I'm feeling at my lowest point in my life then I have felt for a long time. I can barely look at myself in the mirror.

As some of you may recall my wife died getting on to 6 months ago now. I have not even had the desire to even look at another woman. Women who I would have considered once "extremely attractive" making passes at me and trying to pick me up just isn't appealing. Well, with the exception of the past 24 hours.

I actually go a fair way back with her. When I was in year 8 at high school (it was the 3rd school in 2 years I had been to as I kept getting kicked out of schools), she offered me a seat next to her and became friends and fucked her more than a few times... She was the second person I slept with, if you count the girl next door who I lost my virginity to when I was 9 and she was 12.

Cutting back to the chase: 6PM last night I got a knock on my door last night. It was Katie. I hadn't seen her in about 5 years... There she was. 5'7", C cups, half Italian/Spanish, deep brown eyes and the white part of her eye is white, I'm sure they'd glow under a blacklight. She was wearing a black, strapless, (lacy?), slightly transparent cocktail dress that came 1/4 way down to her knees. I got the impression she was coming from / about to go clubbing.

I know it sounds like I was instantly sounded like I was aroused by her but thats not the case. This is all the information I could take in before I let out a shocked, squeaky "Hi".

She then instantly lunged forward to give me a hug and apologized for my loss.

I invited her in and we talked for hours. Turns out she's a model and doing well for herself. She just took me for a spin in a new Mercedes convertible she just bought around my neighborhood. Later we started flicking through photo albums while I was sipping from a bottle of vodka. This is where I can only start to remember fragments.

I can remember she put the album down, took the bottle of vodka from me, took a sip, and kind of cuddled into me on the couch with one hand on my stomach and her head resting on my shoulder as I took another swig from the bottle of vodka.

The next thing I knew she was kissing the back of my neck, worked her way to my cheek, then started kissing me on my mouth.... The next few minutes are a blur... Then I can remember on the floor kissing her, her laying on her back and me on top of her... More blur... Then I remember laying on my bed and she walking out of my bathroom in a transparent black bra and matching g-string.

[ Side Note: I have to put this here otherwise I will to write it. I *never* get that wasted with the amount of Vodka I consume. I *think* she had about the same amount and as far as I can remember she remained sober the entire night. Do you think it is possible she slipped me something after she took the vodka off me for a second while we were on the couch? ]

At this point all I can remember is her jumping on me, then me going down her her, her going down on me and I *think* I can recall a video camera... All his paragraph is one big blur and really hazy.

Ok, so Sunday (today) 7:00AM, I wake up, have a stretch and stare at the ceiling for about a minute completely oblivious from the previous night.

Then I remember... "OH SHI-!" I said out loud.

I looked to the right of me and nobody was there.

I pushed the sheets down to jump out of bed and there was a BROKEN condom full of semen... I went to slam my head back down on the pillow but I accidentally hit my steel bed-head. Got a huge-arse lump there now.

After a few minutes I got out of bed and saw a note on the coffee table


Last night wasnt a mistake. I know youre probably confused and regretful as am I. However, I still want to see you. I know you have some shit to sort though and I think you need to do that by yourself.

When you think you have thigs worked out, please call me: *insert phone number*

Love Katie

(Spelling mistakes and grammatical errors left intact to preserve authenticity)

I then walked into the kitchen and discovered she made me breakfast before she left.

What do you think? How do you perceive my situation?

What about that fucking broken condom? I really don't know what to think.

On top of all this, I feel like absolute shit because of my wife dying not 6 months ago, now I'm fucking other people?


I have so many mixed emotions. I feel that I really want to see her again, but I don't think I could let myself. This is going to sound stupid but it feels like that I would be cheating on my wife.

I don't know.. Please help me to see reason.

I don't think you need to worry about what transpired. As far as the broken condom, that is a concern. I would call her immediately to tell her about it, as it's an issue that involves her directly and she may not be aware.

You must be dealing with a lot of shit at the moment, and it's good that she's being understanding about it- Definetly mention the broken condom and try to find out the details of what happened, the video camera in particular.
Having never lost a significant other, I won't pretend that I can relate to your feelings of loss and I won't try to spill you any bullshit about your wife wanting you to move on but you have to be realistic, you're not dishonouring your wife by moving on with your life, it's just the due process and feelings of guilt are going to be there. I wish you luck.

As for did she spike your drink, I'd say most likely not as people are *far* too quick to blame drinking too much on it being spiked, many factors can decide how drunk you got, as much as anything if this was the first time you'd been with anyone since the passing of your wife, it's obviously going to be a somehat stressfull moment, both conciously and subconciously.

I *think* I can recall a video camera

You fucking legend.

We will need pictures.

Good for you, man.

Let me say first of all that I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm sure you've heard all the cliches about moving on and getting over a loss and although you probably don't care about them or even want to listen to them again, you should. You will never forget your wife and it will hurt when you think about the woman who you had so much love for but the chance to move forward with your life is right here. Most people don't ever get the chance to move forward after something traumatic like that. They just become defeated and numb for the rest of their lives.
You on the other hand have someone very special in your life that has dropped everything in her life to come and check up on you. So obviously she has feelings for you. The way you talk about Kate, she has had a great influence in your life. Like a whole chapter in your life's story. So the feelings are mutual.
Choosing to see Kate again means you make a break from the person you have defined yourself as with your deceased wife. It's a hard road and ultimately only you can decide.

Whatever you decide, see whats up with the broken condom.

We will need pictures.

The man speaks the truth.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Alcohol is notorious for opening doors we wouldn't normally walk through. What's done is done.

To go conspiracy theorist on you.. What do you think her motivations were? You think she drugged you to have sex with you so she can have your baby? Lol, that sounds really fucking crazy! And she's a model, I'm sure getting pregnant wouldn't be the best career move. I'm gonna go with the most logical explanation, that you just got fucked up.

What do you normally do when your wasted? Obviously not get blown by rich models.. so I guess it's easy to believe you kind of got carried away in the moment.

Bring up the broken condom. Perhaps she doesn't remember, in which case I hope she's on BC! I think it's pretty crucial that should be brought up.

As far as the feelings of cheating goes: Your wife is dead. It's totally up to you whether or not you sleeping with other people is acceptable. There is no definite right or wrong answer in your situation. It's up to YOU to get your head straight and allow yourself to move on in your romantic life. Theoretically, 20 years from now you could STILL have these feelings if you don't ever face them and work them out.

I say take it easy with Katie. No harm in having someone around. See how your feelings develop. This might be a great opportunity for you to deal with latent emotions concerning your wife.

If you do just get over-ridden with guilt, then definitely stop chillin' the girl. That'll do more harm than good, but if your handling new-risen emotions in a healthy way and still gaining something through your relationship/friendship with Katie than, by no means let your guilt overshadow the potential for you to come to terms with the state of your life and your wife's death.

I will add to this later when I get home properly, but for now I just want to say that your posts about your loss has touched me deeply and you have my deepest sympathies. I cannot help but feel this every time you mention this.

/ramble

Life is life. Enjoy while possible.

I just got home from work 2 hours ago and I called Katie the second I got in. I was anticipating this to be one of the most awkward phone calls of my life so I had my laptop out on the 1 and a half hour train ride home and starting trying to write my thoughts down in Word 2007 in an attempt to document everything what exactly what I wanted to get across.

I get home, place my laptop on the bench, across my screen was everything I was going to repeat in verbatim. I called from my mobile phone with my number withheld, just in case she would try to avoid my call. The phone starts ringing and I hear, "Hello?". I paused for a moment, then I shut my laptop screen down and slowly walked over and sat on the couch. It was actually great hearing her voice, just something about it made it feel like something reaching inside of me and was tugging on emotions I haven't felt in a long time. Joy. "Katie!" I exclaimed, now starting to wonder what her feelings were towards me at this stage.

Katies voice fills with excitement and sounds really bubbly when she goes on to say "I've been thinking about you all day. I've been wanting you to call so much it started to hurt".

We ended up talking for a good hour and 20 minutes and I ending up having one of the best conversations I have had in my life.

I mentioned the busted condom, she laughed and said "Yeah, I kind of saw that. You don't need to worry, I'm on the pill".

Before work this morning, I checked out my camcorder, it turns out I wasn't that shit-faced, the camera had been used. I fired up the video camera, Runtime was: 214 minutes. "Fuck!" I thought.

A lot of it was just fooling around, but I fast forwarded it to the action. It was so incredibly hot, I had to watch it twice.

I gathered from the video that the filming was her idea and she did all the filming. At the end Katie was filming and laughing at me and in my drunken daze I was looking at the camera with half open eyes and a big goofy smile laughing back at her. I've never seen myself that happy before and I think it took this for me to realize that this is confirmation I needed to move on.

She asked me about the tape, I told her that it would give Paris and Ricks tape a run for their money. She replied "Haha, I can't wait to see it".

After deep thought and even soul searching in the past 48 hours, it feels right. Its funny, at work today I remembered talking with my wife just after we got married and I asked her "If I were to die, would you re-marry?" She said that she couldn't, she asked me the same question and I said "There's no way I could". To my shock she said "Well if you did, I wouldn't hold it against you".

Anyway, I'm sorry for writing so much again. It was only going to be a small update.

Hey man, interesting series of events. Hope everything works out for the best!

Nicely done mate, nicely done. One of those rare S&A success stories. Congratulations :)

So, you banged a hot model, and have it on FILM?

I'm sorry, I wouldn't normally say this but,

I think The Temple demands IMMEDIATE uploading of such videos!

Sorry for your loss, congrats on your win. =[

As I read this, I'm filled with happiness for the upward turn your life has taken of late, after its deep plunge. You have my sympathies and congratulations, sir. I pray that your life continues to be filled with affirmations of life in the wake of death. And while, in your somewhat troubled time, I hesitate to ask, I will: if your conscience permits you, I'd love to see the video.

This.

The Numjum says sorry.

Well that's kinda cool. Not about your wife dying, that is pretty sad, and for me to say that, is something.

But it's cool that you've found someone else you may be able to be happy with. Maybe things will work out and you'll end up being really happy.

Just because your wife died doesn't mean you should stop living your life, 6 months isn't a LONG time, but what is the
"right" amount of time anyway? 6 months isn't short or too long, I don't think you should feel guilty or anything.

Good luck on whatever happens.

:)

i like it when sometimes things actually work out

gives me hope

I'm feeling at my lowest point in my life then I have felt for a long time. I can barely look at myself in the mirror.

As some of you may recall my wife died getting on to 6 months ago now. I have not even had the desire to even look at another woman. Women who I would have considered once "extremely attractive" making passes at me and trying to pick me up just isn't appealing. Well, with the exception of the past 24 hours.

I actually go a fair way back with her. When I was in year 8 at high school (it was the 3rd school in 2 years I had been to as I kept getting kicked out of schools), she offered me a seat next to her and became friends and fucked her more than a few times... She was the second person I slept with, if you count the girl next door who I lost my virginity to when I was 9 and she was 12.

Cutting back to the chase: 6PM last night I got a knock on my door last night. It was Katie. I hadn't seen her in about 5 years... There she was. 5'7", C cups, half Italian/Spanish, deep brown eyes and the white part of her eye is white, I'm sure they'd glow under a blacklight. She was wearing a black, strapless, (lacy?), slightly transparent cocktail dress that came 1/4 way down to her knees. I got the impression she was coming from / about to go clubbing.

I know it sounds like I was instantly sounded like I was aroused by her but thats not the case. This is all the information I could take in before I let out a shocked, squeaky "Hi".

She then instantly lunged forward to give me a hug and apologized for my loss.

I invited her in and we talked for hours. Turns out she's a model and doing well for herself. She just took me for a spin in a new Mercedes convertible she just bought around my neighborhood. Later we started flicking through photo albums while I was sipping from a bottle of vodka. This is where I can only start to remember fragments.

I can remember she put the album down, took the bottle of vodka from me, took a sip, and kind of cuddled into me on the couch with one hand on my stomach and her head resting on my shoulder as I took another swig from the bottle of vodka.

The next thing I knew she was kissing the back of my neck, worked her way to my cheek, then started kissing me on my mouth.... The next few minutes are a blur... Then I can remember on the floor kissing her, her laying on her back and me on top of her... More blur... Then I remember laying on my bed and she walking out of my bathroom in a transparent black bra and matching g-string.

[ Side Note: I have to put this here otherwise I will to write it. I *never* get that wasted with the amount of Vodka I consume. I *think* she had about the same amount and as far as I can remember she remained sober the entire night. Do you think it is possible she slipped me something after she took the vodka off me for a second while we were on the couch? ]

At this point all I can remember is her jumping on me, then me going down her her, her going down on me and I *think* I can recall a video camera... All his paragraph is one big blur and really hazy.

Ok, so Sunday (today) 7:00AM, I wake up, have a stretch and stare at the ceiling for about a minute completely oblivious from the previous night.

Then I remember... "OH SHI-!" I said out loud.

I looked to the right of me and nobody was there.

I pushed the sheets down to jump out of bed and there was a BROKEN condom full of semen... I went to slam my head back down on the pillow but I accidentally hit my steel bed-head. Got a huge-arse lump there now.

After a few minutes I got out of bed and saw a note on the coffee table


(Spelling mistakes and grammatical errors left intact to preserve authenticity)

I then walked into the kitchen and discovered she made me breakfast before she left.

What do you think? How do you perceive my situation?

What about that fucking broken condom? I really don't know what to think.

On top of all this, I feel like absolute shit because of my wife dying not 6 months ago, now I'm fucking other people?


I have so many mixed emotions. I feel that I really want to see her again, but I don't think I could let myself. This is going to sound stupid but it feels like that I would be cheating on my wife.

I don't know.. Please help me to see reason.

Nice troll job, queer.

You fucking legend.

I am Legend?

Sounds like an epic night to me.

Yeah, if it was anyone else I'd call Troll.

lol at dead wife


wires, you bitch don't edit my post, otherwise the gods will come down and you die like his wife

GTFO mah post you hoe

Sorry about your wife, man. But you can't let that hold you down. Carry on with life. :)

Also, Totse demands the video. :)

Video or it didnt happen. I call troll until this video is posted.

Well, I think I'll update you guys.

I don't really have anybody I can talk about this sensitive issue IRL and I really feel like venting, so pull over a stool and lend me an ear.

Nothing sexual has happened since that fateful night. We've been seeing each other now for once a week and talking on the phone every night. It sucks balls having her live 1 hour and a half drive away.

Last night, however, she came to my place and watched a dvd and we ended up falling asleep, with our arms around each other. I woke up at about 6:45AM, she was laying on top of me using my chest as a pillow, I just lay there with my eyes closed for a while enjoying the warmth of another human body.

One slight problem though, I'm not sure if it was just a morning woody or that I had boobs pressed up against the top of my stomach, but I was worried my meat whistle was digging into her, although at this point she still was asleep.

All of a sudden, I kind of involuntarily jumped a bit, kind of the same effect if you have the hiccups.

I felt her lift her head up and obviously to check to see if I was awake. I still had my eyes closed at this point so she assumed I was still asleep. But then, I felt something. I felt her hips starting to go slightly up and down... That's right, she was grinding me. I couldn't help but to have a look of pleasure on my face and open my eyes. When I did, she was looking already directly looking into my eyes. After a while of holding eye contact, she gave me a really long kiss, then got up, threw her mobile phone into her bag and said she'll be late for work, then she left.

That was this morning. its not exactly 6:01PM and just while I was typing this message she just text me and said she is coming down in few hours. If it were anyone else I'd be nervous as hell but with Katie, absolutely nothing is awkward.


Oh yeah, despite popular demand I won't be posting the sex tape, not only that I'm an extremely modest type of person, I really would not feel right about posting it for her sake. Thanks for your understanding. :)

OK. Well you're not going to post a sex vid.

but i for one, am very interested in seeing what she looks like.
so can u post a pic at least?

these types of threads are useless without pics.....

Did you stick your penis in your wife pooper ? (after she died)

I have a feeling this is an epic troll thread... If so, good job. If not, then your wife dying really sucks. Don't feel guilty about sleeping with other girls though, especially since this was more of a fluke kinda thing. Its not like you went out trolling for pussy. Good luck with this relationship.

One pic of your choice
Just to make sure it happened

I then walked into the kitchen and discovered she made me breakfast before she left.



Yup. This one's a keeper.