totse.com | You Are A Rapist

Star Wars Fan · #1 2008-02-08, 00:12

I thought you would LOL at this and ge t a good discussion out of this

Quote:

Originally Posted by wikichan

How to be a Rapist

This is what a food-making bitch once said about rapists (because rapists can only be men):

1. You are a rapist if you get a girl drunk and have sex with her.
2. You are a rapist if you find a drunk girl and have sex with her.
3. You are a rapist if you get yourself drunk and have sex with her. Your drunkeness is no excuse.
4. If you are BOTH drunk you may still be a rapist.
5. If she’s alternating between puking her guts out and passing out in the bed then you’re a rapist.
6. If she’s sleeping and you have sex with her you’re a rapist.
7. If she’s unconscious and you have sex with her then you’re a rapist.
8. If she’s taking sleeping pills and doesn’t wake up when you have sex with her then you’re a rapist.
9. If she is incapacitated in any way and unable to say ‘Yes’ then you’re a rapist.
10. If you drug her then you’re a rapist.
11. If you find a drugged girl and have sex with her then you’re a rapist.
12. If you don’t bother to ask her permission and she says neither ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ then you could be a rapist.
13. You are a rapist if you ‘nag’ her for sex. Because you manage to ply an eventual ‘yes’ from a weary victim doesn’t mean it’s not rape. You are a rapist.
14. You are a rapist if you try to circumvent her “No” by talking her into it. She’s not playing hard to get, and, even if she IS it’s not YOUR responsibility to ‘get’ her. You’re still a rapist.
15. You are a rapist if you manipulate her into sex when she doesn’t otherwise want it. If you say, “If you loved me you’d do X” then you’re a rapist. If you say, “All the other kids are doing it!” then you’re a rapist.
16. If you threaten her, or act in a way that SHE thinks you’re threatening her then you’re a rapist. If you puff up and get loud and frustrated while trying to ‘talk’ her into sex then you’re a rapist.
17. You are a rapist if you don’t immediately get your hands off of her when she says ‘no’. You are a rapist if you take your hands off of her and then put them back ON her after 10 minutes and she eventually ‘gives in’ to this tactic.
18. You are a rapist if you won’t let her sleep peacefully without waking her every 15 minutes asking her for sex. Sleep depravation is a form of torture and YOU are a rapist.
19. If you’re necking with her and you’re naked and you’ve already gone down on her and she says ‘No’ to sex with you and you have sex with her anyway then you’re a rapist.
20. If you’re engaged in intercourse and she says ‘No’ at ANY point and you don’t immediately stop then you’re a rapist.
21. If she said “Yes” to sex with a condom and that condom breaks and you proceed anyway then you’re a rapist.
22. If she picked you up at a bar looking for sex and then decides that she doesn’t WANT sex and you continue then you’re a rapist.
23. If she changes her mind at ANY point for ANY reason and you don’t immediately back off or you try to talk her into it and get sex anyway then you’re a rapist.
24. If you don’t hit her and she says ‘No’ you’re still a rapist.
25. If you don’t have a knife or a gun or a garrote and she says ‘No’ then you’re still a rapist.
26. If you’re a friend of hers you can still be a rapist.
27. If you had sex with her the night before but she doesn’t want morning sex and you pressure her for it anyway then you’re a rapist.
28. If you’re her husband you can still be a rapist.
29. If it’s your wedding night and she doesn’t WANT to have sex with you and you force or coerce her anyway then you’re a rapist.
30. If she’s had sex with you hundreds of times before but doesn’t want to on the 101st time then you’re a rapist.
31. If you penetrate her anally, orally or digitally against her will then YOU my friend, are ALSO a rapist.
32. Women do not owe you sex.
33. Buying her dinner does not entitle you to sex.
34. Paying her mortgage does not entitle you to sex.
35. Buying her clothing does not entitle you to sex.
36. Buying her lingerie does not entitle you to sex. It also doesn’t mean that she has any obligation to wear that lingerie around you.
37. Spending any amount of money on her does not, ever, entitle you to sex.
38. Seeing her legs or cleavage does not entitle you to sex.
39. If she ‘turns you on’ you’re not entitled to sex.
40. If she has fucked every man in a 10 square mile radius and she doesn’t want to fuck you and you have sex with her anyway, then you’re a rapist.
41. Her clothing is not a reason for you to rape her. Her LACK of clothing is no reason to rape her. If she’s wearing a thong and pasties you STILL have no right to rape her.
42. If she’s a prostitute and she says “No” then you’re a rapist.
43. If she’s a stripper and she says “No” then you’re a rapist. Likewise, if she’s a stripper and she’s been rubbing against your dick all night long and you follow her to her car and have sex with her against her will then you are ALSO a rapist.
44. If you watch a woman being raped without calling the authorities then you’re as bad as a rapist and you may also be a rapist yourself.
45. If you don’t fight rape then you accept rape.
46. If you don’t believe a woman when she says she was raped then you’re encouraging rape.
47. If you choose to remain friends with a man who raped a woman you are encouraging rape.
48. If you confess to the authorities that you raped a woman it does not exonerate you. You are not suddenly a model of good behavior.
49. If you ‘only’ raped one woman, you’re STILL a rapist.
50. You cannot tell who is a rapist by the way they look. Rapists are your friends, your brothers, your fathers and you won’t know it.
51. Do not get frustrated with a woman if she doesn’t trust you. SHE already knows that rapists don’t wear signs on their foreheads. Something you think is innocuous SHE may find terrifying.

Extended version:

52. If you bump into a woman and don't say "excuse me" you're a rapist.
53. If you think of a girl naked and she doesn't know you're still a rapist.
54. If you park in a parking lot a little too much to the right so it'll be really hard for someone who parks normally to get out of their car you're a rapist.
55. If you masturbate and your semen hits the floor and a woman walks on your carpet in the next fifty years you're a rapist.
56. Toilet seat up? You're a rapist.
57. If you ever end up getting into a convoluted bet with a rich arabian man whereby you must wrestle a bear to the ground in order to secure your freedom from his underground death-games tournament and you manage to survive and escape and return to bring the man to justice and his wife falls in love with your bear-wrestling bravado then you're a rapist.
58. If you pick a fire-type Pokemon on your first playthrough of any Pokemon game you're a rapist.
59. If you cannot rub your stomach and pat your head at the same time you're a rapist.
60. If you congratulate your sister on graduating college with honors by giving her a hug you're a rapist.
61. If you're left-handed, you're a rapist.
62. If you're having sex with the woman and she turns out to be a man you're a rapist.
63. Paddling the school canoe? You're a rapist.
64. If a man loves a woman, and a woman loves a man, and they both decide to have a child together you're a rapist.
65. If you laughed when Will Smith punched the alien in Independence Day you're a rapist.
66. You get in one little fight and your momma got scared you're moving in with a rapist.
67. If you get raped but you're not a woman, you're a rapist.
68. If you're a jew you're a rapist. (Isn't this obvious?)
69. If you're the pilot of a giant robot and tasked with saving the world from a force from outside of earth and you spend the whole time being a whiny shit you're a rapist.
70. Teabagging isn't rape. It's funny. If you don't think it's funny you're a rapist.
71. DON'T YOU BREATH MY AIR RAPIST. AAAAAAAAAAw
72. If it's Tuesday, you're a rapist. Doesn't matter who the fuck you are.
73. If you're black you are a potential rapist, potentially armed, potentially on drugs, and should be beaten.
74. If there is no #77, you're a rapist.
75. If you discover that she's been taking tylenol, you're a rapist.
76. If you've ever asked a buddy of your for money to buy a soda, you're a rapist.
78. Tom Brokaw? Rapist.
79. If you play D&D, Vampire: The Masquerade, Werewolf: The apocalypse, Swords & Sorcery, Call of Cthulhu, or any other roleplaying game you are a rapist.
80. If you've ever masturbated, then you've taken advantage of yourself and you're a rapist.
81. If you are reading this, you are a rapist.
82. If you lol'd at #81, you are a rapist.
83. If you wish you could rape someone, you're a rapist.
84. If you thought about #83, you're a rapist.
85. If you're STILL fucking reading this, you're a rapist.
86. If you wrote one of these, you're a rapist.
87. If you wrote #82-87 and are about to write #88, you are a rapist.
88. I guess that makes me a rapist. Oh, and you too.
89. Fucking rapist.
90. If you have an ego that's bigger than the size of your cock, you are a rapist.
91. If your name is Chris Makosky and you are a pansy bitch that likes to destroy friendships, you sir, are a fucking rapist.
92. You are a rapist if you do not yell suprise beforehand. SUPRISE!!!!!!!!.
93. If your name begins with the letter Q, you are a rapist
94. If you live in New Jersey, you are a rapist
95. If you live somewhere else, you are a rapist.

http://www.wikichan.org/index.php/You_are_a_rapist

Byss · #2 2008-02-08, 00:56

57, 63, and 65 were hilarious. Especially 65.

MarcusAurelius · #3 2008-02-08, 01:02

This is some of the funniest shit ever. Even on the first list. I like how if you're drunk, and you have sex with a sober girl, you're a rapist. Seriously, wtf?

Star Wars Fan · #4 2008-02-08, 02:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Byss View Post

57, 63, and 65 were hilarious. Especially 65.

I just noticed that...yeah 65=WIN

Quote:

Originally Posted by MurcueAelius

I like how if you're drunk, and you have sex with a sober girl, you're a rapist. Seriously, wtf?

Females.......

FunkyZombie · #5 2008-02-08, 03:15

Apparently if they were to make a movie about my life I would be played by Danny Trejo.

TheComradical · #6 2008-02-08, 03:26

108. If you're a Jew, you're a rapist...of white Christian civilization.
109. If one of your testicles are bigger than the other, you're a rapist.
110. If a woman strips you naked, ties you up, gags you, and proceeds to ride you until you cum, but she never says "Yes," you're a rapist.
111. If you remain friends with a man after learning that he has a penis, you are encouraging rape.
112. If you are a nigra and a white girl says you raped her despite evidence stacked so highly in your favor that it would border on a breach of everything America stands for if you were convicted, guess what? You are a rapist.
113. If you don't use Ys in the word wymmyns, you are encouraging rape.
114. If you thought any of the words in #113 were misspelled, you are a rapist.
115. If YOU are the drunk one and she has sex with you, you are a rapist.
116. If you've got more furniture on you lawn than in your house, you might be a rapist.
117. If you pay a woman to have sex, but don't tip, you are a rapist.
118. If you have sex with a woman against her will while using a gun in a back alley, and she climaxes, you are NOT a rapist, although you might be in Japan.
119. If you saw Black Snake Moan, you are encouraging rape.
120. If the scanner says his power level is [COLOR=#002bb8]over 9000[/COLOR], you are a-WHAT NINE-THOUSAND!?
121. If you think there is a spoon, then you are a rapist.
122. If you recognized number 121 as a "The Matrix" joke, then I'm a rapist.
123. If you try to point out that this is an article aimed at you, then not only are you a rapist, you're also an attention whore.
124. If you think [COLOR=#002bb8]Eris[/COLOR] is hot, you are a rapist.
125. If you actually plan on raping Eris, you're a rapist and a [COLOR=#002bb8]sick fuck[/COLOR].
126. If you think rape is merely surprise sex, you are a rapist.
127. If your name is Plainsight, you are a rapist.
128. If you were born in the arctic from the womb of a polar bear made of the seed of no human, have never seen the face of another human being nor believe that you yourself are a human being, then you are a rapist.
129. If you decide to [COLOR=#002bb8]get off your ass[/COLOR] and go to the store to buy a pack of lights, and then pay the female clerk an amount which is not exactly equal to the price of the cigs + tax WHILE also looking her in the eyes, you are definitely a rapist.
130. If you are accused of homophobia and do not immediately respond with an affirmation that you actually love the [COLOR=#002bb8]cock[/COLOR], you are a rapist.
131. If you do not contribute to this list, you are a rapist.
132. If, at any time during the life of the universe, you, at any point, existed in some form and shape on some spatial object existing within the aforementioned universe (and are also not a wymyn), you are, hands-down, a rapist.
133. If you herd i like [COLOR=#002bb8]mudkipz[/COLOR], you're a rapist
134. If you know how to pronounce the name 'Ayn Rand', you are encouraging rape.
135. If you are a woman who has forced her sexual attentions on a man, woman, boy, girl, mammal, or [COLOR=#002bb8]invertebrate[/COLOR], you are NOT a rapist. Vaginas entitle you to sex with anything in the known universe.
136. If you sit in your room and play pokemon all day and get angry when your little sister's friends touch your light sabers, you're a rapist.
137. If your name is Houston, then you are rapist. In fact, if you are named after any city, country, or state, you are a rapist.
138. If you find any humor in Chuck Norris jokes, you should be shot, stabbed, hanged, shot again, drawn quartered, laced back together, stabbed twice more, beaten with reeds, and fed to [COLOR=#002bb8]raving lunatics[/COLOR]. Oh, and you're also a rapist
139. If you've read [COLOR=#002bb8]at least 100[/COLOR] of these, you're a rapist.
140. If you don't know how many of these you've actually read without having to look at the number list, you're a [COLOR=#002bb8]rapist that can't count[/COLOR]
141. If she says "I give you my consent to have sex with me" and you then put your [COLOR=#002bb8]penis[/COLOR] into her [COLOR=#002bb8]vagina[/COLOR], you're a rapist.
142. If you are Eminem, you are a rappist, which is worse than a rapist, but you are also still a rapist.
143. If you've ever read /b/, you are without any sense a doubt, a rapist. You're also likely a [COLOR=#002bb8]Sick fuck[/COLOR].
144. If you have ever used a position of power to demand sexual favors from women, but kept abortion legal, you are NOT a rapist.
145. If a waitresses huge tits made you look away from your wife for ten seconds during your anniversary dinner, you are a rapist.
146. If you ever ate a grape which rhymes with rape then you are truly a rapeist.
147. If you have ever raped a rapist, you are still a rapist.
148. If you spell rapist, "rapeist", then not only are you a rapist, but you failed at Hooked on Phonics and are quite possibly a [COLOR=#002bb8]Nigra[/COLOR].
149. If someone raped you and you surprise buttsecks them back, not only are you a rapist but you also will make me lol.
150. If you have a Gaia Online account you are a rapist.
151. If you touch the top of the building, you're a rapist. If you touch the ceiling you're a rapist, you touch the floor you're a rapist, too far to the right you're a rapist, too far to the left you're a rapist, you're a rapist rapist rapist rapist rapist rapist rapist rapist RAPIST.
152. If you drink Gin with anything other than juice, you're a rapist.
153. If you drink Gin WITH juice, you're a rapist.
154. If you don't drink Gin at all, you're a rapist.
155. If you don't fall under the category of ANY of the previous three, you might think you are actually not a rapist, but you, in fact, are.
156. Therapists are rapists. It doesn't matter how 'good' of a therapist you are.

-Encyclopedia Dramatica

chrislol · #7 2008-02-08, 04:42

seriously do these femmnazis actually go through life spouting this shit off to anyone who will listen? i suppose they would have to go on the internet to say it because really sinks, stoves and washing machines don't have ears.

xilikeeggs0 · #8 2008-02-08, 04:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Star Wars Fan View Post

1. You are a rapist if you get a girl drunk and have sex with her.
3. You are a rapist if you get yourself drunk and have sex with her. Your drunkeness is no excuse.
4. If you are BOTH drunk you may still be a rapist.
5. If she’s alternating between puking her guts out and passing out in the bed then you’re a rapist.
12. If you don’t bother to ask her permission and she says neither ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ then you could be a rapist.
13. You are a rapist if you ‘nag’ her for sex. Because you manage to ply an eventual ‘yes’ from a weary victim doesn’t mean it’s not rape. You are a rapist.
17. You are a rapist if you don’t immediately get your hands off of her when she says ‘no’. You are a rapist if you take your hands off of her and then put them back ON her after 10 minutes and she eventually ‘gives in’ to this tactic.
18. You are a rapist if you won’t let her sleep peacefully without waking her every 15 minutes asking her for sex. Sleep depravation is a form of torture and YOU are a rapist.
20. If you’re engaged in intercourse and she says ‘No’ at ANY point and you don’t immediately stop then you’re a rapist.
18. You are a rapist if you won’t let her sleep peacefully without waking her every 15 minutes asking her for sex. Sleep depravation is a form of torture and YOU are a rapist.
19. If you’re necking with her and you’re naked and you’ve already gone down on her and she says ‘No’ to sex with you and you have sex with her anyway then you’re a rapist.
20. If you’re engaged in intercourse and she says ‘No’ at ANY point and you don’t immediately stop then you’re a rapist.
27. If you had sex with her the night before but she doesn’t want morning sex and you pressure her for it anyway then you’re a rapist.

ZOMG I've been raped!

chrislol · #9 2008-02-08, 17:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by xilikeeggs0 View Post

ZOMG I've been raped!

and since i read your post i probably just raped you too.

soro_one · #10 2008-02-08, 17:58

Fuck, I AM a rapist. Ah well.