'scuse me for being a bit of an internet stalker, but I've read through some of your posts and it seems that you could help me. In exchange I do have e-cookies, a paypal account, and/or a brain to experiment w/ (even though u already have the rest of BLTC with the phenylalanine thread.)

This is in BLTC but I'm not only looking for neurochemical problems, but possibly philosophical guidance as well...

Anyways Dr. Pedo here are the symptoms/med history:

Genetic History:
-My grandparents on my dads side were both alcoholics and cigarette smokers
- My uncle on my moms side is probably an alcoholic
-My dad is lethargic, has little self-confidence, and just has his type-a man-of-the-house wife that is my mom to be attached to
-My family is upper-middle class, my mom graduated with a 4.0 at a state school, owned her own business, and became a stock broker and has been pretty successful at it yet she is always stressed and has medical problems due to her stress
-My dad has been a computer programmer who graduated with less good grades but pulls in a steady income
-Grandad on moms side huge academic, was a professor in both engineering and some other science-type major and had a scholarship in his name

Me:
-16
- Pulling a shitty 2.7 in highschool, was in honors classes, started hating school, stopped going to honors
-developed the same lethargy as my dad but the difference is how I act around other people: I'm more outgoing than my dad around people and more confident but maybe that'll decrease with age
-I get slightly anxious every time i drive
-I question my sexuality every day, I feel like I'm straight right now but I'm not very secure, I could be bi or possibly gay, I don't know if there is anything repressed or anything
-Religious-wise I've been reading a lot about Taoism, however I've been waffling and can't keep any steady belief
-I waffle with a lot of ideas like that where I get mildly interested, read up, then forget about it and can never really focus well into anything or keep up any goals
-I'm basically direction less and know nothing about myself and I'm dreading I'll turn into my dad
-I might be depressed, however, sometimes I can still get into really great moods and I still hang out with friends and on the outside it doesn't look like I'm having any trouble psychologically
-I've experimented with smoking weed daily as a remedy but instead it defocus' me even more and seems to stir in more confusion

Well, that's it. :)

You don't have to accept this mission or anything, I'm just throwin' it out there, I just feel like there is something wrong with me that maybe you would have some insight into, it may be pointless, however, just throwin' out list of symptoms. I can't think of any other way to explain the insecurity, directionlessness, inactivness, and uncertainty and potential for future of demise I feel. :O)

And for the rest of @T, yes I'm asking for personal help, I know totse isn't my blog etc... you hate me, w/e. If you don't like it move it to B&M.

You can actually consider yourself sucking another mans cock?GTFO!

Totse is not a source for psychology advice. You need to get ur ass to a shrink if you think you need help.

you have aids

case closed

This is probably more suited to Headshrinkers...

And, it's gonna be pretty damn hard to give an accurate diagnosis over the internet, but meh, to each their own.

My advice would be stop feeling sorry for yourself and feeling like something is wrong and be product. Don't look to put the blame on others. Don't look for a scape goat, something else, some genetic problem you have no control over, to lay the blame on.

Your life, your choice.

I figured that was the case.



Totse is not a source for psychology advice. You need to get ur ass to a shrink if you think you need help.



Thats step two. A lot of people consult WebMd before visiting the doctor, to possibly even determine if they need a doctor, I'm consulting JoeMd to determine if I need a shrink. Plus he seems to be an expert in serotonergics, not to mention neurochemistry, which might be related? Also, he has first hand experience with having a sexual-preference that is not publicly accepted and he might have something to offer regarding repression of the feeling involving these tenancies. I may simply have repressed feminine feelings I am unaware of which leads to me making a fake persona around people, which happens to work, however this leads me to feeling uncomfortable about myself around people and even more uncomfortable alone. It's odd those because so far I've been attracted to women, not so much men, but cartoonized versions of men and, dare I say, furry (m&f)?! The other factor contributing to me questioning my sexuality is I started acting feminine around the time I started smoking weed. I feel fucked-up now, as I probably should. :(

So....



You can actually consider yourself sucking another mans cock?GTFO!



Not really, it hasn't come down to directly me imaging or fantasizing about male sexual encounters. Out of curiosity to see if I could answer that question I looked at some gay porn and...it was actually kind of gross and seemed ackward. I don't find men visually stimulating at all.

It's more feminine feelings and I tend toward non-aggressiveness and I'm against agonistic-centered behavior, more tending toward a conflict avoiding attitude. That's in the philosophical-standpoint. It seems there may be a feminine side to me though :|

This is probably more suited to Headshrinkers...

Your life, your choice.

Very true. Good advice. If there is anything that Joe can recommend neurochemically, I will choose to take or not to take it. I listed some basic genetic history because I am wondering if there is a common string among alcoholism, depression, and addiction, and lethargy (my only addiction right now is videogames/computers btw), that may be due to a chemical imbalance.

If there is anything that Joe can recommend neurochemically, I will choose to take or not to take it. I listed some basic genetic history because I am wondering if there is a common string among alcoholism, depression, and addiction, and lethargy (my only addiction right now is videogames/computers btw), that may be due to a chemical imbalance.

Chemical imbalance my balls.

Just do the L-Phen thing, tons of people have had success with it, why the fuck don't you just try it?

Lol wow man you are just about exactly like me, I'm 16 with a few differences.


-I know I'm straight, the first time I hooked up with a girl I was livid and before that, yeah I had no way of knowing "i'll never get a girl!" or whatever was my thought process.

-Parents are divorced, step-dad is that stupid guy, dad is very unmotivated kinda like this, I see him as a very frustrated guy and I relate to that.. he also has an explosive temper and depression, and unreasonable ideas.. like me. Thanks dad :) nah but really, true.

-and I'm lower middle class with a 3.4 GPA anyway um..

Yeah, the shit about being lethargic and bored with life but still not wanting to be a directionless loser at the same time is spot on.. I see ya..

And I'm really confused/unaccepting of the way the world works right now, with the little rituals to get from 1 stage to another in a predictable life.. But yeah. Smoking every day for the majority of the 2nd quarter.. has actually brought my grades up.
But I agree, it makes life very confusing.. I can't quit though, lol, not that I'd want to since it's one of the few things that makes me happy when I can't chill with friends..

Anyway dude, since I'm in basically the same boat I hope JoePedo sheds some light on.. wait what were you asking? No matter I'll just read this thread for a while.

I agree with the OP about being interested with one thing one day, and bored with it the next. I don't know if I'll ever decide what the fuck to do in life, although I do like politics, someone tell me what to take in college to get into that shit.

Be a pharmacist.

Most teenagers have alot of stress when getting into their teenage years about establishing their identity, forming usually a mild generalized anxiety. With age it does usually start to get much better.

High school will make most of these stressors worse. High school sucks, its full of shit that will make you feel like shit about who you are and your personality. Once you are out of highschool you will probably have alot of these anxieties relieved much.

Don't overanalyze little traits of yours that you feel are like your parents, ponder the fact that theres traits that you have that alot of other peoples parents have.

As far as using chemicals to help this, it isn't suggested, but personally I've had success in using amphetamines mainly in making me feel good about myself(not only during use, but made me keep the self esteem good after the drug wore off). A day on amphetamines makes you feel great about yourself. Benzos can also do the same, but some of the side effects make it worse.

As far as legal vitamins/supplements, 5-HTP is a good one to start taking, and possibly St. Johns Wort.

you've got a lot of influences acting on you and you're confused.

stop worrying about what you're predestined to be, quit fucking up your life with decisions you know are bad, and make yourself into the person you want to be.

Talk to a psychologist/therapist look around for a good one that you actually like talking to. JoePedos just some dude on the internet basically. Im sorry if I'm the only one here that doesnt wanna suck his dick.

Be a pharmacist.

6 years of school... but they make alot of money for very little work...

wtf is all this shit, gtfo of bltc and use e-mail, dont fuckin direct threads towards 1 person.

Go live with Joe the Pedo and he can feed you all the right sorts of mind altering drug combinations to make you feel better whilst you suck his dick.

That idea came from your own imagination, and will stay only in your imagination. Fag :)

You're 16, deal with it.

Femininity doesn't mean you're gay, you're just a fucking dandy.

Feeling directionless and unmotivated?
Take drugs, think less act more and deal with the consequences later.

Honestly, just grow up, you'll feel better in no time.

And remember to take the acid test. :)

"help me, internet I MIGHT BE GAY"

Dude get some social contact. Help is not found here. You will get made fun of for being a homo here too, its just like school.

You just sound like every other fucking teenager...

'puberty is a bumpy roller coaster of ups and downs...' etc..

Get over yourself.

I personally disagree with psychology, because it introduces a person for you to become dependent on to help you through your problems. I think people should be able to deal with personal problems on there own, and its something we need to learn how to do on our own. And I think sharing problems and seeking advice can be greatly helpful too, but I don't ever think the advice should come from the authoritative position of the psychologist ... it should come from the heart of a true friend, and not be taken as the absolute solution, but an opinion which should be considered.

Figure out your shit, stop being such a pussy. Seriously, thats not meant to offend you.

Everybody has their fair share of problems. Stop analyzing so god damn much.

You're 16 years old. Everyone hates high school, there is no mass conspiracy against you. Everyone in high school has massive conflict (some more than others) about who they are and who they are destined to be.

You're not destined to be anything yet or even have a personality besides the fake masked facade that everyone has to put up in high school to get by. Stop analyzing your similarities with your parents. There are obviously going to be some because they have been your primary influence throughout your short little life.

Religion wise? Don't just read up on one, read up on a lot of them. They all have some good shit to offer. Don't worry if you don't find absolute truth in any particular one because none of them are absolute truth. The people that do accept them as absolute truth are completely ignorant and looking for the easiest way out and pretty much copping out.

You get anxious every time you drive? Who doesn't when they're sixteen and just got their license? I know I was nervous as hell every time I got behind the wheel when I first started driving. Confidence in your driving ability will come with time man. It's not some big anxiety complex.

You bounce back and forth from idea to idea and can never really stay focused on one? Make a goal to start reading a book on every subject you get interested in and make sure you finish it before starting another one. The internet is a horrible way for teenager's to research thing, because you damned whippersnapper's are interested in so many things. The library is a wonderful tool.

Despite how much High School makes you feel like you have to pick a direction, you really shouldn't rush it. You obviously are a smart kid who thinks a lot, and having to settle on just one thing is absolutely ludicrous at your age. You should be playing the field in just about every subject you possibly can sink your teeth into now while you still have the opportunity.

You think you're straight but you're paranoid that you might be bisexual/homosexual? How does the thought process go?

I'm straight.
I'm attracted to that girl.
Oh look at that guy who has his head on a lot straighter than I do. Would I go gay for him?
No.
Wait, I just had a gay thought!
Oh my god I must be gay.
Oh wait no I'm not.
I'm straight.

That's not gay thoughts, that's you trying to figure out what you like, which I'm guessing is females.

The whole problem here is that you're second guessing yourself. Let things flow and your problems will eventually sort themselves out. You're only sixteen, you have your whole life ahead of you to sort shit out. Live it up while you can before you're a legal adult.

Don't bother medicating yourself with anything drastic because it will just delay and intensify the problems you're already having. Don't use drugs to escape, use them to spice up your life. Live it up dude, seriously.

All in all, man the fuck up. Everyone has problems, and they'll likely work themselves up.

See above.

You're a good man for making such a post......

Grow


some


balls


/thread

Nevermind, don't wanna tell that much about my life. JEW!

For some reason, your post screams POLICE OFFICER.

if you think you might be gay then you're gay
if you think you might be gay then you're gay
if you think you might be gay dream of boning nick lache
if you think you might be gay THEN YOU'RE GAY

spl1ff, if you're so quick to hop on the gay bashing, you might be deeper in the closet than the many cocks of the future in your ass.

You sound even less secure about your sexuality than poor little sixteen year old, over thinking kenton.

This is gonna be a long post, but I find that it helps me put my own views and identity in place. First of all, being so young, there are many many issues that come with it. You are looking to "become" someone and create an identity for yourself that you feel will best fit into society. Highschool is one of those things that intrinsically contributes to a lot of unncessary shit to deal with.

First, about your feminine side. I read a book about intelligent, creative people that I found really fascinating and truly insightful about the nature of people finding meaning to their lives and making something of themselves in the context of society. I could go into a lot of detail about the ideas in this book (which is called Creativity, The Flow and Psychology of Creativity (or something like that). Being in touch with your feminine side does not mean that you're gay nor does it really have anything to do with your sexuality. It's mostly cultural conditioning that makes people adhere to certain roles and mindsets of masculine and feminine. There is the egotistical, agressive, side and there is the emotional, intuitive, nurturing side. People who are true intellectuals seem to have a tendency to not get stuck in either way of thinking. Both have their benefits and a well-balanced individual can use both sides to come up with more ideas and experience things in a broader way. It's ok to be passive and cautious, but you must decide also when to go out and take what you want with confidence. Above all though, do not deny your tendencies and just flow with what you really feel and use it as an advantage. A macho asshole won't go as far as someone who can use their emotional potentials. This applies to any aspect of life and not just relationships. Your girl will love you for being confident as well as sensitive.

Your genes do play a part in your behavior, but not as much as your upbringing and your own choices. Don't let your family history affect what you want.

About being unable to focus, feeling unmotivated, and directionless, that all boils down to finding that meaning in your life that will define who you are. You are still much too young to know exactly what you want to do. I'm only 19 but I think I've figured out my direction. I don't set an end goal, but I know what journey I want to take throughout life that will bring me the most fufillment. Basically, meditate and spend a lot of time thinking about the issues in your life and keep learning everything you can and try to put it all into a perspective that makes sense to you instrinsically. Know that society and culture are not your friends and other people do not hold the answers. Don't get caught up in any belief system that claims to know what life is. Instead, live in the light of the mystery. I'm not just pulling that statement out of my ass or because it sounds good, I have actual rational reasons for coming to this conclusion. It took a painful and difficult deconditioning process to throw out the bullshit cultural assumptions I grew up with and I just learned as much as I could about the underlying forces behind culture, life, etc. The only way to do this is to constantly question, reevaluate, and be critical of everything. This does not necesitate being a jaded cynic, instead you will see beauty and elegance in the way the world around you works.

It's good to explore different subjects, but you should try to assimilate them into a schema or model that constantly shifts in light of new knowledge. Fear and attachment to certain beliefs will only hurt you in the end. True personal and spiritual growth takes balls. It's the morons who are confident in bullshit values and egotism that seem enviable because they seem they have things figured out, but to break from the mold and be critical is what humanity really is. Culture is an abstraction that deviates from direct experience, rational behavior, and creates systems that are oblivious to human nature. Take for example the whole Marxist/Communist society where the government attepts to control people in such a way as to maintain the power of the nation-state. It didn't work because people don't respond to dogma, propaganda, and gross generalizations of how humans ought to live, especially with the spread of information. We are proud of our Western system because it has overcome Communism, but this won't last either. Already we are seeing systems and technologies that are out of our control and are fueled by economics and capitalism. These systems are basically machines that are incredibly good at sustaining themselves using various means but they have no longterm human consciousness associated with them. It's predicted that there will be more problems with the disparity between classes, not enough resources to support our populations, and the destruction of vital natural processes. I've gone too far off topic lol.....I could write a term paper on this shit, but back to the OP's post.

Medication is certainly a useful tool for solving some of your psychological issues. From my experience, taking supplements like the amino-loading thing will help certain deficiencies in your mood, motivation, etc. Combine that with some self-insight and your life will improve greatly. Amphetamines are good to help you focus and be productive, confident, and give you a positive outlook. I'm typing all this out right now because I'm on ritalin btw :D. It really does help to organize thoughts and take your attention away from self-doubts. Obviously, you should moderate your use, but if you are stressed about getting particular things done, then go ahead and take them for a good purpose. It'll help to show you that somewhere inside you, you have all the qualities you desire but just cant externalize. It'd be great to maintain this kind of state without medication, but that takes a tremendous amount of focus and willpower. But neurochemistry is not separate from mental states obviously.

To sum up, become what you want to be regardless of what other people think, keep gaining knowledge, and use whatever tools you need in moderation.

First of all Puck and Kilrari, great posts! It means a lot for both of you to share so much!

Lol wow man you are just about exactly like me, I'm 16 with a few differences.

Haha. I'm glad I'm like you "with a few differences". lol


Figure out your shit, stop being such a pussy. Seriously, thats not meant to offend you.

Thanks Obbe...ha


You sound even less secure about your sexuality than poor little sixteen year old, over thinking kenton.

Thanks, now I feel like Holden Caulfield.

Everybody has their fair share of problems. Stop analyzing so god damn much.

You're 16 years old. Everyone hates high school, there is no mass conspiracy against you.

True dat. The conspiracy however...

Stop analyzing your similarities with your parents. There are obviously going to be some because they have been your primary influence throughout your short little life.

A disappointing fact...

Religion wise? Don't just read up on one, read up on a lot of them. They all have some good shit to offer. Don't worry if you don't find absolute truth in any particular one because none of them are absolute truth. The people that do accept them as absolute truth are completely ignorant and looking for the easiest way out and pretty much copping out.

That is true, and a very good insight, which is why I have my own interpretations of Taoism. Really at the time I wrote that I was just obviously not in a very good mood. The irony is Taoism teaches that may I quote from Tao Te Ching:


Colors blind the eye.
Sounds deafen the ear.
Flavors numb the taste.
Throughts weaken the mind.
Desires wither the heart.

Some wisdom I should've probably follwed and not made this thread :)


You get anxious every time you drive?


I was trying to hint at some general anxiety I feel, thats probably just stress combined with my "overthinking." Haha.


You should be playing the field in just about every subject you possibly can sink your teeth into now while you still have the opportunity.


Great advice, thanks.


That's not gay thoughts, that's you trying to figure out what you like, which I'm guessing is females.

Most likely.

The whole problem here is that you're second guessing yourself. Let things flow and your problems will eventually sort themselves out.

What a Taoistic response!

Don't bother medicating yourself with anything drastic because it will just delay and intensify the problems you're already having. Don't use drugs to escape, use them to spice up your life. Live it up dude, seriously.


Your right. I might try the L-PHEN through.

For some reason, your post screams POLICE OFFICER.

I am. :)



First, about your feminine side. I read a book


Sounds interesting I might order it (http://www.amazon.com/Creativity-Flow-Psychology-Discovery-Invention/dp/0060928204/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1203648211&sr=8-1) soon.


Above all though, do not deny your tendencies and just flow with what you really feel and use it as an advantage.


Just flow... seems also Taoistic, great, wise, advice, thanks.


Your genes do play a part in your behavior, but not as much as your upbringing and your own choices. Don't let your family history affect what you want.

I agree and disagree. I think I have more choice than I know but I still need to accept my genetic predispositions and tenancies and ultimately myself.


About being unable to focus, feeling unmotivated, and directionless...


Time and experience seems to be a summary of your advice, I am interested in meditation so I think I'll try that too!


Culture is an abstraction that deviates from direct experience, rational behavior, and creates systems that are oblivious to human nature. Take for example the whole Marxist/Communist society where the government attepts to control people in such a way as to maintain the power of the nation-state. It didn't work because people don't respond to dogma, propaganda, and gross generalizations of how humans ought to live, especially with the spread of information. I've gone too far off topic lol.....I could write a term paper on this shit, but back to the OP's post.


That's really interesting. I'd actually love to learn more about this and go off on the same tangent :) If you have any resources or book suggestions, please, do share..


From my experience, taking supplements like the amino-loading thing will help certain deficiencies in your mood, motivation, etc. Combine that with some self-insight and your life will improve greatly.


That settles it, I'm definately going to try loading dopamine and serotonin, possible 5-HTP/day combined with the dopamine combo.


To sum up, become what you want to be regardless of what other people think, keep gaining knowledge, and use whatever tools you need in moderation.

Great advice too. I seem to be able to become myself, or more like myself, only when I'm not around my parents. It seems they'd never venture into smoking pot or associating themselves with people or do. That's why I can sneak to parties but I can never invite someone who looks "lower class" or like they'd smoke pot...without my parents losing their respect for me.

Anyways thanks both of you! I'm taking action based on both your posts so you have helped and most importantly I'm "going with the flow". Great helping advice even with no sight of Joe..

Thanks everyone else as well!

ops double post

It's mostly cultural conditioning that makes people adhere to certain roles and mindsets of masculine and feminine.

Let me be the first to say that's a load of crap. It's having a pair of nuts that makes boys act like boys, and a vagina that makes girls act like girls.
Boys in preschool play with the gun toys, superhero outfits etc by choice, girls play with the dolls by choice.

Let me be the first to say that's a load of crap. It's having a pair of nuts that makes boys act like boys, and a vagina that makes girls act like girls.
Boys in preschool play with the gun toys, superhero outfits etc by choice, girls play with the dolls by choice.

I played with legos.

Let me be the first to say that's a load of crap. It's having a pair of nuts that makes boys act like boys, and a vagina that makes girls act like girls.
Boys in preschool play with the gun toys, superhero outfits etc by choice, girls play with the dolls by choice.

You really couldn't be more wrong. Look at any psychological study. Parents whether knowingly or not encourage or disapprove their kids to play with certain toys. I can't be arsed to pull up the specific references but there are a lot of them and you will learn this in any intro psychology course. It's true that males and females tend to have differences in cognitive abilities such as boys being better at spacial recognition, math, and such, and girls tend to have better writing and empathic skills. But it's by far the social encouragement that boys play with "boy" things and vice versa.

Let me be the first to say that's a load of crap. It's having a pair of nuts that makes boys act like boys, and a vagina that makes girls act like girls.
Boys in preschool play with the gun toys, superhero outfits etc by choice, girls play with the dolls by choice.

It IS NOT A LOAD OF CRAP.
It's something you will NEVER be able to understand unless you WANT to understand it.

...thread entered into user CP...

Anyways Dr. Pedo here are the symptoms/med history:

...nothing on &totse is intended as a substitute for qualified medical advice. By reading this post, you agree to absolve the tor network, freenet 0.5, freenet 0.7, I2P, any other anonymous encrypted network, its users, and any other &totse user of all liability. Should you disagree with the terms, please cease reading and close your browser window now.

;)

Genetic History:

Yay!

Hmm... grouping...


-My grandparents on my dads side were both alcoholics
- My uncle on my moms side is probably an alcoholic
-My family is upper-middle class, my mom graduated with a 4.0 at a state school, owned her own business, and became a stock broker and has been pretty successful at it yet she is always stressed and has medical problems due to her stress

^^ anxiety symptoms.


-My grandparents on my dads side were both... cigarette smokers
-My dad is lethargic, has little self-confidence, and just has his type-a man-of-the-house wife that is my mom to be attached to
-My dad has been a computer programmer who graduated with less good grades


^^ amotivational symptoms.


-My dad is lethargic, has little self-confidence, and just has his type-a man-of-the-house wife that is my mom to be attached to
-My dad has been a computer programmer who graduated with less good grades but pulls in a steady income


^^ possible indicator of low social interactivity symptomology.

Hmm...

...of course, none of these are tightly established, 'n involve more the attempt to fit the report to the nearest specific architecture, than an attempt to prove beyond a reasonable doubt the presence or absence of any specific grouping.

'n, of course, each of these has quite a bit of overlap, in a number of ways. Several of them could have multiple subjective causes - both an anxiety which is exacerbated by social contact, and a non-anxious absence of desire for social contact, would tend to lead independently to a person who was less than social. Similarly, anxiety about possible negative outcomes of endeavor could have an effect externally similar to absence of motivational energy; motivation, in psychology, is generally expressed as directly derived of the fraction r/e, percieved reward over percieved effort. Both lowering r - say, by averaging a series of possible outcomes in which anxiety increases the number of percieved outcomes of negative value - or increasing e, such as by a true amotivational syndrome in which there were a remarkable deficit of motivational energy, such that any effort is a larger fraction of the total... would both decrease motivation.

'n a second confounding factor is that the brain is the most insanely self-referential and entangled crap on the face of the planet. Classic independent asocial tendancies, low serotonin levels with the corresponding decrease in secondary 5HT-mediated oxytocin release, will decrease the amount of oxytocin at the amygdala and slightly upregulate anxiety... while constantly being in a state of fight-or-flight from a classic anxiety disorder tends to put the whole "let's all exist in love and peace" schtick on hold until the immediate threat passes, which - being an anxiety disorder - it never does. 'n there are several other intertwined mechanism I could describe.

The third confounding factor is the difficulty in seperating environmental chemical syndromes from endogenous ones. Take an amazingly emotionally healthy person, whom life's burdens just roll off their back, and kidnap, rape, and torture them for a year, taking great care to introduce an element of randomness into one's atrocities so their primary lesson learned is that things which no human can bear happen without warning and at any time, and they will walk away from that year much, much more... jittery... for the rest of their life. Conversely, take someone prone to anxiety and the like and place them from birth in a hippie commune of love and bliss in which people take active measures to understand and accomodate people's needs, boundaries, and desires in an atmosphere of profound love and respect for all living things, and they'll end up, well... less nervous than they would have without it.

'n I'm noticing that the anxiety and stress issues on your mother's side seem to start and stop with her generation. I'm going to write it off as "undue pressure to perform" at the moment...

...which means, of course, that you will have to ask yourself whether she has passed that pressure on to you.

Me:

So, if I'm reading the hardware part right... amotivational lethargy with the possibility of mild anxiety, especially in an existential/future sense?

Well, let's see what we can find...


- I'm more outgoing than my dad around people and more confident
-Religious-wise I've been reading a lot about Taoism, however I've been waffling and can't keep any steady belief
-I can still get into really great moods and I still hang out with friends

^^ We find... healthy serotonergic release in the raephe nucleus... a charming chemical aspect of the brain responsible for, among other things, social behavior, religious and philosophical searching, positive mood lifts, an active mind, a healthy imagination, and quite a bit of the arts and sciences.

Great stuff! Glad yours is doing wonderfully.


-I question my sexuality every day, I feel like I'm straight right now but I'm not very secure, I could be bi or possibly gay, I don't know if there is anything repressed or anything


...and you have better self-esteem and independent thought than most people! Probably a sign of excellent mental health, and I blame it on your positively-beautiful serotonergic system! The extreme opposite end of the coin, of course, is the vast numbers of people who beat off to gay porn, claim violently to be heterosexual, and hate 'fags' with a violent passion. These tend to not only be frighteningly prevalent, but to also have low self-esteem and a rather unopen mind. Beating off to hawt chix while being able to entertain an open mind and not confine yourself to 'expected' labels is far more mentally healthy...

I'm also noticing, just as a pure psych issue...


-developed the same lethargy as my dad
-I'm dreading I'll turn into my dad
-I'm more outgoing than my dad


...you seem to be far more worried that you'll become your father than you are about how your emotional health will affect your own life. While I could probably speculate at length about the comments in your household through early childhood, I think I'll just suggest that you discover and reaffirm the individuality of your own identity independent of anyone else. ;)

...anyways...


- Pulling a shitty 2.7 in highschool, was in honors classes, started hating school, stopped going to honors
-I waffle with a lot of ideas like that where I get mildly interested, read up, then forget about it and can never really focus well into anything or keep up any goals
-I've experimented with smoking weed daily as a remedy but instead it defocus' me even more and seems to stir in more confusion

...it sounds like your primary complaint is one of motivation, and that you are rather at risk for using adderall to self-medicate as a short-term solution to a mid-term problem... test puns unintended.

To a great degree, finding out that what everyone else wants/expects for you has no relation to your own wants and interests is a fairly normative correlate of the serotonergic self-seeking and soul-searching process which is honestly a part of advanced mental health. It's fairly understandable; previously, you had pretty much passively accepted whatever 'interests' and 'goals' had been foisted on you from outside, still rather reeling from the atrociously dehumanizing process our society calls 'childhood,' but now, while your less mentally-alert and healthy colleagues and classmates are still finding 'their' identity in the latest fashions from the Gap, or their athletic quest for the desperate insistence in their own heterosexuality and the arbitrary questioning of the sexuality of anyone who is not in their clique, or whatever other tricks and tools people use to avoid the fear of their own individuality, you're starting to ask who you are, and what interests you.

Believe it or not, this is a good thing. It may be more convenient to remain a mindless, disindividuated sheep with good grades through college, snap into a hard, fast-paced mystic meditative binge the minute the diploma hits your hand, take a few years off to drop acid while backpacking around southeast asia and asking random gurus the meaning of life until you find out that you were the one that had it all along, and then go out and do whatever you wanted to do then, but... well... the point is, it's a healthy process. Without it, we'd have an Amerikkka with a government more-or-less on cruise control and rife with corruption while everyone's distracted by Ms. Spears' underwear, a critical absence of social justice and no chance at building a better world, becuase no one had any ideas of their own, and the like... 'n what would we do if that happened?

It's perfectly normal to find that nothing interests you while trying to find what interests you. 'n with enough dinking around, you'll eventually find what does interest you through trial-and-error. 'n probably still be disinterested in what doesn't reflect you. ;)

If you want to increase your motivation for the things that you've discovered don't reflect you as a person, ascorbic acid is actually a mild stimulant in the 3-10g range, taken up to 1g an hour. If you'd like something more, I'm pretty sure a competent psych (-iatrist, -ologists can't do anything) might well be more than happy to prescribe a low dose of wellbutrin or vyvanse if you just explain where you are in life, and point out that the first stage of the process seems to involve drastic amotivation towards previous activities as part of the process. Adding "start with as low-impact a treatment as possible" will probably go over better than asking to jump straight to a half-gram of desoxyn a day, and set them at ease a little bit, and will make your request far more reasonable than teachers' constant demands to get their classroom as gakked-out as possible... so there's a pretty good chance it'll go over well, as long as you don't just straight-out go stim shopping or anything.

'n last...


-I get slightly anxious every time i drive


...well....


-16


...that sounds fairly sane. ;) You're performing the attention-intensive task of careening a ton of metallic death at high velocity, next to hundreds or even thousands of people who are also chaotically careening a ton of metallic death at very high velocity, and you haven't been doing it long enough for any of the processes to become automatic, or to even get used to an activity which, to be quite blunt, is actually a very stupid idea. Don't get me wrong, it's an irreplaceably useful form of transportation, but if you ignore that and just evaluate the statement "hey, let's put thousands of people in very heavy metal objects and fling them at insane speeds in very close proximity," well... it's a blinkin' stupid idea, no matter how much sense it makes to overlook this on account of its immense utilitarian value. (cont)..

(cont) Niacinamide has activity at the benzodiazapene receptors, and both valerian and hops potentiate the GABAergic systems to anioxylitic effect, if needed. Make damn sure it doesn't cut into your reaction time; unless it's extreme, it's better to suffer through a very reasonable nervousness than it is to fling yourself about in careening metal death while doped out of your gourd, by far, no matter how legal it is... but if you can't make it through the adjustment period, then start very, very, very small. It might be better to have reduced anxiety than no anxiety, in this case.

So, the major lesson we learn here is... you are not your father. Whether you 'succeed' or whether you 'fail,' you are your own person, and don't let (your mother?) anyone hang that over your head. Everything else, otoh, is pretty much a symptom of better mental health than the average person, and though some of the symptoms of mental health might be mildly inconvenient, there are moderate and low-impact ways to offset them.

Best of luck. ;)

Eh. I guess I got a little too carried away with your post Joe.

It was really helpful and put me in the right frame of mind though. L-Pheny and ascorbic acid both do me wonders btw. I feel like a new person with the whole L-Pheny thing.

This whole thread is the most pathetic thing I've ever seen.