Well, anyone who's read my 'so it's come to this' thread knows what's going on, if you haven't, skip all but the last 2-3 pages, read the rest for a fuller story. Gf of 1.5 years and I broke up, during a fight, so not the best circumstances. Broke up over me being insecure/having a problem with her drinking, and a few other longer reasons I'll type later.

Updating... the second night after we broke up, she went out drinking with some friends, got pretty smashed. Kinda hurts, really, and gives the impression that she doesn't care at all, which may very well be true.

In a series of dumb moves, I have contacted her, a few texts and msn for a few minutes. Apparently, she doesn't want it to all end, and would be willing to try to fix it.

I miss her, I won't lie, and the thought of having to cut her out of my life is pretty crappy, but something I may have to face. For the most part (except for the last.. month or so, and the reasons we broke up for) she made me damn happy, and last I checked I made her happy.

Ok, so it sounds like I would take her back, or at least that it would make me happy, to an extent. But really...I don't know. I know the problems wouldn't be fixed, and I don't see how they could be fixed, or if it's worth it anymore.

We've gone through a lot in the year and a half, pretty much everything but either of us cheating, and always recovered, which is another thing holding me back here. I hate the idea of having to cut her out of my life over something so stupid, but here I stand. It means re-writing or scrapping essentially any plans I had, and erasing what became a good part of my life. I'm catching myself thinking in ways I can't anymore, and writing in present tense in this post, and erasing it, after biting my tongue. The scale of this floors me and frankly scares me, for those of you that have a bf or gf now, imagine them disappearing, and try to think of or list everything that would change.

The first... and likely biggest issue is her drinking. She's not an alcoholic, and to be fair, I'm more than a bit insecure about it, mostly because we went through this last year, essentially same idea, and I had about 2 months of her lying to me, partying with random guys (stayed faithful to the best of my knowledge), getting smashed to the point of passing out every time, and giving every impression she couldn't care less what happened. Well, that changed, and since then, till about...late october this year things were awesome. Same impression now, she goes out and drinks a lot, and anytime I said a word of it, we'd end up in a fight. Sucks feeling like alcohol got chosen over me, but that's about it.

Second reason is pretty dumb, but it blew up way too much by the end. Concerns the now former plans to move in together next year, and the summer after, where I said I'd likely move back home, to save about $1500 or so, to be able to afford bills. Now, she took it as me picking and choosing when to be with her, and it bothered her. No logic broke this barrier.

So all this paints a pretty bleak picture, but somehow there's enough good things to make me still want to be with her, and I love this girl, and somehow wouldn't think twice about spending the rest of my life with her. When times were good, they were very good, and I'd give way too much to have that back now.

Basically... what I ask of you guys, is what you seem to do best a lot of the time. Flame, rant, Earth!, and overall just convince me to quit chasing something that in all likelihood doesn't exist anymore, and to pull myself out of this, at least for now. It's been about..6 days alone in the house, I've had 2 short nights out since I arrived, but everyone is busy with xmas/etc. stuff, so I'm stuck for the most part, with essentially zero money, or I'd consider hitting the bars. I've drank more in the last 4 days than in the last month prior to that, but nothing comes close to covering this over or making it disappear, no matter for how long. This was written sober, but that's because I ran out of rum/brandy at about 10:30, 3.5 hours ago, and I sober up too fast.

For anyone that reads all that, thank you. Can't say it does much to just get it out, actually, but I've got zero people here to talk to, and it's chewing at me, bit by bit, figured I'd do something.

Think about it long and hard man.

If you really love her take her back. If her alcohol gets out of hand again, tell her it bothers you.

I personally wouldn't take her back, but I'm a softie for romantic love. If you want to be with her, take her back. But make sure you really want to be with HER, and not just with any random chick. Sometimes when we get too comfortable with someone, we find life without them really tough, and we start to make compromises. We'll be with them even though we hate certain things about them, like others more, etc.

It really really depends on you mate. Do you want her, or do you want just anybody? Try and spend the time you spent on her on a constructive hobby. You might find you're just bored and need something to do. That's how I started smoking.

That's the thing, I've spent the days (drunk and sober) thinking on that, but I've never met any girl that I liked being around more than her, when times were good.

Just feels like there's too much stacked up against it now, too much to be able to work through again, and that neither of us would be happy with it again.

This isn't the first time the drinking has been like this (on her end), 3rd time total, 2nd 'big' time.

Feels like I'm clutching at nothing, she's contacted me once without me tossing a text/msn/something out there, but she's said she doesn't want to drop it or lose it. Feels like I'm putting too much effort into it, a lot more than she is, a bit disheartening.

I go between odd times thinking that we can somehow fix it, and take it back to how it used to be not too long ago, and we'd be happy again. The rest (90% or so) is spent thinking the opposite, that it's once too often, that both of us, or just I won't be happy or secure with it again, that we can't fix it, and that it's not worth it, or doable anymore. I'd hate to drop months more into something just to have it fail, or thinking that it'll fail.

It's emo/ghey, but 'better days' by the Goo Goo Dolls fits this pretty nicely.

Give it a month long trial run? See how it goes for a month. if it's more painful and frustrating than it is rewarding, cut her loose.

Actually, that's a pretty shitty idea, but I've got no clue dude. All I know is when I want someone, I don't let them get out of my life no matter what.

If you really want her that bad, you'll help her work on the drinking problem. Everything can be fixed.

It's not so much a drinking problem (as in alcoholism) as her just not seeming to care at all what happens when she drinks, or how much she drinks, and acts like there are drinks forced down her throat, and she has no control. We couldn't discuss it anymore without it going into a fight within minutes, no matter how calmly it started. No logic, no compromise there.

Actually, that's a pretty shitty idea, but I've got no clue dude. All I know is when I want someone, I don't let them get out of my life no matter what.

Sometimes, it's just not your choice.

Well, anyone who's read my 'so it's come to this' thread knows what's going on, if you haven't, skip all but the last 2-3 pages, read the rest for a fuller story.

So all this paints a pretty bleak picture.

To the first part... Why didn't you just 'bump' your previous thread with this update?
Just for future reference.

Yeah, you do indeed paint a pretty bleak picture of your future with her. I wish I had better specific advice, but having been there (where you are) more than once in my life, I suggest you ask yourself a few qestions; not just for me and for &totse, but for yourself.

1) When you daydream, do you have visions of her being a serious part of your future... like long time future (you in the hammock in the yard with her bringing you tea or lemonade?

2) Can you see yourself with her pushing your children ever higher and higher in the swings in the playground?

3) When she is in a hospital room, waiting for "House" to figure out a cure for whatever ails her, are you thinking to yourself "Dear Lord, I would give absouletly anything and everything I have and that I am to give her just one more day" or is more along the lines of "Jesus Christ, I hope that whatever she has, she didn't pass it on to me".

Sorry if that seemed to be a bit hardass, but I think that your answers (you need not post them here) to questions like that will give you the answer you are looking for.

Sometimes, it's just not your choice.

I'm not going to stop chasing what I want, ever.

I'm sorry to all the good looking women with great personalities out there, but if you blow me off expect another call. It may not be my choice, but I'll be damned if I'm going to screw myself over and not pursue my dreams in order to appear dignified and classy.

To the first part... Why didn't you just 'bump' your previous thread with this update?
Just for future reference.

Yeah, you do indeed paint a pretty bleak picture of your future with her. I wish I had better specific advice, but having been there (where you are) more than once in my life, I suggest you ask yourself a few qestions; not just for me and for &totse, but for yourself.

1) When you daydream, do you have visions of her being a serious part of your future... like long time future (you in the hammock in the yard with her bringing you tea or lemonade?

2) Can you see yourself with her pushing your children ever higher and higher in the swings in the playground?

3) When she is in a hospital room, waiting for "House" to figure out a cure for whatever ails her, are you thinking to yourself "Dear Lord, I would give absouletly anything and everything I have and that I am to give her just one more day" or is more along the lines of "Jesus Christ, I hope that whatever she has, she didn't pass it on to me".

Sorry if that seemed to be a bit hardass, but I think that your answers (you need not post them here) to questions like that will give you the answer you are looking for.

Good post, thanks.

I decided to make a new thread since the other one started off on different topic, leading up to the breakup, and this is the part afterwards. I don't mind posting my answers (at the moment) here, I'll think on them some more, though, and update as needed.

1) I'll admit, yeah, I did, hell we used to even talk about buying a house/traveling/kids/retirement, all in seriousness, we'd take up hours some evenings/nights daydreaming, it was nice, really, but it just stings to think of now.

2) See above, so yes.

3) The former, 100%, I've thought about it a good amount before, the scale of what I'd give up for her scared me sometimes but I never doubted it. I (sometimes) fear that she wouldn't do the same for me, and that I'm talking to a wall here. It's part of why where I'm at now sucks and scares me like it does, it's losing all of it and not being able to get it back no matter what I say or do.

I'm not going to stop chasing what I want, ever.

I'm sorry to all the good looking women with great personalities out there, but if you blow me off expect another call. It may not be my choice, but I'll be damned if I'm going to screw myself over and not pursue my dreams in order to appear dignified and classy.

-laugh- You're like a kindred spirit. But even still, sometimes...it's just not your choice.

I did everything in my power to keep my ex. And it just didn't work. Sheer force of will is fine and dandy, but it's exhausting.

-laugh- You're like a kindred spirit. But even still, sometimes...it's just not your choice.

I did everything in my power to keep my ex. And it just didn't work. Sheer force of will is fine and dandy, but it's exhausting.

Ok, fair enough. But maybe it will work for me. Or maybe it will work on your next girlfriend. Either way, you'll always have regrets unless you can say you've given it 100%. Never give up until you've gone all the way and have nowhere else to go.

PS. Answer my email please. Any means necessary!

Ok, fair enough. But maybe it will work for me. Or maybe it will work on your next girlfriend. Either way, you'll always have regrets unless you can say you've given it 100%. Never give up until you've gone all the way and have nowhere else to go.

PS. Answer my email please. Any means necessary!

I dont think I got it. Send it again.

Ok, fair enough. But maybe it will work for me. Or maybe it will work on your next girlfriend. Either way, you'll always have regrets unless you can say you've given it 100%. Never give up until you've gone all the way and have nowhere else to go.

More or less where I end up, mentally, I hate thinking that I gave up and didn't give my all to something I found worthwhile, though I know that gives a good chance of me just ending up dragging myself through shit for however long.

I dont think I got it. Send it again.

My bad, I hit draft instead of send.

One last post before I got to bed...

Sometimes it doesn't feel like she cares... at all... she has and does say that I mean the world to her/she wants to spend the rest of her life with me/etc./etc. but...

The big reason for the breakup was her drinking. One of the first things she does after is go out and get fucking smashed.

I really, really, really don't think she knows, or just doesn't care how much that hurts.

I really, really hope it was worth it for her.

I can't change how she is, if this is it, so be it, but gah.. to think that everything I've put into it over so long, everything I thought it meant and was worth to me, was all a waste and all in vain, and that even now I'm stuck with feeling like shit over it... goddamn....makes me shake, in a strange combination of fear, anger, regret, and insane loss, honeslty.

Orange........STOP the insanity already! Go reread the last post I put up on the other thread before you said you broke up with her....its even more applicable now then when I first posted it.

First off, ignore Ryko's advice of....."If you try hard enough, anything can be fixed". He hasn't lived enough life to realize how absurd and ridiculous that thinking is. There are MANY things in life that can NEVER be fixed, and you "making" a relationship work is just one of them. Think of all the work, the effort, the bullshit you have to endure just to be with this person. Christ, its more of a "job" than it is fun.

Really sit back and analyze all the grief this is causing you. And quit focusing on the "honeymoon" stage of the relationship....all the lovey dovey good times. That is NOT reality, and if you can assess the current situation (or at the very least the situation as it has been for many months) for what it truly is then you'll realize the only logical thing to do is walk away from a situation that is creating so much angst in your life. Now and then.

Of course it hurts, most breakups do. It wouldn't hurt if at some point you didn't have such great times. But stop thinking of your relationship as a "waste". It wasn't, even though it feels that way. You DID have good times and you learned quite a bit about yourself, and more than likely about women in general. Learn from this relationship, and it will make you better prepared for the next one. Perhaps it has taught you about some of your "mistakes" that you might have made. Or maybe after all the grief with alcohol it has given you a "dealbreaker" of sorts in your next relationship. There are countless things that you will have learned from this relationship, that right now you are to close to the situation to fully comprehend. I realize this all sounds hollow, but you WILL get over it. And some day in the future you WILL be able to understand how this last relationship prepared/taught you to have a more fulfilling relationship in the future.

One last thing on what you are calling a "waste". Think about that long and hard. If in your mind you are chalking all of that time as being "lost" or a "waste".......then do you REALLY want to lose even 5 more minutes of your life? As long as you are wallowing in your sadness or focusing on your past you aren't getting on with today.....and most importantly tomorrow. Close the door on this phase of your life and keep on keepin on. I absolutely GUARANTEE you'll wake up 5 years from now (and perhaps SEVERAL relationships later) and understand better everything I've just said to you. You'll chuckle to yourself at how much angst you allowed in your life once it was finally over, and you'll be thankful you minimized that upset as much as possible. Just walk away from this relationship with the lessons learned (and the lessons you will eventually learn once you aren't so emotionally attached to the scenario) and be thankful for the fun time you had. Nobody is "wrong" in this scenario, the chemistry/timing wasn't there. Quit trying to "fix" something that either wasn't "broken" in the first place.....or can't be fixed any how. You are just delaying the inevitable.....you going on with your life and being better because of it.

Yeah just listen to Guru, I'm too much in my own world to be in touch with reality.

This thread is one helluva good read dudes, cant put it any other way.

Orange, Ill have to agree with Guru on this one, because even though Ive never been in a relationship, Ive seen how it goes with some other people, how one person can really fucking love another person, while the other person treats them like handy partner... and its even hard for me, because I see how a friend has to manage the pain, the pain alot like yours.

Well, as for me, like I said, Im a loner now... but it seems its all about to change sometime soon, Ill be more than sure to make a thread 'bout it.

Anyways, Orange... make the choice, and good luck with whatever you chose.

Thanks liquidice, I aims to please, I suppose.

Update time.

Well, it was a long-ass honeymoon then, all things told about.. a year and 3 months or so.

I'll agree that it wasn't fun anymore and that it just became work and toil, but... flame me here, but it felt like the last 2 months weren't reality, because it's been such a massive contrast to the way it was for so much longer before that.

This morning, she texted me, just saying she was in town, but headed to her moms in a while for a late xmas dinner, and we'd maybe talk later.

I couldn't help it, I couldn't stand it anymore, I regret the timing but I had to say something. Cue an exchange of about 5 long, long texts (from me, more from her) explaining my position, the details don't matter really, but it ended with saying that I couldn't stand it anymore, the way things were/are, and that unless it concerned getting her stuff back, or me getting mine, she wouldn't hear from me again.

Y'know, I usually hate making moves like that, I really do.. I always think it was too much and too sudden, and I'm fighting to keep this from being no exception.

I'll admit that I dragged myself to it, just barely, and it felt like a big mistake then, and it still does now, only added to the weight over me, actually.

I know I can't change the way she is, or the way I am, or any of it, really, especially not now, but it's shit to see what was, admittedly, the best part of my life not too long ago, fall apart like this.

I fully realize that it wasn't and couldn't work with the way it was, at all, and I am or will be better off sometime, and that this is better for me than to just drag it out. But...it makes me impossibly miserable right now, like the biggest mistake I've made in memory, and that's on a long list.

I don't know which is worse, the stressed, miserable and doomed feeling I had before, or the marginally less stressed (in some ways), more miserable, and equally doomed feeling I've got now, too close to compare, and I've yet to see a break of it today, at all, I know it's bad, but it's all that's on my mind.

Now, this is pathetic, but bear with me.
Any remotely related commercial, any song that's less than heavy metal or techno, even seeing couples together brings back that feeling of making a mistake and of being miserable tenfold every time, and I struggle to keep my mind from running away again.

I don't know how long this is gonna last, and frankly I don't think I or really anyone can guess it, but it's possible the highest level of total suck I've ever reached, and it has no mercy so far.

I just re-read all that, probably one of the weakest/most emo things I've ever written or read, though one of the weakest-willed moods or times I've ever had, hell I'd, given a twin, slap myself for being like this, and try to break the loop my mind's in, but no such luck, I'll see what I can do about wearing it out, though all I can say is that it's far from easy, and I see no way out as is, I can only hope for it, really. To put it even more emo-ish, I was staring down the edge of a cliff this morning, and seeing no way out but to jump, and by now, I've jumped, it's been done, and there's nothing I can change now with it, feel more than a bit helpless and ashamed at ending up here, somehow. I don't know what to say anymore, really. :\

Just realize that after a while, you will stop depending on her for your enjoyment and you will be happy by yourself. Of course, it will probably never stop hurting, but you will get to a point where you will not need a woman anymore, and then it will become much easier and more pleasurable to go out and find a woman.

If you go out now vulnerable you're going to make a mistake and end up with someone who's going to abuse you or hurt you. Wait it out for a bit, find a hobby or something to take your mind off her, then, when you are ready, go and find another girl to fall in love with.

Whats weak about accepting that emotion sways the way you think?

You did the right thing. It took a lot of courage, and you deserve respect for that. I didn't follow this story, so I can't really offer any relevant help, other than that.

He made the harder choice, for sure, and most likely the right one. Kudos.

EDIT: OC, if you want to get your mind off your girl, we can have an adventure where I try and get the filthy rich and sexy girl I was telling you about from London.

Thanks guys, I guess.

Either I've calmed down some, or something I can't explain, or maybe it's the calm before the storm, but today was a little easier, at least so far.

The feeling of loss/having made a big mistake/etc. is a strong as before, and I still have no clue what I'll do or how I'll start sorting everything out when the break ends, or how I'll feel then. To put it as well as I can, I feel pretty empty inside, actually.

Hung out with some friends, we went snowboarding (local, smaller hills, some sketchy jumps), drank, and went mini-putting, for some reason. In that order.

Kept my mind busy nicely, cleared my head a little too, I suppose.

And ryko, sure, but I'd like it if I got a shot in there, or something out of it haha I'll play wingman for teh lulz, though.

I've recently seen a couple with your same issues get back together after a brief breakup. Things seem to be much better between them, but the break seems to be vital.

Clear your head. See how you're feeling in a few weeks.

Have fun.

Yeah, that did cross my mind, I'd say that almost every possibility has and still is running in my head.

I don't know what I'd do if that comes up, or whether it will at all.

If we would cut down on the fights and be able to discuss things again like normal couples (on tv, durr), I'd take her back in a heartbeat, but I do realize how far off and completely unlikely that is, so i can't get my hopes up, so I won't try to.

I count the minutes till I can hit up the resorts here, a day of boarding makes everything easier to handle and easier to sort out. Maybe I can figure it, and myself out a little, and start moving ahead a little.

Part of me hopes that she'll do the same, and it can work again, but the more logical part of me wants to slap the other part for that, and not set myself up.

Yeah, that did cross my mind, I'd say that almost every possibility has and still is running in my head.

I don't know what I'd do if that comes up, or whether it will at all.

If we would cut down on the fights and be able to discuss things again like normal couples (on tv, durr), I'd take her back in a heartbeat, but I do realize how far off and completely unlikely that is, so i can't get my hopes up, so I won't try to.

I count the minutes till I can hit up the resorts here, a day of boarding makes everything easier to handle and easier to sort out. Maybe I can figure it, and myself out a little, and start moving ahead a little.

Part of me hopes that she'll do the same, and it can work again, but the more logical part of me wants to slap the other part for that, and not set myself up.

I think it's important that you don't rely on her for your happiness. If you've got other things going for you (hobbies, other girls, etc) you're more likely to be able to assess the situation logically. It's the only way you can say "yes, she is good for me, or no, getting back together is a mistake). If you have nothing going for you at the time, you're more likely to settle for her because you're bored/lonely/drunk/etc.

Just make sure you think it over objectively.

As far as I'm concerned, all you need to do is step up your drinking until you're on par. Then, you guys will both be as drunk together!

But I know how it goes. My girl is a little bit of an alcoholic... I smoke more weed, she drinks more booze. She's cheated on me 'cuz she was too drunk before, and that's a shitty feeling. But you should just trust her.

Haha I'd say I'm nicely ahead of her with that now, but not for long, it would be about a $200/mo habit or a bit more at this rate, i've run through a good few liquor bottles and about 24 beers in the last week. More or less drinking whenever I didn't have to drive (strictly against that) or be anywhere too important within a few hours.

I didn't have a problem that she drinks, more just how. Getting smashed almost every time (8/10), refusing to talk about or consider any sort of preset limit on it, and refusing to talk about it in general. Really felt like she didn't give a shit, whether this is accurate or not, it's the impression I had, and I can say this is something I definitely won't be missing one bit.

She contacted me this morning, apologizing for not doing so earlier, but said that she 'needed time', along with asking why any texts/etc. I've sent have been negative instead of positive/wanting to work it out. :\ it hurts like all hell, but I don't really want anything to do with that, I know that as it sits and has for a long while, it's not gonna work, and I don't wanna put myself through that again.

I think that the experience of this kind of love is always fully worth it... but you've had the experience already. A year and a half is an experience. It's a long fucking time to be with someone you love. For this, I usually say continue... continue and embrace it and let it consume your life and be an important part that you can plan a certain aspect of your life around and do it because you don't truly know if it's the best you'll ever have...

But it's also really hard to perceive the fact that in all fucking likelihood, there's better out there. It'll be ages before you find anything this good again, but it's out there. It has to be. There are too many people. And damn it might take a long fucking time and it may be even worse than this one, but it's out there. Anyway... drink some more for now and let it settle in better.

Sorry to drag this up the 6 pages, but I`m not gonna make another thread for the same thing.

Back in town for school again, have been for a few days. Roommate`s been here maybe 6 hours total so it`s more or less been by myself for 2 days, which kinda does suck.

Spent maybe half an hour gathering her things, clothes, pillow, etc., etc. and I gotta say it was really weird. Without it my place seems strange and empty, but I`ll adapt I suppose.

She`s coming to pick it all up (pile in the corner) sometime soon, don`t know when, she said when she`s ready to, and I`ve got nothing to really gain from debating this. She wants to talk a bit when she comes, hence the wait, though I don`t see what`s really left to be said anymore.

I hate being stuck in this apartment for that long, it`s raining and miserable out, and I lack money to go out on a whim, and a lot of my friends still aren`t back, or are busy.

I hate looking at that pile, I don`t even like being here right now, it all looks and feels like a freeze-frame of my life before this happened, except I know it`s different and has to change, a lot, and that kinda hurts in its own special way.

It hit me again a day after I came back here, i don't feel like doing much else besides sitting around, sleeping, eating, and enjoying that gnawing feeling in my gut. As a 'rule' I don't cry, but I'm goddamn miserable.

I`m more or less at a loss at what to say, in a slump again, don`t know what or how long it`ll take to get out, likely that I`ll sink a little when I see her again, I don`t know.

You can just drop off her stuff or leave it with a friend for her to grab.

Is there a reason you're waiting on her whim?

I don't have a car, and it's too much stuff to bus (besides that I don't want to waste an hour and half for that), maybe 5-6 grocery bags stuffed, or a bit more.

She works maybe 3 min away by car (she has one) so having her pick it up is the easiest thing really.

Small update, for the hell of it.

I spend a few hours just cleaning my room, sorting junk anything to keep my mind and hands mildly occupied, to no luck, i can't stop thinking about it, at all, it sucks.

I've got no one to talk to here, at all. Roommate has her own stuff going on, it's something I'd rather not bring up with my friends, and I don't like discussing it my parents because they only lecture me, every time, it doesn't help any.

What seems to suck the most right now is that everything else is exactly the same, perfectly so. School is the exact same, my friends and their lives are all exactly the same, roommate is the same, my apartment is the same down to the dot.

Besides the pile of now-foreign items in the corner, that's it, everything else is only in my head, it seems, and I'm the only one in the world with it. Haven't said a word to her since asking her to pick up her stuff, I kinda feel like tossing out a hey, hows it going to her, though I know I shouldn't and it wouldn't do me any good.

Though from the few words before/etc. she seems like an entirely different person, she talks differently, acts differently, a lot of things. I very, very, very much miss how she used to be, now it's a different girl in the same damn shell.

Everything i see or hear that could ever be related to her/this makes me miserable, every song, every couple I see outside/on campus. I'd give just about anything right now, anything at all, to have just one day of the good days back. The feeling that that's completely impossible now, no matter what stings a lot.

That's about it, I'm out of things to say, I'm not even angry anymore as I've got nothing to be angry or upset over, I'm just sad, all the time, and I've got no way to get out of it, except time, but that's 3 months spent like this. Fuck.

Have you thought about seducing her and making sweet sweet love to her when she comes over to pick up her stuff?

If you like it you can keep it going.

If you don't, it's kind of the ultimate "fuck you". Screw her and then send her out.

Trust me buddy, I know where you are at.

I just broke things off in a 2-year steady relationship.
On New Years Eve.
Hey! I always follow my resolutions.

Regardless, just because a girl says she wants to "fix a problem" doesn't mean she wants to. You not liking her drinking her is giving her an open door for rebellion, you saying that to her could very well be driving her to push away from you and be her own person.

Is it the right thing to do? No way! It's not fair to you, your emotional state, or your relationship. I know it hurts, but the best thing to do is just suck it up and walk away, because if it's this bad already, chances are it's not worth fixing.

At least mine wasn't

There's my two cents for you :]

So the sum of all statements is -Don't try to stop your lady from being who she is. Take a step back, and see if you can HONESTLY see things working out. No rose colored glasses on this one. Talk with her about where you want your life to go, and where you want to be right now, I'm going to go ahead and tell you, you'll probably give totally different answers....you are probably much too young to be tying yourself down into something like this anyway :]

Actually I have, I just don't see that ending up too well about... 5 min after. :\

Trust me buddy, I know where you are at.

I just broke things off in a 2-year steady relationship.
On New Years Eve.
Hey! I always follow my resolutions.

Regardless, just because a girl says she wants to "fix a problem" doesn't mean she wants to. You not liking her drinking her is giving her an open door for rebellion, you saying that to her could very well be driving her to push away from you and be her own person.

Is it the right thing to do? No way! It's not fair to you, your emotional state, or your relationship. I know it hurts, but the best thing to do is just suck it up and walk away, because if it's this bad already, chances are it's not worth fixing.

At least mine wasn't

There's my two cents for you :]

So the sum of all statements is -Don't try to stop your lady from being who she is. Take a step back, and see if you can HONESTLY see things working out. No rose colored glasses on this one. Talk with her about where you want your life to go, and where you want to be right now, I'm going to go ahead and tell you, you'll probably give totally different answers....you are probably much too young to be tying yourself down into something like this anyway :]

That's the thing here, I know I can't change her, that's an absolute given.

It's not that I didn't like her drinking, I didn't like her attitude with it, fwiw, though that hardly matters now.

A little while ago, besides the whole still saying that she wanted to work it out/etc. thing she happened to mention that she didn't see it working out as is, and she obviously wasn't putting any effort into it. I more or less snapped a bit, cut contact, and stuffed everything I could find of hers into a corner.

Still a little hard to believe that someone you love, that supposedly loved you and cared about you would do something so low and shitty, but here we are.

She's changed a lot, more or less since she got a job at this group home (mentally handicapped people), where the other employees (all female) are in their early to mid 20's. Started to care less about the relationship and me, more about just drinking/etc. and it faded from there, though she always kept the 'i love you/want it to work' thing going. God that hurts.

Still a little hard to believe that someone you love, that supposedly loved you and cared about you would do something so low and shitty, but here we are.


OC, I haven't seen anything you posted about her actions as being "low and shitty" in my eyes. What exactly do you think she has done that is low and shitty?

OC, I haven't seen anything you posted about her actions as being "low and shitty" in my eyes. What exactly do you think she has done that is low and shitty?

I didn't mention it so far, but she's spent the last... 2 weeks, give or take, telling me that she wants to work it out no matter what, that she didn't wanna give up, etc., etc., offered me a ride from the bus and to spend a bit of time together after, just talking.

On the other hand, she's been going out and getting wasted whenever she's not at work, to the point of passing out ( the latter being something that bothered me, if she did care about it at any point), flirting with random guys, and so on. Finally (when I was waiting on her to pick me up at the station) she called, said she didn't really want to drive (because it would be a bit awkward), and after a bit of pressing from me, that she didn't see anything working out at all, and refused to put any effort into it, more or less trying to drag me along in a lie, for whatever purpose, for the last 2 weeks. Feels like shit, best as I can put it.

To maybe clear it up a little right now, in my head it's finished. She's pretty obvious moved away to whatever else she felt more important, and I'm left here as the only one missing it and feeling this miserable over it. it's the absoluteness and finality of it that also sucks, that something that used to be the best part of my life no so long ago has flipped entirely.

I didn't mention it so far, but she's spent the last... 2 weeks, give or take, telling me that she wants to work it out no matter what, that she didn't wanna give up, etc., etc., offered me a ride from the bus and to spend a bit of time together after, just talking.

On the other hand, she's been going out and getting wasted whenever she's not at work, to the point of passing out ( the latter being something that bothered me, if she did care about it at any point), flirting with random guys, and so on. Finally (when I was waiting on her to pick me up at the station) she called, said she didn't really want to drive (because it would be a bit awkward), and after a bit of pressing from me, that she didn't see anything working out at all, and refused to put any effort into it, more or less trying to drag me along in a lie, for whatever purpose, for the last 2 weeks. Feels like shit, best as I can put it.

To maybe clear it up a little right now, in my head it's finished. She's pretty obvious moved away to whatever else she felt more important, and I'm left here as the only one missing it and feeling this miserable over it. it's the absoluteness and finality of it that also sucks, that something that used to be the best part of my life no so long ago has flipped entirely.

Sucks man, the best thing you can do is just try to enjoy life. If she cares about you, she will see that you are happy without her and may in turn make her feel shitty (that she isn't really needed or whatever). If she doesn't care about you, well then fuck her don't let that bitch be the reason for your sorrow, life is so big and crazy, it's not worth it to let one woman bring you down

OC, you are doing what I call "picking the scab". Your heart has been wounded and with every contact it's reopening old scars. 5 steps forward, then 3 steps back. What you gotta do is go completely "no contact". You'll already get those back steps from time to time with shit you described earlier. But when you actually TALK to her......especially with all of the emotions involved it's just sending you backwards that much further.

Treat this whole picking up her stuff scenario as a business transaction, and quit any other small talk. Make a day and set it, with no other calls unless to cancel or confirm. No "How ya doin's?", "Did you see the Pats game Sunday?", "Hey I heard so-and-so lost their job". Those conversations are opening the doors to a give-and-take that right now neither one of you can handle. She responds with....."Well I only saw the first half, and then I passed out at halftime cuz I was so hammered." BOOM! 30 seconds into that phone call, and you got a bitter taste in your mouth with uncomfortable feelings.

You need to quarantine yourself from this chick, for both your sakes. Close the door for good. Bolt that fucker and then grab a hammer and nails completely barricading it shut for good measure. Interacting with her in any way, shape or form now is just delaying your progress as you move on. Business/polite on the phone setting up "drop-off" day. Then after she has her shit back.... NO CONTACT..... its as simple as that. And what is best in the long run......

I'm posting without having read any other posts, so I'm sorry if I am just repeating everything but. . .

Holy Shit, Man! I know this situation; I know it damned-well.

My significant-other would cause me the same grief. (Still does on occassion; can't say choosing to "be friends" was the best decision of my life). We'd had a peaceful break-up, friendship seemed plausible, everything looked like it would all calm down and work out for the best.

And then the world folded in on itself.

We became close friends, which is something I appreciate very much, but the burden of dealing with their every folly is just shit to deal with, man. I find myself worrying all the time whether they're drinking, getting violated, getting fucked up etc etc.

I tried erasing their phone numbers, screen names--all that crap--in hopes of slowly crawling away from them. The hell if it worked. Don't get me wrong: I still love them to the point of dragging myself across a carpet, but it just becomes so taxing! I can't fucking get away! There's no chance for a relationship again, we can't be normal friends because of our history and everytime I muster the will to avoid their phone call/online messages, I land myself into an argument with no end.

I'm sorry for the rant, but please please think about the never-ending calamities that await you if you anchor yourself to her. You're going to waste a lot of your time worrying about someone who doesn't think what they're doing is wrong--assuming she does adopt a heavy drinking habit.

Sigh. Cheers Mate.

That's the problem right now, I can't cut contact. Besides her still having to get her stuff, it's probably one of the most painful things I can think of right now, which is a little ironic going the advice here.

I know what follows this line isn't what I should be thinking or saying, but hear me out, please, I haven't got anyone else to say this to.

I dunno... it feels like she hates me, all of a sudden, and I'm just left here.

Every time we ever fought before, or if anything was wrong, we always always talked and tried to work it out as best we could. We did love each other, and I felt we always had that, if nothing else, and we'd be able to at least try fixing anything because of it, she seemed to think the same. This time is the one and only where we haven't, and it's just been dropped like it didn't matter and everything had just disappeared.

All I have left now and all I can think of is the good times, even the half-good times, that stack of clothes, pillows and random bits in the corner just reminds me of it, every time, this never ends.

Nothing felt really different before, she was working a lot so we didn't get to talk much though. One day she just said she wasn't happy, etc. though we talked a little after that and it seemed ok. Then all this, and I still can't figure out what caused the jump, so half my mind is left behind, before it.

It's a fucking nightmare, everything around me reminds me and tries to trick me into thinking that it's still alright and this hasn't happened.

I've really got nothing right now, nothing else in my life makes me happy at all, my hobbies are either not possible (nowhere to snowboard here), not in season (biking, swimming), and anything else just costs money that I don't have. Never got into computer games, they do nothing to take my mind off of anything at all.

I can't even fucking cry, as much as I want to right now, and I haven't cried in years, literally. Roommate is here, dinner is soon, and we have to do laundry. Stiff upper lip till likely about midnight or so.

Fuck, I love(d) this girl, as much as my 19yo heart could muster, too much of me still wants to think that it's not over and hasn't ended, since there's nothing else to keep me from wasting nights, miserable.

Wow, that was long, sorry to anyone who had to read that skyscraper of a wall of text, just had to rant a bit.

Cant you take her out? you know 1 on 1? have a long talk, see what you can do on your side to make it work, of course tell her all of the things that bother you. If she said she isnt happy, then maybe it's time to move on, I know that's very hard and I have been there, but trust me it will take 6 + months to get over her, and then you will be getting with other girls and forgetting about her.

Can't do that, she doesn't wanna talk in person, all I've gotten are "[orange] I just don't know"s so I stopped trying pretty fast. I hate leaving so much hanging and unknown, there's no closure and it's a tunnel of endless goddamn misery, wondering, and wasted hours that I can't help but thinking in.

I've only got 3 months till my school year ends, I'd hate this to affect school and make everything suck. In 6 mos I'll be working full time+ to make money for next year, next to no social life time there.

Can't do that, she doesn't wanna talk in person, all I've gotten are "[orange] I just don't know"s so I stopped trying pretty fast.

I've only got 3 months till my school year ends, I'd hate this to affect school and make everything suck. In 6 mos I'll be working full time+ to make money for next year, next to no social life time there.

Im sure she will come around before that, if she loves you like you say she does, she will come and talk to you. You can always try to write her a long letter or email to get shit off your chest(if u did sorry I didnt know as I didnt reall all thru the thread.)

Hope shit works out for you man.

Im sure she will come around before that, if she loves you like you say she does, she will come and talk to you. You can always try to write her a long letter or email to get shit off your chest(if u did sorry I didnt know as I didnt reall all thru the thread.)

Hope shit works out for you man.

Thanks man.

I don't think she'd come around, her new friends changer her a lot, drinking/bars/etc. tops the list right now it seems.

A good part of me would still take her back in a split second, though, this is nearing the most miserable I remember being, ever. I know the shit parts would still exist, but they all pale in comparison to the good things. I can't think like that though, I know.

I don't even know if she loves me right now, signs point to know, only her saying she does says otherwise, really.

Would be a helluva email, don't think I'll do it though, really. No idea what I'll do now, actually, at all.

I've got to get outta here, I can't stand this, I'm getting incredibly miserable and depressed by the minute at at the slightest reminder of her or this mess, I hate it but nothing I can think or say changes it any right now.

I've planned a halfassed getaway tomorrow, for the weekend. I fear what my mind would cook up and how I've be with essentially 3 days to myself to think. I'm off to the next largest uni town, to a friend's place, for 2 days, 2 nights of no sleep, drinking, guitar hero, drinking, drinking, and random chicks, though that's hardly my goal.

I'm missing one class for it (shit lecture, they read slides to you), but considering I haven't been able to think about anything else, or do anything else for days, and it's only getting worse as is. I can't concentrate, can't really do any schoolwork, nothing.

Come to toronto. I don't have any place for you to sleep :( but we can get tanked, maybe chunt or someone else would be up for getting smashed too.

Also, to rub it in, I've had yet another great date with my sweety (aww, lol). She was taken aback that my longest relationship was 5 weeks, and I was a little worried that she used to do [an undetermined amount of] coke in high school. I can't tell, and I really don't care, I'm not going to let something stupid in the past ruin what could be something special.

Come to toronto. I don't have any place for you to sleep :( but we can get tanked, maybe chunt or someone else would be up for getting smashed too.

Also, to rub it in, I've had yet another great date with my sweety (aww, lol). She was taken aback that my longest relationship was 5 weeks, and I was a little worried that she used to do [an undetermined amount of] coke in high school. I can't tell, and I really don't care, I'm not going to let something stupid in the past ruin what could be something special.

We still have to plan that london dealie sometime, man, and thanks for the invite.

Nice attitude there, vs. the many guys here who would panic/dump her over it. The past is the past, the present is what matters now, right?

We still have to plan that london dealie sometime, man, and thanks for the invite.

Nice attitude there, vs. the many guys here who would panic/dump her over it. The past is the past, the present is what matters now, right?

She's about 2 years older, richer, etc. All of these things would have bothered me in the past, but she seems like a wonderful girl capable of holding down a commited monogamous relationship. Not to mention she's hot and fuck and her personality matches mine.

Really, when you think about it, I now know she won't be tempted to do coke in the future, and as for her being older, meh, one of us has to be. And her financial situation? She isn't impressed by money, so her having more than me can only be a good thing the way I see it.

2 years ago I would have blown everything out of proportion, now I see the good in everything. Life's good.