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| Sex and Affection Anything and everything about sex and relations. Please try to keep this forum on-topic, since things tend to wander a bit. Search through old topics before posting a new one, as questions get repeated a lot here. |
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#1
 2008-06-08, 23:08 |
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 ATTN: females
So I'm really fucking wasted. I drank a 12 pack (real beer, not that shitty American piss-water that passes for beer) in 2 hours and I'm pretty fucking buzzed. Since then, I've also drank some JD and it seems to have killed most of my frontal lobe and amygdala. So I'm horny and way too drunk to use the phone. That, and most of my bootycalls don't answer at 7pm.
So, females of totse, who are hot, and between the ages of 14-30, who's willing to drive over and sex me? Or if you'd prefer, I'll drive (or maybe it's best I take a cab) over. Let me know, we'll work something out. White/Asian preferred, but at this point I don't really care.
Females only
No RCMP
No CSIS
Thanks.
PS. Yoyobek, you're not within driving distance, but I'd do you in a heartbeat. Let me know if I should reserve myself a plane ticket.
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#2
2008-06-08, 23:16 |
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Re: ATTN: females
lol5char
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#3
2008-06-08, 23:23 |
PieGirl 
Regular
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Re: ATTN: females
as if a wasted person could type so proper like.
or use a computer.
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#4
2008-06-08, 23:27 |
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Re: ATTN: females
Quote:
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Originally Posted by PieGirl
as if a wasted person could type so proper like.
or use a computer.
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You sound like a woman. Are you making with the sexy-time or what?
(spellcheck, ftw, btw) |
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#5
2008-06-08, 23:32 |
SHH
Regular
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Re: ATTN: females
LIES!
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#6
2008-06-08, 23:36 |
kappelpie
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Re: ATTN: females
Ahahahahahaha.
I don't know where you live but I'm picturing a cab fare the size of our national deficit waiting for a hungover you tomorrow.
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#7
2008-06-08, 23:38 |
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Re: ATTN: females
Quote:
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Originally Posted by kappelpie
Ahahahahahaha.
I don't know where you live but I'm picturing a cab fare the size of our national deficit waiting for a hungover you tomorrow.
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I don't get hungover unless I'm drinking shitty wine or coolers.
And I really don't care what the cab fare costs. I'm in need of pussy or a blowjob (from a female). I just blew 1700 or a guitar and amp and another 100 or booze, I'd be fine with any cab fare under 5 figures. |
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#8
2008-06-08, 23:40 |
kappelpie
Regular
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Re: ATTN: females
A call girl would be cheaper no? You could probably afford a pretty nice one.
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#9
2008-06-08, 23:42 |
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Re: ATTN: females
Quote:
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Originally Posted by kappelpie
A call girl would be cheaper no? You could probably afford a pretty nice one.
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I would, but it's against my morals. I don't pay for sex. A cab ride is within the rules, but straight up sex isn't. I'll give it another hour or two before I make a decision. That and I can't figure out how to use a phone. |
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#10
2008-06-08, 23:47 |
kappelpie
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Re: ATTN: females
I am highly suspicious at your ability to type within the parameters of spell check, yet your inability to string together 7-11 numbers and press "send", though I do sympathize with the need for "ye olde drunken bootycall".
Good luck on your quest.
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#11
2008-06-08, 23:50 |
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Re: ATTN: females
Quote:
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Originally Posted by kappelpie
I am highly suspicious at your ability to type within the parameters of spell check, yet your inability to string together 7-11 numbers and press "send", though I do sympathize with the need for "ye olde drunken bootycall".
Good luck on your quest.
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Ok. The jig is up. I can figure out a phone. Duh, I'm drunk, not retarded. Also, it takes me about 3-7 tries to get a sentence together because I misspell most words. I just don't have anyone to call at the moment, and I'm in the mood for sex.
I'm going out to buy a pack of cigs, I'll keep an eye on this thread. Piegirl expressed some interest, she better follow through.... |
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#12
2008-06-08, 23:58 |
mrman383
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Re: ATTN: females
you know if you drank american beers youd probably meet enough girls to have an available booty call. just saying.
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#13
2008-06-09, 00:03 |
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Re: ATTN: females
Quote:
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Originally Posted by mrman383
you know if you drank american beers youd probably meet enough girls to have an available booty call. just saying.
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Yeah, but then I'd be a pussy. I'd rather be a drunk Canadian lumberjack than a pussy. |
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#14
2008-06-09, 00:10 |
mrman383
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Re: ATTN: females
Yeah, but then I'd be a pussy. I'd rather be a drunk Canadian lumberjack than a pussy.
nah, youd be a well adjusted person who understands that the beer you drink doesnt have any reflection on your masculinity. see, women arent generally into beer snob queers who cover up their homosexuality by drinking a beer they proclaim to represent their superior manhood. thus, if you werent a myopic clown who placed way too much emphasis on what type of liquid is currently getting you drunk youd meet and attract more women which would clearly help your current situation.
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#15
2008-06-09, 00:13 |
NiGhT PrOwLeR
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Re: ATTN: females
i'd secks you good
but i must warn,
i'm into some funky stuff,
you'll also need to be in a good enough state of mind to sign a disclaimer,
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#16
2008-06-09, 00:22 |
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Re: ATTN: females
Quote:
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Originally Posted by NiGhT PrOwLeR
i'd secks you good
but i must warn,
i'm into some funky stuff,
you'll also need to be in a good enough state of mind to sign a disclaimer,
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If you meet the criteria (ie, you're female) we can tango.
But now that I've gone to the store and picked up my smokes, I must go out and smoke them. Brb. |
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#17
2008-06-09, 00:43 |
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Re: ATTN: females
Jerk off??
Its free...
and you're not drunk, you're typing way too well.
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#18
2008-06-09, 00:44 |
Caoltan
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Re: ATTN: females
lol ^^
I so want this to work out hahaha:D
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#19
2008-06-09, 01:10 |
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Re: ATTN: females
Quote:
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Originally Posted by vazilizaitsev89
Jerk off??
Its free...
and you're not drunk, you're typing way too well.
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Thanks for believing in my ability to type like a coherent person (ie, better than everyone else on totse). I can do this because I'm given a key called "backspace". Maybe you don't use it, but I do quite often when I'm wasted, and it's awesome.
Anyway, I can jerk off, but that's not nearly as fun. Plus I think Piegirl really wants me. I'll see where it goes. |
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#20
2008-06-09, 01:15 |
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Re: ATTN: females
Where do you live?
I'm not offering, by the way. Just curious.
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#21
2008-06-09, 01:21 |
kappelpie
Regular
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Re: ATTN: females
I've considered trading you sexual favors in return for writing my 14 page paper due tomorrow.
Desperate times, desperate measures.
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#22
2008-06-09, 01:48 |
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Re: ATTN: females
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Silverfuck
Where do you live?
I'm not offering, by the way. Just curious.
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Toronto, my favourite place in the world.
And we all know you're interested. Or else you wouldn't be asking. You can cut the act.
I've considered trading you sexual favors in return for writing my 14 page paper due tomorrow.
Desperate times, desperate measures.
Been there, done that. I only wrote 4 pages (all that was required) and she got a 90%, the highest mark in the class. A paper on economic philosophy.
What topic is yours on. I might know something about it... |
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#23
2008-06-09, 01:52 |
ingutted
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Re: ATTN: females
yeah seriously i could believe hes drunk, i am pretty good at typing drunk but it just takes a long ass time.
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#24
2008-06-09, 01:59 |
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Re: ATTN: females
Quote:
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Originally Posted by ingutted
yeah seriously i could believe hes drunk, i am pretty good at typing drunk but it just takes a long ass time.
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Thanks for believing in me. If I ever meet you at a party and you're passed out, I promise not to draw on you. |
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#25
2008-06-09, 03:09 |
kappelpie
Regular
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Re: ATTN: females
Been there, done that. I only wrote 4 pages (all that was required) and she got a 90%, the highest mark in the class. A paper on economic philosophy.
What topic is yours on. I might know something about it...
The transmission, mechanism, and conformation of Prion protein diseases at the molecular level. So far the only thing keeping me from killing myself is getting to read about people eating each other.
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#26
2008-06-09, 03:16 |
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Re: ATTN: females
The transmission, mechanism, and conformation of Prion protein diseases at the molecular level. So far the only thing keeping me from killing myself is getting to read about people eating each other.
Actually, I'm quite a whiz in Biology. Except I don't know anything that could really be of use about Prion protein diseases.
Except this wiki page I stumbled across. Enjoy writing 14 pages, I hope to God you triple space.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transmissible_spongiform_encephalopathy
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#27
2008-06-09, 03:20 |
kappelpie
Regular
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Re: ATTN: females
It's actually a biochem structures class, so I suppose it would fall more on the chem side than the bio side. I plan on babbling about mutations the entire time to fill space and putting pictures and graphs everywhere.
My teacher is going to shit on me when he sees it.
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#28
2008-06-09, 03:27 |
ingutted
Regular
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Re: ATTN: females
Thanks for believing in me. If I ever meet you at a party and you're passed out, I promise not to draw on you.
i apreciate the gesture dude.
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#29
2008-06-09, 03:28 |
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Re: ATTN: females
Quote:
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Originally Posted by ingutted
yeah seriously i could believe hes drunk, i am pretty good at typing drunk but it just takes a long ass time.
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I can type too when I'm drunk. Like you said, it just takes a long ass time cause you have to go over it 3 or 4 times so it makes sense.
Funny thread. |
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#30
2008-06-09, 03:29 |
ingutted
Regular
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Re: ATTN: females
oh yeah rykoshet i agree american beer is barely more alcoholic than water.
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#31
2008-06-09, 04:00 |
superspeedz
Regular
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Re: ATTN: females
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Rykoshet
So I'm really fucking wasted. I drank a 12 pack (real beer, not that shitty American piss-water that passes for beer) in 2 hours and I'm pretty fucking buzzed. Since then, I've also drank some JD and it seems to have killed most of my frontal lobe and amygdala. So I'm horny and way too drunk to use the phone. That, and most of my bootycalls don't answer at 7pm.
So, females of totse, who are hot, and between the ages of 14-30, who's willing to drive over and sex me? Or if you'd prefer, I'll drive (or maybe it's best I take a cab) over. Let me know, we'll work something out. White/Asian preferred, but at this point I don't really care.
Females only
No RCMP
No CSIS
Thanks.
PS. Yoyobek, you're not within driving distance, but I'd do you in a heartbeat. Let me know if I should reserve myself a plane ticket.
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RCMP'D |
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#32
2008-06-09, 04:03 |
crazy hazy vermonter
Regular
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Re: ATTN: females
Put this same thread on craigslist and you might get a dude wearing a wig to suck you off. It's still a dude though. I have to say, I really don't think totse is the best forum for a quick booty call. I suggest calling every girl whose number you have a few times, every 20 minutes or so, then craigslist, then going outside and meeting girls on the street if you live in a busy area.
But I'm, guessing you won't succeed in getting a girl tonight, sorry...
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#33
2008-06-09, 07:50 |
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Re: ATTN: females
Why not just go to a bar? I'm sure you can find a drunk girl there to fuck.
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#34
2008-06-09, 07:56 |
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Re: ATTN: females
Protip: If, by some miracle, a girl nearish you on totse sees this thread and wants to fuck you, she'd probably be too embarassed to post here and announce it to the interwebs, so you should probably include an email address or phone number for maximum effectiveness.
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#35
2008-06-09, 08:26 |
surprise buttsecks
Regular
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Re: ATTN: females
Quote:
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Originally Posted by ingutted
oh yeah rykoshet i agree american beer is barely more alcoholic than water.
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I fully endorse the above claim and/or statement. |
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#36
2008-06-09, 11:24 |
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Re: ATTN: females
Quote:
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Originally Posted by crazy hazy vermonter
Put this same thread on craigslist and you might get a dude wearing a wig to suck you off. It's still a dude though. I have to say, I really don't think totse is the best forum for a quick booty call. I suggest calling every girl whose number you have a few times, every 20 minutes or so, then craigslist, then going outside and meeting girls on the street if you live in a busy area.
But I'm, guessing you won't succeed in getting a girl tonight, sorry...
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I live in a shitty Italian suburia. No pussy worth fucking within 100 miles.
Why not just go to a bar? I'm sure you can find a drunk girl there to fuck.
I have work now (it's morning). Really early. Can't get up if I'm piss drunk at a stranger's house, can I?
Protip: If, by some miracle, a girl nearish you on totse sees this thread and wants to fuck you, she'd probably be too embarassed to post here and announce it to the interwebs, so you should probably include an email address or phone number for maximum effectiveness.
Quite the protip. However, if a girl wants to fuck me, and she's not smart enough to figure out how to email me through my profile, she's not worth it. |
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#37
2008-06-09, 13:32 |
BLACKSRULE2
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Re: ATTN: females
You sad fuck
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#38
2008-06-09, 22:15 |
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Re: ATTN: females
You sad fuck
I'm not even going to touch that one...
I'm out to walk my dog around now and see if there are any chicks up for some doggy style.
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#39
2008-06-10, 00:29 |
BLACKSRULE2
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Re: ATTN: females
I'm not even going to touch that one...
I'm out to walk my dog around now and see if there are any chicks up for some doggy style.
nuff respec wi dat cumback
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