last night, after quite a bit of vodka, i posted a bulletin on myspace with the name of a girl in my biology class and inside it said "did i ever tell you how how how hot you were?" (i dont know why the word how is used 3 times). she replied saying thanks, then i remembered what id just done. i attempted to send a message apologising but by this pointmy fingers were numb and i couldnt remember how to use a phone (mobile internet). so i sent it when i got home. either way, it could be awkward tommorow.

You were drunk, and posting on myspace. You sad, sad, creature.

Dude... I am like THE ABSOLUTE MASTER at drunken embarrassments.

The really fucked up part though, is that I couldn't even tell you half the things I've done as I could never a get a straight answer from the angry mobs confronting me about them!

Here's one:

I went to a party without my girlfriend one time several years ago. I hadn't eaten all day. Hadn't slept the night before. And had been drinking beer and vodka all day.

When I finally got to the party, I started doing shots of tequila with an old friend and chasing them with beer.

At around 9pm or so I black out. Then I wake up in a puddle of my own puke back at my place somehow. As soon as I open my eyes, the room is spinning out of control. I puke again. Then I try to close my eyes. Then I try to figured out where I am and what's going on. I eventually focus my eyes on the clock for long enough that I can tell what time it is. It's 11 am (the next morning, I assume).

Then later on, a couple of my friends show up. Then I find out that apparently I made out with some Asian chick the night before. I didn't believe it at first. Then they told me that a bunch of people at the party saw it.

Then I realized how bad this was considering the fact that I have a girlfriend.

Anyway, long story short, I came clean to my girlfriend and told her the truth and apologized profusely.

Then I promised her I would cut down drastically on my drinking.

Ever since, I have been a lot more careful.

Of course, that isn't to say that I didn't fuck up again. But that was probably the worst of the stories.

Dude... I am like THE ABSOLUTE MASTER at drunken embarrassments.


Ya think?



Here a little anecdote...

Aged 18 so I gate crashed a party, smashed up the host's living room, slept with a 12 year old, got thrown out and came back. Ended up shagging the host's finacee in the bathroom. Then when I got thrown out again, ending having anal sex with a girl on the street infront of her mates.

Now that is complete and utter mastery of drunkeness.

Ya think?



Here a little anecdote...

Aged 18 so I gate crashed a party, smashed up the host's living room, slept with a 12 year old, got thrown out and came back. Ended up shagging the host's finacee in the bathroom. Then when I got thrown out again, ending having anal sex with a girl on the street infront of her mates.

Now that is complete and utter mastery of drunkeness.

Alright. You win.

But how did you deal with that the next day???

Alright. You win.

But how did you deal with that the next day???

Paracetamol and vodka if i recall right.

:p

Oh, and there was this one time that I woke up in a holding cell at the police station.

Having absolutely no recollection of the night before, I woke up in a state of absolute confusion. After waiting a few more hours until they finally released me, I asked what happened. Apparently I "assaulted some 14 year old girl."

They wouldn't tell me why I wasn't being charged with anything. I'll probably never figure that one out...

Paracetamol and vodka if i recall right.

:p

But didn't you have to deal with a bunch of angry people and drama?

And then there was the time I woke up with a bloody face, two black eyes, and a chipped tooth.

Apparently I pissed someone off the night before. I have no idea what I did or said though.

So, OP, you must be feeling at least a bit better by now.. :p

And if we wanna talk just about times where we screwed up with a girl we like, then I could just stick to those types of stories. I've got plenty of em.

Damn, my story sucks in comparison.

I got hella drunk in front of my (sober) girlfriend and I put on a song and I started uncontrablly weeping cuz I thought it was the saddest song ever.

Next morning they told me it was The Ocean by The Bravery, not my proudest moment.

One time I went on a hatespeech-ish rant about how shitty frogs are cuz they cant bike.
I can bike!
Can frogs fucking bike?
No they can not!

Once upon a time when I was a 14year old punk kid I woke up on the side of the road, minus clothes and mohawk.

Apparently I had pissed of a bunch of methed up skinhead with one of my drunkan political rants.

*raises you waking up in a police cell with the world's worst hangover and a double murder charge*

Double murder charge??

Ok, you have to elaborate on that one.

yea i feel better lol. compared to you lot im a saint.

Double murder charge??

Ok, you have to elaborate on that one.

Already have, many times here. One was an armed robbery that went wrong. The guy survived and the charge was reduced to attempted murder. The other count was dropepd for lack of evidence.

Unfortunately I already had another count of attempted murder hanging over me at the time.

Tends to make a bad impression when you apply for bail.

Just to add my infamity: I must be one of the few men alive who've gone to court and pleaded 'guilty' to two counts of attempted murder plus armed robbery, carrying a concealed etc and walked out with probation.

Just to add my infamity: I must be one of the few men alive who've gone to court and pleaded 'guilty' to two counts of attempted murder plus armed robbery, carrying a concealed etc and walked out with probation.

...That is pretty weird.

Lucky, but weird...

Amazing lawyer?

Lenient or compassionate judge?

...That is pretty weird.

Lucky, but weird...

Amazing lawyer?

Lenient or compassionate judge?

Yes and yes.

The fact the scumbag I had almost killed got lippy with/threatened the judges in court didn't hurt my case neither.

got really wasted adn pasted out naked

I got trashed at work and literally stumbled into the guy that owns the place.

Well I did something similar to that as I explained a week or two ago. Asked a girl out when I was drunk over facebook. Got me a date though.

I've had some serious mishaps over the days.

Drunk arse is okay, drunk cunt can be more of a problem.

Instance:
My friends got kicked out of a club when I was hammered and I didn't know. So to get back to campus, I pulled a girl and got her to pay for half the taxi. I was a failure in general at sex, having blown my load before I had my wang out. Halfway through fingering her (at this point she was moaning extremely loudly), I declare "I'm away for a joint" and go off to my friend's room where all my friends are sitting around smoking a series of giant biftas.

Returned and did sort of similar business with girl, who had never been on campus before. Basically let her leave without much help (i.e. didn't get her number, kiss her goodbye or show her where to get the taxi).

To be fair, she should have worked out how drunk I was. She was in to me just for good looks as well. That being said, it doesn't excuse the fact I was a cunt my mother would be ashamed of.

Now I'm suffering from being too nice. I'm far better with the fairer sex when I have a few drinks in my belt.

After drinking all day a few years ago I met up with some friends on campus, and immediately downed a bottle to the face. From the very vague things I can work out after that, I left without telling them, Hitchhiked back to my dorm asking the driver if he could pause for a minute so I could vomit, ended up on the street and started stripping myself of my belongings. My pants were on the stairs, my dress was on someone else's door nob, my keys were under a running faucet and my phone was in the shower. Somehow I got to my room, but woke up so drunk in the morning that I locked myself out and had to walk to my attractive RA's room in my bra and panties reeking of booze. And apparently at some point a girl walked into the bathroom and I was half naked sobbing in the shower. She mentioned it to me the day after and kindly asked how things with my boyfriend were. I was single.

But I suppose at least I didn't attempt to kill anyone so it always could be worse.

Halfway through fingering her (at this point she was moaning extremely loudly), I declare "I'm away for a joint" and go off to my friend's room where all my friends are sitting around smoking a series of giant biftas.

I was pissed off with the server being too busy, and you made me lol. Thank you!

One time I went to "party" and drank whole bottle of mount gay rum(idk why i was drinking that shit) and 6 shots of captain Morgan.



Supposedly, I pissed my pants, fell down the stairs(very narrow and steep), fell on my faces like 1000000 times and passed the fuck out infront of the church naked. My clothes was half mile away from the church and it reeked of piss.

Ya think?



Here a little anecdote...

Aged 18 so I gate crashed a party, smashed up the host's living room, slept with a 12 year old, got thrown out and came back. Ended up shagging the host's finacee in the bathroom. Then when I got thrown out again, ending having anal sex with a girl on the street infront of her mates.

Now that is complete and utter mastery of drunkeness.

3 girls in one night? Would I be wrong in guessing that's probably not even your record? :(

-F☺rd

Oh I remember one..Not really all that embarrasing but stupid none the less..

OK picture this...Me and Gadzooks getting drunk ontop of a 4 story high mall roof. Popping K-pins and god knows what, plus some E.

Ok were on the roof. first of all you lost your wallet about a total of 4 times, the first time it happened I picked it up and gave it back to you and i'm like.....You have a big hole in your back pocket bro...put it in a different pocket..He looks at me in a drunken stupor and says OK and proceeds to put it right back in the pocket with a hole in it. Of course it falls out another 3 or so times until I finally stuck it in your other pocket for you.

Well by now he's ON THE LEDGE DRUNK AS FUCK ON PILLS with his arms out yelling at people below. Well after that we decide to go into the mall to pickup some ecstasy. We end up snorting it in a zellers bathroom stall and I FUCKING SNEEZED IT ALL OUT!!!! GOD DAMNIT!!

After that were sitting there with one of my buddies and i'm like...fuck this i'm lighting a prime time(cigar type thing) right in the middle of the mall (in Canada where it's illegal to smoke inside and NOBODY AT ALL EVER DOES IT) and I smoke half of it with nobody saying anything and hand it to him.

Well of course were both hammered and he's sitting there smoking it and a security guard comes up and he's like WTF are you doing???? And he's like ummmm uhhh this GUY THIS GUY WENT THAT WAY HE WAS FUCKIN DRUNK AN HE FUCKIN THREW THIS THING IN MY FUCKIN HAND AN I WAS LIKE WTF?!?! AND THEN I STARTED SMOKING IT?!?!

So the guard makes him put it out and we leave. Then we proceed to steal beef jerky and he stole a book??? Hahhahaha from the grocery store.

Good times man...Good times.

Already have, many times here. One was an armed robbery that went wrong. The guy survived and the charge was reduced to attempted murder. The other count was dropepd for lack of evidence.

Unfortunately I already had another count of attempted murder hanging over me at the time.

Tends to make a bad impression when you apply for bail.

Just to add my infamity: I must be one of the few men alive who've gone to court and pleaded 'guilty' to two counts of attempted murder plus armed robbery, carrying a concealed etc and walked out with probation.

Fakely?

are you at csueb or sfsu?

Sorry, I'd say but it would be incredibly too easy to figure out way more personal information. I don't really need things I post on Totse affecting other stuff in my life.

Gadzooks, I'm in Quebec-ish in January. We need to get drunk one night and start some barfights.

last new years eve i went out to this party with my friends out in some rich ass town. it was me and like 4 of my friends. the party was full of people who knew each other and my friends and i were total strangers. anyway, that night i was particulary horny and shit faced. i wouldn't usually, no matter how drunk, but i came up to this girl and started trying to talk her into making love. it was going well and everything but me being my drunk ass self i took it too far too fast and ended up getting slapped. this got me really angry and i was really about to give her a fast one to the jaw, something i would never usually do drunk or not, but like her ex steps in and trys to say some shit about "she's a girl". so naturally, he gets socked. i lay his ass out and start hitting every other guy i see. someone puts me in a head lock and has me on the ground, the whole time i'm swinging away. then they get me up and start shoving me out, all the while hitting random by standards. yeah, what an ass.
btw that was put together from second hand information. also, my friends are pussies.
for the record, i'm not violent drunk or sober-i try to make a point of it. nor am i that disrespectful towards women.

also, i went on to do something later that night, it was a brand new low for me and i don't think i'll ever be able to top it. i'm not going to write about it because i still cant forgive myself for it.

oh, also another night my friend and i got hammered at this chicks house. just the three of us. like really really drunk, a fifth of cognac and 40s. also her mother is a really strict parent that was coming home later that night.
so we're real drunk, she passes out, my and my friend invite some people. smoke blunts and cigs in her living room(her mom doesn't smoke), run through the house(lot of opiates stolen) and leave. i felt pretty bad about that and i wouldn't do that to anyone now. i was just younger and didn't really care. yeah, what an ass...

also, i went on to do something later that night, it was a brand new low for me and i don't think i'll ever be able to top it. i'm not going to write about it because i still cant forgive myself for it.


Rape isn't cool.

Rape isn't cool.

dude, i think if i raped someone while i was drunk i would shoot myself in the morning.

I'm totally down!

Oh I remember one..Not really all that embarrasing but stupid none the less..

OK picture this...Me and Gadzooks getting drunk ontop of a 4 story high mall roof. Popping K-pins and god knows what, plus some E.

Ok were on the roof. first of all you lost your wallet about a total of 4 times, the first time it happened I picked it up and gave it back to you and i'm like.....You have a big hole in your back pocket bro...put it in a different pocket..He looks at me in a drunken stupor and says OK and proceeds to put it right back in the pocket with a hole in it. Of course it falls out another 3 or so times until I finally stuck it in your other pocket for you.

Well by now he's ON THE LEDGE DRUNK AS FUCK ON PILLS with his arms out yelling at people below. Well after that we decide to go into the mall to pickup some ecstasy. We end up snorting it in a zellers bathroom stall and I FUCKING SNEEZED IT ALL OUT!!!! GOD DAMNIT!!

After that were sitting there with one of my buddies and i'm like...fuck this i'm lighting a prime time(cigar type thing) right in the middle of the mall (in Canada where it's illegal to smoke inside and NOBODY AT ALL EVER DOES IT) and I smoke half of it with nobody saying anything and hand it to him.

Well of course were both hammered and he's sitting there smoking it and a security guard comes up and he's like WTF are you doing???? And he's like ummmm uhhh this GUY THIS GUY WENT THAT WAY HE WAS FUCKIN DRUNK AN HE FUCKIN THREW THIS THING IN MY FUCKIN HAND AN I WAS LIKE WTF?!?! AND THEN I STARTED SMOKING IT?!?!

So the guard makes him put it out and we leave. Then we proceed to steal beef jerky and he stole a book??? Hahhahaha from the grocery store.

Good times man...Good times.

OMG!! :D

Good fucking times... Except that I barely remember anything from that day...

I especially don't remember saying that to the security guard!!

I got so many stories it's not even funny...