How do so many couples trace the beginnings of their relationships to an exact day?

I've never quite understood that. Is it like, the day you met? The first date? The day you "made it official" (if such an event took place)? The night you consummated the relationship??

Whatever the couple agrees on.

Somewhat on topic:
I fucking hate it when people celebrate 2 week, 1, 2, 3, etc..., month anniversaries. Being with someone for a month isn't a reason to fucking celebrate! I wouldn't celebrate anything less than 6 months, but even then I'd only do it if the guy wanted to; otherwise I'd just wait for the 1 year anniversary.

I have only been with 2 girls for longer than one month. But with the first one, I merely brought up the fact that it had been exactly a month since we started going out (I think it was the day we met... happened to be the same day).

And some chick at the apartment we were at (just doing drugs and drinking and whatnot) was like "OMG, you celebrate after one month, wtf?"

I was like... "Ahem, I merely MENTIONED it because I just realized it! We're sitting here doing lines of meth and drinking cheap ass beer at some shady apartment. This is hardly what I'd call "celebrating" an anniversary."

And with my second girlfriend, we made it past the 6 month mark, but I don't even know which day would have been the exact anniversary, so I don't think it even came up.

Her birthday was around that time though, and I went all out for that.

my boyfriend and i celebrate anniversaries. ie anni - yearly. we count from the day we had our first kiss. we don't make a big deal about it though. we live together, so we just went out to dinner and he got me a cd and i got him a tshirt (a really cool one though)

Some women are naturally inclined towards the nostalgia of anniversaries, so they tend to either write down or mark their calendars every little event associated with the heart. Perhaps some men are like this too, but I bet most of the record-keeping is done by the woman. It is a bit silly (not to mention more than a little overzealous) to celebrate weeks, or months, or every little trivial engagement such as *First Kiss* or *First Roll in the Hay*.

All that said -

My ex-husband and I now celebrate the anniversary of our "official" divorce - usually by going out to eat mexican food and discussing the phail in good humor over half a dozen Top Shelf Margaritas and a big greasy bowl of cheese dip. It usually ends up with long tirades being slung from both sides about the inherent evil that surrounds attorneys and mitigators.

Fun Fact:
I believe this is my first post in six years in S&A - though I might have lent a comment or two in the ancient bunny_meatball thread; can't remember.

:D

I'd class it as the day we officially became a couple.
I feel anything over a year is celebration worthy. Not a celebration of the passage of time, but a celebration of finding someone you'd want to be with for that long.

We both forgot the day we celebrated our anniversary, but knew ABOUT when it was.. so we made it on a day that probably has no meaning. ^^

It's a few days before my birthday, so I can sometimes remember it.

I'd class it as the day we officially became a couple.

But how do you "officially become a couple"?

But how do you "officially become a couple"?

"well I really enjoy hanging out with you, and sexing you. Sooo..would you like to be my girlfriend?"
"sure!"

is how it usually goes.

But then of course you're gadzooks and probably want to get into the debate of 'why should someone assume that their relationship with a person is going to be that persons only relationship?' ?

But then of course you're gadzooks and probably want to get into the debate of 'why should someone assume that their relationship with a person is going to be that persons only relationship?' ?

Actually, that statement kinda confused me to be honest...

But my point is that how do you really know it's official? I mean, merely for the sake of record keeping? (To know anniversaries, etc...)

I actually have a problem where I assume that every girl I go on even one date with or spend one intimate night with is going to be my girlfriend at some point, so I generally tend to cut off any contact I might have with other "potential girlfriends" at the time.

Usually that winds up being a mistake though, as the girl ends up being uninterested. Then I end up with nothing because I put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak.

I'm all for clearness and being upfront about things. But I usually wait for the girl to bring up any ideas of commitment, to kinda save face, as I get rejected way too much.

So when you put it all together, that's why I am so confused about that intermittent time before the officiation of a relationship.

First date or when you bring up girlfriend/boyfriend talk and you both agree.

Nowadays though it's when your facebook status says "in a relationship"

Fun Fact:
I believe this is my first post in six years in S&A - though I might have lent a comment or two in the ancient bunny_meatball thread; can't remember.

:D

Dammit girl STICK AROUND! S & A can never have too many intelligent women giving their takes.

For us the anniversary is the day we met. The whole......"you came into my life and since then its forever changed opening the door to bliss, happiness, my life partner"....and all that cheezy shit. And we still celebrate that day too. So we have our actual wedding anniversary and the day we met anniversary. Its a lotta fun both days, although my wallet don't like the extra attention.

It seems our "day we met" anniversary is how other folks usually celebrate their normal anniversaries, whereas our wedding anniversary is more of a family celebration.....usually taking a getaway trip with our kid. Then again it IS a bit different for us, considering our son was conceived on our honeymoon.....so we purposefully make it a celebration of our entire family and not just me and her.

Dammit girl STICK AROUND! S & A can never have too many intelligent women giving their takes.

For us the anniversary is the day we met. The whole......"you came into my life and since then its forever changed opening the door to bliss, happiness, my life partner"....and all that cheezy shit. And we still celebrate that day too. So we have our actual wedding anniversary and the day we met anniversary. Its a lotta fun both days, although my wallet don't like the extra attention.

It seems our "day we met" anniversary is how other folks usually celebrate their normal anniversaries, whereas our wedding anniversary is more of a family celebration.....usually taking a getaway trip with our kid. Then again it IS a bit different for us, considering our son was conceived on our honeymoon.....so we purposefully make it a celebration of our entire family and not just me and her.

I met my girlfriend and the very next day we had our first date, so it doesn't matter too much for me...but there's many people who know their partner for years before they start going out. Should you really celebrate the day you met in such a situation?

Also, in your experience, when should a man start giving certain gifts to a woman? Is it a matter of time, or how far you've gone, or what you expect, or what?

Should you really celebrate the day you met in such a situation?

Also, in your experience, when should a man start giving certain gifts to a woman? Is it a matter of time, or how far you've gone, or what you expect, or what?

With your first question I would say it's almost impossible to celebrate even if you wanted to. You met a chick at a party and then 4 months later ask her out.....how in gods name would you remember the actual day you met unless you kept a journal or something? Unless that was one epic party where peeps got arrested or something.

Your second set of questions is way too loaded/ too specific for each person. I'm one that believes there is absolutely NO set time table from one relationship to the next. I've been following along your stories with your girlfriend and it appears you two are closer than most people in that same time frame. There is nothing "right" or "wrong" about that. It all has to do with the quantity of time you are spending with her, and the things you are doing. I myself absolutely KNEW I would marry my eventual wife within 6 weeks. But truth be told our relationship was further along compared to other people's relationship......we were at a stage 6 weeks in, that most people take many months or even a year to get to. The reason being is I was between jobs, she was off hers on disability awaiting neck surgery and had nothing but time on our hands. We'd get together for lunch, lunch would turn into dinner, dinner into breakfast. Whereas a lot of couples would "date" going out for a couple hours, then hooking up days later for another couple of hours, maybe a week later for the next. The point is, only YOU know how much time is invested and what that time entails. If you are taking a girl out for 4 hours, and 2 of it is spent in a movie theater not talking.......you are hardly learning about each other. Where we would order Chinese and spend the next 5 hours talking about religion, morality, and other deep shit.

As far as the appropriateness of a gift, its the same realm as well. That dude working part time at $10/hr vs. the guy making $40/k a year. A dozen roses for the wealthier dude don't mean shit, but for that other guy.....huge sacrifice. I guess it all depends on does your woman fully comprehend your finances? Meaning if you do drop $50 on having roses delivered to her, does she understand/appreciate that is like 1/4 of your weekly paycheck.....will she really "get" that sacrifice? One of the big reasons I fell so head over heels in love with my wife is because she was NOT a material/superficial person to begin with. I didn't have to fall over myself thinking of the perfect gift or shiniest bauble, because for her it was the thought and gesture that counted. Yeah, yeah I know.....chicks like that are VERY hard to find....why do you think I married her????? :)

Sorry Gadzooks, I misinterpreted what you were trying to say and assumed you might be trying to criticising people for simply assuming they had an 'exclusive' relationship.



Oh, Da_Guru, welcom back :)

Sorry Gadzooks, I misinterpreted what you were trying to say and assumed you might be trying to criticising people for simply assuming they had an 'exclusive' relationship.

It's all good.

And yeah, I'm totally sensitive to that kind of situation, so I can sympathize.

POST

What do you think I should get mine. It's her birthday party today and I'm torn between something small or something big. We see each other 4 hours a day on average, one of which is over lunch where we just get to talk and not make out/whatever.

I was thinking of getting her something nice and pretty much being "when we're really serious blah blah blah I'll give it to you". She's kind of puritanical about sex (just the intercourse) so she pretty much said "when I feel we'll be together for a long time we'll have sex because I don't want to have sex with you and you walk out two weeks later".

That doesn't bother me, but I'm not puritanical about sex, I am about money though. I'm not trying to be bitter, and maybe I shouldn't do it because it'll come off as completely immature and childish, but I feel like saying "I want to make sure you're not using me for shit, so when I'm certain you're not, you will be showered with gifts".

Or maybe I should just take the high road and say "I'm not planning on leaving you in two weeks, which is why i just shelled out a hundred or so on this gift, I hope you can trust me".

I'm not trying to pressure her into sex, we've got enough stuff to keep us occupied in the mean time, but I want to show her I don't have any intentions of leaving anytime soon.

Or is that too pussy? I'm bad at relationships where I don't manipulate women for sex :(

What do you think I should get mine. It's her birthday party today and I'm torn between something small or something big. We see each other 4 hours a day on average, one of which is over lunch where we just get to talk and not make out/whatever.

I was thinking of getting her something nice and pretty much being "when we're really serious blah blah blah I'll give it to you". She's kind of puritanical about sex (just the intercourse) so she pretty much said "when I feel we'll be together for a long time we'll have sex because I don't want to have sex with you and you walk out two weeks later".

That doesn't bother me, but I'm not puritanical about sex, I am about money though. I'm not trying to be bitter, and maybe I shouldn't do it because it'll come off as completely immature and childish, but I feel like saying "I want to make sure you're not using me for shit, so when I'm certain you're not, you will be showered with gifts".

Or maybe I should just take the high road and say "I'm not planning on leaving you in two weeks, which is why i just shelled out a hundred or so on this gift, I hope you can trust me".

I'm not trying to pressure her into sex, we've got enough stuff to keep us occupied in the mean time, but I want to show her I don't have any intentions of leaving anytime soon.

Or is that too pussy? I'm bad at relationships where I don't manipulate women for sex :(

The problem here is though, in a way you ARE manipulating her for sex. You said it yourself, the GOOD gifts ain't comin till she gives up that ass. So are you buying her something to show your appreciation for her, to lavish her on her birthday because she really IS such a great gal....or is that gift a means to an end?

If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't drop any more than $40 or $50 on her. Spend it on something she has shown interest in, that she wouldn't/couldn't buy for herself. Make it something you KNOW she already likes, not something you THINK she'll find cool. And stop with the...."I'll give you something better/later once I know you ain't using me". All you are telling her is that the pussy has a price. She puts out, you "pay" her for the services with nicer gifts. That may not be what your intent is, but that is how it comes across.

"Ahem, I merely MENTIONED it because I just realized it! We're sitting here doing lines of meth and drinking cheap ass beer at some shady apartment. This is hardly what I'd call "celebrating" an anniversary."

Classic.

My ex-husband and I now celebrate the anniversary of our "official" divorce - usually by going out to eat mexican food and discussing the phail in good humor over half a dozen Top Shelf Margaritas and a big greasy bowl of cheese dip. It usually ends up with long tirades being slung from both sides about the inherent evil that surrounds attorneys and mitigators.

If I ever get married (possible) and then divorced (likely), I want to end up doing this.

With my ex we said our anniversary was the day we first had sex. He took my virginity so it was easy to remember the date since it was my first.

With my boyfriend now we say our anniversary is the day we had our first official date, which was July 1st. We didn't officially become a couple till like a month later, but that date is easy to remember.

My girlfriend and I observe the date we kissed on, but we never do anything more than try and get together on that day.

We had sex for the first time less than a month ago, so I don't really know how thats going to pan out. Personally, I hope we don't really observe that - I'm going to remember the date, which won't be hard because it was my first time. But really, I'd consider the kiss more significant just because it is when we agreed to be a couple.

If I ever get married (possible) and then divorced (likely), I want to end up doing this.

Yikes! I wouldn't go into marriage with the contrived notion that divorce will be inevitable. And if you do, I've got two words, six syllables for ya:

Prenuptial Agreement.

People get distracted by the warm butterflies of love in their guts and the supernovas going off in their hearts and tend to forget the binding legal contract behind marriage. Living together and being married on paper are two very different things, in the eyes of the law. In some cases (which tend to be rare these days), the two parties can part amicably and decide for themselves how to re-arrange their lives agreeably and with little conflict. In most cases, emotions interfere and attitudes flare up. It can get ugly, and not just in the case where lots of money and real propery or children are involved. Separating all that you once shared can be tricky, even if the two people aren't out to fuck over one another outta malice or spite.

If I were certain that my lover's presence in my life would be fleeting, I believe I'd just opt to live in sin before taking the plunge into full-fledged marriage. Less paperwork both in the beginning and the end. Who likes paperwork?! Although my ex-husband and I managed to part as good friends (with an even stronger bond outside of marriage), retrospect afforded both of us the revelation that if we could go back and do it all over again, we would .... except for signing on the dotted line on that legal document.

And if you do, I've got two words, six syllables for ya:

Prenuptial Agreement.

I keep counting seven syllables?

I keep counting seven syllables?

Heh. I'm southern. Forgive my slur. :D

Heh. I'm southern. Forgive my slur. :D

Why would you say it was six syllables and then spell it right though? I'm just imagining myself saying something like, "2 syllables bitches, YOU ALL SUCK!," while in my head thinking, "Y'ALL SUCK!"

I.. don't understand. You could have spelled it with the slur, and that woulduh made sense, but you didn't.

Sorry this is offtopic, it's just what I'm used to now I guess. Feel free to delete these if you feel so inclined guys. ^^

Why would you say it was six syllables and then spell it right though? I'm just imagining myself saying something like, "2 syllables bitches, YOU ALL SUCK!," while in my head thinking, "Y'ALL SUCK!"

I.. don't understand. You could have spelled it with the slur, and that woulduh made sense, but you didn't.

If I typed like I tawlked, y'all'd more n'likely get purty durned flustered tryin' to dee-cipher what in the hay-ulll it was I was tryin' to say.

k, it's not really that bad, I jest. :p

But I'm a stickler for typing coherently, just because I appreciate reading others who make that effort. Here's how it would have had to been typed out:

Prenup'shul Agreement.

Sorry this is offtopic, it's just what I'm used to now I guess. Feel free to delete these if you feel so inclined guys. ^^

This ^