 False Positive Results
I have been on the pill for a few years now, since I was about eighteen, and I always figured that it was safe, blahblahblah.
Well, I put on a couple pounds lately and was getting sick in the mornings. I had my period, but it was only for one day and it was just spotting more than anything else. I started getting kind of worried that I might be pregnant and so I bought a home pregnancy test.
The results were positive.
For the longest time, I'd always said that if this situation ever happened to me I was going to abort the child, and it's a pretty easy thing to say when you aren't in that situation.
Well, I thought I was in that situation, and suddenly it wasn't so easy to say I was going to get an abortion. It was suddenly an extremley hard decision to make.
Well, I went to the doctor and found out it was a false positive.
I was relieved, but I also felt something else that I can't explain.
I had just begun to adjust to the idea that I was carrying a child. I havn't had a cigarette in days, I havn't smoked pot in days, I havn't gone out. And now, well, I'm not pregnant. It's of course for the best, I'm not nearly done being independent and I'm not ready for a child at all. I realize that it would be harmful to both of our lives if I indeed was pregnant.
I can't explain it, but I'm almost...disapointed. I'm almost...sad. I'm almost...regretful.
Why on earth am I feeling this way? I should be relieved and happy and have not a care in the world, and yet I can't shake this feeling of what could have been.
Has this happened to any of you/your girlfriends? Is this feeling normal?
I just really don't know how to react, and I'm at a complete loss as to how to deal with this.
It's just a nagging feeling of uncertainty. I'm a logical person, and I know this is for the best and a child right now would throw my world and plans for the future completley upside down. I just...am not really sure how I feel.
Is this normal?
|
2008-06-02, 02:34
