Short summary at bottom

---------- LONG -----------
Ok, we went out for almost a year, have each others virginities, loved each other with all of our hearts, the whole 9 yards... But in the months after we broke up (september) things have felt really weird. I have realized how goddamn bad she was for me, and how I deserved better. I realized that I could have made it a LOT easier on myself had I just broken up with her earlier I would be better off, etc.

But weve remained friends throughout all of this, and she has always been there for me, and I have always been there for her. We still care for each other, but we dont spend nearly as much time together as we used to.

I hung out with her earlier this week for this first time in a few weeks (we text and call each other every once in a while). It felt strange... I feel like I am falling for her for the first time again. She DOES have a boyfriend, and even if she didnt Im still not sure that I would even go out with her, because our relationship was such a mess to begin with.

But I still havent found anybody that makes me feel like she did. And now Im starting to feel that way about her. Being around her drives me nuts! On the one hand, I hate everything she put me through but on the other hand I feel like I am falling in love with her again. The feeling I get from her is amazing. Plus there is the little fact that we have still been there for each other through all of the shit.

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!?! I dont get it... Why the fuck am I feeling this way about the girl that although I care for deeply, I would have been better off breaking up with her months earlier? And why havent I been able to find someone else!? And the worst part is, as one of my closest (not neccessarily best) friends, she is the one I would normally talk to about something like this!?

I dont really know what I expect to get in reply. I realize that solid, concrete, and practical solutions to my situation arent going to appear. Mostly the questions asked are rhetorical. Thoughts or suggestions, or comments??

********* SHORT **********
Ex-love of my (so far) life treated me poorly and put me through emotional pain repeatedly. However, she remained there for me through months after the break-up and we are still close friends. I feel like I am falling in love with her, even though my concious mind knows (or just thinks?) that it would be a bad idea. Discuss.

A lack of other options is no reason to continue with a bitch who fucks you about like that. That's probably the most important lesson I've learnt in my entire life. There's nothing wrong with being alone, someone else will come along who will seem even better. Then she'll turn out to be a psychotic whore, and the circle continues.

From experience, don't do it.

So True. You just need to find some one else and take a break from her at least 6 months and every time you start thinkin about her remember the pain you went through

Cut all ties. Don't tell her about it. Delete her number, delete your myspace/facebook. Delete your email. Don't answer the phone if she calls your house.

Abort, repeat, abort.

Leavethebitch.