To set the scene, if you havn't read anything in the past. About 5 months ago my girl had open heart surgery to fix a condition. Well now it turns out that my liver is inflamed and is pressing on my gallbladder and I have to have it removed. It's not a big surgery but it's still expensive. Before you ask, yes I have insurance, but I'm still going to be stuck with 25% of the bill. We can barley cover the cost of her surgery and now mine will just be too much. I don't know how we're going to pay the mortgage because I'm the only one working and me being off work will sink us.

Anyways, she's pissing me off because she seems to think that it's all well and fine. She goes out and buys shoes, and stupid expensive toys for the dogs. I keep getting frustrated with her because she doesn't seem to get it, and when I bring it up she says... and I quote "You only live once, if I die tommorow I want to know I spent my life the way I wanted to." I can't argue with that but I am not going to lose my house over a $400 pair of shoes.

I love her to death, and she starts work again in two weeks but to face her immortality seems to have sent her into a second childhood, spending with out caring, partying all night, buying a brand new fucking AUDI and leaving me with the car payment which is about three times the cost of her Toyota. She says she will pay it on her own when she gets back to work but it just seems like everything we have is slipping away. I'm not saying I'm rich here, I have a 3 bedroom 2 bath house, it's nothing spectacular but it is still mine and she doesn't seem to get it. I feel like I'm in a frat house. I come home from work and she's sitting on the couch, the remote in one hand, a bong in the other. I don't want to tell her she can't do these things. It makes me feel like an asshole and I don't mind it as long as she does it in moderation.

I don't mind the weed, or the occasional spending, but I feel like I'm being left to carry the weight of it all. When she was in the hospital in the ICU I was there every fucking day and night when I wasn't at working. I took two weeks of my vacation so I could sit by her side and help her to the bathroom, the cooking, to clean, to change the bandages and basicly be a fucking nurse. And I did it because I love her. But now it just seems like she wants to be a kid again, and there is not thought of me.

The thing that put me over the top is today I was sitting at home and I have these stupid pills that stop my gallbladder from contracting, well I was out and I asked her to drive the one block to CVS (it's a pharmacey if you don't know) and get them for me. Her responce "well I have a hair appointment" and she left. I mean am I being unreasonable with wanting some of what I gave her? I'm in a lot of pain, I can't even stand up with out the pills to curb the pain, and she just runs off. I can't emotionaly,financially, or physically support her anymore. Am I asking too much from her and maybe not seeing it from where I'm at? I mean I'd give her anything she wanted, but I just can't keep it up like this. Or is she being as stupid as I think she is?

As far as I understand you're financing her.
So have a serious talk with her, explaining why what she's doing is inappropriate. That will most likely be ineffective.

She's been spoiled, and the best way to reverse it is "shock therapy". Stop financing her, completely. That includes food, and shelter.

Although you may think it's too harsh, it is the most effective way to bring her to her senses and do her good in the long run. Also, what she did deserves much worse of a punishment.

Agreed, sounds like she's being a real ungrateful bitch. I don't know what advice to give you though. You make the money and it's your house, maybe you should be more stern. You sound like a friend of mine, he's an awesome and (overly) kind guy but he just lets women walk all over him. Don't try to discuss things that don't require discussion. She can't be spending all of your money or you'll be fucked, so don't let her.

Obviously I don't know the nature of her illness, but you'd think that after having open heart surgery you'd wanna take care of your health... i.e. not sit around all day smoking weed / boozing all night. I think she needs a reality check. Don't let her spend you out of house and home! Is she buying stuff with YOUR money? Does she have cards for your bank account, or do you have a joint account? I think if it is your money, you should set a limit on her cards / make her get her own account. Tell her you just can't support her new lifestyle, and if she wants all those things (including the car), she'll have to earn them herself. Sounds like you were amazingly supportive when she was sick, and she's just spoilt and ungrateful.

But now it just seems like she wants to be a kid again, and there is not thought of me.

It's amazing how, oh, almost dying tends to rearrange people's priorities. Congratulations, now you're getting to know the real her - what she'd be like if she knew she only had 24 hours to live.

OTOH...

The thing that put me over the top is today I was sitting at home and I have these stupid pills that stop my gallbladder from contracting, well I was out and I asked her to drive the one block to CVS (it's a pharmacey if you don't know) and get them for me. Her responce "well I have a hair appointment" and she left.

...that's just dick.

Are you her mother or her girlfriend?

You know what you have to do. It's right there in front of you.

Don't try to discuss things that don't require discussion.

That's some deep-ass shit bro.

when I read your story my balls recede up inside me.

You need to have a bit more than a "serious conversation" with her.

she needs to understand that she's being a stupid bitch, and you'll leave her under a massive pile of dept unless she wises up.

people rareley change.

I am completely with this man.

$400 pair of shoes and you're letting her get away with it whilst you have an inflamed liver.

You need to get right in her face and yell at her until she wakes the fuck up.

I am completely with this man.

$400 pair of shoes and you're letting her get away with it whilst you have an inflamed liver.

You need to get right in her face and yell at her until she wakes the fuck up.

Why yell when you can just cut the cash flow. This usually delivers the message a lot faster.