I've never done E before. It'd be more conveniant for me to it by myself, in my bedroom, since I know I'd get pretty anxious trying this in a social setting for the first time.

My goal is to learn who I truely am, and know what I want to become, and also accept the me I found in this state which I assume is the totally uninhibeted, unrepressed me.

My questions are: Would be under-effective doing it by myself, or is it in those moments at a party, when you are doing E, do you find yourself?

What's a good first dose?

Eh, what's it like?

its alot more fun to do with othe people. it helps kill your anxiety imo. Its never been that spiritual for me. Your describing the spiritual expererience of like acid mushies or mescaline. I have heard some people getting spiritual from x tho, so maybe its different for different people

I can guarantee that if you do take some MDMA alone it will just turn into a fat jerk off fest. I find MDMA to be much more beneficial if used with your close friends in a chill setting. You'll be having a great time, cracking jokes and such and then it will hit you. Your not gonna find yourself if your just rolling by yourself and staring at the wall. If you truly want to find yourself I suggest hallucinogens.

Also a proper dose (I'm assuming your getting pills) is just to take one and see how you feel. If it's not doing it for you then take another. However if it is MDMA and not some other random chemical, ecstasy is notoriously impure, then one pill should get you there.



Happy Rollin'

x will just increase your burnout rate by 50. have fun THIZZIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it is beneficial if you use it solo or with a sitter to keep you in your place. it is much more fun if you do it with other people.
it was legal and used for therapy and is being used again for therapy in trials.

just get your headphones and chill music and youll have a good time. lay down play a disc then relax. if you have those watermedics homemedics stuff thats great too.the music will help increase effects and also help relax for meditation. if you start getting off track start the disc again. ive done it and helped me out a good deal.

if your looking for the mental stuff thats really the best way. if your in a group theres no way youd be able to. to easy to go off track. you might have more fun and have serious talks but would be hard for what your looking for any time especially on first time.

if you want more help look into bluelight or trip reports on erowid.

first off, REALLY dont worry about anxiety, lol :)

do it at a party with close friends.

you will be agitated as fuck if you do it alone, you wont be able to stop moving.

NEEDZ MOAR PASSiON

it is beneficial if you use it solo or with a sitter to keep you in your place. it is much more fun if you do it with other people.
it was legal and used for therapy and is being used again for therapy in trials.

just get your headphones and chill music and youll have a good time. lay down play a disc then relax. if you have those watermedics homemedics stuff thats great too.the music will help increase effects and also help relax for meditation. if you start getting off track start the disc again. ive done it and helped me out a good deal.


Sounds good...so solo will be fine in terms of anxiety, as in, would it affect me with the parents in the next room?

I'm getting a testing kit (they have them at riteaid!), I'm drinking water, I'm preloading 5-HTP, at the peak, and a while after I've crashed (or when I wake up). Other variables I should be concerned about?

First of all; if you are looking to find yourself through the use of MDMA, that is not advised. Though if you want to learn who you are you have to do it sober, and through social trials.

But, it is possible that MDMA can give you some insight into a better existence.

I would advise that you try it in a social setting, with friends rather than in your room with your parents close by.

The discussions you have with some people that you will be comfortable with high around might be more valuable than the times of 'introspection' one might have while by themselves.

In my opinion, MDMA still is very much an amphetamine, and it's not the most inwardly revealing of substances.

Still very awesome, I love it to death, and advise take it regardless of what you want to achieve with it.

See, the thing about finding out about yourself, is how others see you.


In otherwords munch them at a little gathering with your mates and a few girls, you'll notice a few things to get all introspective about later.

Just get into it while your on it. :)

Google the shulgins podcasts, especially the one on MDMA and the Shadow.

First of all, if you get anxious while you are rolling, you haven't got MDMA.

Rolling on your own sounds like a dumb idea to me. Ecstacy is an empathogen, it makes you feel all in love and social and you just want to go and chat to as many people as possible. I can imagine someone on their own just feeling really agitated like they really have to get out and see some people and just chat.

It will still feel good on your own, but you wont enjoy it anywhere near as much as if you did it with other people.

Even if you don't have any friends, you will be able to just go up and chat to randomers with ease and it will feel like you've known them forever.

MDMA is not a self exploration drug. The reason it's used for psychotherapy is because it makes it a lot easier to express your feelings and emotions to other people and make connections. It also help reduce the anxiety and negativity associated with traumatic experiences.

Ah, thanks for that SN, that was really interesting.

Oddly enough, I think I experienced my "shadow", it was when I was smoking as much weed as I could and then meditating, actually when it happened it was such an intense experience I've never tried doing what I was doing again. At the time I kind of interpreted it as the "devil inside me" and I almost got religious, except it was hard to understand that, that was just a part of me. I also think I experience it when I get in out of control states, usually in fights with my parents, where truely the ugliest side of me comes out.

That is exactly the work I would like to do, not just embrace my "shadow" but myself to my entirety but also get a big enough sense of who I am which leads to where I want to go in life. acde

Now, I am wondering how one could replicate what Ann Shulgin was doing, by themselves. She talked about using a trance state combined with MDMA to 'confront the beast', so I guess the next step is to learn and practice getting into trance states/hypnosis. It seems like this process might take a year or so, I'm wondering if there is any way to shortcut it. I've never been to a rave, but perhaps this work could be done whilst in a trance of raving? ugh...this is totatlly outside my personal experience and I have no way of going about it..

Original poster, the drug you are looking for is LSD-25.

Sounds good...so solo will be fine in terms of anxiety, as in, would it affect me with the parents in the next room?

Funny thing about (real) E - you wouldn't be having anxiety if your parents were in the same room, shouting at you at the top of their lungs about how high you were and how they feel about it. Instead, you'd be calmly and politely explaining your position without fear in a fashion which honored and respected their feelings, while recognizing that you represent your own beliefs.

Now... that said, by what you've described as your goals, Darkus is probably right. You're looking for psychedelics, not dissasociatives or empathogens.

Me? I'm a big fan of empathogens alone... but while I do occasionally focus on loving myself, most of the time, if I'm dosing on empathogens alone, I spend my time thinking about hate groups and cops, and trying to love and understand them as the flawed specimens bearing the full beauty of the human potential that we all are. 'specially the "understand" bits; I'm not sure if you're a reader of Gandhi or Jesus, in their whole "nonviolent warfare" kick, but it's not the sort of thing that works straight out of the box... you have to understand these people as yourself, have compassion for these people as yourself, understand how their detrimental and even evil behavior is a distanced manifestation of some original, pure, noble (if potentially chaotic) original intention, and lead them back there without applying the slightest bit of pressure. Not easy, and even harder when someone is about to beat the fuck out of you... its extreme difficulty to do properly is why most people just resort to this "armed warfare" crap...

...but, that's not to say that MDMA meditation isn't a good idea. It's entirely possible that it could be useful. I ended up eating a lot of psychedelics long before I did E, so it's entirely possible that the "background work" was already done, leaving me to see E differently... and nothing really bad can come of being non-judgemental toward one's self.

http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma/metta.html
http://www.buddhanet.net/metta_b.htm

Enjoy!

Listen, faggot, you can not find "who you are" thru drugs. What does that term even mean? By saying that you are insinuating that you have already been designating one personality and position in life thru birth. Wow, that is severley homosexual at best.

YOU define your own personality, you following fuck. YOU choose who you want to be and what you want to do. YOU have that control. Not drugs, not women, not money, not anything you worthless piece of emotional shit.

Listen, faggot, you can not find "who you are" thru drugs. What does that term even mean? By saying that you are insinuating that you have already been designating one personality and position in life thru birth. Wow, that is severley homosexual at best.

YOU define your own personality, you following fuck. YOU choose who you want to be and what you want to do. YOU have that control. Not drugs, not women, not money, not anything you worthless piece of emotional shit.

god could you get any moar stupid?

...noble (if potentially chaotic) original intention, and lead them back there without applying the slightest bit of pressure. Not easy, and even harder when someone is about to beat the fuck out of you...


...hate groups and cops?

I never know where you're coming from in your posts...I picture you as a mix between Abbie Hoffman, 'V' from 'V for Vandetta', and some guy that asked me for spare change under a trestle in Seattle. ;)


...but, that's not to say that MDMA meditation isn't a good idea. It's entirely possible that it could be useful.... and nothing really bad can come of being non-judgemental toward one's self.


...Does seem like a pretty good idea. I think it would be helpful for me, focusing it on, well, my mom, and...

Listen, faggot...:)

However, I'll probably try it just so I can understand it better, satisfy my curiosity, in both settings, I think meditation is beneficial no matter what so It'll be worth a try. Worse case is I'll have fun.

For my origional goal though, hmm...