..of the rest of my life...

The ex picked her stuff up about... a half hour ago.

It was cold, business-like, and cut me down inside like an emo with a new razor and some shitty music, to an extent I couldn't try and prepare for.

During the few trips to cart her things out, she started crying, I was on the edge but didn't, for some reason. We weakly hugged, which hurt more than anything, and she left without a goodbye or anything. I broke down for about 15 min after, couldn't help myself, and started to while typing this, I feel like a goddamn kitten. Under the misery/sadness, I hate it, it's weak, self-destructive, and somehow pathetic to me. I realize that it's normal/acceptable to feel like this, but that view doesn't change any.

She said she wanted to keep contact, didn't want me out of her life, etc. but I refused, I can't talk to her pretending nothing happened and without being miserable, at least not for a good while. This move doesn't make me happier at all, but I know it's better for me, sometime, or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

I dunno what I can say anymore, everything feels so final, the immense sense of loss is as strong as ever, with added helplessness and misery. Looking at random things in my room floods memories back, a line from a song on the radio stings, I'm clenching my jaw way too much, trying to keep from wanting to cry again. :\

I've got nothing I can think of to do now... not in the mood to hit up any bars or parties, hardly to leave the house despite that I have to for school.

I'll get to the mall sometime later this week, for the hell of it, and I'm being dragged to go rock-climbing by my roommate on Wednesday (it's monday now, for future reference).

Every once in a while (this has taken me about 2.5 hours to write, very slowly and forcibly) my mind wanders to possibilities now, where I can go from here and whatnot, but I fall back into sadness and misery almost instantly and can't escape it. :\

I've been with my girlfriend 2 weeks now and I can't imagine how sad I'd be if she left. A year and a half would destroy me. Just stay strong man, there'll always be others. I know it's hard to think about when you've been monogamous for so long, but trust me, THERE WILL BE OTHERS, in fact, THERE WILL BE BETTER.

I'm trying to make it up to see you and get wasted, but it's gotten a lot harder now. I'm taking her horseback riding on saturday and not sure what's going on sunday. I'll keep in touch, I really want to do this. if you're dropping by toronto anytime let me know.

i feel bad man. i can say all the cliche shit but you already know it. pick up a hobby, or an addiciton.

You'll get over her.

Period.
The objects will replace themselves. The songs will replace themselves as well, the new songs will have new meanings to you. You'll start dreaming of someone else.

And for now listen to sad music and enjoy the sorrow.

This will happen again and it will hurt just as bad.

first day of my life is an emo song.

Pretty much the only emo song I know

neg neg neg rep ta ya

Screw you, Bright Eyes are cool.

Also to the OP, do all the cliche things mentioned, pick up a hobby, wallow in self pity FOR A WHILE. Dont let it take over your life.
But youre entitled to some pity points

*shrug* No idea it was an emo song, bit fitting, but gay.

No pity time, no wallowing in sorrow, I can't do it. Sure, I want to and I can't push myself to do anything else, but school/etc. doesn't allow for it. 12.5 hours of class tomorrow alone, then reports and labs to type. I hate to think that my marks/etc. would suffer from something already so negative but yeah, can't predict that.

Because of school, next to no time for hobbies, and even less money for them. With the time I need to drop into schoolwork I don't have time for a relationship anymore really, not that I'd want another now, and social life's gotta drop a good part too if I wanna pass this year. More of a grit your teeth and accept it sorta deal, I'll have to deal with any fixing/self-healing later on.

I don't see any of that situation helping me any, on the contrary it just leaves me alone in my head even more. :\

The what-ifs haven't stopped for the last week solid, though it's basically the same ones scrolling through again and again without mercy, blaming me, taunting me, and I can't fucking stop getting caught on every one.

Right now (1:47AM) I'm missing sleep because I know the second this laptop is off and I have those 5-20 min to fall asleep to myself, I'll just end up feeling worse than now, without something to distract me or stop the trains of thought.

Awe dude... I hoped it wouldnt get to this but... damnit. My best friend ended his 2 year relationship (with a woman he had already planned much of his life) because she kept in touch with her ex. Now, he feels like shit, and the only thing keeping him alive is (hope these things might help ya too) listening to music ALL the time, taking up photography, basicly having someone visit him everyday, keeping himself mildly drunk, as in taking a few sips of something every few hours.

I hate these things... And like Rykoshet, I dont know what I would do if my 2 week relationship (my first girlfriend, first kiss, probably first time too) suddenly ended. It already came kinda close when I 'stumbled' upon all the emails she exchanged with her ex... And those nearly killed me, but I survived, didnt tell her anything and Im just hoping for the best right now.

Anyways... Good luck dude, allow yourself to cry a bit, that really helps alot.

Keep your chin up buddy. It gets easier. :)

I'm clenching my jaw way too much, trying to keep from wanting to cry again. :\

Just let it out, go to the store and buy a bottle of whiskey and buy a gram or an 8th or pot and just fuckin' cry it out. You may feel like an idiot and a pussy, but it'll help.

Screw you, Bright Eyes are cool.


effeminate little bitches like yourself like bright eyes. That's good enough cause to slice conor oberst's arms vertically as opposed to his normal horizontal cuts.

And you can cry like a lil bitch and wear black eye shadow at his funeral, fag.

effeminate little bitches like yourself like bright eyes. That's good enough cause to slice conor oberst's arms vertically as opposed to his normal horizontal cuts.

And you can cry like a lil bitch and wear black eye shadow at his funeral, fag.

You, sir, are afflicted by retardation of incredible magnitude. I'm genuinely surprised you've survived long enough to learn to form barely coherent sentences and manipulate a keyboard.

I feel you somehow deserve an award, but I'm not aware of anyone who gives awards for faggotry.

Don't get into any fast cars or on any fast bikes for the next few hours.

I speak from experience here...

Oh, and don't call her. Someone once told me 3 weeks is a good rule of thumb as far as a MINIMUM for not talking to somebody after a breakup, and it's worked alright so far.

Pain will subside, just find a way to forget it until it does. But don't go the drugs route, the cure is worse than the disease.

Guess I'll tackle the replies in order here.

The music thing is double-edged, really. Some helps me keep my mind from wandering, most just reminds me again of it and I end up turning it off for a while, but can't stand the (relative) silence.

Can't get drunk or stoned anytime soon, design/calc/statics/physics work is piling up to the tune of 4-5 hours a night, though it's all mindless shit-work anyways and doesn't distract me at all. Unless I drink a LOT, if I have something big on my mind, it just starts to center around one or two thoughts, whether I'm alone or with friends, and more or less traps me until I'm sober. Same deal with weed, I tend to close up and turn all thoughts inward. Same effect either way, sober or not, just a different frame of mind.

I feel I can't cry it out either, last night was likely it for a while, roommate is back with no big plans to leave overnight/extended times anytime soon, and something about bawling in front of other people makes me damn uncomfortable, not that I'm having much of a choice now, but I'd like to avoid it if I can.

A part of me still wants to talk to her, to keep back the pain of completely having her out of my life. The logical part wants none of this and sees no benefit from it, short or long-term. Both options hurt to think of, I can't decide which wins yet. Goddamnit.

In a small way I feel kinda trapped by my surroundings/life at the moment... I can't go out and drink it away, I can't cry it away, and to be perfectly honest totse is my only outlet for this. Would talk to friends, but none are overly close here or would understand, and I largely don't feel like burdening any of them with it. A smile, however fake, is the easiest option. Can't talk to roommate, obvious reasons, and she's got her own shit besides. Can't talk to parents, they'd only end up angrily lecturing me, they have every time in the past, and there's little reason now should be different, I've avoided a few phone calls, and they only found out that we split a day or two ago, while it's really been dragging on for about 3 weeks.

I'm so sad for you. I really wish I could help you and make things better.


The pain will go, eventually. When you're feeling so bad the only consolation is that you wont allways.



I suggest you get naked, put on some war paint and dance along. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzTa8vyNsy4)

speaking of bright eyes... the song 'lua' brings out my sadness when i need to have it out. i'd recommend lay down to sleep with that (or a similar one) on loop, and cry yourself to sleep just once.

you'll feel a hell of a lot better come the morning.

get yourself some marijuana. Mary Jane is the best lady you'll ever meet.

Thanks yoyo, but sadly that link didn't work. :\

I feel odd admitting it, but I did cry myself to sleep last night, I couldn't help it nor stop it, bit ashamed of that somehow, and I feel equally shitty this morning, suspect I will for a while.

This thing is that I never wanted it to change, I didn't want to split up. I know we fought and there were rough patches and all, somehow we never really managed to talk enough to fix enough of it. The fights over petty shit and getting wound up over nothing wasn't worth it for a second, not once, definitely not worth this. I'd trade anything in the world right now to have one day back, just one, with everything as it was before, and if I were to die when I feel asleep, I'd die perfectly happy. /most emo but perfectly serious thing I've ever said

To all those fortunate enough to have someone special right now, please, please try to always see the big picture, through everything. If you've got any remotely real or serious feelings for them, just take a step back once in a while and whenever you're upset or fighting about something, and try to see as best you can if it's worth it at, what any of it means in the big picture, and if you'd really want to lose the person over it. I got caught and wound up in an endless stream of small, worthless fights and arguments, none of it critical and I never thought for a second that it would lead to this, never wanted it to, it really wasn't worth feeling like this, at least for me.

first off, everyone get the idea that depression is somehow linked to emo in any way. Everyone gets depressed; it's part of human life. And depression, the physiological problem, is nothing to make fun of. If you've ever had a depressed friend, family member, or loved one, you'd probably understand. Emo is some hipster bullshit that's taken off for some reason. Emo is some way to glorify a normally miserable time in everyone's life.

Sad music that I like:
Catch 22
Streetlight Manifest- both have some sad themes in alot of their music, but happy too
Jawbreaker
That's all I can really think of. Remember ska=happy, most of the time. At least for me.

It's not that I think depression is emo, I've been depressed before, it was something like this, don't know how I got out of it anymore, didn't include meds, though. Thanks for the songs, I'll look those up.

I just dislike displaying any of this, not that I think I glorify it, but showing any of it bothers me somehow.

I went to one class today, it was weird, couldn't concentrate on a single thing, and sat there on autopilot and blank the entire time. Bothers me, if I can't do work because of this.

It seems so pointless now, really, the reasons. If there was another guy, anything else, I'd understand it better. Can't say I'd feel any better but somehow I think I might, as is it feels like there it all happened over almost nothing, and I lost it because of nothing.

You gotta get through it man...
Today I learned that my girlfriends ex, a crazy ass sand nigger drug dealer, mugger and thief (just think how I felt when I got to know that she loved HIM and that he took her virginity?) has paid some people to ... hurt or kill her. Woo-fuckin'-hoo. Gotta hit the gym and take some MA classess it seems, or I might end up with a knife in me. Just for her...

That's rough, Liquid, kick him in the head a few times for me, would ya?

I can't stand this, I can't take my own mind dishing this at me non-stop, I've had a lump in my throat and nothing but the shittiest, most depressing thoughts through my head since I woke up today. I've gotta get outta here, I'll take a walk, maybe hit the mall a little, I dunno, but I can't stay like this any more today.

If shit hits the fan, I probably will.

And yeah, just watch out that you dont take a long, lonely walk outside, that could get it all worse. Thinking aint good at this stage. Although taking a stroll through the mall with some good music (maybe try some new stuff, things that arent so connected to your sadness?) The nagging feeling that it just wasnt anything, that it might have just been a whim or something... But really, as Ive seen enough of these (and probably gonna go through one too in the future), only time can help ya.
Time to sign off, good luck dude, and keep safe.

Thanks man, you too, and I will. I usually get some slightly mindless hiphop if I want to quit thinking about something (lately it was David Banner - Play, and Jay-Z - It was all a dream) but I think I'll switch it a little, or at least try it, I'll dl a few of those songs mentioned.

I'll have maybe 15-20 min of walking to reach the bus, chance to turn around anytime in there, and the ipod will be blaring.

I'm starting to edge on some possibilities again, I'd like to get to the gym some more and work myself back to the shape I was in in the summer/previous year, maybe a new haircut (always wanted to try highlights for no reason besides that I don't like my solid dark brown hair), and some new clothes (that I can't afford, but dreaming is nice sometimes).

Music:

Artist: Rob Dougan
Album: Furious Angels

Available at all good torrent sites...Try to get both CD's, the second is the instrumentals.

Keep your chin up.

Same guy who did 'Clubbed to Death'? Liked that song, I'll add this to my to-find list with the rest.

OC, signing out, 'bout to leave in a few min.

Hey we should all post Orange CD techno mixes and porn!


Ooh, if you want to snivvel like a little bitch,
The Carpenters: End of the World.
The Carpenters: Rainy Days and Mondays.
James Blunt (I'm so so sorry..) : No Bravery.

Then to put you in a slightly bitter, better mood,
Muse: Uno.
Linkin Park: Faint.
Rukhi Vvherh: Kroshka Moya.

Then more positive,
Massive Attack: TearDrop.
Sublime: I've seen better days.

Then to get you quite, quite angry:
(Dont listen to these and do coke, they might make you beat the shit out of your ex)
Slayer:Raining blood.
BadCompany UK: Nitrous.
HED PE: Raise hell.
Drowning Pool: Bodies.
SpineShank: Smothered.


Then to calm down a bit,
Marusha: Cant stop raving.
Dj Sasha: Xpander.
The Cure: Burn.
Kylie Minogue: Breathe. (Sasha remix better)



I have most of these if you want me to send them to you

Same guy who did 'Clubbed to Death'? Liked that song, I'll add this to my to-find list with the rest.

OC, signing out, 'bout to leave in a few min.

It is indeed, you should try and listen to Clubbed to Death 2...It's a lot calmer.

And Yoyo, some of those songs seem very familiar! ;)

Thanks for the tracks guys.

Yoyo, I'm gonna have to scratch a few of that list for various reason, mostly James blunt, muse, drowning pool, and the cure, sorry. My limewire has been fucking itself lately (router problem?) so sure, if you could send them somehow that would be cool.

Cleaned myself up a good amount (bit of a habit if I feel bad), and went to the mall. Picked (visa'd, I lack cash) up a sweatshirt (american eagle, red, fur-lined hood, nice), and some 'energy' (I suspect non-prescription antidepressants) pills recommended by parents. Free me to me, so meh.

I started to feel a little better when I went out, thought less, and just listened to music and browsed various shit I can't come close to affording.

I got back home, sat down, tossed off my coat, turned on a bit of music, but it crept up again. Best I can put it is as a massive wave of suck and the same misery as before, if not stronger. Too much at the mall reminded me of everything too, but here it's just bad, I feel like crying out of nowhere all over again, nothing stops the thoughts anymore and I can't pull myself out of it, at least not yet. I can't think of a single thing without the memories and shit feelings coming back and taking over. Even thinking about the feelings or anything about the situation or her at all forces me to clench my jaw again, this shit isn't easy. I can't fucking escape it, and this is where I live, little I can do about that.

Time to find a new hobby and do better in school. The key word there is new.

Best wishes.

Thanks.

Feverishly downloading seasons of Heroes right now (saw a bit at a friend's place, looks cool), trying to think of anything else but my choices seem damn slim unless it's very very cheap or free.

School I worry over, I can't concentrate and have zero will to work as is, I can't stay like this. :\

For some reason I'm finding and clinging to anything that I can put as distinctly 'mine' that I can recall, there isn't much at all, really.

Thanks.

Feverishly downloading seasons of Heroes right now (saw a bit at a friend's place, looks cool), trying to think of anything else but my choices seem damn slim unless it's very very cheap or free.

School I worry over, I can't concentrate and have zero will to work as is, I can't stay like this. :\

For some reason I'm finding and clinging to anything that I can put as distinctly 'mine' that I can recall, there isn't much at all, really.

Getting really into a show is good, but remember that even better is getting social. Work your pickup game for an hour at the pub each night (get a buddy, it'll be more fun). This is good for 2 reasons:

1) You're meeting new girls, some of which are boring as planks, some of which are nice. You will also get physical contact ranging from making out to sex, which is nice.

2) It'll make you better at picking up chicks, so when you meet one who's decent, has the same hobbies, makes you laugh, and makes you feel as good or better than your ex-gf, you can easily pick her up and start a relationship.

Bars or clubs or any regular basis are no-go, I basically have negative money as it is. Campus parties are kinda rare since I'm off campus, and have ass-loads of homework, but yeah.

I hate to admit this, but I can't stop fucking crying, it's just steady now with random bursts of essentially bawling for a few minutes, no matter what I'm thinking or doing, I can't even help it anymore... goddamit... Roommate is asleep so no risk there really, I've got the next few hours to myself, and this. :\

Thanks.

Feverishly downloading seasons of Heroes right now (saw a bit at a friend's place, looks cool), trying to think of anything else but my choices seem damn slim unless it's very very cheap or free.

School I worry over, I can't concentrate and have zero will to work as is, I can't stay like this. :\

For some reason I'm finding and clinging to anything that I can put as distinctly 'mine' that I can recall, there isn't much at all, really.

Start running? About 10-30 minutes a day (or every few days). It'll give you time to think about shit. Plus it's exercise. It's also good. Especially if you're being chased (couldn't help the shitty joke).

Start running? About 10-30 minutes a day (or every few days). It'll give you time to think about shit. Plus it's exercise. It's also good. Especially if you're being chased (couldn't help the shitty joke).

It's winter here, and will be for another... 3-4 months or so. O_o

I do have a gym pass, from a while ago I think is still good, may try that on weekends or something where I have a tiny bit of time. May take me a few buses to get to it though, haven't thought of that yet.

Totse isn't your blog you fucking pussy. Get over it.

Totse isn't your blog you fucking pussy. Get over it.

Fuck you, last I checked this concerns affection plenty.

you should hang yourself. that would show that bitch.

It's winter here, and will be for another... 3-4 months or so. O_o

You crazy northern hemispherians and your backwards seasons.

Sounds good.

I talked to some friends, one found out (asked me really) and we discussed it a little bit. Few random convos with other people I haven't talked to in a while too. Loosely arranged housing options for next year with 4 friends, given that I pass :\. I feel a little like there's still an alright world outside this that I can latch onto with some work. I know where I'm at now is a loop and doesn't do any good, I just can't help feeling that way. Trying not to get dragged back in for tonight at least, but it's goddamn hard. I'll try for some sleep, thanks for the advice/comments so far guys, it means a lot to me.

I heard somewhere that eating a quart of ice cream is soothing... dont know for sure but you could try

Fuck you, last I checked this concerns affection plenty.

It does. And dont worry, theblackpope is the sort of twat who thinks that pulling out before he comes is a good form of contraception. his oppinion shouldnt matter too much to you.

You have to distract yourself like mad, books, music, whatever you're in to. I know it can be hard but you have to make yourself not think.


I also reccomend downloading the entirety of Family Guy. It's entertainment, atleast.

This game (http://www.enigmasand.com/games/nphys/) might distract you for a few minutes.

FUCKING OWNED

Hmmm, some good advice, some crap. I dont know the full story of your breakup but let me give you some advice from one who has been there.
My girl friend and I (I am not going to say how long ago) broke up over some rather trivial issues and basicly some misunderstandings and lack of communication.
I made a last call to her to see her and when she said she "had made other arrangements" I just said goodbye and decided she was just a immature girl who didnt know what she wanted.
I just shut down my emotions and told myself I didnt want to go through that ever again.
I did turn to the bottle for a while but realized that was not the answer.
Strangely enough I could have easily called her at work or home but the male ego would not allow that. So I missed an opportunity for a chance to tell her how I felt about her. Would it have made a difference?. Who knows. But at least it would have been a try.
Dare I suggest that you might, if there is any sort of chance that her and your feelings for each other are real, try again and get over the trivial issues together?
Strangely enough, after a time( not saying how long) my ex girl and I are seeing each other, we both realized that we had been stupid to allow trivial issues to come between us.
But thats a long and interesting tale for some other time.

May I suggest you read 'The Power of Now' By Eckhart Tolle. It will open up a gate to freedom if you stick with it.

School helps a lot, I found, the attitude being the main difference. Ice cream is expensive stuff, sadly, and I've never found massive pleasure or comfort in it, oddly enough. :\

I hate being home now, everything here is cold, unchanging, goddamn soulless, it only reminds me of everything again. Everything outside of school right now feels just empty and near-depressing so far. Nothing exists at home beyond mindless chores and homework right now, really, I despise going home at the end of the day. Feel worst at night, little to do, almost no one to talk to, just some music and myself.

Following bit is kinda lame, considering it's only been a little over a week, and I'm still aware (but kinda numbed) to the reasons why we broke up. I had the odd idea to scrounge a bit for a single rose, scribbling in anything from a 'Thanks' to a 'Thanks for the good times' in a small card, initialed or signed, and either leaving it on her windshield, or walking it over to her job (10 min walk, meh) along with the few things of hers still left I've found, without a word about the rose. But that feels weird, somehow, futile and kinda pointless, but it's been renting space in a corner of my head for some reason for a little while.

For each of these, which part of me still half-expects and aches for, there's a gap right now, empty space that I've got no idea how to fill or cover over, as is. Here goes.

I miss having someone to talk to, as more than a simple or even close friend, someone to share your every random emotion/concern with, share and discuss your dreams (as in future, or any really) with, to waste random hours with just chatting about nothing, but enjoying it all the same.

I miss being able to hug and hold someone, plain and simple, to lay next to or just wrap your arms around someone you care about and who cares about you.

I miss spending the night sleeping next to someone you care about, or love, being able to each over and hug/touch them, waking up beside them and looking over for those first few seconds of the day before anything else seems to move or start.

I miss looking forward to seeing someone after the day, or a few days, for every point already listed and plenty more I can't find the words for.

Yoyo, any chance you can send me any of those songs still?

LOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL you're such a pussy! "I almost cried" you a bitch nigga cryin over shit like that? You go into any relationship thinking she gonna do something to fuck you over so don't get so attached. There is no such thing as love, just fucking and birthing our seed. Every bitch can fuck and make a baby so stop crying like a bitch on the rag and go get another.

Only advice I can offer you is what I do in any situation where I have some emotion that I can't get rid of and that's write. Just write and keep writing about anything. Works for me anyway.

Another suggestion is to go and beat the shit out of something inanimate, like a birck wall or a pole of something, and keep doing it until you can't do anything. Then crawl home.

Time heals all wounds. Just got to tough it out I guess. Good luck.

Writing works a little, at least helps to organize this mess a bit, not much I can think of to write anymore though, I don't wanna repeat anything, and totse is hardly a place for every single last thought, though, so anything here is trimmed down.

Not much of an angry guy, at least not to a far, far off point, but some sort of emotional release would be nice I suppose. Options include running/biking my ass off at the gym (I really should, if I want to race in the spring again), boxing/similar (have wanted to start, and the school gym has facilities), and that's about it, really.

Yeah, sorry dude.

If it helps, think of it like this. Out of every day, ever, a certain percentage of people will have a bad day. And in everyone's lifetime, there's probably an average number of bad days. So... once you use up all your bad days, there'll be nothing but good ones! I say, harness these bad feelings and ensure the rest of your life is way better.

Of course... probability would say that there could be someone who had a bad day every day... But they'd probably be conditioned to it and wouldn't even know that in comparison to everyone else's lives, there's was a nightmare. I guess that's like being retarded...

Uh... Sorry.

Thanks malkog, I did chuckle a bit there.

Well, as lame as it is, I did it, feel free to LOLOLOLOL and otherwise ridicule here.

Single red rose, small note just saying thanks for the good times, hand-delivered.

Cheap bit of closure for $5, really.

LOL!

fuckin loser, grow a pair.

LOL!

fuckin loser, grow a pair.

Thanks for the input and pulling this back up to add that, fuckwad.

Well, she's found someone else already, or at least someone pursuing her.

I'm more pissed than anything, really, guess that's a better sign.

I'll leave it to someone else to call pwned here.

Dam this sucks im in sorta the same situtation, well not really but trying to get over someone. I did it before(broken up after 3 years)..forget how hard it was.

Right now im goin thru the grieving and drinking process, it fuckin sucks but I can't let it affect my work.

cheers

If she can already find another guy or be interested in another guy at this point, maybe she fell out of love awhile ago or doesnt give a fuck anymore. You should try to drink or whatever with another girl, it will get your mind off of her for alittle bit. I know you said you have a busy life or whatever, but you can't be down in the dumps all the time.

If she can already find another guy or be interested in another guy at this point, maybe she fell out of love awhile ago or doesnt give a fuck anymore. You should try to drink or whatever with another girl, it will get your mind off of her for alittle bit. I know you said you have a busy life or whatever, but you can't be down in the dumps all the time.

Yeah that's the shit part, it makes it feel like the last year and a half didn't matter to her at all or mean a thing. I get the very strong idea that she went out drinking with a few of these guys before we split too, the bitch.

Affording booze is a problem, and parties at rez/etc. are more rare now, too much so. I hate to just sit and wait this out, but there's too little else I can do. Even shipping out to my friend's uni to get drunk/meet random girls costs more than I can really afford. :\

ya it's fucked up right now im drinkin some beers alone, gonna listen to music and just be alone. Fucked up thing is supposedly me and my x are "taking a break", it's all my fault though because I was controlling and didn't want her talking to her exes. We still talk alittle thru texting and she called last nite but it just makes shit worse talking to her, plus not talking to her makes me feel even shittier. IDK what to do, I wish I could help more but im in the same boat pretty much.

Beers here too, music going.

*raises one to you*

Yeah, I still feel like I want to talk to her, it's hard not to, does feel like shit though I know I shouldn't.

As a rule, anyone can say what they want, but actions speak a thousand times louder than words alone. Talk is cheap, as much as it feels better to listen to it sometimes, don't rely on it.

Sorry to drag it back up, but I've got nowhere else to put this.

It's having a lot more of an effect than I thought it would, I'm losing days here because I can't focus on my work, or just lack the will to do any of it.

I go through mood swings for no reason, feeling good for a while, then a switch to feeling superbly miserable for a while.

I fear having more than a day or so entirely to myself, it seems to intensify all of it, unless I'm around friends it feels like there's a weight over me all the time, and at least in the background, all the time.

I haven't talked to anyone about it for a while, as I don't want to choke up around friends, my home phone died (yet to solve), and my closer friends are busy, or occupied with other important stuff.

I'm actually considering looking up, and talking to a psychiatrist about this, I don't want it affecting things more than it has, I'm opposed to medication, but I don't know what I can do to stop this right now, there's no switch to go back to normal.

Whenever I'm in one of the 'lower' moods, I lose the will do to anything, be it go out, talk to anyone, do schoolwork, etc. and pretty much anything loses any importance.

I'd like to out, party some, drink, etc. but tons of schoolwork, lack of money (I'd give up food right now to feel better) and friends being equally busy (same program, most) keep that back, but I feel like I'm stagnating and just sinking deeper as is, but can't change it much, or at least for longer than each mood swing lasts.

As this drifts out of S&A territory, I may start a thread in Headshrinkers, or wherever the right spot it, but meh.

So why did you guys break up?

Man, I feel bad for you, I have no idea how that feels, but I will tell you one thing. You need to try and move on, you cannot mope around for the next several weeks/months. You will find someone else, hopefully the next person will last, and you wont have to experience this again.

Starting to realize that the story is a long read by now.

More or less just fights over petty small shit, a lot of them, and an utter lack/degradation of communication doomed it. She wanted to go drinking/dancing a lot, also with random guys, instead of spending any time with me. I didn't like that much, she made new, sluttier, very immature friends, she changed completely from who she was... a month before, to the point where we split, dragging me along in too much of it. Year and a half-long relationship, so I've got a good amount of rebuilding to do here.

To lose something that was such a big part of your life in such a relatively small amount of time, having to re-build and re-fill that gap isn't fun work, I miss a lot of it, as much as it wasn't easy or enjoyable by the end.

Man, I feel bad for you, I have no idea how that feels, but I will tell you one thing. You need to try and move on, you cannot mope around for the next several weeks/months. You will find someone else, hopefully the next person will last, and you wont have to experience this again.

Problem right now is that I don't have much time to get out and put distance between this, and myself, for a good while at least, so I dunno what to do to distract my mind and hands, schoolwork is tedious and my thoughts still wander to it too much.

I'm in no mood, or situation to go out and meet moar chicks, I'd like to, but I don't like going out when I'm sad/upset over something, besides the lack of will to do so.

^ I know man, it's going to be hard, but you can get through it.

Well that I know, I know I can do better and all, but the slump now scares me, don't want it screwing over school or anything else, and that digs me a little deeper, ironically.

I haven't posted much lately, but I have been following your situation. The best advice I can give you is to remember that time heals everything. It always sounds like bullshit, and it really doesn't help much in the moment, but if you keep it in mind and try to see the bigger picture it does help. It hurts, yeah. If you don't kill yourself you will get over it. Buy a yellow legal pad and write out everything by hand. Don't organize it. just write out everything you feel. Then, you can either keep it to remember that all the pain you're going through is just not worth it, or burn it and forget. Physically burning all of that can be really therapeutic. Erase her from your life, and erase her from your mind. You have to get all the thoughts out before you can heal your mind. Drinking, smoking and drugs might help for a little, but all they do is postpone the inevitable emotions you have to deal with. Write out everything. Go exercise at the gym a couple times a week if you can. Try to find something you can focus on that will occupy your mind. Force yourself to only think about the situation when you've got a notebook in hand to write everything down.

Read the Tao Te Ching. When I'm depressed I always read it and it helps. The book is short so you can read it in an hour or two tops. For me it helps remind me not to hold on to anything: If all things change, why try to hold on to them? I don't really know what else to say. It hurts, and you'll get over it. Realize that she has already moved on. There's no reason to suffer for her anymore because she gave up. You should too.

Thanks kai, I know time is about all there is as far as actual 'cures' here, problem being that it's time that's taken up and needed by a lot of other important things.

The slump I've fallen into now scares me, I won't lie. I can't recall when I last felt like this, it's been about... 3 days without feeling normal, remotely happy, or smiling, the mood swings are becoming more rare, but in its place is a steady amount of suck.

Distracting myself is goddamn hard, besides that I can't do much, it feels like the apartment is against me. I mean, fuck, even the goddamn shower curtain is one that she helped pick out with me, and there's still a hair or two on my stuff randomly, a lot of stuff just feels empty, kinda meaningless.

I'll look up that book, if they school libraries/etc. have it.

She must be fine as hell in order to get someone that fast. Let's run a train on her!

P.S. You sure do cry a lot. Are you a hermaphro?

She must be fine as hell in order to get someone that fast. Let's run a train on her!

P.S. You sure do cry a lot. Are you a hermaphro?

It's some weird fat guy, but guessing she'll take what she can get now, I dunno.

*shrug* Not fun shit to go through, you'll probably feel it someday, no worries.

You know dude, if you are listening and still reading this thread. Here is some advice.

When something like this happens, the best thing to do is destroy it. Especially if there is no chance you guys can make up. Cause its too late now. You can't let go because im sure everything reminds you of her. But you can't be friends with this girl. Its not a mutual seperation because if it was up to you, you guys would still be together. Sure, time can heal the affect it has on you now. But what you need to do is drop her the easiest way possible. Don't give her any cards with roses. Let her know you don't want her back and make it hurt. Chances are she might miss you. Then again i don't know the whole story.

Just don't be her puppet on strings.

I miss the good times, though the problems/etc./etc. make it a slightly hesitant 'no' to being together, everything the way it was. I didn't and frankly don't wanna lose the good times or chance for them, but I know there's much else to consider and against it.

Haven't talked to her in... a short while, few days or so, and it was 3 words or so even then. She seems to have changed so much it's like a different person entirely, or at least not the person I knew.

A small bit of me expects her to come back at some point, be it in a week or two, or a month or two, it's happened before, but meh, wouldn't change anything now, so I try not to think about it.

It's starting to take a noticeable toll right now... may end up skipping an assignment (not worth too much though) because I can't find the will to do it or concentrate enough to do anything reasonable.

My home phone line is down, to be fixed on wed or so, almost all my friends are busy, I've got essentially no one to talk to, at all, it really sucks, gotta say, feels like I'm cut off from the world, and time passes a lot slower.

That slump is still around, it's a constant gray blanket over my emotions, I don't think I've actually smiled at all for a good while, and worked down any actual talking to <10 words a day, on weekends.

I know roughly what it takes to get out of this, but I feel more than a little trapped by my situation and schedule right now, I don't want to drag this out, but there's little I can do about it right now but sit through it. Bah.

I've felt like that before. It will pass. Seriously try to concentrate on your work and school. Don't go fucking up the important things in life over a girl who fucks weird fat people. Force yourself to at least go through the motions and complete your homework. If your apartment reminds you of her, then go to a library or coffee shop to work. If stuff reminds you of her, box it or burn it. The last time I had to deal with a breakup I put all the shit that reminded me of her in a box. I cleaned my whole apartment, and it felt good. It was something to do and in my mind it helped get rid of the last traces of her. Kinda weird, but it helped. But seriously, box or burn everything that reminds you of her. Buy a $5 shower curtain liner from walmart to replace the one you have now. You will feel infinitely better if you can change your surroundings a bit.

Do your best not to wallow in self-pity. You will start feeling better when you let yourself. Drink some hot green tea. Go out for cheap coffee. Take a walk in the cold. Just stay active. That's all the advice I can give.

The shit that reminds me of everything is numerous though, I think I'll have to live with a lot of it if I want to still have clothes, or things to use around here.

I've been forcing myself to do schoolwork for tonight, it's goddamn hard and I get discouraged now and then, I'm also pumping out sub-par work at a slow, slow pace, but at least it's something.

Green tea/earl grey is on the list of reminders, oddly enough, so that's a noes too. The damn student radio station repeats songs a LOT so that's off a lot now too.

I spent the first... week or so cleaning the fuck out of everything here, but there was only so much I could do. Bit of new clothes, re-arranged some stuff, new music, but I ran out of changes... a new shower curtain or something isn't a bad idea, though, thanks, I'll see what else I can do I guess.

I'll scramble and see if I can get into the school gym cheaper somehow by the weekend, so I at least have something to do, I hope.

Dude, if my girlfriend breaks up with me, I'm coming up there for a week of binge crying/drinking/fucking bitches.

Agreed?

Sure, but don't jump the gun unless it's what you want, and by what I've heard, it's not, and you're just blowing it out of proportion a bit right now.

Depends when it is, but I'll be down for the drinking (weekends, mondays, wednesdays work ok) and so on, sure.

Screw you, Bright Eyes are cool.



I think Conner Oberst did better with the Desaparecidos...

Sure, but don't jump the gun unless it's what you want, and by what I've heard, it's not, and you're just blowing it out of proportion a bit right now.

Depends when it is, but I'll be down for the drinking (weekends, mondays, wednesdays work ok) and so on, sure.

Yeah, I'm just an emotional person. I blew it out of proportion. We're cool now and we've toned down the physical stuff so we can focus on talking.

But how women can go from screwing to happily watching a movie to screaming all in one night (keep in mind (I think) I hadn't done anything drastic that would warrant such behaviour) so I was freaked out.

Yeah, I'm just an emotional person. I blew it out of proportion. We're cool now and we've toned down the physical stuff so we can focus on talking.

But how women can go from screwing to happily watching a movie to screaming all in one night (keep in mind (I think) I hadn't done anything drastic that would warrant such behaviour) so I was freaked out.

Basically any and every woman, under the right circumstances.. and sometimes not. :\

Ride it through, talk when you're both calm, most importantly. That, and don't put it off once you're calm, make sure you communicate WELL.

Small update, headed drinking/house-hunting with the small group (4-5 guys to a house) on the weekend, trying to squeeze in more gym time, etc. The whole looking to the future more deal helps a shitload, as much as I can.

Apartment is a trap, kinda just have to keep moving and keep busy in it, really, it's kinda tough for my mind to not wander easily, but yeah.

Basically any and every woman, under the right circumstances.. and sometimes not. :\

Ride it through, talk when you're both calm, most importantly. That, and don't put it off once you're calm, make sure you communicate WELL.

Small update, headed drinking/house-hunting with the small group (4-5 guys to a house) on the weekend, trying to squeeze in more gym time, etc. The whole looking to the future more deal helps a shitload, as much as I can.

Apartment is a trap, kinda just have to keep moving and keep busy in it, really, it's kinda tough for my mind to not wander easily, but yeah.

Good to hear man. There's 2 ways to get over pain I find...drinking and smoking it up...or getting physical. Hopefully you chose the second way...it's harder, but a lot more gratifying in the end, and makes it easier to meet women.

May shoot for 2/3 of those on the weekend, actually, see what happens.

Getting a bit easier now, as long as I don't sit still, and I don't think negatively, about her, or let my mind wander. Meh.

Hope your situation is going better again too, ryko.

It is, except I'm doing a lot of sitting still, and that gives my thoughts time to wander. My life consists of seeing my girlfriend, training for boxing, and school. I can't really see any of my friends because they're out partying most of the time, and I can't party since I don't like my girlfriend partying without me.

It's kind of stupid now that I think about it, but all of my female friends are just that, friends, but all of her male friends want to get in her pants. It's a stupid situation, but whatever, we're working out the kinks now.

Whenever we're apart though and I'm just lazying around the house my mind starts to wander. It's really stupid, I trust her a lot, but I get sad when I don't see her and I start having bad thoughts.

Thanks for the input and pulling this back up to add that, fuckwad.

I'm sorry you are a little fucking crybaby about your girlfriend boooooooooooooohoooooooooooo.

I'm sorry you are a little fucking crybaby about your girlfriend boooooooooooooohoooooooooooo.

Goddamn, I hope some bitch tears you in half sometime. Fucking waste of space.

Goddamn, I hope some nigger anally tears you in half sometime. Fucking waste of space.

Fixed!

Fixed!

Kai with the assist!

Small update...

Pretty much as expected, it's slowly dulling, I feel bad randomly, or if something else gets me down.

There's also a random urge to talk to her, just to toss out a 'hey how are ya doing?', though I know it's a shit ideas with no benefit to me.

Got quite drunk last weekend, got 'FUCK ME/I <3 YOU/ L' scrawled on me, after I fell asleep, by some chick. There was a 'LAURA WAS HERE' scrawled on the white-board, the U's and E's match perfectly, which narrows it down to a few people. Mostly just random and hilarious.

Swamped with schoolwork, but hitting the gym whenever I can, planning a trek down to a friend's uni again to party some, moar parties here, etc.

Urges to get a few new shirts, haircut (needed anyways, meh) and other random shit, just focusing on myself again after a damn long time.

Trying to keep myself busy/occupied with a much stuff as possible really to fill up the gaps.

Kai with the assist!

Small update...

Pretty much as expected, it's slowly dulling, I feel bad randomly, or if something else gets me down.

There's also a random urge to talk to her, just to toss out a 'hey how are ya doing?', though I know it's a shit ideas with no benefit to me.

Got quite drunk last weekend, got 'FUCK ME/I <3 YOU/ L' scrawled on me, after I fell asleep, by some chick. There was a 'LAURA WAS HERE' scrawled on the white-board, the U's and E's match perfectly, which narrows it down to a few people. Mostly just random and hilarious.

Swamped with schoolwork, but hitting the gym whenever I can, planning a trek down to a friend's uni again to party some, moar parties here, etc.

Urges to get a few new shirts, haircut (needed anyways, meh) and other random shit, just focusing on myself again after a damn long time.

Trying to keep myself busy/occupied with a much stuff as possible really to fill up the gaps.

I'll be down to see you when I get my car fixed. If things go as well as they are, I'll be with my lovely and we'll both say hi and bring some sljivovica.

It is a kick ass song, listening to emo music doesn't make you emo anymore anyway. Espically not the mainstream stuff like bright eyes and death cab and the shins. I listen to this and i still rule.

Seriosusy dude, as self-indulgent as it sounds i'm kind of envious of your situation. I've never felt like that about anyone, the only bad shit i ever feel is like a deadened sense of lonliness sometimes.

At least you are living with the volume turned up. You know it will always get better, and you must have had some good times for it to feel bad now.

Good Luck.