The past couple days have been some of the most emotionally trying that I've had so far in my life. I made a thread a day or two ago, and I deleted it because alot of other stuff has come up. Right now, I'm going to tell you that this is going to be a long and very ranty thread, considering that I am having lots of trouble just comprehending my emotions. Everything is pretty much in chronological order from when I found out about it. Let's go.

Okay, I'm 17 and basically everything that happens is about my girlfriend of ~2+ months. She and I get along great I feel happy around her blah blah blah. Well, we are extremely honest and transparent with each other. Evidently one of her friends got the idea that I'm a druggy. Which I'd say is extremely inaccurate, but whatever. So I told her about all my drug experiences, which are basically: weed, alcohol, psilocybin mushrooms, cocaine, hydrocodone, nitrous, and oxycodone (which my loudmouth friend told other people about). Now that might sound like alot, but I've only actually been into drugs for ~6 months and only do them 1-3 times a month. She had (prior to meeting me that is) had absolutely no drug use at all before she met me, so she asks what it's like, and I just say, "it's like trying to explain sight to a blind man" (something that I stole from BLTC). Then I do some bad explaining...euphoria, no worries, awesome religious and intrapersonal experiences (well, on the mushrooms).

Well now, here's the problem. My girlfriend has had a history of depression, suicidal thoughts, and hallucinations. The hallucinations, from what I've gathered, are pretty vivid and realistic. As I just found out from talking to her dad today, his family has a pretty nasty history with depression; his brother committed suicide and there's been other attempts. She's been prescribed 50mg Zoloft (SSRI) and 10mg Abilify (dunno) to be taken twice a day. When I really met her in November this year, I would've never have known about her depression until she told me (her being honest with me). And it didn't really affect me at all. She was always happy and has a great smile that comes out often.

So, she continues to ask me about drugs, wanting to experience this for herself, but I remember her depression and try to talk her out of it. Basically that doesn't work so we decide to do it Sunday. I do about 3 hours of research on SSRIs and cannibis reactions and find NOTHING. No bad experiences or nothing. I do find the MAOI warning on erowid, stating that they will intinsify the effects of hallucinaginic drugs alot and to be extremely careful, but she's on SSRIs and weed isn't exactly a powerful hallucinagin. So I buy an eighth of good weed and wait for Sunday.

Sunday, we basically smoke in the park/behind school while we wait for my friends parents to leave his house, so we can crash there. We get high, it's fun. I got a psilocybin flashback that took me to bad trip place; got scared, got over it, had fun. We go to friends house and have more fun.

However, Sunday was somewhat tarred when my girlfriend, on two occasions, broke into tears and started saying "You're too good for me." But couldn't really expand on what she meant. And now it all goes downhill.

Monday, I get up, do my usual thing, etc. etc. Then I text her, just to make sure that she got home okay, didn't get caught, and is feeling normal. She says that she's good on all fronts. Okay so I go through the school day and find out that she ditched lunch and 4th block (last period of the day) and went home. So, I rush over to her house after school. She answers the door; we go up to her room. And she basically just starts to cry, continues a bit with the "You're too good for me" thing. I just try to comfort her really. She cries herself out, I comfort her some more. We go upstairs, listen to music, play Guitar Hero, just hang out. I leave and she seems okay.

Tuesday, I get up, do my morning things, etc. etc. I get a call from her saying that she's feeling really down and staying home from school. I tell her that I'll come and see her after 2nd block. Little later I get a call saying that her dad will be coming over, so maybe I shouldn't come over. So I go to school, barely making it through my first two classes because I'm so worried, and after that's done I rush over to her house. I ring the doorbell; no one answers. I call her cell; no answer. Then I notice how the door is ajar and immediately rush inside, calling her name, looking in every room in the house (literally) to make sure that she isn't hurt. She's not home and the door was open; my mind immediately took to the idea that maybe she attempted suicide. I wasn't wrong. After about two hours of worrying outside and inside my room, I get a text simply saying "I tried to OD on zoloft".

So, now my mom comes home, and is wondering what the hell I'm doing ditching class. I tell her I just need time, an hour by myself to think. She honors this, and I ask my girlfriend if I can tell her, because she's going to need to know eventually. So I tell my mom everything (leaving out the drugs except weed and alcohol). And she doesn't know what to say really, just shocked. Nothing really of interest happens for a while. She, my girlfriend, says she misses me, we text, talk a little and that's really it. I can visit her from 6-7. I get to [Hospital Name], rush in to see her, have to wait 20 minutes while she finishs up with her family. When I go in to see her, the first thing I thought of was the surreality of it all. There she is, smiling her great smile, happy to see me, while her parents are obviousily emotionally fatigued to say the least. We just talk, about nothing really, just talk. She seemed happier, a little depression showing underneath. But that's it, didn't seem suicidal or anything.

So then I repeat the story to my dad. He laughs, says his best friend grew his own weed when he was in his 20's. Tells me of his previous 6 month marriage that he had before my mom that I was completely unaware of. Told me how my uncle got his girlfriend pregnant at 18, married her while my dad was travelling (rather cheapily) through Europe. And that he wrote "Beware of that girl" on his brother's birthday card. I really don't think I've ever felt this close to my dad.

Then I go back today, we were allowed one hug/kiss when we met and another when we left. Of course, we had to be there with an adult, her dad, so it was somewhat awkward. But her dad really likes me. Hell, we share reading interests, and he confided in me his family's history of depression and his brother's suicide. Now, I truly believe that I have to convince my girlfriend to somehow inform her parents of what happened sunday, because I think it could very easily be the cause for her sudden depression. That is something I'm not looking forward to.

Then I talked to her dad, and found out that she impulsively took the increased dosage, and when she talked with him, told him what had happened. So that really means that she didn't really want to go through with it (i hope) and it just happened in the middle of her depression.

That's it really...don't really know what to say.

I think it's really weird that weed caused her problems with respect to taking zoloft and suicide. I mean, antidepressants fuck with you, but weed never put me in a place like that...

You should probably talk to her about the episode, if you've been tiptoing around it this whole time... Be wary around girls who will purposely try to od on medication you can't od on. Anyone committed to killing themselves and not just wanting attention will get that shit together before they actually do something.

First things first, I love your username.

That being said, I think the medication has really helped her over time. She was suicidal in the past, and it's much better now, according to her.

And, you reminded me to edit this in:
"Then I talked to her dad, and found out that she impulsively took the increased dosage, and when she talked with him, told him what had happened. So that really means that she didn't really want to go through with it (i hope) and it just happened in the middle of her depression."

ya, there's alot in there, so I doubt that's all I forgot.

EDIT: don't forget that everyone's body is different and reacts differently to drugs.

and today was a happy day. She was released at 2pm and I hung out at her house for a couple hours. Seemed fine to me.

Then I got to talking with a couple of her friends, who've known her well since elementry school, later (like 10pm-1am) and it seems like her mom is somewhat crazy and emotionally strange (dunno the word), but her dad still seems like a class act to me. Evidently the family life is a little different than I first thought.

She tried to OD on zoloft? Ummm....ooookaaaaay.....riiiiight.

Well you've got one of two cases on your hands:

1. Your girlfriend is really stupid.

2. She did it for attention.

I know people who have killed them selves, my best friend tried (coma for 8 days), I've OD'd just while having some recreational fun, and well....dying is pretty easy. She didn't come close, so she can't be too serious about it. Just be there for her and lay down some rules, next time she does it that you wont be there for her.

I'm actually being as nice as I can right now, holding back and using some self control. I hate half assed suicide attempts, they're so pathetic. But *takes deep breath* here's what I'd do.

First time she tries to kill her self (I'd judge if it was serious, or a cry for help) I'd be there for her and tell her not to do it again. I'd become a better boyfriend and do everything in my power to stop it. If she tries again and failed I'd give her advice on how to do it properly, you know, a few handy tips. Then dump her. You've been with her two months, imagine how fucked she'll be at 2 years.

"And, you reminded me to edit this in:
"Then I talked to her dad, and found out that she impulsively took the increased dosage, and when she talked with him, told him what had happened. So that really means that she didn't really want to go through with it (i hope) and it just happened in the middle of her depression.""

As in she got extremely depressed all of a sudden, and did whatever came to her mind. It was impulsive, and thankfully immediately regretted.