She's a senior in high school and she just got accepted into the UGA Honors Program. She's a smart girl but she is about to make some really dumb mistakes in her life and I don't know if I'm supposed to help her or not?

Long story made really, really short: she has pretty much no relationship with her father and her mother is sort of... not in the picture at the moment. She used to be like this perfect child, who didn't do anything bad and now she is smoking and drinking and doing really risky things.

Now, my husband is telling me leave her alone- HE'LL talk to her, but I know he's just going to yell at her or condescend to her. I'm basically the only female adult in her life.

I want to talk to her but things with my husband are extremely fragile and tense right now, and I don't want this to mess up anything we just spent so long fixing. Should I talk to her and risk fighting with him or just wait?

edit:
Oh I forgot- please, I know the first thing I should do is "stick it up her butt" so haha.

Take her aside, and have a chat with her. If your husband is really that butt hurt about it, you excuse is that you thought "she could relate better to some female insight." If he is really that touchy about you trying to help someone out, and something so inconsequential would screw up your relationship, I have a feeling it might be time to find a different guy.

Remember, "don't drink or do drugs, its bad LOL!" will get you hated/ignored by the girl. An "I'm worried, try to be safe" should suffice.

Happy new year, etc.

I know the first thing I should do is "stick it up her butt"

Pics or it didn't happen.

Yeah dont let your husband talk to her. It sounds as though he's saying he'll talk to her out of wanting to be dominant rather than because he cares.

Teenagers will do what they will do. I guess all you can do is let her know you do care, and that you will be there for her regardless of what she does.
That's assuming you DO want to be there for an angry teenager, it's going to be hard work!

Just walk up to her, slap her in the face, and say, "No! Bad Girl!"

And if your husband bitches at you about it slap him in the face as well

Leave her alone...


Who cares about drinking/smoking? As long as she keeps her shit up, she's fine.



What kind "risky" stuff are you talking about?

Yeah dont let your husband talk to her. It sounds as though he's saying he'll talk to her out of wanting to be dominant rather than because he cares.

Teenagers will do what they will do. I guess all you can do is let her know you do care, and that you will be there for her regardless of what she does.
That's assuming you DO want to be there for an angry teenager, it's going to be hard work!

Well, she's is only a few years younger than me so I don't think I'll be like "that" guy, who is like a nagging mother, rather than a friend or counselor.

My husband has always been kind of mean to her anyway, so I didn't want him to talk to her at all. Which is why I said I would talk to her, but then he was like, "So you can teach her how to drink without fucking other men?"

She's not angry but she's pretty lonely, I guess. And I guess that leads to anger or whatever. She's not the rebellious, Jerry Springer type of girl, and she always acts like nothing is wrong. But obviously, if she's drinking herself to death, there's something wrong, right?

I'm prepared.

Leave her alone...


Who cares about drinking/smoking? As long as she keeps her shit up, she's fine.



What kind "risky" stuff are you talking about?

She's not going to keep her shit up. She doesn't study or do homework or anything. She just comes home, sleeps, watches TV or goes out.

And risky stuff like, driving really fast, drugs, drunk driving, and just staying out all night. It might sound like just stupid teen stuff, but it is alarming, when you actually think about it.

I just got a 3.4 in college, smoking weed every day and drinking 3+ times a week (often alone), gobbling down shrooms and OCs every chance I can... It's not hard. If she's the kind of person, like me, who just does well in school regardless of effort, then she'll be fine.

It's the emotional stability and fondness for life that decays, if anything.

it is none of your fucking business you stupid nosey bitch

stick it up your own fucking ass

I'd like to apologize to you, from the rest of the world, that there's someone in the world that cares about anyone else, ever. Jackass.

That said, going by usual relations, you're more likely to have an impact on her than your husband, of course, but no one wants to be accused or blamed, particularity on something that they may be split on themselves. Odds are that she knows what she should be doing, and it's easy to overstep the line and end up frustrating her more.

Just a guess, but I'd guess that your husband has a sense of responsibility with this, and you offering to help could make him feel that he's not doing enough or what he's 'responsible' for here. Problem is that he's not likely to at it from the right angles, from what you've said.

It's tough as hell trying to change someone like that, in essence you can't, it's their choices either way. Equally tough to talk to them in a way that doesn't frustrate or anger them and erase your point.

If it's really gonna make things tough between your husband and you, then I'd say wait, as important is it seems and is. I'd say to see if you can discuss it with your husband to change what he'd say to her, but it's hard to see that going through without disagreement/mebe fighting between you two. :\ Tough one, really.

I'd like to apologize to you, from the rest of the world, that there's someone in the world that cares about anyone else, ever. Jackass.

and his name is jewsus

durdurdurdurdur

and his name is jewsus

durdurdurdurdur

lol, fucking troll.

But you're my favorite troll. <3

She's not going to keep her shit up. She doesn't study or do homework or anything. She just comes home, sleeps, watches TV or goes out.

And risky stuff like, driving really fast, drugs, drunk driving, and just staying out all night. It might sound like just stupid teen stuff, but it is alarming, when you actually think about it.

She's 17 years old. What do you expect? If anything, talking to her won't help at all. Trust me on that.

Everyone speeds once a while.

Drunk driving...Without freedom(assuming her parents are strict), she gotta get home somehow.

staying out all night? Fucking fuck, she's 17, not 12.


The only way you can possibly do it...be COOL with her. How you ask? Give her a ride when she really need it, be cool with her drinking/smoking(but tell her take it easy, and let her experiences puking/falling/blacking out once), and blah blah blah.

and his name is jewsus

durdurdurdurdur

Well, got me there, I did lol.

Yeah, she'll have to get back on her feet herself, sadly, when you're out alone anyone trying to 'control' you from outside tends not to go over well.

If all her friends are doing that stuff, that makes it harder, no one wants to let go of friends because someone else says so,whether it's better for them or not. Best bet would be for her to see it and want to change (soon enough) herself. :\

If it's really gonna make things tough between your husband and you, then I'd say wait, as important is it seems and is. I'd say to see if you can discuss it with your husband to change what he'd say to her, but it's hard to see that going through without disagreement/mebe fighting between you two. :\ Tough one, really.

You are so goddamn eloquent. :)
I tried to tell him that obviously, being that she is a female, she is going to listen to me more, but he just doesn't get it. He is some years older than me, so much older than her... so I guess he doesn't remember what it's like to be in high school. Yes, that was a passive aggressive attack on his age, haha. But then again, not really. He's not that old. So that just means that this is about control and wanting to be right.


The only way you can possibly do it...be COOL with her. How you ask? Give her a ride when she really need it, be cool with her drinking/smoking(but tell her take it easy, and let her experiences puking/falling/blacking out once), and blah blah blah.

I know, I'm not going to be like a mother. She's more like my sister. I'm not going to yell at her or anything. I just want to assure her that she'll be okay, you know? I know she's drinking and stuff because she's stressed out and doesn't know how else to release it.

And her parents don't really care that she goes out or about anything really. So the driving home thing isn't an issue. She does it on purpose, because she says it gives her a thrill. She doesn't care if she dies, is basically what she said to me last time. Which was not a suicidal type of thing, but she was honestly just saying that it wouldn't matter.

You are so goddamn eloquent. :)

Thank you, though I'm not quite sure what/how to attribute that to.

I tried to tell him that obviously, being that she is a female, she is going to listen to me more, but he just doesn't get it. He is some years older than me, so much older than her... so I guess he doesn't remember what it's like to be in high school. Yes, that was a passive aggressive attack on his age, haha. But then again, not really. He's not that old. So that just means that this is about control and wanting to be right.

I know, I'm not going to be like a mother. She's more like my sister. I'm not going to yell at her or anything. I just want to assure her that she'll be okay, you know? I know she's drinking and stuff because she's stressed out and doesn't know how else to release it.

And her parents don't really care that she goes out or about anything really. So the driving home thing isn't an issue. She does it on purpose, because she says it gives her a thrill. She doesn't care if she dies, is basically what she said to me last time. Which was not a suicidal type of thing, but she was honestly just saying that it wouldn't matter.

Whoa, sounds like a whole 'nother kettle of fish thar.

Guessing that she just entered the school, this puts her at 17-18 years old, though 21 being the drinking age, that doesn't check out as far as bars, but we're talking teenagers here, booze is as easy to get as water. Nothing before like this? I'm outta ideas, people usually don't lose hope on life like that without a good reason or 2, be it friends/school/etc., maybe the rocky relationship with her parents, maybe a combination of a lot of things. I dunno, 'tis a toughie since anyone really not in her mind can't pinpoint the cause or reasons for it just like that, at least not accurately. Best of luck with it, it's hard to do much from the outside (so to speak) like this, I speak from experience.

Thank you, though I'm not quite sure what/how to attribute that to.



Whoa, sounds like a whole 'nother kettle of fish thar.

Guessing that she just entered the school, this puts her at 17-18 years old, though 21 being the drinking age, that doesn't check out as far as bars, but we're talking teenagers here, booze is as easy to get as water. Nothing before like this? I'm outta ideas, people usually don't lose hope on life like that without a good reason or 2, be it friends/school/etc., maybe the rocky relationship with her parents, maybe a combination of a lot of things. I dunno, 'tis a toughie since anyone really not in her mind can't pinpoint the cause or reasons for it just like that, at least not accurately. Best of luck with it, it's hard to do much from the outside (so to speak) like this, I speak from experience.

She's still in high school, but she got accepted to the university. So that's a whole new future for her coming up shortly. But then she starts this? It doesn't make sense.
She doesn't even drink at parties. She gets black-out drunk by herself, or with like, one other friend. It's not like she's unpopular or stupid or ugly or anything like that. And nothing major has happened recently. I'm thinking, maybe BECAUSE she basically doesn't have to try in school anymore (now that she has a college to attend) she's just letting go. I don't know.

My husband is just (*sigh) being kind of a jerk about it. I mean, a jerk always, of course. But you would think he would yield for his own sister's well being.

As for your eloquence.. I guess it's better to not be aware of it and be, than to know and try to become. Right?

She's still in high school, but she got accepted to the university. So that's a whole new future for her coming up shortly. But then she starts this? It doesn't make sense.
She doesn't even drink at parties. She gets black-out drunk by herself, or with like, one other friend. It's not like she's unpopular or stupid or ugly or anything like that. And nothing major has happened recently. I'm thinking, maybe BECAUSE she basically doesn't have to try in school anymore (now that she has a college to attend) she's just letting go. I don't know.

My husband is just (*sigh) being kind of a jerk about it. I mean, a jerk always, of course. But you would think he would yield for his own sister's well being.

As for your eloquence.. I guess it's better to not be aware of it and be, than to know and try to become. Right?

Works for me, I suppose, I just type, nothing special haha.

That makes sense, lack of responsibilities can bring teens to all sorts of random stuff. Not caring if they live or die, though (though I 99.9% doubt she's actually serious there, should it come down to it) is different.

Most people are surprisingly thick-headed a lot of the time, I know I am a lot, and empathy is a quickly fleeting human emotion.

How soon does she start college?

http://www.portigal.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/blogger/blogger/3832/49/1600/smarties_g.jpg

This is not what you want to hear but it is not your family, I think you are correct in this situation and having a woman to talk to would be great but if you ask your husband and he tells you no leave it at that.