats fallen through. She logged on to myspace to post a bulletin saying she'd upload photos from the gig later - but she hasnt...

And now I'm wondering.. What the fuck am I doing? Why am I worrying over bullshit like myspace? Why am I so scared about not talking to her today? I am NOT this insecure, paranoid and needy person. Its frustrating to see yourself reduced to worrying about such bullshit.

I am sooo close to sending her a joking txt; or a myspace comment "Your lack of MSNage is not amusing me.." - something funny like that. But I cant for fear of looking needy - but I would probably do that as a joke anyway; she has done it to me. So its actually changing my behaviour now and.. arghhh. :(

If you feel like you have to pretend for her sake and that if you are open with her she'll leave, she's a waste of your time. You should never have to put on a false face.

I know. Its a self defence mechanism - not a good one.

I felt bad and txt her "Your lack of MSN is ghey. k?" and she came online, and I said if she was up for the summer etc.. and she went offline. I think it was her phone - but I can't be sure. But now Im thinking the worst and I... I just feel shit.

But right now I want to die. I think of the police and I feel sick. I think of my family and think of how it could be split. I think of friends and think "What ones?". I think of my future and its all in the hands of the police and an interview with a college...

I can't cope anymore. Everything is coming tumbling down on me - I'm stuck.

I know. Its a self defence mechanism - not a good one.

I felt bad and txt her "Your lack of MSN is ghey. k?" and she came online, and I said if she was up for the summer etc.. and she went offline. I think it was her phone - but I can't be sure. But now Im thinking the worst and I... I just feel shit.

But right now I want to die. I think of the police and I feel sick. I think of my family and think of how it could be split. I think of friends and think "What ones?". I think of my future and its all in the hands of the police and an interview with a college...

I can't cope anymore. Everything is coming tumbling down on me - I'm stuck.

To be totally honest with you you girlfriend sounds like an absolute waste of time. If you mean anything to her she should be at the very least noticing that you're going through some shit right now and trying to help you deal with it, not avoiding you and being a flake. If I were you I would go on girlfriend hiatus for a while; stop trying to call her, text her, MSG her. Don't break up or anything, but let her come to you if she wants to talk. If she cares at all she'll ring you up at some point, and if she doesn't you'll avoid coming off as needy and also find out where you stand on her list of priorities.

But seriously, she sounds like a shit girlfriend. She should be trying to help you deal with your stress, not creating more.

To be totally honest with you you girlfriend sounds like an absolute waste of time. If you mean anything to her she should be at the very least noticing that you're going through some shit right now and trying to help you deal with it, not avoiding you and being a flake. If I were you I would go on girlfriend hiatus for a while; stop trying to call her, text her, MSG her. Don't break up or anything, but let her come to you if she wants to talk. If she cares at all she'll ring you up at some point, and if she doesn't you'll avoid coming off as needy and also find out where you stand on her list of priorities.

But seriously, she sounds like a shit girlfriend. She should be trying to help you deal with your stress, not creating more.

Im pretty sure she started out all helpful - but now it seems.. just no. Maybe she didnt like the fact I let my hair get scruffy the other day. Maybe she didnt like the fact I didnt wear my contacts. Maybe she didn't like the fact I sighed when I was laying next to her and I told her what was up. I dont care. But I just want to know that things are ok. I want simple re-assurance that ONE thing in my life is going to plan.

I just want to get drunk/drugged up and lose every last feeling, every single drop of emotion right now. As all I can see is shit. Family life, general, future, relationships... I cant do this anymore.

tell that bitch to just suck on your dick for a while i mean seriously...

Im pretty sure she started out all helpful - but now it seems.. just no. Maybe she didnt like the fact I let my hair get scruffy the other day. Maybe she didnt like the fact I didnt wear my contacts. Maybe she didn't like the fact I sighed when I was laying next to her and I told her what was up. I dont care. But I just want to know that things are ok. I want simple re-assurance that ONE thing in my life is going to plan.

I just want to get drunk/drugged up and lose every last feeling, every single drop of emotion right now. As all I can see is shit. Family life, general, future, relationships... I cant do this anymore.

I'm probably useless at giving advice, but if you want to vent feel free to e-mail me (mo_loko_plus@hotmail.com). Sometimes just writing out how you feel makes it a lot easier to sort everything out and deal with it.

I'm probably useless at giving advice, but if you want to vent feel free to e-mail me (mo_loko_plus@hotmail.com). Sometimes just writing out how you feel makes it a lot easier to sort everything out and deal with it.

Thanks. Im pretty much venting to anyone on my MSN now - I might shoot you an email soon.

Thanks. Im pretty much venting to anyone on my MSN now - I might shoot you an email soon.

Like I said, feel free. To be honest, I've been going through a very, very similar thing, but from the female point of view.

Like I said, feel free. To be honest, I've been going through a very, very similar thing, but from the female point of view.

I've emailed you, thanks. If you read it you'll see the whole story, from getting together to now. You'll also see about some of the complications of the last few days..

I know at the end of my semester in fall, with finals/studying, plus my job ontop of that....i was stressed like a son of a bitch...made me make some illogical decisions, one of which i told a bitch I was close with to fuck off, just did not want to deal with her at all. Poof right down the drain it went... Felt like chris benoit but i didnt inject anyone with steroids and kill them.....

Don't let shit get to you otherwise you'll find yourself making bad decisions.

Yeah - its really surprising how much stress can affect you and relationships in particular.

That last sentence sums it up - if this relationship fails then I blame myself. For letting my own insecurities and stress gain the upper hand and cloud my judgements.

At the moment I want to sort myself out; give her a little space - if she wants it, then we'll see what happens at the Prom.

I'm no expert on relationships, nor i have read all the posts in this thread, but... Isn't your significant other supposed to help you and understand you in rough times, instead of just bailing on you?

At least it's been like that for me before.

She HAS been there, and she seemed so genuine. But after Tuesday she's.. just not been there. She seems to be avoiding me if the truth be told.

I'm gonna send her a message or an email saying she can have space etc; but I need to talk to her before my operation [Wednesday]. As I don't think I can cope sitting about the house in pain with this on my mind.

Ok, I grew a pair of balls and phoned her. I phoned her at 10PM and it rang off - My number comes off as "Private Number" so I wasnt concerned about her avoiding it.

So I thought I needed to contact her somehow - so I fired off a myspace message to her. This is what it said..

My apology - I think you deserve it
I rang you at about 10 to apologise; I felt I needed to man up and talk to sort things out.

I have been so caught up in myself, and my own worries recently - I shouldn't given you more time as you're going through a stressful time with exams and school. So heres my apology.

I've had a long hard look at myself and I'm actually getting my shit in order now. I have a few work applications sent off; I'm working on my project for my Electricians Course Interview. Even things like my lenses - I have my opticians appointment for an eye test to get more; I seem to have found a enthusiasm from somewhere! I'm actually kinda excited! As my myspace paragraph said - Things haven't gone right recently - but I want to give it my best shot and fix it. Allow me the chance?

Although, I understand that we still need to sit down and chat - So lets not discuss it by phone or myspace or email or anything like that. Whenever you're free we shall have to meet up, (maybe somewhere neutral, Swanley?) and have a chat.

I also understand that you may want some personal time - and if thats the case just say so. But at least hear me out before my operation. Not talking isn't going to get anyone anywhere. Plus - Who else can I talk to about things like Queen?! And in all seriousness - my mum is talking about those flower things for the prom; the name eludes me - and she wanted to know if you wanted one? Then you said it wasn't a dinner suit but it said it was on the invite.. You know simple things confuse me..!

I'll probably try and ring you one last time at 11, Just incase you get this and decide to answer. If you don't then I wont ring again in case I annoy you. =]

But remember what I said - lets talk things over soon.
[A cafe? Although my house is always an option]


Then I waited until about 10:40PM before I rang for the second, and final time. She answered quickly and I basically apologised. The convo went like this..
Me: Hello, its me..
Her: Oh, hello
M: Basically I've rang to apologise... I've been so caught up in my own world recently that I haven't treated you properly. I should've thought about your exams, and leaving school.
H: Yeah...
M: Lets not say anything here though - on the phone, or computer. We need to talk face to face..
H: Good idea.
M: Preferably before my operation - So this Tuesday?
H: Alright..
M: Nicola - what happened.. Tuesday went well?
H: I was thinking...
M: Well.. Well can we work it out?
H: I dont know
M: Well are you prepared to try it?
H: I don't know... I need to think.

So its looking bad; but it isnt over as such. I just need to show her that I'm happy and have sorted myself out a bit. I'm a bit scared to be honest.

Any input? Im still kind of.. erm.. shellshocked.

Ugh. I've read your e-mail and I was just about to reply to it when I read the updates.

PLEASE stop letting her drag you around like this. All you're doing is driving her away. Tell her shortly and simply that you care about her and want to be with her, but if she's not as into it as you are then she should end it. I know this sucks to hear, but from the way you've described it is sounds like she doesn't want to be around you, and harassing her all the time is going to put her in a bad state of mind and she'll be less likely to look upon your relationship in a favorable light. Stop calling her, stop MSNing, stop Myspace, stop texting, JUST STOP. Either she'll start to miss you and come after you herself and realize what a ninny she's been, or else she'll continue to avoid you. In which case, you'll know she's absolutely useless.

Seriously, you sound like a sweet guy and a good boyfriend, but you honestly deserve someone who wants to be with you, not someone who appears to spend all their time avoiding you as soon as you hit a rough patch in your life. So seriously, stop letting her hold your balls in a vice grip. If she wants to be with you she will be.

Ugh. I've read your e-mail and I was just about to reply to it when I read the updates.

PLEASE stop letting her drag you around like this. All you're doing is driving her away. Tell her shortly and simply that you care about her and want to be with her, but if she's not as into it as you are then she should end it. I know this sucks to hear, but from the way you've described it is sounds like she doesn't want to be around you, and harassing her all the time is going to put her in a bad state of mind and she'll be less likely to look upon your relationship in a favorable light. Stop calling her, stop MSNing, stop Myspace, stop texting, JUST STOP. Either she'll start to miss you and come after you herself and realize what a ninny she's been, or else she'll continue to avoid you. In which case, you'll know she's absolutely useless.

This is what I done last time. I stopped.

Then I had her talking to me 24/7 again... and the next thing I know - shes asking me to get back together. As she's made a "terrible mistake".

Last time I had my shit all planned out - I was getting along with another girl; and my friends all stuck with me. This time its just the police, family, operation etc... I just need one positive thing.

And I haven't "harassed her", I sent her a jokey txt then a message saying how I was gonna fix all the shit thats been going on - that was *before* it clicked that something was up. Then I left it 2 days and decided to act tonight - simply by phoning her, then sending her a message after I couldn't get through.

Seriously, you sound like a sweet guy and a good boyfriend, but you honestly deserve someone who wants to be with you, not someone who appears to spend all their time avoiding you as soon as you hit a rough patch in your life. So seriously, stop letting her hold your balls in a vice grip. If she wants to be with you she will be.

Thats very true - but in all reality she has helped me through this rough patch - hence why when shes suddenly "disappeared"; it hit me.

I agree though - if she doesn't want to be with me; she shouldn't be. With both said it before.. and well; look how that ended up.

But thanks for reading that massive email - that was pretty damn dedicated of you. Im really appreciative of that. Means a hell of a lot to me.

I think my first priority should be sorting myself out right now. Unfortunately, I don't know how I'm going to do that without anyone. I'm meeting another friend for an hour tomorrow to talk - but I know shes just going to want to talk about my girl; as she dislikes her. [They know each other through friends]

I think my first priority should be sorting myself out right now.

This is the best thought you've expressed yet. Good luck; you seem like a genuinely nice guy and I wish you all the best.

I went out with another friend today; and we spoke about bits and peices. Turns out her friends were getting a bit annoyed at the fact she constantly spoke about me, was always on MSN to me [even via phone in classes], always emailing me etc...

I got home and she was on MSN; so bearing in mind what Silverfuck had said - I simply asked her about Tuesday. She said she didn't know yet; she'd have to check a few things. She gave me simple answers so I just left her to her self.

Then about 5 or 10 minutes later she tried to start up a conversation; asking what I had been upto etc. I just gave her usual answers, told her about job applications etc.

I logged onto myspace and she'd done one of those stupid quizes; I found my analyzing the answers then told myself to stop. The questions were..

Do you miss someone?
yesss

Your current relationship status?
takenn

Does your crush like you back?
yeahboi

How many people have you liked in the past 8 months?
umm 2

^But I helped her about a situation with another guy near the end of last year.

Is the person you have a crush on older or younger than you?

^skipped this one.


I know I shouldn't be analysing this stuff - but the thoughts of being housebound for a week; in pain and with this on my mind is truly scaring me. As it this is fucking horrible - and I have the ability to dress how I want; go and see friends; walk my dog etc.. In a few days I wont be able too. Then what? Sitting alone in my house, in pain - just wondering about this stuff? I can't do that.

At the end of the day - my current mindset is the type of "omfg - im not in her msn name". It seems so immature, petty and... Well; it just demonstrated my current mood. I know deep down that 99% of this problem is ME; my mood and my predicament. Should I sort myself out - then I can sort other things out. I know that.

This is the best thought you've expressed yet. Good luck; you seem like a genuinely nice guy and I wish you all the best.

Thanks - I'm just at the end of my tether with everything at once; its been the worst possible time for her to do this.