So I've been with this girl since late March- which is the longest I've been in a physical relationship so far (had a long distance one that lasted about a year, bad idea IMO). She's two years younger than me and still in High School, her parents love me. We love eachother completely, despite the fact that we live in completely different mind sets- I'm an art student that grew up as a punk rocker and all my friends are either artists or musicians. I don't know how I'd categorize her (which is part of the reason I brought this up) and all her friends come off to me as airheads and douchebags- which I know is a lame generalization but this is off their first impressions.

Now, I know she's just a Junior (soon to be Senior) in Highschool, but she is incredibly indecisive about things. Be it what we do and where we go on a night out or if I carry on during more intimate times. It's not really a big deal, but I just get the impression that she doesn't really care about life enough. Sure she's fun and I enjoy being with her, but it gets to me when I ask her if she'd like for me to continue pleasuring her and she says "If you want."

It's not just that, though. She can't seem to make up her mind about anything. She listens to nearly ALL types of music, and whenever a song comes on she says "I love this song!" or "This is my favorite song!" And I like to mock her and say "You say that about EVERY song." Her approach to music is pretty much the inverse of mine. I went from Punk-Rock to Metal- so I am an absolute Nazi when it comes to taste in music. I mean, I got her into GWAR, Gojira (which we are both huge fans of now) and Cannibal Corpse (I'm still not sure about that one) and whenever I play a bomb song she recognizes it's awesomeness. Then again, she likes listening to the garbage they play on the radio and at dance parties. (I told her every time I go clubbing with her she has to come to a Metal show with me)

Now mind you, I don't see any of the above as means to break up with her. Not only do I love her very much, but I want to help her break this indecisiveness. Ultimately I want her to find her passion. Something that she is ALWAYS sure about and something that will ALWAYS make her happy- even after we break up, whenever that may be. I know she has the capability of at least being intelligent, we had a nice long conversation a few nights ago about our pasts and how they got us to where we are today- and I want to find something that gives her the same amount of spunk that she had then.

My one roadblock is that passion is not something you can force. I was swept up by punk-rock at a young age, so I can't change that about me, and I fear I can't change that about her now.

I figure I'll start by letting her hold the reins of the relationship shortly- I told her that I want her to decide when she wants her first time to have sex to be and we'll start from there. It may seem like I'm laying down and waiting for the whip to crack, but it's for her own good.

So what's the rub? You guys got any ideas?

Bump...

I truly believe this is a case of Masculine vs Feminie. A lot of girls are like this btw.

But really, girls dont need to feel that control of knowing what they want and when they want it, as males do. They are much more emotional, intuitive, and on the spot thinkers (well, on the spot do'ers is a better phrase).

But just because she seems indecisive doesn't mean she is incapable of having a passion and aspiration. It just doesn't administer her daily life because, well, its not her biological nature as a female. She'll be fine, in the mean time you can maybe do activities with her to help her guess at what she enjoys doing regularly.

Once she gets out of highschool, she'll have no choice but to do her own thing. When you're in highschool it's so easy to take the easy classes you hate just to get the grade/credit. When she's done she'll find something she likes to do on her own. In highschool you get critisized for dumb stuff and it's pretty much a popularity contest in every aspect. In the real world it's about the same I guess but no one gives a shit about you unless you're a millionaire. In highschool you have the same friends you see every goddamn day. Once you're out you don't make friends necessarily just because they're there. You can go where you want to go and hang with who you want to hang with. Once she's comfortable by herself, it'll be easier to do things on her own.

And you have to remember not everything in life is black and white. Sometimes a decision never happens. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. To me, it's completely fine in most cases, there's nothing wrong with having an open mind. Maybe you could find her "thing". Maybe she could learn an instrument or learn to fish or whatever. Try a lot of things that are new to both of you.

Also remember the slight difference in mindsets between highschoolers and people who are done. She might still be figuring things out whereas you already have an idea of what you want. So like I said I think finishing high school is the first step.

Edit: And maybe you could open up your mind a give her music a chance! If you're a music lover there's no harm in that

Hmm, I guess you guys are right.

The reason I see this differently and because I've been giving her the bum-rush is that I've always been passionate about art. I had my heart set on going to RISD when I was a freshman (but I got lazy). I took art all through highschool so I've always had a hold on things.

When it comes to music, you can't help her.

Let her be indecisive, in fact she's probably in the right - enjoying all different types of music, whether it is metal or the poppy stuff they play on TV, I'm of the belief people should have a broad range of things to enjoy.

One moment, I'm playing AC/DC, the next Method Man, the next Depeche Mode, the next Led Zeppelin. A broad range is always good imo, so forget about the music thing.

(I told her every time I go clubbing with her she has to come to a Metal show with me)

dont do that, i swear, if you bring a girl anywhere that you enjoy, she'll be a total hinderance, and get angry that your not giving her attention


secondly, its not your problem if shes unmotivated to do anything, with you trying to get her into something its anxiety, shes pretty young, she doesnt need to know anything yet

fin.

No offense op, but taking art in university is a pretty big waste of time, or music for that matter. Do it for a hobby, don't count on that as being your profession. You need to have something to fall back on that is practical if/when you fail.

Clearly you know nothing of my artistic skill or drive. Please try to stick to the topic.

dont do that, i swear, if you bring a girl anywhere that you enjoy, she'll be a total hinderance, and get angry that your not giving her attention

That's why I'd like to find a show that we would both enjoy.

But her clubbing is still a long way away. Got 9 months before she's 18.

i still dont think you should be messing with her interests, is this something your doing because you want her to have the same interests as you? you dont like her friends, so are you trying to loosen her interests in them, and bring her something new, something that you like?

her friends are always going to be a higher priority than you, dont think that your better than them, (which i think you are) but dont put yourself in that position, she tells her friends moar than you will ever know, look, you talked to her friend and the NEXT DAY she was angry at you for going behind her back, chances are, her friends prolly dislike you, so are going to put you in a negative light (friends of girls never like the guy, unless they haev a chocolate penis that ejaculated money, (sex and the city is really what women think like, which is why womanz like SatC)

anyways, dont try to push her towards anything, because her friends will see it as a hostile takeover, and make your life a living hell

first you must gain her TOTAL trust, i mean she will trust you with everything (shes not even sure if she wants to have sex with you, hence the "do wut you want lol" attitude she has. then she will put you in front of her friends

personally i think you made the mistake of jumping into this relationship head first, you should have laid back, allowed her to bite your line, but than again, this is your first real girlfriend i guess..

what i would do? be distant, try to be independent, still talk to her, but dont call her all the time, unless she calls you, reward her for the things she does for you (which there is NOTHING wrong with, contrary to what anybody says)

and she needs to be moar understanding of other peoples views

and 'gay' is a perfectly fine word, many definitions (according to the dictionary, including lewd, reckless, and debauched)

100% true.

She's a young, indecisive, submissive girl?

Lead her. Be the man.

Time to sack the fuck up.

"We're seeing <movie> tonight."
"Let's get some coffee."
"Come over here *make out and rail her*"

I sort of know what you're dealing with... Basically, I got back with an ex recently who fucked me over a few years back, but we were both way too immature for what we were doing and how she broke up with me showed it. Anyway, she's a good 9 months older than me and in college. I have to deal with a girl who refuses to take medication for her ADD, can't ever shut her mouth, won't make any real decision if her life depended on it, and is an emotional wreck. All her friends hate me from highschool as well. Seriously, she might gain some opinions eventually but don't count on it. There is no real cure for that lack of care. Females with that mentality wreak of "I want someone to abuse me because I don't care enough to tell them no." I doubt you will ever get her to say no to your suggestion unless it goes completely against everything everyone else thinks about her and even then she might still do it. They're like old putty or dry clay. Just keep pushing and it'll eventually mold to your will. You my friend are in a relationship with a puppet as am I. Sorry, I'm rambling... don't mind me...

god you're such a little bitch

posting a thread like this is pretty punk rock of you man.

get over yourself.. and labels.

OP is a fucking moron.

"help me cure my gf's indecisiveness!!!! omg she likes all different types of music! help me1"

Come on man, get over the labels, stereotypes and childish dreams.

god you're such a little bitch

Not a bitch... I just wanted to put my head through a wall. I'm free now though. I could fucking sing and dance... :D

I figured this would happen... I think we both just wanted laid. lmao

Sorry but this is incorrect. Pursuit of things you are passionate about and truly enjoy is the only surefire way to infinite happiness. Taking any other "course" is simply a waste of your time.

Find something remarkably stimulating, besides masturbation, and you will understand too.

Edit: Monetary gain =/= happiness

Sorry but this is incorrect. Pursuit of things you are passionate about and truly enjoy is the only surefire way to infinite happiness. Taking any other "course" is simply a waste of your time.

Find something remarkably stimulating, besides masturbation, and you will understand too.

Edit: Monetary gain =/= happiness

100% True

blunt. but correct.

100% True

Okay....
http://www.flamewarriors.com/warriorshtm/artiste.htm