I've never been caught, though I had two very close calls with my sister back when I first started (go fuck yourself perverts).

Actually, one time back in 7th or 8th grade I remember I got home from school and was going to be alone for a few hours, so I ordered pizza and set about to a lengthy stroking session. Of course I got caught up and forgt about the pizza, so when the door rang a half hour later I had a raging boner. I had sex on the mind so I was discombobulated and didn't think I had enough time to get pants on to answer the door. Therefore, I just tucked my dick underneath the strap of my boxers and ran to the door.

Things were going fine when I got there and handed him the money, though when I had to wait while he got my change, with the large pizza being held in my 2 hands, my boner lost its juice and started to slip down...thus it fell out from underneath the boxer strap and popped out of my boxer hole in a very noticeable half-hard form. I saw the pizza guy glance at it and quickly throw his head away while scrunching his face up, letting out some kind of groan. I avoided eye contact, told him to keep the change and shut the door with my foot. Never ordered pizza from there again.

Other than that, I've luckily avoided the immense awkwardness of a person catching me in action. Have heard a couple good stories from other people though.

Like this kid jerking off in his living room couch and then looking up through his large front window only to lock eyes with the UPS guy walking to his door.

Or this kid who was jerking off in his bed with the covers over himself, dick all lotioned up and pants & boxers off, when his mom suddenly burst into the room with laundry. She thought he was behaving suspicious, and I guess he was having alcohol problems so she figured he was drinking and was hiding the bottle(s) under his covers...then an epic struggle for the comforter ensued as she tried to pull it off while he's freaking out cause he has no boxers or pants on and his boner is just chillin there all greased up with lotion. Luckily for both of them she eventually gave up.



Anyone else having stories?

In my freshman year of college, my room mate had left for the weekend. So that saturday I decided to whack it. So I started and then one of the guys I lived with (we had a suite style dorm) walked in. I looked at him, he looked at me and said "sorry, I thought you were at work. I just need Mark's (my room mate) Wii remote."


Only time i've been caught

never have been caught, always managed to hide it somehow, i get lucky as hell cause my parents always walk in when im horny. But one time i had some jizz on my shirt, didnt notice it, went downstairs and they noticed :O

LOL!

severely pwnaged

i have no interesting stories - im cleeeeean.
ciao

I got caught masturbating in like 7th grade on the living room floor under some blankets by my entire family.

Aunt, uncle, brother, sister, mom, dad, and my grandparents :[

Talk about embarrassing... and it was with a back massager thing too, and yes I'm a guy.

ouch dude that's hard to top

LOLOLOL oh man that is terrible.

i've never been caught, but i did walk in on my roomate last semester whacking it at like 3:30 in the morning when i was stumbling in drunk after some theme party. for some reason i looked directly at the screen at it was some black dudes gang banging some white girl. i just turned right back around and kept walking with no particular destination in mind. i ended up passing out in a library in some dumb ass pirate outfit. the next morning was extremely akward.

i looked directly at the screen at it was some black dudes gang banging some white girl..

LOL LOL

I think I was in year 7 or 8 when I got (kinda) busted by my mum. I was lying on my bed jackin' away like a champion and didn't hear my mum walking towards my door until it was too late. I quickly whipped my shorts back up and tried to act like I was just cold chillin' on my bed or something.
Mum: "Do you want any icecream?"
Me: "Uh...er...y-yeah please."
Mum: (Notices my fly is undone)"...what are you doing?"
Me: "I...the...um I nearly peed myself."
Mum: "Why...?"
Me: "Cos um of the car outside backfiring, it scared me."
Mum: "Oh..." (Closes door)

Nice save, Liam!

HAHAHAHAHA that is such a bs excuse lol !!!!! +1



omg ive had two close calls:

1.) Im in my room "studying". now, when you walk in my room, you see everything right away, like there isnt anything u have to walk around to see every wall of my room. anyways, im sitting on my floor, jackin off with my books scattered around me... i actually had a victoria's secret magazine that i stole from my mom (this was probably about 4 years or so ago, when i was in 9th grade)... anyways... me being an idiot, my door is unlocked (oh btw its like only 8pm too, so my family is still awake and home)... and my dad just comes right in followed my my little brother and asks me if i had something that he could have (i forgot what).... and i just fucking got all the shit that i could on top of my dick to cover everything up. needless the say, it was wicked awkward... that moment, to the rest of the night... the rest of the week... yeah, but anyways, they walk in and my dad goes "what are u up to", and im just sitting there fucking scared the fuck out and i have a book in my hand, sweating, with a bottle of vasalene right next to me, and im just say "jus studying math dad"... and he goes... "oh ok" , then looks at my brother, and they just leave. that was bad.

2.) in my room, on my bed, like 11pm on a saturday night. im havin a good wank; eyes closed, lights in my room are on, not paying attention to the outside world, naked and sprawled out on top of my covers. i have the mini, travel-sized shampoos and lotions that you get from the hotels out on my nightstand, and my dick and hands all lubed up. im goin at it when my mom knocks on my door. i freeze what i am doing that instant. i fucking freeze. i go "what do u want mom im trying to sleep"... then she goes "why is your light on?" i go "cuz idk..." when she opens the door, and the second i hear her hand go for the door knob i fucking throw all my covers over me and turn on my side... awkwardly, and im out of breath, she looks at me and says "go to bed".... and turns around, shuts off the light and leaves....

holy fuck.


edit: spelling.

Lawl I may have a story or 2 which I'll tell when I'm back from College tonight. Admittedly I'm not going to college until 1, but ya know, I cba now cos they're quite embarrassing stories :o

Actually, one time back in 7th or 8th grade I remember I got home from school and was going to be alone for a few hours, so I ordered pizza and set about to a lengthy stroking session. Of course I got caught up and forgt about the pizza, so when the door rang a half hour later I had a raging boner. I had sex on the mind so I was discombobulated and didn't think I had enough time to get pants on to answer the door. Therefore, I just tucked my dick underneath the strap of my boxers and ran to the door.

Things were going fine when I got there and handed him the money, though when I had to wait while he got my change, with the large pizza being held in my 2 hands, my boner lost its juice and started to slip down...thus it fell out from underneath the boxer strap and popped out of my boxer hole in a very noticeable half-hard form. I saw the pizza guy glance at it and quickly throw his head away while scrunching his face up, letting out some kind of groan. I avoided eye contact, told him to keep the change and shut the door with my foot. Never ordered pizza from there again.


Haha. That's hilarious.

I heard of this story, from a friend who caught his brother and we always rip on him about it just cause of the circumstances. My friend came home late from his buddies house, comes down the basement steps to his room(shares whole basement with his brother, pretty much wide open), looks over and sees a quick flash of light from his brother slamming down his labtop closed than watching him dive into bed and give some excuses...."Hey ya know you should be sleeping i got work tomorrow you know you coming home late going to keep my up all night etc."

Same kid that says porn saved on his computer isnt his when hes the only one that has access to his labtop(password protected)...friend has his own computer.

Pretty dumb when they have wireless internet in their house, couldve been somewhere else.

GREAT FUCKING STORY HERE...this was beautiful...caught with porn...same kid....in front of everybody. We didnt have a dvd player downstairs so we used his labtop(ran to tv) to watch Borat. Pop in the movie it auto-plays via windows media player,all by itself, dont ask me how... but some random porn video pops up of this girl fingering herself and his GF was like HEY WHAT THE HELL IS THAT, What if one of the little kids were down here and saw that?! She didn't sit next to him for the whole movie hahahah...best shit.

i jizz in bottles all the time. i used to have a problem with drugs. my parents find these bottles and don't know what the hell is in them, so they assume thats what was left over from my 'fix'. they talk to me about all this shit, "we're so worried about your drug habits!". and i swear, it never gets any less embarrassing. i really hope they just keep thinking i'm on drugs. i've never told this to anyone before by the way. the only person that knows i cum in bottles in my ex.

Never.

It's called a door.

8th grade. Home alone. Usually have 2 hours before anyone shows up. PC monitor facing door thus back is facing door. SIster walks in, I freak out don't have neough time to close windows because the pc is SHIT and it lags so i run around the desk, hit the power button on the power strip PC dies, too late. Pants down, jizz rag hits the floor, she just walks out.

I had a total nervous breakdown and couldn't function for the rest of the day. Consequences of said breakdown lead me to forget to pick up the jizz rag.

She asked me if I wanted some porn mags while we were in the store a few days later. *facepalm*

...

She asked me if I wanted some porn mags while we were in the store a few days later. *facepalm*
The appropriate answer would have been:

'No, as you might have noticed, we use the internets now for this kind of visual stimulation.'

I don't think I've ever been caught directly, but I might as well be.

I think I'm rather loud.

Haha, man these are good.

I don't know why it's such a big deal, I mean everyone does it, it's just so wrong when you walk in on someone. Never happened to me though, unless I blocked it from my memory...

So this year at college, I was going to some party or something on a Friday night. My roommate hadn't been around the whole day (I assumed he was at his nasty jewbag girlfriend's place), so I locked the door on the way out. So I got to the party, then come back and unlock my door. I open it and see my roommate in nothing but boxers and a HUGE bottle of eucerin (a very thick moisturizer that people who take acne drugs have to use) next to him, with his laptop slammed shut. I said nothing, grabbed my toothbrush, and went to brush my teeth.

AWKWARD!

dude... he just has a mild case of acne on his dick. so what, let him go, he was just following the doctors orders and apply it once a day.

love it... obviously it would be better off them knowing you're just a chronic masturbator than a junkie,... but then they have to know you shoot your seed into bottles that you subsequently leave lying around

ouch dude that's hard to top

damn mann, that is hard to match, i neVer been caught :P
i remain a champion lol

damn mann, that is hard to match, i neVer been caught :P
i remain a champion lol

same.

This one time in 9th grade I got REALLY drunk at home by myself (lulz), and decided it would be a good idea to use a foot-and-a-half long dildo/vibrator that I stumbled upon in my older sisters room, you know, for awesome vibrating sensations on my cock (I didn't even think about the moral ramifications of doing so, I was horny). Its like 3 AM and I'm just AMAZED at how awesome it feels...

All of the sudden my sister opens one of my doors (the one connected to the only downstairs bathroom) and asks me whats up cuz the toilet smells like vomit. I don't even bother to turn off the loudass vibrator thats under the covers against my junk because I'm a drunk douche and just loudly slur 'NOTHING!' in a really suspicious tone (with the underlying BZZZZZZZZZZZZ of the vibrator). She just laughed, and then walked away as I died a little inside.

this, plus theres stains on ALL of my shirts which are all black

Pix of said vibrator or it doesn't exist.

I'm a drunk douche and just loudly slur 'NOTHING!' in a really suspicious tone (with the underlying BZZZZZZZZZZZZ of the vibrator). She just laughed, and then walked away as I died a little inside.


epic lulz

Hey NJ!

A few times I've hit the power button just in time, but "finished" in my pants accidentally; just as my parents came in. IDK if they noticed, but they never made any comment.

One time, this ______child________ was at my house. I didn't hear her come up (my hearing is my number 1 warning sense for this), and all i hear is "eww, what are you watching". I closed the tab and denied it. he kept begging me to show her what "they were doing to the women". I was red as fuck in humiliation, so she changed the subject to me having farted (lmao, idiot). I then tickled her and she left. I was traumatized or the rest of the night. IDK if she told anybody.

both stories are pure fiction, written so i could fit in

not masturbation story, but embarrassing and i had a boner

I was in school like 10th grade, some hot bitch in front of me had the back of her pants riding low with a black thong pulled up so i was staring at that the whole class. i had a massive erection, the kind past a semi where you know you can go back to soft by not thinking about anything. then they called us up row by row to go to the office because of some terroristic note saying the school was gonna burn down (which i wrote, but that's another story). anyway, when my row went up, i held some books to my sides and walked close to the girl in front of me so as to obstruct the view of my boner. then she leaned forward and stopped, but i kept walking and it was too late: my boner hit her butt and she fell forward, causing everyone to look over. she stopped and leaned because her shoe came off and she was trying to get it back on. her face was really red, she avoided eye contact with me the rest of the month, and my penis just got harder.

props on the life experience.

Eh, boring story but...

When I was 15, I of course masturbated a lot. So one day I'm watching TV, and just happen to zap by a german channel. There's some hidden camera show on. The premise is that a hot nurse in a really short skirt has to change a lightbulb, while a guy is sitting right there... And she has to get up in a ladder.
And this chick was so ridiculously hot, I just had to whip it out and have a go, show my respects.
So I'm going on furiously, but then the show's over, and I'm not. But I just keep on going, pictures the nurse... But the next is a stupid ass german talk show with a male host. And yeah I must've been really distracted, cos I didn't hear my older brother walking outside the room... But I sure heard him open my door. We had eye contact for a second, me with penis in hand. His eyes then moved to the TV, seeing this ugly german fuck blabbering. Then he walked out...

Yeap yeap, very awkward. Scary thing is... Thinking about this, I think stories that I've been supressing are sorta surfacing.

We had eye contact for a second, me with penis in hand. His eyes then moved to the TV, seeing this ugly german fuck blabbering. Then he walked out...


LMAO:D

Haha that's awesome funny. He probably thinks he's guarding some epic secret about you being gay.

I have never been cuaght. But some of my friends have been. The most memorable being the kid who was masterbating, while watching a porno in his bedroom. So the lights are off and he reaches into his nightstand to get some lube and squirts some on his cock. Unfortunetly for him, he happened to grab the tube of bengay that was in his nightstand.

He begins screeming in pain "fuck it burnz". And his parents rush in to see what is wrong.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/94

Ok I got one, this happened in one of my classes in college. My teacher was trying to find a video he had saved on a drive for us to watch, he opened one of the folders in the drive and low and behold there was a .wmv labeled Lucy Thai Cum Guzzling Slut. He immediately denied any knowledge of why that particular video file was there, but it was hilarious.

Actually it was great because like any porn watcher I know who Lucy Thai is and because it was a philosophy class a majority of the class just smirked and didn't care.

not a story about being caught but...

My younger brother's friend used to use a black t-shirt to clean himself up with. One day his brother went into his room and borrowed a shirt and it just so happened to be the cum covered t-shirt. He wore it to school and was dissed on hard.

he didn't look at it before he put it on or what? i would have went home...bio hazard

another story

my grand ma lives in this nursing housing development thing and she has a green thumb so she has a lot of plants. i was playing with her hot ass peppers and totally didn't think anything of it. then i went to some random bathroom to jack it because i was bored. pain ensued.

Well this isn't my story, and I think I actually read it on this board a while back:

So this guy uses the internet for his porn, just like the rest of us, but I think he was using a family computer that was out in the open. He pretty much knew what times he could whack it and such, and he was able to easily get his pants on and switch what was on the monitor very quickly in case he got surprised. Well this one day his dad walks in all quietly and the guy manages to switch the monitor over to some C code he had been working on but didn't get his pants on in time. The guy tries to play it off with " Its not what it looks like" and the dad goes "Yeah I guess so, because it looks like you're jacking off to math equations or some shit" and then walks away. Dude was probably embarrassed as hell.

BEST STORY EVAR!!!! (http://www.totse.com/bbs/Archives/Archive-000009/HTML/20060801-4-021200.html)

they archived that?

they archived that?

Makes you feel old doesn't it?

BEST STORY EVAR!!!! (http://www.totse.com/bbs/Archives/Archive-000009/HTML/20060801-4-021200.html)

the old ubb was so much better... this new v-bull sucks:(

Once I hadn't had a wank for like a week, and I was on the channel tunnel between England and France, so I went to the bog (yeh...) to satisfy my sinful urges. After an astronomical while, I emerge to find a fucking pack (or is it a horde?) of boy scouts and their leaders all hanging around outside.

I didn't get caught exactly, but they sure did look at me funny. I thought it was funny. They were either gona be praying it didn't smell, or I had cleaned up well. Yeh, fuck your innocence, kids, this is the real world! ;) :p

BEST STORY EVAR!!!! (http://www.totse.com/bbs/Archives/Archive-000009/HTML/20060801-4-021200.html)

I knew what that was going to be before I even clicked the link :D


One of my friend's told me this yesterday, when he was younger he was staying at his grandmother's house and he had a wank in bed then fell asleep, totally naked, on top of the bed covers with his dick in his hand. The next morning he woke up and there was a cup of tea on his bedside table that his grandmother had obviously brought in for him.... he still had his dick in his hand. Tad awkward.

To a friend of mine:

It was sex ed class, and they taught us what a vagina is-- even though everyone knew--, and being the horny fuck he was he started the up and downs. He did it in the fucking desk, where people beside him could see.

Anyways, the teacher called his name out and said "Come up here, now." and we all had that shock feeling, but the teacher continued saying "I need you to hold this up". Our hearts were racing watching this unfold, but we knew he was safe.

So he goes up to the class, and he randomly during the presentation goes "uuuuhhhh" silently. I almost died of trying not to laugh. Anyways, while holding it up... he didn't realize there was a stain in his pants. It started to smell and the teacher went "whew, what is that?"
The teacher looked at his pants and said "Wow, did you piss your pants!? Go get that fixed"
He looked down, and didn't come in for 2 weeks after he left the classroom.

GOLD!

Never really caught. But there were lots of instances which indicated I was about to, or had just fapped.

My room mate once left an oily imprint of his dick on one of my Playboy posters -- right on the panty!

Before I could elicit an orgasm out of my fap (grade 6), I used to wonder what's to hide about it, it's like scratching an itching back. Things changed later on.

My room mate once left an oily imprint of his dick on one of my Playboy posters -- right on the panty!


..Pic?

In 4th grade I was very very bored in class so I pulled my dick out and started rubbin it under my desk :p ...only one student noticed. He looked at me all wide-eyed, smiled, and went back to his work


The worst part is that my desk was right next to the teacher's, in front of the entire class (I was specially seated so the teacher could keep an eye on me cause I was caught throwin stuff in class earlier)

1. Fapping at like 11 at night. Didn't realize Dad was still awake. My penis is sticking out my fly but my pants are still down up. He walks in and asks why I'm still awake and at my computer when my light is off and I said some bs excuse and covered my penis with my hands. I think he still knew what was going on.

2. I was fapping one time before Christmas, I hear the door open and I slam it. Mum asks me what I was doing and I stuttered "Wr..wrapping Christmas pre..presents?"

I can't remember what I did, because I was more asleep than awake, but I must have been beating it because I was hard, and it was in my hand. Now when my Mum opens the door to my bedroom in the morning, she looks away from me.

That was the only time I think I've ever been caught. I've had close calls, but I know my folks barged in on purpose. With their life experience, you'd think they could at least grant me privacy in my home.

Never been caught, I sit on the edge of my bed which is right infront of my computer and keep blanket right next to me just in case.

Arr, it was a long time ago.