he's been heartbroken by another girl?

This is a thread that follows my previous thread. My previous thread was about liking a guy down the hall from my friends dorm room that I thought was showing interest in me only to find out that he liked girls that were half clothed and would do anything for him. I invited him to hang out and drink with us that night but then I found out he was a womanizer and someone who's not worth my time. After I found that out, I was really bummed that night and my friend (the one that lives in the room we were drinking in), who was more drunk than I was, said, "He isn't worth your time anyways. You deserve better then that." One thing lead to another, and he told me that he had had feelings for me for a long time (we have known eachother since we were in kindergarden). One thing lead to another and we kissed and flirted and he walked me home at the end of the night.

He asked me the next morning if I still felt the way I did last night about him, and I said yes and he said so also, however he just broke up with his girlfriend of about 8 months and he is confused and scared to start all over again. We texted late into the night for two nights now just talking about what to do, and he is scared about the commitment, he's scared of rushing things now and messing them up or waiting and hurting me to where everything messes up. I told him and I didn't want to rush him and I was ok with taking it slow. He knows me very well, he can read me like a book - my emotions, my mood, my stress level. I told him that I would let him in if he wanted to date. I have trust issues, but I trust this guy so much and I don't know how to tell him that he's not like how I treat everyone else, which is at a distance.

So my question is, how can I tell him he can trust me and that I will open up to him without pushing him away? How can we make this work, whether its right now or later on? I was really surprised, and now I'm scared that he won't give me a chance. I want that chance more than anything... totse help me :(

How do you get sirlicksalot to stop making threads asking for advice about every single fucking decision that she has to make in her life?

Tell him what you told us, that you like him, and you want to 'open up' to him, whatever the fuck that means, and that you're afraid that you're going to push him away by being too 'open,' so you're going to let everything go at his pace.

Ask for a clean slate, and get a promise of it. Raise your voice when the slate is not given.

You do it very carefully, and expectedly pretty slowly. Pretty much tell him what you told us. Trust him, talk to him, and take it slowly if that's what it'll take. Oh, and don't do anything stupid to lose his trust, but that's a no-brainer.

food, become a good cook. it worked for my gf

If relationship problems were the only problems in my life right now, life would awesome. However, they aren't so get off your high horse. If you don't want to read them or comment on them, then simply don't. Easy enough, right?

How do you get sirlicksalot to stop making threads asking for advice about every single fucking decision that she has to make in her life?

Did YOU really just say that?????

i bet you aren't getting that sms bill

Fuck what i said before. just go with the goddamn flow. Stop trying to rush something that hasn't even blossomed.

Besides going that far, what can I do that will say hey I'm here longer then she is in for it? I'm one of his best friends, and she plays around with him. I want to for once get whats supposed to be mine in the end, but I don't want to be manipulative. I've said all that I could say.

I want to for once get whats supposed to be mine in the end.

lolwut?

It's pretty intuitive. Gain his trust the same way you'd gain anyone elses: prove that you're trustworthy. That takes time. There isn't some magical fix, nothing to speed it along. If he has feelings for you, he'll probably decide you're not going to break his heart... even though you probably will.

lolwut?

haha sirlicksalot is fucking insane

re: first paragraph... that was a pretty bitchy and mean thing to say, even coming out of the mouth of a Texan. Especially from someone who has made more threads here than most folks have ever made posts to.

re: second paragraph... much as I hesitate to admit so, pretty good advice, at least in part.


He asked me the next morning if I still felt the way I did last night about him, and I said yes and he said so also, however he just broke up with his girlfriend of about 8 months and he is confused and scared to start all over again.

So my question is, how can I tell him he can trust me and that I will open up to him without pushing him away? How can we make this work, whether its right now or later on? I was really surprised, and now I'm scared that he won't give me a chance. I want that chance more than anything... totse help me


You can tell him any way you like. If necessary you can tell him over and over and over again. But actions always speak louder than words. To be sure, tell him and reassure him; but more importantly show him. It will take a while, and should be in gradual steps... but if you have known him for as long as you say, a little while longer should not be such a big sacrifice for you.

You cannot win someone over by repeatedly assuring them that you will not dominate them while you drag them by the hair (or balls) back to your lair.

Again, if I missed the point here, communication is absolutely essential in any relationship. But communication, while it MUST include the spoken word, CANNOT be limited to that alone. And again... this is going to take some time. No matter how proficient your communication skills are, you are dealing with someone who obviously has some pretty serious scars. And scars take a good while to heal.

I sense that YOU are most likely the best ointment that this fellow will ever find to heal his wounds.

Best of luck to you both!

^^^ Thank you. I had a pretty rough night last night, and it's funny that you give me that advice now - showing him he can trust you. Last night, I got a text from his roommate (also one of my best friends) saying that he needed my help. I went up the room and the guy I have feelings for had finished off the three shots left of vodka, and half of a bottle of Captain Morgan. I was soooo scared. He couldn't even sit up straight, he had to be held up. I sat there and listened to him talk about her and their problems for a good three hours into the night, while he held my hands and tried to support himself on me. I took his phone so he wouldn't text the ex anymore, and I looked at some of the top messages and she is a piece of shit. She's let other guys touch her, she's gone out at least 3 times a week with this other guy, but she keeps reeling him back in with those three magic words. Anyways, I stayed with him until he was about to pass out. I laid him on the floor (he couldn't get into the bed) put a trashcan beside him, and stayed there until he fell asleep. I just didn't sleep alot last night. These words keep ringing through my head: "She tells me everything I want to hear, but you give me everything I need."

Did YOU really just say that?????

Yeah, really, what the fuck?

I have never fought another girl for a guy. I always give in and go looking elsewhere, but this time I know that I am the better choice for him right now. It just sucks that he can't see that. He's still torn between the two of us.

You're weird, possibly nuts, and a touch naive, if not delusional.

Since when can or do you make choices in his life for him?

Give advice, sure, but wow.

"She tells me everything I want to hear, but you give me everything I need."

Ahahaha, a girl is being used in classic "nice guy" fashion. Why aren't more people telling her to "man the fuck up" and move on with her life, possibly involving alcohol and promiscuity?

Well it sux for him, shit i went through that phase a little while ago. But give it time it will pass.