This is a rather complicated situation for me. I love this girl. I love her a lot. And we have been in a relationship for about 4 months. When I first met her she was the nicest girl on the planet, saying cute sweet things all the times, promising everything, captivating me. She lives rather far away, about 100 miles, and I already thought of it as a problem back then, but I felt she was the only one.
When we finally met (It was in the holiday we met, over the Internet, so we spend some 20-30 days chatting before we met) we were shy, cute, everything you would expect from a couple in love. She is my first girlfriend, and she only have had one other guy for more than a week.
Both of us felt is was very special, and I felt like the luckiest guy on the planet. But after some time she began to be more and more demanding, complaining if I didn't write to her almost every waking hour, being annoyed when I left for work, and blamed me for every mistake I did. After some time she would be angry with me almost every day, yell at me, going all emo, threatening to break up, calling me a loser, the worst boyfriend she ever had, etc.
Almost all the time we spend together is magical, and she primarily blames the distance. But even then she still threatens to break up, and after speaking with her for hours she says that she will stay with me.
Now, due to some very bad planning I will be busy the day before our 6-month day, and well, I know she would be mad at me, and I was furiout.s at myself as well. But she even threatened to go to a party, get drunk, and deliberately sleep with another guy. She have said a thing like that before, but regretted it deeply. Well, she kinda regretted it this time as well, but I can't feel like I am wasting my love on her.
I love her so much, she is the only one for me, since I am 18 and she is my first I am having some confidence problems she is helping me with, she is beautiful, smart and naughty. She is everything I ever wanted. And I'm afraid breaking up with her will make me loose all confidence I gained, and totally put me out of the dating game, which would be sad :/
I just don't know what the fuck to do. I can't leave her. Part of me screams at me to do it, but I want to do more with her, I want a relationship with her, I just don't know what the fuck is going on :/
I need help. Seriously.

we have been in a relationship for about 4 months.

I felt she was the only one.

we met, over the Internet

She is my first girlfriend

I'm afraid breaking up with her will make me loose all confidence I gained, and totally put me out of the dating game, which would be sad :/


To me, this doesn't sound like love, but more like first-time-naive-puppy-love. You both have issues - you seem quite clingy and appear to have little confidence, she threatens to sleep with other people (which is a clear sign of danger). Yet you openly admit to not breaking up with her for you're own benefit rather than 'loving' her.

There's no clear black and white solution to this. Either way, someone will get hurt.

In my honest opinion I dont believe that you truely love her. You barely know each other. Just because you have spoken for hours on end over the phone or on msn only give the illusion that know each other.

100miles apart is not far. If you wish to prove me wrong in the fact that I believe that you do not love her. Jump on a train or bus and see her in person every other weekend or something, make some sort of effort to see each other.

Love is a word that people can barely define. Hell it took me the better part of a year to work out if i was in love with a girlfriend, and you have know this girl for how long...

Well, if things improve I'll quit my job when I'm done with education this year, work a year in her town, then choose another university than planned to be with her. I have abandoned a lot of my other real life duties for her. I can't even recall the last time I've been to party without her, and I'm even afraid to meet with other girls because I expect she will get even madder :/ I love her for more than the sex. Of course it's nice for me to have someone I trust to try things with, but that's not the reason why I am staying with her. I love her, I need her. But I'm afraid she doesn't feel the same.

You shouldn't be afraid of breaking up with someone because you'll think you're gonna lose the confidence you gained,you have to realize the confidence you gained wasnt because of the relationship, but because of you getting into one, IF you break up, you might not have that confidence for a little while, but it will return, you just have to realize, if you were good enough to be in a relationship with that girl, you're good enough for plenty of others. And what in the name of fuck are you still doing with her? Honestly, she threatened to cheat on you because you cant travel 100 miles every fucking time she wants to see you? And i'm sorry but if my gf decided to be pissed off at me, yell at me and threaten to cheat on me on an almost daily basis(which is what it sounds like) i don't give a shit how much she regretted saying thoses things, it would be over right then and there.

Seriously, you shouldn't have to be in a relationship where one of you is constantly walking on eggshells so to speak. And no she isn't the ONLY one for you as you've said, shes your first girlfriend, everyone feels that way about their first serious gf! How many of thoses people ended up marrying? Chances are, not many, not many at all.

Oh, and if you still want to continue the relationship, if you want it to get better, the only thing you can do is stop being a pussy, if she gets mad at you for an inane reason, don't fucking stand for it, just tell her (if you're on the phone) "I haven't done fuckall to deserve being spoken to like that, call me back when you aren't being a bitch" 'Cause the only reason she treats you like that is because you LET her.

I read it and it sounds like she loves yo mama.

We have been together for 4 and a half month. I visit her or she visits me every weekend we can, only disrupted by my work (It takes about 3-4 hours to travel, bloody infrastructure).

How can you trust a woman that threatens to sleep with other men and threatens to break up with you?

Thank you for this response, very helpful (And thank you other people, I just realized I might sound ungrateful, fuck that, you guys are the only people who have been able to help me (allthough on IRC until now))
I have begun talking back, calling her the few things she hates being called (childish, egoistic, immature) but she just yells even louder and turns it back on me. I am really crap at being mad at people. I only used swearwords on her once, just now, because she said I was using her for sex only. I am afraid of losing her :/

I have abandoned a lot of my other real life duties for her.

I can't even recall the last time I've been to party without her, and I'm even afraid to meet with other girls because I expect she will get even madder :/

I love her, I need her. But I'm afraid she doesn't feel the same.

Ok no.1 - relationships unfortunately are about power, but should in fact be about compromise. You have sacrificed a lot for her, has she done the same to you?

No. 2 - You should not be afraid to go out and have a life of your own as well as with her! You should be free to have female friends and to go to parties - it comes down to the basic element of relationships - trust. Without it, you're pretty much fucked.

No. 3 - You 'need' her. Ok that isn't a healthy relationship. To some, it might be flattering, but it's also a bit scary.

Be a man, grow some balls. Take control. Basically, go to parties if you want. Make female friends. Don't be afraid to assert yourself and be her doormat. Having self-respect is an important part of life, and people will respect that! This will either make or break your relationship. But if you asserted yourself more, and she didn't like it, then it shows she doesn't respect your choices, and more than likely craves the power she has (bear in mind I can only go on what you tell us).


Edit: And the whole 'fuck you guys' thing, well I'm just pointing out the things that I see buddy.

Ok no.1 - relationships unfortunately are about power, but should in fact be about compromise. You have sacrificed a lot for her, has she done the same to you?

No. 2 - You should not be afraid to go out and have a life of your own as well as with her! You should be free to have female friends and to go to parties - it comes down to the basic element of relationships - trust. Without it, you're pretty much fucked.

No. 3 - You 'need' her. Ok that isn't a healthy relationship. To some, it might be flattering, but it's also a bit scary.

Be a man, grow some balls. Take control. Basically, go to parties if you want. Make female friends. Don't be afraid to assert yourself and be her doormat. Having self-respect is an important part of life, and people will respect that! This will either make or break your relationship. But if you asserted yourself more, and she didn't like it, then it shows she doesn't respect your choices, and more than likely craves the power she has (bear in mind I can only go on what you tell us).

1) I feel like I sacrifice everything for her, and doesn't get a lot back. I have made romantic nights with candlelight, dinners, everything. And she hardly does anything for me, she promises a lot, I'm just afraid she is using it to make me more obsessed. Femme fatale is an expression I learned through this relationship.
2) But I'm afraid she does the same, and she is a bit younger than me, she can't control her alcohol or her hormones, if she gets just a little too much she is humping everybodys leg, or so I fear
3) She seems to crave power, maybe she enjoys telling her friends she got a bit older guy wrapped around her finger, I dunno, I feel that sometimes.

Thank you for this response, very helpful (And thank you other people, I just realized I might sound ungrateful, fuck that, you guys are the only people who have been able to help me (allthough on IRC until now))
I have begun talking back, calling her the few things she hates being called (childish, egoistic, immature) but she just yells even louder and turns it back on me. I am really crap at being mad at people. I only used swearwords on her once, just now, because she said I was using her for sex only. I am afraid of losing her :/

No no no no no, what the hell are you doing? Calling her names and insulting her, are you a fucking idiot? Oh she gets mad at me, so ill call her egotistic, immature and childish! That'll sure save our relationship! No, when she becomes immature, childish, egotistic whatever, its simple, you hang up, you say look, im not putting up with this crap, if you wanna be with me, be with me, don't bitch at me for no reason whatesoever. Seriously, make sure you make it clear, so she knows that if you do something bad, that hurts her or whatever, she has the right to bitch at you just like you'd have the right to bitch at her, but what should also be made clear is, if she doesn't have a reason to be mad at you that isn't childish, inane, whatever you want to call it, you aren't even gonna give her the time of day. YOU'RE HER BOYFRIEND, not her (verbal) punching bag. Make that shit clear or with every relationship you have its gonna repeat itself.

This sounds like a very self destructive relationship and most likely wont last if you both continue in the same manner.

Shit. Learn your lessons and get the fuck out of that relationship. The next one you have will be infinitely better. It won't be as intense but I promise, it will be better as long as it's with a sane individual. I know this from personal experience except my bullshit carried on for 36 months.

Sometimes i considered just blocking her (We use MSN mainly) but I'm afraid of the consequences. I'm afraid to become what I was before her, a worthless slob with no purpose in life who wont ever have a girlfriend, save for four and a half month as a scratching tree. Meh. But maybe I'm better of like that.

HA! Pathetic. If my girl threatened to sleep with other people I'd fuck 3 girls before the week was over. Threats are the last thing I let slide. Do the same. Fuck man, grow some balls. "Bitch, threaten to sleep with some on again and we're over. Slut"

Say that. C'moooon....do iiiiiiit.

Judging from what I see, I would suggest you to end things. It's pretty clear this is a destructive relationship. But if you did end things (and in a mature way!) then try to learn from yours and her mistakes, and use the experience to help you with your personal issues. Just because the relationship would end doesn't mean you will automatically turn into "a worthless slob with no purpose in life who wont ever have a girlfriend". In fact, if you didn't have a girlfriend, you could use your confidence gained so far, go to parties, get female friends, etc. etc.

Trouble is, a fundamental problem seems to be that you believe you need her. And maybe she knows this, and maybe at one point she hates it (e.g. clingy), but she also can use it for power.

Your a pussywhipped little bitch. That's all that is. Don't put up with bullshit like that. If your fighting all the time it's not working out.

If some bitch threatened to go cheat on me i'd tell her to go ahead and don't bother coming back.

If you stay with her your retarded and deserve eachother.

Thanks for your responses, this have given me a lot to think about. I still doesn't know what to do, how to behave. Sometimes when she have been mad at me for hours she simply says "I'm sorry" and expect it all to be okay. And if I go "meh" she gets angry again. Should I just accept her apology, knowing she will get angry again in a day or two?
I know I should leave her, I know I'm a pussy, I just need the comfort of a relationship, I'm afraid to go single, afraid not to be able to find someone who I can trust as much as i trusted her in the beginning.

Please please please dont be with someone because you're scared of being alone.
Being in a damaging relationship is far more painfull, and far more psychologically damaging, than being alone, and free.


If you think you really love her, trying to talk to her might help. But think about if your 'love' for her is more your love for not being alone? Or your love for no longer being single?




I know it's a hard thing to think when feeling so low, but you've proven you're attractive to the opposite sex and that you can get a girlfriend.
It's going to take a bit of time to find one you feel you can trust, but you'll get there.

Another day, another argument. This time she canceled the last weekend we will be seeing each others in my house, because she is going to a party with her class. I was like "Fine, I think that is okay, I trust you not to do anything stupid". Suddenly I doesn't trust her, I tell her what to do, doesn't let her do anything. And once again I say "It's okay that you cancel this weekend with me, and I trust you wont do anything stupid" I feel it is kinda fair to not trust her totally after the things she have said to me, and I'm not finding it fair she yells at me for canceling a weekend, when she would never accept it if I did that kind of thing.
So, now I'm wondering if I should go out partying as well, or visit one of my only female friends, or anything like that? What do you think?

Please please please dont be with someone because you're scared of being alone.
Being in a damaging relationship is far more painfull, and far more psychologically damaging, than being alone, and free.


This something that OP really has to think about. I have a friend that is doing this, scared to be alone and trying to get over a breakup that happened in january. I can tell that it is not helping her. Everytime she gets a little down, it is severe. I mean, hours of tears.

It is the most unproductive thing you could ever do in this context!

This is driving me nuts. Last weekend she was here, logged on MSN on my computer, my webcam driver is a bit buggy, so it shows the icon for webcam all the time, even when it is not plugged in.
This guy writes to her, along the lines "hey baby, can I see you on cam sweety?"
She goes like "what the?" IRL, and writes that she is with me. Then he asks if we still have some (rather private to me) problems, and she asks "why do you care?". This have just sent my mind spinning ever since. Firstly he speaks to her like that, and she seems attached enough to him to speak with him about our problems.
This guy is someone she was going to spend the night with a few days after we met, but she canceled this because she had found me. He lives in her town.
I am probably going to speak with her about it tomorrow, but do you think it is justifiable, I mean, I'm going to ask what is going on between them and stuff, because I really doesn't know what is happening here..

Don't listen to yourself, man...


Listen to other people.


Edit: Wtf, break her up already. You will be glad like in 3 or 4 months.

Heres one of the few bits of wisdom i've managed to gather in my experiences with relationships.

In -every- relationship, theres always one person that has more invested, that cares more then the other person. So...are you the one that cares more, or are you the one that cares less?

I care so much, I always treat her good, or try to, even most of the time when she treats me unfairly. I know there is a difference in how much you care, but I don't think it should be that wide.

Heheh it's not often I agree with your approach to relationships, but this is one of those times.



Noktan, she's fucking abusing you, she's putting her pussy on a pedestal, and she's treating you like shit because she knows that you'll allways put up with it!


Come on..


I've been in tough relationships, where I've been fucked around with, acted like a bullied pathetic little bitch and basically done everything in my power to make a ungratefull nasty partner happy. But there has to be a limit to how much bullshit you'll put up with.


And wtf? She talks to some other guy about your personal problems, but when you try to talk them through with her she starts shouting at you?


What ..the hell?!


:(

Only you can make the ultimate decision. I really hope she hasnt fucked you up to the extent that you seriously beleive that you 'need' her, or couldnt get any better. That would be tradgic.

I guarantee you, there are better girls out there, who would actually like and appreciate the things you'd do for them.

Heheh it's not often I agree with your approach to relationships, but this is one of those times.



Noktan, she's fucking abusing you, she's putting her pussy on a pedestal, and she's treating you like shit because she knows that you'll allways put up with it!


Come on..


I've been in tough relationships, where I've been fucked around with, acted like a bullied pathetic little bitch and basically done everything in my power to make a ungratefull nasty partner happy. But there has to be a limit to how much bullshit you'll put up with.


And wtf? She talks to some other guy about your personal problems, but when you try to talk them through with her she starts shouting at you?


What ..the hell?!


:(

Only you can make the ultimate decision. I really hope she hasnt fucked you up to the extent that you seriously beleive that you 'need' her, or couldnt get any better. That would be tradgic.

I guarantee you, there are better girls out there, who would actually like and appreciate the things you'd do for them.

Thank you. This post is probably the most helpful, although almost everyone of you have helped me. She wants to talk things over with me this weekend, and I honestly don't know what is going to happen.

Thank you. This post is probably the most helpful, although almost everyone of you have helped me. She wants to talk things over with me this weekend, and I honestly don't know what is going to happen.

Honestly, keep in mind that you in no way DESERVE that shitty of a treatment. You don't need it, and you won't want it, if you really think about it.

Of course you don't know what's going to happen, and you shouldn't worry about not knowing so.

Whatever comes to your mind, you need to say it. If you have a "what the fuck is this?" in your mind, then say it.

If anything she'll respect you for it, and the WORST case scenario is you break up, but that's a whole lot better than being in this bad of a relationship. But we've been trying to tell you this.

Make it clear you're getting sick of all the bullshit, and like Yoyo said, there's gotta be a line to how much bullshit you'll take; sounds like that line's been crossed 10 times over.

^^^ What he said, seriously, i was going to reply, but it seems theres no need now lol. Oh just one thing, when you see her this weekend DO NOT let her take control of the conversation/whatever, you have to show her that you arent taking her shitty attitude towards you. Make it nice and clear, but not hostile, just state it bluntly "If you're gonna keep treating me like a piece of shit, i wont be here much longer"

And also make it clear that your business is YOUR BUSINESS not something for her to be telling some random guy over msn, oh and if guys call you girl baby and sweetie, and she doesn't correct them on that, you've got a problem man, in my experience the moment you girlfriend lets and (possibly) encourages guys to call her that (whether by acting like she is they're baby or sweetie or by not correcting them) is the moment you KNOW she doesn't take the relationship too seriously. Think about it, if she caught another girl calling you baby or sweetie, what the fuck would she say to you? I bet by morning you'd be a nullo(sp? i mean a guy with no penis and no balls)

I dunno just seems to me like inevitably, shes either A-Gonna cheat on you with this guy B-Gonna cheat on you with someone else or C-Break up with you before you find out she cheated on you with guy A or B. Or D. All of the above.

Sorry man, but get out of that relationship

We just had a wonderful day. Really, perfect. Until now, when we are cuddling a bit, and I ask her if she wasn't going to see something else on the telly, like we planned. And now she wont speak with me. If this keeps up I'm gonna use some of your advices. Talk thing trough with her. Make it obvious I'm sick and tired of this fighting over something I hardly know what is.
Thanks guys.

Your retarded. You are 18. Your dating life has only just begun and your putting up with this bullshit? There are plenty of fine females out there buddy that will love you back the same that you love her. Find that new girl you need.

You deserve everything that happens to you. Hopefully you'll have to catch an STD before you learn what's really going on in this relationship.

Okay, the last few days have been exciting. Now she doesn't want to be with me, but said that she thinks we may get together again sometime, that we might just need a break. I told her that I doubt that would happen, especially because I would find it odd that she was with another guy. Then she told me she probably wouldn't be, and that she just need some time to breathe. So, I don't know what to do. Or actually, I do. Party. be with my friends. Maybe get high. Speak with whoever I want. Sleep whenever I want. Game as much as I want to. Do whatever the fuck I want. I just don't know, I'll probably get sucked into the relationship again. She have already begun being sweeter to me, like she used to be.

It sounds to me like she's one of those girls that everyone has at some point in their lives. They seem like such a good idea at the time, but afterwards you just look at them with regret, she's not a choice just a lack of options.

Stop being so damn pathetic and grow some balls.

First up, you shouldn't be "with" a girl who lives over a hundred miles away. That's just dumb!

Next on the list is this whole blowing up at you thing.
So you don't spend every free minute your time writing shit to her or talking on the phone.
The fact that you are pretty much doing so now would indicate you have been whipped, which is bad.
Just reading all that stuff about her getting angry at you for going to work and not spending every minute of every day singing her praises and making her feel good about herself has annoyed me as you can probably guess.

She's gonna go to a party and sleep with someone else eh?...Fuck it. A bitch like that, she's probably done it anyway.
Outright gonna break up with you? Good I say. She sounds like someone you shouldn't be with mate.

You are not in love like big-people love...You've got the naive type that so often comes out in teenagers.
It's a pretty normal thing but take it from someone who's been there and been shitted like you're being shitted now, grow some balls and tell her to shut the fuck up or you will go out to a party and fuck some chick...Or you will break up with her.
Don't let her hold the reigns buddy...Never let any chick threaten that sort of shit because you have other things to do.

And if you do break up, remember, there's plenty more women out there buddy...You don't need her to be confident. Just be yourself and you'll do okay dude.

Ahhhhh...That feels better.

Bro, I went through the exact same situation. EVERYTHING was the same, except i dragged it out for 9 months. Trust me when I tell you that no matter how much you want something, if she is not on the same level, the relationship is stuck. Right now you are putting her above you, and that doesnt work. You need to get out of this dude, and I promise you will be okay. Whatever happens, its not the end of the world, and it is what was supposed to happen. More girls will come dude dont worry.