I'm surprised at how well I can manage to feel about this all. I mean, yeah I feel like crap but, just read.

So at the end of last summer, I was moving to a new town about 50 miles away. Towards the end of that summer I met a girl n we hit it off. Unfortunately, the decision to go out 2 weeks from moving was the baddest decision we made in the whole relationship.

Note that this is not the first girl I've been with, but most everything else ended up being nothing in a couple weeks. This lasted months.

I used a lot of gas driving back and forth most every weekend, she didn't have a car. I didn't mind, I loved seeing her. I have planned to move back this coming summer since I left. Mostly because of her, but also because of the great job I had. I got almost 2 dollars in raises in the 4 or 5 months I worked there. That's good for a 16 year old, but the guys I worked with were good friends and all.

I've always been kind of passive when it comes to being social, but I don't aim to have many friends, quality over quantity. But when I moved here, I barely socialized. It could be because I was with my girlfriend and didn't want to risk anything happening, but maybe I was also a bit nervous. I found some people to hang out with but at some point I just stopped hanging out completely. Even in my hometown, I'd barely talk to any of my friends. Every few years though, this just happens. I shut in for a while.

My ex was the same way, except hers worked with the seasons. I caught her on the way out of a good mood at the end of last summer. Well, not that her mood gets bad, she just shuts in for the most part. Its hard to tell whether it was my own doing to shut in or because I was with her, but I'm sure it comes down to both.

At some point I started to get tired of not doing anything, but I still didn't do much for some reason. It becomes a bit of a vicious cycle, being disappointed about not going out, and being too disappointed with myself to go out. This town has been driving me crazy between the school crap I've got set up and work. It was hard for me to pinpoint if I was unhappy because of her or myself. So I kind of broke it off, and I told her that I was also tired of sitting here with her, I want her to come out with me. We didn't stay apart for long though. A month or two later, I was unsure yet again. But then I still missed her and wanted to see her, and I kind of accidently went and hung out with her. And it turned out feeling a lot like we were still together, but we weren't. I told her I just needed to think, and she told me she couldn't wait long and that I needed to know in 2 weeks, which I marked as once I was back in the summer.

We didn't talk much for a little while until I came to town and wanted to talk to her about it, but she didn't want to see me. At this point, I still hadn't fixed much with my friends or worked on meeting new ones, so when I was in town I didn't have much to do. It pissed me off, and since she was practically the only person that I talked to at all that night and I guess I was being kind of pissy. But she was in a pissy mood a lot more than I ever was, and she should understand why I am, even before this. I'm stuck in this town, and I'm getting irritated still being stuck here. The culmination of all the shit I didn't do here had me really frustrated.

She still won't talk to me except for in a text, because she claims not to be ready. I went to town yesterday to get my things from her house, which she barely talked to me. Two of her friends were there. I'm happy for her because she's been going out lately, and apparently she had friends over there all night. I finally text'd her for what I hope to be the last time until I can actually talk to her. She says we can talk sometime n be friends when she's ready, but it would be 10x easier for me to get over it if I can just have that one real talk with her about it. I really am okay if thats what she wants, I don't want to be selfish. I would just expect her to at least not avoid me enough for one talk.

I don't need any tl;dr's, I just needed to go back over it all again, and maybe get the opinion of a couple of strangers. I just feel like she's avoiding me for another reason. That summer romance that we couldn't really have when I moved away was the light at the end of the tunnel for me. I mean, we were both looking forward to the summer that I would be there in that town. That day would have been only a few days away, and now she won't even talk to me. I feel almost like I was just something to hold onto until she started going out in the summer again. Or maybe she already met someone and just don't want me around. Maybe I'm just being paranoid about it. She says it's because I broke up with her that first time, but I went back and forth which wasn't good, and I admit that was wrong.

Any comments would be great.