Ok - Im 16 - Just spent 4 and a half months with what was my ideal girlfriend. Hot, Intelligent, Slightly geeky, Kinky... the lot.

Sexually I was her first - and she was really mine too. I opened up to her about allsorts of personal stuff, really personal family stuff that nobody else really knows. My house is a wreck but I plucked up the courage to even show her that - I was open as could be.

She gave me confidence, a sense of self-worth.. Just changed me really. She was my bestfriend & lover rolled into one. She made my life that bit more bearable, so much so that I cancelled my application for the army.

As she has her exams at the moment I said I would lay low for a while, just so she doesnt have any distractions. I was so looking forward to after the exams - summer and her.

We were planning ahead by about 10 months - and considering I was her first boyfriend to last over 2 weeks.. I done pretty well. Yet out of the blue she got scared, this was too serious - she put an end to it.

She took it really bad apparently. As did I - I sent her a message immediately stating how I felt. She later told me she wanted to give it a second chance but my message put her off. Then later she said how we would never be in a relationship again, and that I obviously loved her more then she loved me.

I then tried to hide it. I took another girl to a big concert on Saturday [the day after] - saw Usher and Madonna among others. Then on Sunday I found out she thinks she made a mistake, and she was realy confused.

I sent her a big email today saying that if it was a mistake then I could try again - and that my whole thing of acting like I'm doing well is an immature self-defence mechanism I have had for years - to disregard it, as deep down I am hurt.

She got back and said sorry for messing me about and being a bitch. She has determined it was the right choice she took and that shes so sorry. But she hopes she doesnt lose me as a friend; as she would be losing an amazing person - but it might come down to that. Then she thanked me for an amazing time.

I took this as worse as I possible could - I felt lonely, I had no one to go to. Im hardly popular, what little friends I do have are busy with the exams and stuff. So I am left feeling shit and alone..

Then I remembered the girl from Saturday - she was talking about wether I will be single for the summer, and about relationships in general. Then how she wont ask guys out - I sensed this convo was aimed at me. Then she told me not to go on the rebound..

I look on my wall and see a hand-written and drawn valentines card - and think of the time she wrote it on me. I look on my PC and am either a)Shocked at not having her convo up or b)having a pretty crappy convo with her. I look at my logs and see her 7 or 8 files where everyone else has 1. I look at my received files and see pictures and stuff she had sent me. I go to the train station and just think of waiting to get the train to her town. I go to the local town and think about times there. The park.. etc EVERYWHERE I LOOK SHE IS.

She has said I'd have to sleep over at her dads - "innocently ofcourse". She still wants to be friends and that comforts me. But it seems like friendship is a dead end now.

She said today that the relationship was too serious [What the fuck?] and that it was unfair on me that I hardly got to see her. She used the last couple of weeks as an example - I WAS LAYING LOW BECAUSE OF HER EXAMS. And I had always tried to see her twice a week minimum - any spare time I had would be given to her. So thats a load of bullshit.

Her friends say she took it really bad, but she seems to be in higher spirits now. I cant help but feel left behind - shes moved on and I am still here. Stuck in this shithole.

So now I need advice on how to get over this, and what to do about this other girl.
I feel bad guys, Thanks.

oo man ya I do remember "the first one", it's hard as fuck to get over that first one, and usually with months of drinking u will just forget about her 1 day.

Her saying that "it was too serious" is just a bullshit excuse, shes young and so are you..she sounds immature, just cut her out of your life and forget about her, man up..it will get better after time..go out with a few girls to get your mind off of her..she will probably come back and say it was a mistake after she sees you with other girls, but thats just her being immature and she will dump you again, so fuck her.

The first one is the hardest. Pretty much yor best bet is to direct any negative energy to something better instead of burning yourself up.

Yeah - stay busy.

Give it time. That's all you can do.

I read somewhere that it takes twice as long as the relationship lasted to fully get over someone. I've found this to be somewhat true.

Distraction wins, in my opinion. Keep busy, allow time to reduce pain.


Are you from Maidstone by any chance?

You're 16. You will get over her. There will be more women. Your relationship with her is over. You will never have her again. Accept this. It's the first step to moving on.

You need to put everything that reminds you of her in a box. Put all the stuff you have of her from your computer onto a cd or dvd. Burn it to disc and put it in the box. Erase it from your computer. Delete her from your contacts and your phone. You need to do this if you want to move on. Everything you see around you that reminds you of her will make the pain last longer.

Keep going out with this new girl. It'll help take your mind off the other one. You don't need to necessarily rebound on her, but just keep hanging with her. If she wants to do shit with you, sweet. Being alone is the worst after a breakup. You need to get out and be as social as you can now. Don't neglect school or anything. Take this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and to make new friends. If you bounce back like this, you'll feel 10x better. If you just sit around drinking and moping at home, you won't feel better because you won't be making positive changes in your life.

Stay busy. Find shit to do to occupy your time. You'll get over her with time. That's the only way to forget.

I've been where you're at plenty of times. It's life, and we all get through it eventually.

Thanks for the advice guys, I cant really reply to it at the moment - weird stuff is happening, Lol. But I am reading and will reply soon.

Distraction wins, in my opinion. Keep busy, allow time to reduce pain.


Are you from Maidstone by any chance?

Indeed - Just down the road from Maidstone.

Eventually, you'll make new memories at the train station/park/where ever you guys hung out. The memories won't be so fresh and new things will come up in your life that will need your focus and attention.

It's difficult getting over your first, really amazing "I'm in love" relationship. But it is a beautiful pain. To hurt so much for someone..

Your head and heart will lead you to get over her and get on with your life. How you are affected in the long run totally depends on your personality and your attitude. You seem to have the right attitude. She doesn't what with "I'll never have another relationship".

Her problem is she thinks there's better, she'll kiss a lot of frogs before she realizes what she had in you. I'm sure there are a ton of factors, but I wouldn't know them (because I don't know her, d'oh!).

Anyway, if you want to, hang out with the other girl. It may not be the best ideal way, but replacing an ex with a new person is the easiest way to get over them, get your mind off of them. Kind of like a distraction. But you also run the risk of hurting the other person if they really have feelings for you. Kind of gotta be careful about using people in that respect.

It hurts, yes, but trust me, you'll look back at this time with wonderful memories.

I feel you dude, I am in total denial about the future of my relationship right now. (first real relationship btw)

I thought I wanted to end it, and tried, but somehow it hurt just as bad as when she broke up with me a while back, so I couldn't do it.

Things are better now, but it's hard to think that thought "this probably won't be forever"

Give this a try, completely cut her out of your life. Don't hangout with her, don't call her, don't do anything with her. Move on with your life, find some other girls to chill with but makes sure shes knows about it, jealously a powerful tool. It may take awhile but there is a good chance she'll want you back. When you talk to her after ignoring her for weeks or months it will be like a fresh new start.

It hurts, right?

I'm so so sorry. If I could remove such pain from the world, I would.


But it's allready been said. You need to remove her from your world. How can you get over her if she's still damaging you?


You WILL get over her. The pain WILL go away.

All I have to say is: QQ more.

You WILL get over her. The pain WILL go away.

I disagree, if you really loved then the pain never quite goes. Sure it fades but it hangs around in the mist of the Eastend of your soul like some emotional Jack the Ripper...waiting...

I disagree, if you really loved then the pain never quite goes. Sure it fades but it hangs around in the mist of the Eastend of your soul like some emotional Jack the Ripper...waiting...

Maybe we just deal with things differently.

No matter how much it hurts, I can get over it.

Maybe we just deal with things differently.

No matter how much it hurts, I can get over it.

You can get over her but it will still hurt if you run into her later in life. Anyway he can still win her back but he needs to move on with his life and stop obsessing over her. See other women, hang out with you friends show her that you can be happy without her and when you've finally felt like you've moved on she'll come back.

The next one will be better. Much better. This is the training wheels for life.

You can get over her but it will still hurt if you run into her later in life. Anyway he can still win her back but he needs to move on with his life and stop obsessing over her. See other women, hang out with you friends show her that you can be happy without her and when you've finally felt like you've moved on she'll come back.

He wont hurt about her if he hurts her in later life.


I agree with you.

But... there's nothing wrong with a little revenge.

you're pretty young man..

easy thing to do is just get rid of/delete all of her shit. in about a week you'll forget why you liked her with such insanity in the first place. fact of the matter is she made you feel real good, but now she doesn't want to do that anymore. you'll probably realize you were just putting too much of yourself into her and brain fucked yourself (or she brain fucked you) into putting her on a pedestal. she may still be a swell girl, but now you know you're gonna have to operate on a different gear with her, if you even get that chance or want to. i'm still sort of analyzing my first girlfriend experience and i'm 21. be a little more skeptical next time..

MrMojoRisin - Thanks alot! I read that and it was all true and crystal clear. I have had an amazing time.. theres no two ways about it. I just cant help but think that that makes it all the more painful though. From having everything I wanted - to nothing, all so sudden..

Guys - Rest assured I have read all your replies and I am so very grateful! I cant really take alot of it on board at the moment as thinks have got even MORE confusing.. Read on. :/

=====

Ok guys, I think the poor girl is just confused. I was slightly drunk Friday night and said to her "Ok.. What about friends with a little bit of fun? Ya' know...". It was low and quite sleazy - I regretted it. Thats when she said we'd never have a relationship again. She then told me her friends were getting her a blind date for the prom next month.

Yesterday night I asked her how the prom was going - blind date wise, did she know who he was yet? I was then told he couldn't make it - so she might be going alone. So I asked her "If it doesn't overstep the friendship boundary, I would be only too happy to accompany you there... Well, There will be lots of other single hotties, right?" - I threw the last bit in as I just noticed what I had said. ["Damn - have I just asked her out again?"]

The convo went like this:
<"Well.. Wouldnt that be a little weird? I mean.. I'd love to take you though."
>"Im sure I could manage it.. The offer is there. We can't have you going alone now can we?"
<"Well I did say I'd make you come.. even if we broke up."
>"Indeed you did! So can I make you make me come?"
<"Maybe.."

After that we spent ages talking about how I could encourage her to let me come... I had one thing on my mind, and I got the impression she had the same. Somehow I got her to say "Well.. Sex is only really sex" - then I said "Where is this friendship line?".

She said she really didn't know... next thing we were talking about sex - and how we're going to still be getting it. Then she spoke about how she had missed our talks so much - I hadn't even gone anywhere really! I had still been talking to her despite the split - yet she seemed to have missed me so much.

So now I have sex, a really close friend but she just doesnt want a relation at the moment - with anyone. I have managed to make her contradict what she said Friday, and she even said "I know this is contradictory..." - so she obviously wasnt thinking right then.

So in conclusion - she isn't my girlfriend, we are going to continue having sex, she still seems to feel really strong for me and she doesnt want a relationship with anyone at the moment. I'm just confused guys - I can see this being temporary though. I suppose this could just be exam stress and stuff - maybe she will sort herself out in the summer.

Any advice? I dont really know what to think at the moment. Just continue being me - I guess thats all I can do. Just hang about having sex and acting like we're just friends until she wants a relationship? Am I just putting off the inevitable?

It sounds so god damn pathetic - but when I look at her facebook or myspace and see "Single", then see where I used to have my little mention... Its the little things like that which hurt me. I could have all the sex in the world, and the closest friendship - but I just want to have that little paragraph on her profile again, I want to see "In a Relationship" on our profiles again, I don't know if I want this psuedo-relationship bullshit. BUt then again - a)Its the most I can have at the moment; b)Most guys would love to have this and c)What about when she decides she wants a relationship?

Surely I should just play it by here? Wait until the prom - give her the best time ever, continue on as we were just without all the "love" stuff. Show her what shes missing almost.. except she wont be missing it. :/ Maybe the Prom could be the time to get her back? No more exams, The summer coming etc..

Thanks again - this is really messing my head about at the moment.

im sorta iin the same situation myself
if you really do want a relationship sex wont do anything it will noly make you feel more
id stop nearly all contact even though it dsnt seem like the besr thinh

soz botu shit writitng cbf right now

Smoke Dro Till You Bleed

NO no noo!!!

Do NOT take her to prom!!! You sound like me when I was in high school. Shit. You need to completely cut off contact with this girl. The longer you talk to her and see her and interact with her in any way whatsoever, the longer it will take to get over her. You will NOT get over her if you keep talking with her or fucking her.

This is what you need to do, like I said in my last post:

1. Cut off all contact. Stop talking to her. Do not fuck her. You still have feelings for her, and you will be torturing yourself. Believe me, I know. I've been there.
2. Erase her from your phone, facebook, everything. Stop looking at her facebook or myspace or whatever the fuck pages she has. You need to get her out of your life, and you can't do that if you're constantly obsessing over what she's doing.
3. Put everything that reminds you of her in a box, including shit on your computer. burn it all to disc and throw it in a box. put the box in a place where you won't be able to reach it easily.
4. Get out and make new friends. Do new things. Take up a hobby, learn a new instrument, go travel somewhere. Do something so you aren't thinking about her.

Seriously, listen to me. I've been there before and I know what's in store for you: a whole fuckload of hurt. You need to stop this all before it gets any worse.

*looks at the blatant arrow through my chest*

I'd just let her go, man. It just seems like a better idea than chasing after her and shit. Plus the whole "friends with benefits" thing never works, especially after a relationship of that calliber. Be wary, my friend.

*looks at the blatant arrow through my chest*
.

Well stop wiggling it at least.

This man knows what he's talking about.

A few things:

-as everyone's been saying, cut her out of your life completely. the relationship is over. forever. you must fully admit that to yourself.

-it helps to talk things out with people. try to talk about your feelings for her with whomever you're close with, friends, siblings, parents... whatever.

-a new girl isn't necessarily a bad idea, just don't get her entirely hooked on you if you're just rebounding with her.

-remember this: you have to live for yourself. don't live for her or for anyone else. of course, it's nice to be popular, to be in a good romantic relationship, to get along with your family, etc., but you should be able to be happy either way.

QFMT, I have been in that exact same place as well, I think a lot of guys in their teens are like that, LISTEN TO HIM FOR GODS SAKE.

I did almost the exact same shit you're doing OP, took her to a dance after we broke up (we got back together for a few weeks), had sex with her which tore me up because I still loved her, kept talking to her, tried to be friends straight away, etc etc, it was a train wreck, getting over her took so long.

DO NOT WANT.

She gave me confidence, a sense of self-worth.. Just changed me really. She was my bestfriend & lover rolled into one. She made my life that bit more bearable, so much so that I cancelled my application for the army.

Your situation is so similar to my old one it's not funny. my first girl was my lover, best friend and dear I say mother figure all rolled into one. She was something I could be proud of, I felt worthless and pathetic before her. I cancelled my dreams of overseas travel and spent all my saved money on useless possessions/holidays with her.

You can't make your girlfriend everything in your life, you need friends, even if it's just one or two, you need good friends. It's wrong rely on one person completely, and you need outside opinions. I cannot stress that enough.

-----------------------------------

People have mentioned most of the things in this already, but you need all the help you can get, so here's my 'guide'

Yeah I just broke up with my girl yesterday. Bummer eh?

This was your first girl? You have my condolences. The first breakup is always the worst...

Right, here we have rabbitweed's breakup survival kit:

__________

Memento's

All that crap you have of hers? Get rid of it. If you can't bear to see her preciously crap poetry and laughable artwork destroyed, get a shoebox, chuck everything - I mean everything – in it, and tape it up. Why tape it up? You'll be far less likely to open it that way.

Ditto for crap on the computer. Maybe chuck all the pictures, email etc. on a CD and shove it in the shoebox as well. At the very least, put it in a folder you won't come across often.

Best case scenario is if you burn it though. Especially if she's been a bitch.

Communication

By all means, get some closure. Let her explain herself, and explain yourself. But after there's nothing new to say, THAT'S IT. Block and delete her from MSN, delete her from your phone, don't visit her...if you share work or study areas change your habits to avoid her. Write some contact details down if you really think you'll forget them and want to talk to her again in the future, but the key is to make it an effort to have to talk to her. By the time you're done adding her number to your cell again you may well realise it's a bad idea to call.

Even though you may be curling up into a foetal position every time some cheesy pop shit she liked comes on the playlist/radio, let her believe you're handling the breakup in a calm, confident manly way by NOT TALKING TO HER FOR ATLEAST A MONTH. Longer if the relationship lasted more than a year.

"But rabbitweed, I miss her a lot and I really think crying into her phone like a little girl at 3am will win her over"

It won't. If you harbour hopes of being with the girl one day...this will just come back to embarrass you, and will turn her right off. If you don't want to be with her again...well, now she has something to tell her girlfriends and laugh about with her new boyfriend.

Freedom

All that shit you've wanted to do but didn't for her sake? Go ahead on do it. Hit on girls you've found hot, move to where you've always wanted to, start university, join the army, get into street fights, have gay sex, take drugs...whatever you withheld for her sake but really wanted to do, do it, or at least consider it. You're free to do that now and don't need her approval for anything.

If she comes crawling back

First off...don't count on it.

Second off, I think it's imperative that you get over someone and have a proper emotional break before you can get back with them again. If the relationship failed, there are generally reasons...and if it's come to this, they can't be solved really easily.

If you've had time apart, you feel you've both really changed...THEN TAKE IT SLOWLY. Even if you rushed together before, proceed cautiously, make sure it's good for both of you before you get invested in her again. Try not to have any pre-conceptions on how it will be based on before either...start afresh.

__________

I wish you all the best. I know not much will comfort you right now, but believe me, you WILL get over her. There will be another girl for you. She's not the only one...you'll be surprised how all those magical qualities you thought no other girls have were either not that great in the first place, or far more common than you think. My first girlfriend was very short, tiny, skinny as hell. She was very delicate and cute, it was great to be able to pick her up easily...I though all other women looked like freaky giants and ogres after I broke up with her. My next girlfriend was 6 foot tall, and I thought her body was absolutely perfect...she had nice long legs, it was so nice to be at eye level and I didn't have to stoop down when I held her hand...

You will love again. Good luck.