I've been with my boyfriend for roughly 2 1/2 - 3 years. He's my absolute favorite person in the world. I love him and would never in my right-mind want to hurt him. The thing is... lately, I've been fanaticizing about other guys, sexually and otherwise. And I'm not talking abut your typical wondering horny thoughts. I mean, I've been thinking about fucking friends that I secretly like on some level or another, and would actually consider getting with if I wasn't all ready in a committed relationship.

For some reason, this makes me feel really guilty. If I loved him as much as I think I do, than is there any real reason be having these thoughts? Maybe is there was more passion, or something, in our relationship, I'd be just as lustful for him as I would be with the aforementioned. Or maybe it's simply a case of the forbidden fruit?

In any case, I fear that if I continue repress these thoughts, then they'll just grow stronger and tempt me even more. I suppose if it gets to that point, then it would be best to just break up with him... though, I doubt I would have the strength to do something like that. We've been through too much and he's helped me in so many ways, and I'd feel lost without him. Sad thing is, I don't know if I necessarily see myself with in the long haul. We're too different of people, which I guess has caused my to stray from him a bit.

Anyway, just wanted to get this off my chest. Any constructive input would be much appreciated.

Well, ask yourself this: Do you really still love him, or do you just assume you do because you have for so long? Is your relationship still as fresh and exciting as when you were first going out?

If you don't want to be with someone, don't. Don't be in stale relationships.

I worry about this with my girlfriend of ~4 years. And I have to admit I've had similar thoughts.

Thing is though, if you end 'stale' relationships, you will find yourself alone a lot when your older. Not every relationship stays as it is in the beginning. Gonna still be looking for the initial attraction at 60? No.

Best thing to do is talk to your boyfriend (without mentioning wanting to get sexually active with other guys). Say how you feel passion is lacking, etc. Maybe he has been having the same thoughts. Communication will either cement your relationship, or make it clear if it is meant to last. I hope it goes well.

Thoughts are natural. Fantasies are natural.
It's pretty normal to have seriously horny thoughts. Acting on them is not so great.

I think everybody gets feelings like that. I'm too young to really commit so I broke up with my gf of 2 years for that same reason. I think it was the right move 4 months later.

This is hilarious. Maybe this is just another sign that monogamy isn't natural for humans. Maybe we've got it all wrong.

Meh. I all ready went through my monogamy-isn't-natural phase. Wasn't rewarding to me. *shrug*

The thing with my boyfriend is, we go through soo many ups and downs. We'll be down each other's throats one day [figuratively speaking], and tell each other how much we love one another 40573424 times the next. It get frustrating. Is it even possible to be happy with one person for extended periods of time? Bah.

Is it even possible to be happy with one person for extended periods of time?

It depends on how you define "happy."

If you consider satisfactory to be a form happiness, then yeah, probably.

But I'm pretty sure that most relationships eventually flat line.

Another thing. This is going to make me come off as a user (which I'm not), but being with him is convenient. He has a car and a place of his own; I don't. It's great because I get rides and don't have to pay rent/utilities. I'd be fucked if I ever left him... I don't have enough money for all that shit own my own. Now that's NOT why I'm with him, it's just kinda how things fell into place... though, I admit it is an incentive to stick around.

Just thought I'd get that out on the table. In my defense, I'm trying to save up for a car of my own and get a higher paying job, and just overall make myself more independent person. It's taking longer than expected.

I don't think that this makes you any bit worse than your average person.

Although that doesn't necessarily mean that you're a good person.

Most people suck. I probably do too... :p

He's admitted himself that he likes me being dependent upon him to some degree, because it makes him feel needed, etc.

Although it does make things a bit sticky from my standpoint. I've spoken to friends about this and many of them say we need some space, and that I should live on my own for a while. But everytime I bring that up to him he gets a moopy and emo, thinking I'm trying to leave him. gosh.

He's admitted himself that he likes me being dependent upon him to some degree, because it makes him feel needed, etc.

Although it does make things a bit sticky from my standpoint.

I actually don't mind being a bit of a provider in some ways for any girl I'm dating. Just as long as she isn't expecting it.

... thinking I'm trying to leave him. gosh.

God forbid he think, of all the terrible things, the truth!

lately, I've been fanaticizing about other guys, sexually and otherwise. And I'm not talking abut your typical wondering horny thoughts.


what do you mean "otherwise"? thinking of dating these other guys/a relationship? in that case, your relationship is dead, and it'll be hard to ressurect it.

i hate to throw in the evolutionary perspective, but if its JUST fucking, it could be pretty natural. are they better looking/do they have better bodies than your guy? and is it mid-cycle for you right now? ovulation affects the mind just as strongly as pms can.

:(
Not a good reason to be with someone.

Lets hope he doesent read totse.

You are a leeching piece of shit, and I hope you know that. You give him sex, he gives you rides around town and a place to live. That makes you a prostitute.

You think he doesn't fantasise about taking you in the butt or tearing the clothes of that cute waitress at the diner?

Trust me, he does.

The fact you think/wank about other men isn't worrying, the fact you're not really happy with him and are selling yourself for the convience of a car and not having to live under a bridge is.

Yeah...You are.

You're thinking about fucking other guys, which is pretty normal. We all have fantasies. Hell, I have imagined I was fucking another chick when I was banging my ex girlfriend!
But when it's people you know you can fuck and probably get away with it...That makes it a little more dangerous.

You guys are arguing one minute and loving the next...And if you even hint at moving on, he gets all depressed, which probably makes you feel guilty.
And you find it convenient that he can drive your arse around town and give you a nice roof over your pretty little head and you'd be fucked if you left him...Hmmmm...That's not using?

Face it woman...You want to leave him.
You're thinking about fucking other guys, are afraid it will happen sooner or later, you more than likely feel guilty about the thought of him getting all sad and depressed if you left him so you stay with him.

My advice is be honest with him, leave him, do your thing and let him get on with his life and car.

Oh shit I forgot...You got nowhere to go...Ah well...Back to living a lie and fantasising!

As I said, that's NOT why I'm with him. It's nice, sure, but I was with him 1 1/2 years+ before I even moved in. I've even offered to start chipping in on rent myself... but he doesn't want me to. I'd be with him regardless if he sheltered me of not. I stated that simply to show that it would be difficult to leave him if it did ever amount to that.

Anyway, I know I don't truly want to leave him. But it does cross my mind when we're in a downslope, because I have a tendency to quickly lose hope in things. When I think about being with other guys... I always come to the conclusion that no one else could compare, etc. I'm happy with him... most of the time. And even when I'm not "happy," I still love him. I just get frustrated because I want everything to be perfect between us. I end up over-thinking and giving a lot of thoughts consideration, hence this thread. If I ever left him, I'd be just as "sad and depressed" as him, no doubt.

Maybe it was just the cycle thing like somebody mentioned, 'cause I haven't had any thoughts since yesterday. for some reason they happened to be a lot stronger than I've ever experienced. I dunno, it freaked me out.

Despite some of your attempts at morale-busting, thanks for aiding me in thinking this through. Just a silly thought I had to voice.

I'm happy with him... most of the time. And even when I'm not "happy," I still love him. I just get frustrated because I want everything to be perfect between us. I end up over-thinking and giving a lot of thoughts consideration, hence this thread. If I ever left him, I'd be just as "sad and depressed" as him, no doubt.

You ARE overthinking, somewhat.
I cant blame you for wanting everything to be 'perfect' but as humans, being perfectly happy in a relationship is an impossibility.

All you can do is squish the picky side of you that wants the fairy tale, and keep your fantasies to yourself, and literally that:Fantasies.