So I had the brilliant idea of dosing 8g's of dried psilocybe cubensis late one night, and turning off the lights and laying in bed. It lead to the most powerful trip I've ever had, but in the end I'm not really sure how to absorb it all.

The most mushrooms I had done prior to this had been 6g's, or 6 hits of mediocre LSD, both of which paled in comparison to this experience. In the sensory deprivation of my darkened bedroom, I became convinced I could hear voices, and the voices began convincing me of some far out and utterly ridiculous and illogical shit I would have never otherwise believed to be true. At one point some external persons got drawn in to the trip, as I felt I needed to verify my reality. I was having these absurd delusions of grandeur, and I thought death was imminent (I just did not know yet how it was going to come,) and for some reason I thought the only way I could evade it, was to isolate myself from all of society, by escaping into the cold -20C wilderness in the dead of night! In retrospect, I regret drawing outside persons into my temporary insanity, as it all seems so absurd now. At the time it was so real, though, I really thought I had to be all stoic and live isolated in the cold wilderness.

Anyways, this trip was all brought on by a grave miscalculation on my part. My other trips have always been quite mentally clear, so I thought I could try testing my limits without too much concern... which was obviously wrong. I also think the sensory deprivation can lead to the incubation of more delusional or self-referential thoughts.

My main point of concern is... I'm not sure how to integrate this experience. My previous trips have all tended to dissolve my ego, and make it a diminished influence in my trip... but in the above mentioned trip, I somehow felt as if I was the material centre of the universe. I also felt I had some sort of arbitrary power over the universe. My trip was somehow more focused on my individual person, but in a very unpleasant, confusing, and delusional way.

Due to this experience, I'm not sure how to rationalize the benefit for learning/self growth that psychedelics offer. If I was so easily led on to obviously false and delusional perspectives and trains of thought... for some reason, it kind of diminishes my trust in their ability to "teach." Sure, I was shown many of my inner demons that night, but I'm not entirely sure to what benefit. The possibility seems more real, that one can fairly easily lose their way on some path of drug-catalyzed self-discovery. I guess this is a good thing to know (that I am subject to such influences...) and I don't plan to take that amount any time soon. Still, anyone who has experienced delusional trips (delusions of grandeur, etc?) how have they exhibited themselves, and how did you cope afterwards with the experience?

If I was so easily led on to obviously false and delusional perspectives and trains of thought... for some reason, it kind of diminishes my trust in their ability to "teach."

What makes them so false, or more importantly, what makes this so real?

Sounds like you were beginning to realize the meaning of God.

What makes them so false, or more importantly, what makes this so real?

Sounds like you were beginning to realize the meaning of God.



But it was like external "reality" (in an objective and less perceptual sense) was somehow dependant upon my physical existence. It doesn't seem logical for myself to assume such a position in the universe. If I die, the universe continues on without me. My shifts in perception struck me as quite self-centered, though at the time it was in an unpleasant way.

At least, I don't think the drug induced shift in consciousness was particularly positive. I realize one's perceptions essentially form a holographic reality generated by the brain, and thus we are masters of our own subjective reality and such.... It just felt like I had an inflated sense of universal importance. Though, my self-perceived importance wasn't necessarily any sort of importance I'd aspire to have. I remember it all striking me as unfortunate. Perhaps it wasn't really ego-centric in nature? Either way, I'm not sure if I really aspire towards replicating such an experience.

wow you suck

If I die, the universe continues on without me.

Does it? How do you know it does? How do you know its any more real then your trip?

Perhaps it wasn't really ego-centric in nature? Either way, I'm not sure if I really aspire towards replicating such an experience.

Maybe not. Who knows?

wow you suck

Thanks for the feedback/insight. I was thinking a similar thing, myself. I never anticipated mushrooms to affect me so powerfully. It feels like a pretty big fuck up on my part.

I've heard of people having messianic-ish trips and shit, before, but I've always been pretty grounded regardless of dose. I wanted to experience a ++++ mushroom trip, but in retrospect I was stupid about it. I know this.

I just want feedback from other people who have had trips like this. I've never previously been that acquainted with the dark side of psychedelics. I've generally always maintained some semblance of control/sanity, and I got a little bit cocky. I don't feel I'm prone to mental illness, or if it damaged my sanity. I am, however, more cautious of it's ability to "show" me things that are debatable false/ridiculous.

Does it? How do you know it does? How do you know its any more real then your trip?



Maybe not. Who knows?

You do have a point. I'm just not particularly comfortable with subjective reality/solipsism, for some reason.

You do have a point. I'm just not particularly comfortable with subjective reality/solipsism, for some reason.

Understandable, although such are reasonable. You can't be sure of anything.

The most I've done was 3/8ths (10.5 grams) and it was a pretty mind-bending experience.

I blacked out maybe 5 minutes after they kicked in, and woke up some 5 hours later on my bedroom floor. I had came to briefly maybe 10 times while I was on the floor during those 5 hours, but had no idea what was going on.

But when I woke up, I truly believed that I could do ANYTHING I wanted to do (which is true, in a sense). I lit up a smoke right in my bedroom (I live with my parents) and went upstairs and blew it in their faces, with no idea the consequences that would ensue. They searched my room and found the empty mushroom bag and six empty robogel bottles. They, having no clue that you can't possibly die from robogels, even at that dose, freaked the fuck out and called an ambulance, thinking that I was on the DXM at the time, but I wasn't. Of course, I was in a little messed up of a state and couldn't explain that I was completely fine, aside from the 3/8ths of mushrooms running through my bloodstream.

The trip was definately something I would want to try again in a worry-free environment, so I actually COULD absorb something from it. All I really absorbed from that time was not to eat that many mushrooms without having a trip-sitter. And of course that we really can actually do anything we want, we all have free will. But its the society that we live in that delivers out consequences, so we have to rationalize our choices. It seems so simple, I know, but at the time it seemed like an entirely new concept.

To OP: Next time you should try it with the lights ON. It really does make a difference.

So, Obbe, are you just trying to rattle his cage or are you going to provide any kind of insight? Seems to me you want to play Devil's Advocate to any inroads he attempts to make. Of course, any derivations of The Fact, are consistently further from the original as we go along (i.e. data loss), but it's not fair that you don't show him that. He believes he has to come to a conclusion about everything, but in that search, it's much easier to muddy the waters than come to a certifiable conclusion. So, all we have is The Fact. In fact, it would seem sensory disabled folks are better off than us.

So, all we have is The Fact. In fact, it would seem sensory disabled folks are better off than us.

What do you mean by The Fact?