Last night I got mildly stoned and had a few beers. I was watching fear and loathing with a friend in my dorm at college when I started to trip out (Like proper trip out, walls breathing, melting etc..). I hadn't smoked very much and I have a pretty high tollerance but It felt like the weed and the film were triggering some kind of flash back (something I dont belive in and dont think iv done enough drugs for that to ever happen.)

Things got pretty fucked up at college there were a few fights, my door got kicked in and I spent the entire night wandering in a tripped out depressed state dispite the fact that I was actually the most sober person.

Since this morning iv been incredibly stressed with the things that went on and have spent most of the day curled up in a "nest" in the dark with the curtains closed. Iv become seriously paranoid, hyperventalating, shivering, hot and cold rushes, panic attacks, feeling sick, unable to eat, sleep or function with serious depression. I tried to calm myself down by smoking some weed but didnt even feel the affetcts at all.

Im now sitting here in my nest with all the lights on and sunglasses on because hte light gurts my eyes so mcuh but the shadows are worse.

I dont know what is happening to me, iv been smoking weed constantly for months and have spent at least the last week (Since friday) stoned when outside of lectures. Things have been very stressful so I think that wouldnt have helped matters much.

My friend came round ealier and considering her and her family have a history of serious drug abuse (heroin and crack) she said the symptoms are very much like serious withdrawals.

I dont know what this is but im starting to think my drug use and abuse however mild may be catching up with me. Iv been smoking weed on and off with a few large breaks and lorts of little breaks since I was 11. Just recently my use has grown massivlty due to stress and problems at college. Any attempt to give up or even take a break does not last very long due to tthe sheer fact that I cant handle the stress and pressure im under and its the only way I can deal with it. I work 7 days a week (12 hours saturday and sunday plus 10 hours every week day) the time when I get home to have a few bongs and go on totse is always my time to relax. I know weed isnt that massivley addictive and surely shouldnt have w/ds this strong but im starting to think that such a simple and underestimated drug has started to catch up on me again through a false sense of security.

Sorry for the poor spelling and punctuation. I would nor,allly make an effort but I can t hardly see or think at the moment.

Have you been eating well and getting a good nights sleep?

Just chill out. I had a near psychotic episode once in a Wendys, I thought everyone was talking about what drugs I was on, then I went back to my dorm room, threw on some headphones and could still swear I heard voices. It happens though.

Did you mention the fact that you're in college enough?

Maybe t3h weed was laced!

But for real just settle down, but I wouldn't quit drugs cold turkey or anything, maybe start to ween off of it because sudden stops could fuck you over even more.

get some benzos, lay off any hard booze/speed, beer and a couple benzos

Nah he was stoned... which of course means he's an anorexic insomniac...

Ok that was dickish.. Oh well. I got what you meant.. Could have something to do with it...

This post fails

I was a massive stoner for years until one day weed gave me a bad experience. It still does to this day unles i'm drunk. that shit can happen man, it's fucked up. Especially if you've been using chemicals or anything that might alter your brain lately.

Late puberty perhaps?

No but seriously, you could be having panic attacks or "exacerbating a latent mental disorder", yep thats always a bad one. It sounds like you do need to chill the fuck out and just fuck some pussy or something.

You're not having withdrawals and the years of weed use are not catching up to you. You have nothing to withdraw from, so that's just a silly idea. Your problem is that you're really stressed all the time. No matter what substances a person uses or doesn't use, being stressed all the time is bad and will have detrimental effects.

You prolly had some good bud and freaked out a bit. Eat and drink the right shit maybe go for a walk outside, talk to someone.

this might sound stupid but how much caffeine did you ingest
that day?If you have a caffeine sensitivity that could be the problem. now i know that sounds stupid you might be surprised how much better you feel without it ,try not having any for 2 weeks.

tordek - http://www.totse.com/community/showthread.php?t=2100552

If somebody could put into words the exact way I felt the whole way through college, you have put it down to a tee.

All those waves of panic and nausea, anxiety and fear that control you and literally keep you in a dark bedroom is the only way your brain is able to tell you that it needs a rest. Smoking buds habitually and to forget problems does put you into a warm and comfortable 'bubble' almost, kind of putting your mind on standby. In reality, this just pushes all of these problems deep into your subconscious, so none of them ever seem to get resolved. This creates the long dream-like feeling that you might experience when it gets bad, making you feel as if you have no control over your life and you're a voice in a head trapped watching somebody live their life.

You need time to mull shit over in your head, you won't even realise how much you did it until you quit smoking buds. Being stoned all day every day gives you no time to subconsciously sort shit out.

Just like causing physical laziness and apathy, weed can do it to your mind man. It's going to be fucking hard, and it will fucking suck not blazing, but after a few weeks you should start to feel on the mend.

All i can suggest is healthy eating, good sleep, exercise, no drugs and taking the sober time to sit down, maybe put some music on, and investigate your own head.

Remember man, you never used to feel this way. You can be happy and feel real again.

If you need to throw some of your thoughts at somebody rather than just against the inside of your brain, send me an email (theatomiser at gmail dot com)

I should have realized something was up when I felt like this, but its taken me another two years of drug abuse and losing everything I ever loved in the process. Take me as a lesson, and a view as to how much worse things could get if you continue with this self-destructive mindset.

Make the mind proactive rather than reactive.

I actually completely fucking agree. Sorry for calling you fat. You're not fat..

Just chill out and lay off any chemicals for at least a week.

You just need some time to get your body back up to speed.

ya man, its just as atomizer said

your just under alot of stress and your just surpressing it and well, eventually something comes by and is like a needle to that bubble your in.

shit i LOVE to smoke regularly, it honestly kills all stress. but i do take breaks, but it isnt for anything like that, its because of empty pockets :(

anyway man, just take breaks from weed to think. figure shit out, and try to quell all those lil fears you got.

hell, when im high, i LOVE to sit back and chill out about everything, but you know, sometimes i do like to actually think high. its quite pleasurable. hell, its easier to, you dont get as many irrational fears, well, okay ill admit you do get paranoid delusions but if you can learn how to rationalize you can completely calm yourself down.


rationalizing things is the best thing you can do right now, and probably sober sounds best. all those problems that you sit to the back of the line in your head are just yelling atcha' to get their turn!

yea...start thinking of it like the DMV,,,,good plan :)

hell just dont turn out like me and completely shut off emotion. im just fucking numb as hell now. i just completely stopped giving a shit, my ex is on and off about being preggo, i got alot of shit to be worrying about, me, her especially, people who are looking around for me, ah loads of shit.

but now im like, im in motherfucking highschool, why the hell do i give a shit?

only thing that matters is that i learn what the people with the rulers tell me! and same to you! your in fucking college stop worrying about everything, get a job, drink some beer and chill the hell out. if you pass in there YOUR SET for a job, as long as you got people skills, and you seem to have alot.

not sure why any of this is relavant but maybe my thoughts could make you feel better. sleep is probably good for the both of us.

thats not stupid at all...i didnt realize that i was sensitive to caffeine until i stopped drinking soda.

I actually wrote a differnt really long reply but lost it.

Things got gradually worse throughout the week building up to this.

I spend all of Tuesday night trying to help this friend catch up on her assignments, this is incredibly difficult as she cant focus for very long and doest really have any motivation to do them. In the end after about 6 hours I managed to get her to do half of an assignment. Even after all that work and the promise that she would finish it she didn't hand it in and lied about why she didn't hand it in... Considering this is the only person in the entire world that I trust that one little lie has pretty much shattered my trust in human nature again. For such a small thing this really hit me hard because iv been trying so hard to get this girl to do her work and I always end up feeling let down and unappreciated when I work my ass off. Every time I feel like I'm getting somewhere with changing her work ethic or persuading her to do something she just forgets it or manages to get out of it later on. Iv taken this really seriously because as she is probably my only close friend here I’m really scared of loosing her but with the way things are going with her work and home problems chances are she will not be here much longer.

So yeah, I didn’t get any sleep that night.

Next day was pretty much normal except that I forgot to eat for some unknown reason. Everyone was celebrating end of term and getting drunk (except me because I hate being drunk) That night I saw all of the people I considered friend in a different light. They say alcohol brings out the worst in people and this night it really did bring out the worst in everyone. I spent most of the night locked in my room trying to protect my one other sober friend whilst my door got kicked in from one of my other so called friends and everyone else just generally being dicks. Most of them are under 18 and don’t drink very often so when they do they all end up acting stupid and aggressive. My entire flat was trashed and now my kitchen is locked because contractors will have to be hired to clean and repair it. My door frame itself was kicked off the wall, as well as the door itself, the lock and the hinges are fucked. This is pretty much when I started to get a little panicky and paranoid.

The next day I went into lectures and nobody that had been involved in the night before remembered anything, this really pissed me off because some things had been done and said that were IMO pretty much unforgivable especially the racial attacks on my black friend who was hiding in my room from people who are meant to BE his friend. I got really pissed off with these people laughing and joking about the things that they perceived as to have happened the night before and ended up walking out half way through the lecture.

Once I got back to my room I started to get mild attacks, I didn’t really know what they were then I just thought I was tired and a little stressed. I smoked a joking to try and calm me down but it had no effect on me. I had a few visitors through the day and managed to keep my cool to some extent although they all knew something was wrong. Once everyone had gone home the attacks got much worse with me spending most of the evening locked in my bathroom. My friend came round and comforted me, promised to come and check on me pretty much giving me some kind of false hope which to some extent calmed me down but eventually made things much worse once I realised she wasn’t coming back. It felt like my only hope but she wouldn't answer the phone reply to messages on myspace (Despite the fact that they were marked as read). This is a bit of a blow because I always thought she was there for me and iv been there for a lot of shit she’s been through. I never thought she would ignore me, especially in that kind of state. When I realised I was finally completely on my own it triggered a massive panic attack from there. I don't really remember much after that but I blacked out half way down the road which is asking to get killed even trying to walk down that road during the day. I really don't know what happened but I think I was just trying to get away.

I spent the entire night wrapped in duvets curled up in my shower and im scared to go in my room (My laptop is in here with me but battery is low) I don't really remember much of last night because I kept blacking out from hyperventilating and overheating.

Anyway I’m still not sure what brought this on, although I smoke weed daily and most people I know don’t realise I smoke it or only think I smoke it at weekends I keep it completely to myself and make sure I always have a constant supply kind of like a safety blanket. I feel like I’m completely reliant on it but its fucking me up. I’m constantly paranoid, I cant trust anyone and I really don’t have any real friends because I wont let people get close to me. Iv been a complete mental wreck on and off since my ex broke up with me about a year and a half ago. Its not really the fact that she broke up with me that’s keeping me fucked up now but rather the mental trauma that I went through in the following 6 months that truly fucked me up. I don’t hold anything against her and rarely even think about her or the relationship but I can still constantly feel the "aftershocks" of the mental state I was in afterwards. Little things really get to me and stress me out and I really pick up on body language, how people act towards me or things people say to me and it effects me quite badly in the long term. Initially I can just brush it off but things start to build up and up and I just bury any stress or worries further and until now it hasn’t really come out all in one go. I also go through stages of being really pessimistic and depressed and then il go through a stage of being optimistic and happy which usually coincides with stages of consistent good or bad luck. Il go through a stage of really good luck and everything will go great and then as soon as things are at their peak everything suddenly goes in a downward spiral.
Its just little things that get to me and build up that cause these problems but I think its taken the build up and then a sudden big burst of stress to release it all in one go and most of the little problems seem to be caused by me getting close to people and then being let down after trying so hard for them (Happens consistently throughout my life.) Looking forward to something, which inevitable ALWAYS makes it go tits up for some reason... Kind of like life is playing with me when I hope for something that will make me feel happy and then snatch it away somehow as soon as it gets incredibly close or just generally ruin it.

Wow that sounds terrible. I don't have any real suggestions except maybe meditation. Just lay on your bed with your hands open and clear your mind, nothing complicated. If you fall asleep, good; and if not you'll have clearer thought patterns when you end your session. At least that's what I do when I'm in mental trauma.

Amen.
LAy down give yourself time alone quit///ambiant low music?....no worries, no physical stressing....


Stress is evil, im a kitchen mngr at a restaurant and i go to school....val tines day and test all at once...we were short a cook and i didnt study......i almost wanted to kill myslef(not really kill) the past couploweeks

goodluck brothu, just rest and when u can dont sweat the small shit

Man, I tried replying to TheAtomiser's thread too, read what I said there, I think things are a bit similar in your situation.

The severe depression/introspection/paranoia etc etc is pretty symptomatic of a psychotic breakdown, to whatever degree. Be seriously careful, dude. Sounds like things have got pushed a bit too far, and you aint in a positive environment that's allowing you to work this stuff out. Cut out the weed for a while, and pretty much everything else.... you will begin to feel the difference if you stick with things.

Get away from these cunts who are fucking with you, try and move out; get a flat with those you get on with. Being stuck in such shitty halls with horrible little bastards sounds rough. If this aint an option, then just try and stick it out, and make it clear to them you're not accepting people fucking with your property or your life, no matter how "wast3d, d00de" they are. Fuck that. If they can't grasp some self control, they should expect consequences.....

Dude, i'm sorry this shit seems to have piled up all at once. I can only suggest positive thinking, getting a bit more clean and not panicking or torturing yourself with memories of the past or the shite... it wont help. Life is to be lived and appreciated, but that's a delicate balance. You have this friend to support you - confide in her, try and work things out within the college environment, and if that clearly aint working...... consider your options again.

For now, a good mindset in the moment is what you need. Seriously, stop smoking weed and get more rest, exercise and interaction with people you trust. Try talking to family/counselling services/others if you're the kinda person who might benefit from this.

Good luck man, and sorry to hear about all this poo.

I know after the first time i smoked weed i sort of fell into a anxiety/depressive state. Turns out in fact it was all caused by my eating habits. I barely ate enough healthy foods, and finally it caught up with me. Within 5 days i started getting my diet under siege and I felt as good as new after that.

The environment I live in is terrible, I live with some of the worst people iv come into contact with in my life. I only have one term left to go there and will be moving out and living in the city which is also where my best friend also lives (one of the few who has always been there for me.) Iv also come to realise that I really do have very few actual friends. Over the last year or so Iv had a lot of friends come and go and only a few who have been there the whole time.

Iv now gone 2 days now without smoking which is pretty good for me although I have still had to work all weekend which is 12 hours a day I'm feeling somewhat better at home. Luckily I have half term which should give me some time to relax and walk my dog and get things in order.

I also had a very deep conversation with my parents and course tutor (separately) mostly going in depth about my drug use and theoretical passion for drugs which actually went surprisingly well. My views on the use of psychedelics in therapy, my interests in psychology and the fact that I have a passion for helping people actually led my mum to suggest I should consider work in psychiatric nursing! I also talked about how trips have helped me in the past with dealing with problems and improved me as a person and talked to my dad about the one bad trip he had on mushrooms which led him to condemn drugs. He has a very closed mind and tends to think well inside the box and I talked to him about how his mentality could have been the cause for his bad trip in that he is unable to comprehend and accept what these drugs do to your mind.

I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow and I expect they will probably try to put me on anti-depressants again. I have a real thing about anti-depressants and last time they prescribed them to me I would not take them. I think that like my habitual smoking of weed these drugs are just covering up problems rather than confronting them which leads me to consider one last trip.

I believe very strongly that psycadelics can open areas of your brain where you cannot normally reach in its normal capacity without a lot of psychotherapy. This has worked for me before in sorting out issues and has helped me imporve as a person mentally and spiritually. The last big trip I had I saw how people saw me from their point of view as well as confronted many other issues which inevitably made me a much better person towards people and gave me a much more positive outlook on life.

I have built up a collection of deep seated neurosis that, if I go on anti depressants will remain there until I face them. I have 30g of Peruvian torch cactus in my draw and having tripped on lower doses (around 20g) before found it to be a positive and not an overwhelming experience. I am considering consuming this midweek after I have had a chance to relax and de-stress in the hope that I can meditate, confront, record and remove all my problems. This is probably a bad idea in this state of mind but I believe that it is the best thing to do and I think that mescaline is probably one of the best drugs to go for rather than psyclobin or LSD.

I think once I have got this trip out of the way and faced my problems I will try the dose of anti depressants for a while and see if they do help. I'm aware of the negative side affects and really not all that keen on using them but at this time I feel that it is for the best at the moment.

Basically once I have sorted out the issues I have, hopefully I can sort out my relationship issue at college and get my life back on track. Iv been told separately by both parties (My parents and my tutor) That I must stop trying to help other people and start looking after myself because I am putting myself under way too much pressure and forgetting about looking after myself. I feel really bad about this because my closest friend at college, the only person I trust, feel comfortable around (and actually really really like) stands now chance of staying at college with such a low submission rate of assignments and it is only my help keeping her focused and explaining work that will keep her there. Should she fail the work she will have to leave college and I will be left completely alone although I don't know where I stand with her anyway...

Anyway the main point of this post other than to update is to ask whether it is a sensible and reasonable idea to trip one last time before I give up all drugs for good taking into account my intentions for tripping?