ok so I was talking to my girlfriend and she told me that she wants me to talk dirty to her while we have sex. Personaly I'm not a big fan of talking dirty; because I don't know what to say. So do you guys have any tips or phrases that I could use. Anything helps.

"Let me shoot it in your hair."

um.. yea. This is gonna be a classic thread lol.

Wasn't there one like this before it was long as hell. and great for the lulz.

Say someone elses name, and post results.

or " I Have aids"

"This is my sister's favorite position, too."

Just call her a dirty slut tell her you like it when i pound you like this don't you you sluty you nasty bitch. etc etc they love it..

If your really kinky, start this routine then you can build frorm it.

you:"you like that don't you"
her:"yea"
you:"yea i know you like it"
you" *slap her as*
you: "you like it when i slap your ass"
her: "yea"
you: "yea i know you like when daddy fucks you like that"
her: "yes daddy fuck me daddy, etc etc"

on a side note do not ever talk during sex like things that need answers example my gf always asks me to describe what i'm feeling. This makes me want to bash her face in with a hammer. In your dirty talk do not use anything that would take even a moments thought to answer.

all things said should be answer by yea, thats so good, im a dirty little whore, etc or you just keep saying things.

i love seeing your ass as i fuck you doggy style, etc

Can't remember who posted this originally but dubs to him!

"I am not your king. You will not enjoy this."

:D

I can never take it seriously when chicks ask for dirty talk. I start making jokes like 'Oh yeah I'm going to put my ding-dong in your la-la and dance like I'm Michael Jackson.'

Just let yourself go a little. Don't be so uptight about it. Sex is fun, talking dirty is fun. I remember one time I was fucking my ex and I was talking really fucking dirty to her, and in mid sentance I coughed:

"Fuck I love fucking you in the *cough* *really fucked high voice* arse"

It was piss funny. Even if it all goes wrong you can still laugh about it. If you can't then fuck somone else.

on a side note do not ever talk during sex like things that need answers example my gf always asks me to describe what i'm feeling. This makes me want to bash her face in with a hammer.

Oh dude i feel sorry for you, how the fuck do you answer that one?

Nah, when she mentions it, object a little.
When she eggs you on, pretend you're trying, but then give up, and mumble something along the lines of (making sure she can just hear), 'Fuck's sake... Like mother, like daughter...', as you continue thrusting.

Then post pics of your black eye on TotSE.

"You naughty girl...
You dirty hussie...
You filthy stinking prostitute...
You foul, venereal disease carrying street-walking Whore."

:D:D:D

You can never go wrong with the classic:

"SAY MY NAME BITCH!"

"LEEERRROOOYYYYY!!"

:D

(For the record...My name isn't Leeroy, and I'm not black).

And if you really want to talk dirty, just slip in:

"You fat cum loving slut".

Ahhh...Crudeness...Love it.

I really could not take this seriously either. I never take sex too seriously. I used to make jokes sometime with my exgf during sex. If someone asked me to talk dirty I would probably play stupid and ask how, then say ridiculous shit like whats getting said here.

I'm no good at dirty talk, but I think you can just get away with commands, simple affirmations, and simple descriptions. For instance:
"Suck my dick
Oh yeah
It's so hard."
If she wants you to call her names and stuff, I think that's something that would be specified separately. You should ask her if she's looking for normal shit or the kinky shit. Because if she just wants you to tell her about how wet she is, she might get peeved when you call her a cum-guzzling slut.

.... so uh.. GP.... If I like simply commanded you to do stuff to me... How would that go down?

Say everything contributed in this thread. That'll teach her.

Hey, I'm going to Bloomington this weekend!!1123lu;z

Roleplay. You can be the arab jewel merchant and she can be the petty thief. Or whatever best suits your tastes.

These threads will be your best friend

http://www.totse.com/community/showthread.php?t=2053457

http://www.totse.com/community/showthread.php?t=2055954

Hahahahahahahahahah +12

this guy knows what hes talking about

Hey, I'm going to Bloomington this weekend!!1123lu;z

Sweet, what do you plan on doing?

It better not involve fucking I.U.

I'm visiting friends at IU. What else is there to do in Bloomington?

Just be really comfortable.

Get your ego out and just be as confident as possible. I used to be really shy about it and would mumble obsenities then when she asked what i said i would be like " Oh ... i er.. nothing" lol , but after the first few things you say you tend to get a bit more confident and more creative.

Good starter's well ones that have worked for me are :

"Fuck my cock feels good in your pussy" (fairly obvious lol)
"dont you dare cum , you can cum when i say"
"you want this dont you ? , you are gagging for some cock"
"Open those legs for me girl"
"take it like the dirty girl you are"

Use a lot of dominant language treat them as if they are solely there for your pleasure, most women fall into a submissive role pretty comfortably(well i can only speak from my experience)

But yeah good luck , we all sa a couple of cringeworthy things but after that it becomes second nature.

I'm a local, I fucking hate I.U. and everything that comes with it. Spoiled brats, the lot of them. We get three months a year of peace, then the traffic and shitty driving overrun the whole town for another 9 months. Our entire fucking economy is based around serving the goddamn college students. When you meet up with your friends, do me a favor and kick them all in the balls, courtesy of the locals.

'Why.. .why... this is.. sensational!!!'

Oh my goodness, it feels fantastic when my penis is penetrating your vagina.

Good golly!

Never tell a girl she can cum it will make her feel like she should do it now and then when she doesn't she will get turned off and feel like she failed.

Always tell a girl she can't cum it turns them on like crazy and if she does come by accident just spank her and call her a bad girl, but remind her you love it when she comes.

what the fuck are you talking about
you obviously have no experience with this

Oh dude i feel sorry for you, how the fuck do you answer that one?

Warm... damp... pretty good overall.

Good golly!

haha, you pom. But seriously, only for upper-middle class poms with a rod shoved up their arse:

"oh gosh, it would appear i am arriving. Madam, i am arriving, arriving i say arriving!"

I prefer talking politics during sex. Maybe an "oh god!" and we're set.

I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuck of the Beyondness.