I'm high. Excuse if there are errors. I've been high for about 2 weeks, and will be for 1 more. I'm writing a book and it's a lot easier to make romance and a look into philosophy and spirituality exciting if you're high all the time.

Anyway, I feel like I'm in grade school, getting butterflies in my stomach and whatnot. There's a girl I love, and she doesn't even want to see me again. Yes, I did come on pretty strong even though she had a boyfriend, but fuck it, I'm one of those guys. Anyway, back to the point. Is there really anything I can do except give her time and space? I've been for a while now under the mentality of "fuck bitches", that is, do not care about women, if you get rejected, there are 3 billion just like her. Except I spent a whole day talking to this one and she is very unique. It really pisses me off. I've been as depressed as HandofZek all day, amplified by the fact that I'm high. No coke to speak of, so I can't really feel "up", and I don't do heroin, so that wouldn't make me feel happy either. I've come a long way as a man. I used to care about a girls history but now I don't. I just care about the present and future. I used to think women were special, but they're not, they're pretty plain and predictable. I've made a lot of realizations but now after a long time of emotionlessness, I feel so strongly about this one. It angers a lot.

Anyway, I guess I've only got 2 points to talk about.

1) I'm depressed. I fucking hate emos and I hate to be one right now, but it sucks and I want help.

2) What's the best course of action with the girl? I can see she's getting more and more distant. I don't want to appear stalkerish, but I want to convey the message that we need to get together.

She has a boyfriend. Leave her alone.

Thats the sad truth of it. Women are horrible creatures that flirt and lead you along to feel good about themselves, but at the bottom of it...the chances of them giving up what they already have without you seriously blowing them away is slim.

Anyways, don't sweat it too much. Everyone gets down around the holidays. You'll be back to your normal self by new years. And I know you wanted this to be a long-term relationship...don't give up on that. There are enough other women worth settling down with. Just do your thing and enjoy it until it's time.

You'd like the book I'm writing.

Either way, our purpose in life as humans is to pursue our own happiness. Hell, it's my right to the "pursuit of happiness". That's all I'm trying to do. I need to reframe her so that she's coming after me as the one who will make her the most happy.

I'm not out here to be a good guy or a matchmaker for others. I've been the chump too much in my early life, I'm the guy who grabs life by the balls and tells it which way to go. I don't care what happens to her boyfriend. I really don't even care what happens to her, so long as she ends up with me, making me happy.

Yes, that's right, I said it. I want her. Because she makes me happy. I don't really care for what makes her happy. If her boyfriend makes her happy, tough, I want her. It's up to me to make sure I'm following my dream in life, just as it's up to her to make her own choices.

I'm not trying to force her to come to me, but rather to persuade or seduce her to do so. Equally malicious, but because it's indirect it's not really seen as evil by others.

I don't know where I'm going with this train of though. I just want some help in getting her to go out with me. She can still keep her boyfriend, I don't care. I don't require that she be all mine, I just want to see her every now and again, feel her, taste her. It's like a cocaine. You don't care about any pointless circumstances so long as you get your sweet fix.

You'd like the book I'm writing.

Can I read it when you're finished?

Thats the sad truth of it. Women are horrible creatures that flirt and lead you along to feel good about themselves, but at the bottom of it...the chances of them giving up what they already have without you seriously blowing them away is slim.

Anyways, don't sweat it too much. Everyone gets down around the holidays. You'll be back to your normal self by new years. And I know you wanted this to be a long-term relationship...don't give up on that. There are enough other women worth settling down with. Just do your thing and enjoy it until it's time.

Also, to add insult to injury, she's "supposedly" moving away for a year over the summer, then taking a year off to sail the world.

I say supposedly because many times people tell you their dreams without realizing that they're unattainable. Maybe she's not going, maybe she is. And I really don't care if she goes whoring for a year in africa, as long as she comes back and I can be with her.

It's funny, I always feel sexual about women like these, they make me jealous, etc, but with this one, all I want to do is be with her. Really, it freaks me out, I don't want her sexually nearly as much as I want to just spend time with her and be in her company.

Can I read it when you're finished?

After I submit it to a publisher or find some way to copyright it, you can.

The book came about when I realized I was never this depressed before. I mean, I've been sad, just never this bad. I played some guitar and it didn't help, so I thought about writing it all down. Using the powerful emotion to motivate myself to write emotionally. I meditated for a bit, wrote some stuff down, then got high and wrote even more stuff, added new ideas, channeled the spirit of Herman Hesse to help me write, etc.

Sometime in January I should have the first draft done and you can tell me what you think.

I don't have a whole lot of experience with girls with boyfriends. The only one I actually won, was one I just played the chump with. I was just there as a friend, I listened to her bitch about her boyfriend. And then I made it a point to shine in those areas. I treated her better then her boyfriend did, and eventually she just left him for me.

Looking back, that was quite the waste.

Would you suggest it? Right now I'm running game as if she had no boyfriend, calling her out on shit, etc.

Maybe I should just not talk to her at all? I can see she's a bit hesitant because she's probably thinking "fuck Rykoshet again, that motherfucker doesn't give up"

But I guess it's better to be on her mind as an asshole than not on her mind at all.

You know what, fuck it, this is what I came to realize!

1) She is unavailable.
2) I am crazy.

1+2=3

It just so turns out when you think of it that way, I only want her because I can't have her. If I were to actually have her, I would probably tire of her in a week. She's not unique. No women are special, one can do for you everything another can.

Fuck bitches!

ohh how you make me laugh

Fuck you Trebeck.

God Damnit!!!!

Make up your mind!!!!

You're making it really difficult to answer your questions

Hey man, just 'cuz you're depressed doesn't make you emo. Everyone gets depressed. And, unfortunately, we can't always have the girl that makes us all fluttery inside.

My question remains how to get her. I want her, more than I want other girls.

So help me get her.

May I be the first to suggest....GHB?

it beats my assassination plot on her boyfriend.

Get high, then get real fucking drunk, get your mind off of her...fast before the recurring dreams come.

Hell I had something similar happen to me, I was pretty fucking high on DXM, then all the sudden I was thinking about this girl who I couldn't have, then it seemed I traveled back in time and was beginning to fall back in love with her, only time DXM fucked me over, although not as bad as some acid trips I had.

Well I'd say the good thing to do is to wait till the boyfriend is out of the picture, if she'll go with you over him, but good luck all the same.

Once you finished the whole book, put it in a box and mail it to yourself from the post office. It's a way to at least prove that the book is yours, and you'll have the postmarked date on the box. Other than that, good luck getting it published. I'd like to read it when you've finished.

Fuck bitches!

-Raises glass-

Thanks everyone who posted. I was just going through some holiday blues. Holidays are the time when the most suicides occur you know.

Either way, I feel a lot better this morning. I really want her still, but I'm slowly getting on with life. Getting drunk and going out helps.

10am isn't too early to get drunk if it's christmas, is it?

10am isn't too early to get drunk if it's christmas, is it?

Not just yet, my lungs feel like shit from all the cigs/weed. I hawked out a couple of huge phlegm balls this morning.

And no, 10am is not too early to get drunk any day.