I don't know whether this belongs here, and I don't really know what I expect from Totse. I'm telling you all this because I've got no where else to go! (Mainly why I'm writing this..)

Anyway, I think I've fallen into depression, it's been like this for a few months. I don't know where to start, so I'll begin where I think all of this has begun.

I moved to a big city in New York 400 miles away from a small town in West Virginia. I thought I was adjusting well. I've lost a lot of weight since I've been here and shaped up a bit. A few months ago I started seeing a guy whom I'd met through a friend, I doubted the relationship, it lasted for a month. He just up and left, said it wasn't my fault and said some shit about problems with his dad. Haven't talked to him since October 10th.

I wonder whether it WAS me, why he left, maybe he was just playing me to look cool in front of his friends. Maybe he just wanted to get his kicks and mess with me. Now I fucked up our relationship from the start, I started talking about my ex. I ended on a bad note, too. When he broke up with me, I was drunk and started crying. I may have done the same thing sober, but for now I'll blame it on the alcohol. Anyway, for the last two months I've gotten into a "fuck it" kind of mentality, but underneath that, I'm still sensitive and I think about this guy every day. (I'm no stranger to love or these feeling's, either.) I really don't give a shit about this guy, I'm just being strung along by hope which I probably shouldn't be. I've got this idea that everything will change next school year (changing schools) but I've also got an underlying feeling that it won't get better and many people have it so much worse yet they deal.

While trying to move on with this, I'm trying to keep my grades up and it ain't easy. I KNOW that I used to be so smart, used to have my head on straight and now that all of my morals are gone and my priorities are fucked, I can't seem to get back into the groove of things.

Friend-wise, I have no REAL ones. I get along with everybody at school and am well liked, but I've got no one to confess to or talk to, perhaps it's normal. But is it, really?

I want to give up love, drugs, and fun until I can get my grades together. All of this has gotten me so fucking insecure, about everything. And it's noticeable, too. My teacher's are asking me where my confident strut has gone and I don't know. I miss the oblivion that I was under before I introduced myself to drugs and love.

Fuckity fuck. Words of inspiration and wisen the fuck up are encouraged. I ain't complaining, I'm just askin for some advice.

Earth!

I wish I could come up with something great and lifechanging..

But yea, good luck.

are you a dude

are you a dude

nope, and Tommy Lund - that's all I need to hear, really.

nope, and Tommy Lund - that's all I need to hear, really.

Well then. Good luck.


That was a good thread.

Fucking winterdepression amirite.
We've all got it, you know it.


Stripped, take zinc supplements and go to a tanning bed like 30mins a day.
Sreiously, does wonders for your chemisrty.
And make sure you're sleeping allright.
Bad sleep fucks you up quite something.

Fuck, I know exactly what you are talking, I'm in that position now and have been feeling this way for the past 6 months. I kicked my alcohol problem and reduced my drug use drastically, then broke up with the girl I was seeing. The one person who changed my life and cared about more than anything in the world said fuck you, I need other guys, and dumped my ass. Since then I transferred schools, started doing well, got an internship, and pretty much turned my life around from where it was a year ago.

It's tough. I think about her everyday but honestly anyone who would be that selfish towards me, promise to at least be there for me when I needed her, and not give me the time of day AT ALL, does not need my attention at all. I have 0 real friends as well, I pretty much go through my whole day alone, occassionally smoke bud with someone but nothing spectacular.

Time really does heal everything. You haven't moved on yet but you gotta believe you will move on OR YOU WON'T. Use that "fuck it" attitude to your advantage and start getting what you want from life and people. You're on your own again and it's time to start fresh. Hope that helps.

Good luck.

Find yourself something to be passionate about and throw yourself into it for a while. It may help. Nothing changes magically, but things aren't hard to change. You simply have to take action and move forward.

Do you have any sorts of hobbies?

What sorts of drugs are you playing with?

Do what I do when I get into this situation: move unnessicarily!

Infact, I'm moving in 4 days.

Your life sorta sounds like man, minus the having romantic partners bit:/

I want to give up love, drugs, and fun until I can get my grades together. All of this has gotten me so fucking insecure, about everything. And it's noticeable, too. My teacher's are asking me where my confident strut has gone and I don't know. I miss the oblivion that I was under before I introduced myself to drugs and love.

Fuckity fuck. Words of inspiration and wisen the fuck up are encouraged. I ain't complaining, I'm just askin for some advice.

Man im fucked myself, your not the only one in the same boat. My grades are bad in college, and its not because i dont know the material i just dont have any motivation to study on shit. When i get down to business i ace quizs/do good on tests and know what im doing. But like i just slack off most of the time, do other things then get fucked. I also work part time ontop of school....whether or not that matters.I think i came down to the wire here and im going to get dismissed from the college im currently at forcing me to continue my education at a community college.

Whats the cause for all this? IDK, id like to say drugs and women but fully i cannot blame it on that and i dont feel its right to put my blame anywhere else but on myself. I dont feel depressed or suicidal so thats not a area to consult my failures on either. My parents will look down upon me for a period of time until i get back on track, but I can still continue onward and my life doesn't end here, its just taking a turn.

Like they always say, you dont realize whats up until its too late! And i guess thats how its been with me. I dropped to my knees and prayed to God that he could make the impossible possible here, allowing me to continue my life as it remains now, without getting thrown out of my college, and that if i can keep it i'll change my ways for the better. If it can be pulled off, im going to start attending church again(as ill be shitting my pants if the impossible happens) and ill try to lead a better life in general, as an exchange for continuation of this path in life. I know anyone reading this may not believe in such a thing(religion) but it has helped me before, whether or not it was me making it happen, or a unknown force.

Everyone has tough times, realize that, and just keep your head up...and become stronger as you conquer your problems, as there is no end in life unless you PUT one in the cycle of your life. Good luck

Quit bitching, Totse is not your emotional tampon.

Man im fucked myself, your not the only one in the same boat. My grades are bad in college, and its not because i dont know the material i just dont have any motivation to study on shit. When i get down to business i ace quizs/do good on tests and know what im doing. But like i just slack off most of the time, do other things then get fucked.

You just summarized my fucking high school mentality.

I never studied. I always aced tests, exams, etc. I dicked around all the time in my free time.

I NEVER had the motivation to do homework. What I never finished at school or in restaurants (I ate after school ended, I would do my work there) I simply never turned in.

In the end I barely made it through, only because I had no motivation to do the bullshit homework for no purpose, as my mind believed. I never discarded the mentality.

Find yourself something to be passionate about and throw yourself into it for a while. It may help.

I second this. It's good to have something you enjoy doing, even if it's pointless.

Also, in the the "acquaintances but no friends" thing, you are definitely not alone. I'm terrible at making real friends too, and I don't think it's a very rare thing.

I'll bite. WIND!!!

But since I'm in a bitching thread, and amn't enough of a whiny bitch to create my own thread for my bitching, I'll just do it here: I brought acid and ex back on the plane for everyone (enough to get stuck with intent to sell), and had busted my ass taking all my finals in the span of two days so I could get back to see all my friends and in the process of doing so, I got sick. I got back late last night, feeling frustrated, depressed, and sick, only to find out that none of my friends had any plans to visit me, even if only for a few minutes: not my closest friends, not my girlfriend. Ironically, I have no one to tell this too, because if I were to complain/commiserate to someone, it would be one of them. And thusly I sit here sullen and bitter, nursing wounds over an insult that i'm taking far more seriously than is healthy.

Thank you, totse, for sad as it is, you have been there when the fleshbags who call themselves my friends and loved ones could or would not.

I second this. It's good to have something you enjoy doing, even if it's pointless.

Also, in the the "acquaintances but no friends" thing, you are definitely not alone. I'm terrible at making real friends too, and I don't think it's a very rare thing.

Thats why i keep picking up on new stuff to do. Keeping my self busy, another religious quote for you- A idle mind is a devils workshop. In direct translation i take that as, a bored mind = a insane one. Meaning if you have nothing to do all day in and day out and you just sit around thinking youll easily go crazy until you get out and do shit. True shit.

Stop thinking about it. Start excersizing. Get out. Cut back on the drugs. Keep your head up.