So yesterday I was in a therapy session and my shrink was trying to talk about my sex/fantasy life with me. I say he was trying, because I wasn't really being responsive. It scares me to talk about that stuff with him...So anyway he asked me, "What are your fantasies when you masturbate alone?" He was asking me this because he thinks my sexual fantasies are important to my psyche. Now unfortunately my fantasies while masturbating are pretty much ALL about him, so I couldn't very well say anything.

So he came over and sat next to me on the couch and he took my hand and he said, "You have to trust me, I'm not going to judge you I'm your doctor" Or something like that and he was looking directly in my eyes and I did something I would have never thought possible. I took his hand and placed it high up on my thigh and then I deliberately looked back up and met his eyes. We stayed like that for a minute and then I felt his fingers...He moved his hand up slightly and then he was hugging me and I never wanted to leave that place, but somehow I did...I got up and I went home and I had sex like 4 times but nothing satisfied me.

I see him again on Monday...What am I going to say? Should I say anything at all? He probably will want to talk about it.

BTW, I mean I went home and had sex with my husband. I left the good doctor at the office.

First off he is a JERK. He broke the First Commandment for all doctors/health care professionals.

And you acted the whore.

Sorry girl, but there ain't no nice way to say it. You should have slapped him upside the head, no matter how wet he makes you.

You NEVER go to see him again. Think about your daughter not your clit.

If this is a serious post, I'd say he was probably out of line however you've certainly seemed to have encouraged it. Change shrinks.

It's more complicated than that...And I did instigate the encounter. I'm not planning on starting an affair with him or something. I prefer my relationship with him to be innocent...I didn't mean to expose myself so completely to him.

I can't stop going to him...He's been my shrink for 3 1/2 years and I need him. He's the main reason I haven't leaped off of the deep end before now.

Attraction to higher forms of authority when feeling helpless are relatively common. However in no circumstance should the therapist have acted upon anything that could or might have looked like an inappropriate action, for both the purposes of keeping a clean career record, and not negatively affecting the patient.

In this case it is clear he has overstepped the mark (although you are not without innocence in aiding this). Whilst he may have been instrumental in keeping you from going into the deep end in the last 3 1/2 years, this instance demonstrates the unhealthy dynamics between you as patient and him as doctor.

Is the role you have accredited him from saving you more due to you wanting to keep him in your fantasised mind, or because he actually helps?

What were the main reasons for you going to therapy in the first place, and have these been resolved?

While I cannot judge or comment on your state of mental health and need to see a therapist (or this particular one), but I would suggest that perhaps limit the contact in sessions, i.e. don't allow such closeness to happen again.

It's easy to condemn the therapist, but is anyone here a qualified shrink? Do you think it's possible a man highly educated in human psyche might infact be onto your little crush and was testing you to see if his instincts were right, or doing some other psychologist jedi mind trick? How do you know that he wasn't 2 seconds away from breaking it off before you walked out?

Anyway, as soon as I saw this thread I immediately thought 'lol, he fucked her.' I win 10 internets.

if you feel dependent on him then the situation is even more serious

as a professional dealing with a woman in a vulnerable state it is of the utmost importance that he avoid this kind of relationship

you have a husband and a daughter and he knows this, and still prolonged contact; this alone makes his actions reprehensible even outside the scope of his professional responsibility

your actions too were completely out of line and i agree with jackketch when he says that you acted the whore

you have a daughter and a husband and your love for (and responsibility to) them should be greater than any primal urges you get for your shrink

despite the attachment you feel to him and despite his long history with you and the help he has given you it is imperative that you cease contact with him soon and change shrinks as soon as possible

professionally he is obliged to refer you to another competent mental health professional if you request it

it is clear that his professional judgement will also be impinged by his apparent feelings for you and i suspect the nature of the questions he asked you were not entirely professional and psychologically relevant

I can't stop going to him...He's been my shrink for 3 1/2 years and I need him. He's the main reason I haven't leaped off of the deep end before now.

Addicted much?

You don't need him. You have stayed 'sane' he hasn't kept you sane, he's just helped.

You and he can never go back to now just being patient and doctor. It'll always be there in the room with you. He, with your help, has destroyed any chance of any sort of 'healing' coming out of your sessions with him.

PS. Xiao ,thanks for the email-I appreciated it.

Sorry but I think you'll find exactly those sort of 'jedi tricks' are forbidden by all professional codes of practice in all countries.

A good therapist would never do something like you describe, ask any of them.

Infact most places even touching a client/patient is taboo. I'd hate to have to pay his Malpractice/sexual harassment insurance premiums.

So he came over and sat next to me on the couch and he took my hand and he said,

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT?!?!?!


No touchy! touchy bad!

...But it prooves he wants you, if he's willing to break the patient/doctor thing for you.


Ithinkyou'rewiththewrongpersonbutyou'renotgoingtol eaveyourhusbandsotheresnopointmesayingthisreally

The plot thickens....

It's more complicated than that...And I did instigate the encounter. I'm not planning on starting an affair with him or something. I prefer my relationship with him to be innocent...I didn't mean to expose myself so completely to him.

I can't stop going to him...He's been my shrink for 3 1/2 years and I need him. He's the main reason I haven't leaped off of the deep end before now.

wow...

It's easy to condemn the therapist, but is anyone here a qualified shrink? Do you think it's possible a man highly educated in human psyche might infact be onto your little crush and was testing you to see if his instincts were right, or doing some other psychologist jedi mind trick? How do you know that he wasn't 2 seconds away from breaking it off before you walked out?

Anyway, as soon as I saw this thread I immediately thought 'lol, he fucked her.' I win 10 internets.

She's been in counseling for 3 1/2 years, she is naive in thinking that he is going to help her with shit. She needs him? Lol, this is almost comical.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT?!?!?!


No touchy! touchy bad!

...But it prooves he wants you, if he's willing to break the patient/doctor thing for you.


Ithinkyou'rewiththewrongpersonbutyou'renotgoingtol eaveyourhusbandsotheresnopointmesayingthisreally

Stop typing like you're retarded.

Doesn't your husband read this forum....?


I wouldn't be too happy knowing what happened here. But I guess things are different for different people.

I don't know...He's hugged me and stuff before. I mean I talk a lot on here about how hawt he is, but there's a lot more to it than that. For one thing my relationship with him is more emotionally intense and intimate than any other relationship I've ever had. I can talk to him about stuff I would never dream of telling someone else...I've let him see things in me that I always just kept inside before. It's even more than that...He and I can talk about books and he's interested in the same things I am.
I mean it makes sense that the sexual side should intrude in this relationship...I mean he's a man and I'm a woman and in any intense relationship like that you're going to get tripped up by teh sex. We just have to crush it completely and not go that route again.

And I'm not addicted to him...I mean I guess I do love him, but the problem is that for too long I've sort of considered him as my "other" husband. He fills in all the spaces that my actual husband can't complete.

No he doesn't come on here. He used to, but he thinks totse is retarded.:P

Hopefully he'll be professional about it.

Maybe in some ways you're drawn to your shrink because he's what your husband isnt?

I wont say the guy (the shrink not hubby) is paid to care about you, but he's there to care about you, and I know it can be flattering to find that someone cares about you and is interested in you.
Does he make you feel good?


I dont really see how whatever you do would affect your daughter (see: "Think about your daughter not your clit.")
She may miss daddy, or it will take her some time to ajust to any changes, but she's not going to be absolutely devastated if mummy realises she loves someone else.


Maybe I've become *too* jaded by relationships, but I figure if you're having fantasies of another guy, and the situation arises where you almost get to act out those fantasies..why are you with the husband not the other guy? That's deceiving him and yourself.

I For one thing my relationship with him is more emotionally intense and intimate than any other relationship I've ever had. I can talk to him about stuff I would never dream of telling someone else...I've let him see things in me that I always just kept inside before. .

Hello McFly! That is the WHOLE POINT in going to therapy.....the guy is just doing his job!!!! Granted, it sounds like this guy has crossed a whole shitload of lines here instigating this even more. But it was YOU that has originated and romanticized your image of your therapist.....and now you sound like a love crazed stalking teeny bopper.

Chances are like all the other times you come to Totse for advice you'll ignore us completely and you'll do whatever you like cuz your mind is already made up. But if you continue to see this doctor it will only end badly.

This reminds me of the old Breakfast Club scene......

Girl: "I fucked my therapist"
Guy: "What are you crazy?????!"
Other guy: "Of course she is crazy, or she wouldn't be fucking her therapist"

My god do I feel sorry for your actual husband, really.

It makes no sense that anything sexual should arise here. You're there for professional help with whatever issues you have, not to develop a relationship/bond with him or love him, it was never supposed to go that way as much as you may rationalize with it. You both crossed the line and did something very inappropriate.

The best and most honorable thing to do would be to tell your husband, because as far as he knows, you're not there to ogle and gather material to masturbate over, much less think of cheating on him. Get a new fucking shrink, this one can't help you if he's too busy banging you in his mind.

For the life of me, I can't figure out why//how you're still with your husband this far if you've been replacing him with your shrink for 3.5 years.

I'll go ahead and 3rd (nth?) jack's comment that you should be smacked upside the head. Out of all people, you're the one that can't see this straight. Of course you don't want to leave him, you love him, even if leaving would be far better for you and your husband (whom I don't think you're worthy of anyways at this rate), but you'll fight it every step of the way, maybe not even leave, I'll put good money on that.

As a side note, didn't you also have a thing for your lawyer at some point?

I don't mean that I don't love my husband, because I do love him. And I don't always fantasise about my shrink...I mean I do a lot of the time, but fantasies are harmless. I would never want to leave my husband, not even if my shrink were to ask me to. What I want is for the doctor and I to talk about what happened honestly. I don't think he's out to bang me or anything...I think that he like me just got caught up in the moment and made a mistake. These things happen...I think it will be okay.

I think that he like me just got caught up in the moment and made a mistake. These things happen...I think it will be okay.

The fact you are minimizing this entire situation with the words above just proves you haven't listened to ANYTHING that even one poster has said on this thread. Honestly, why do you even post your life issues here? Why not just start a diary and have these conversations with yourself? Seriously, what's the point?

Have you mentioned it to your husband?

Wouldn't you like to know if some woman he knows and has a close intimate relationship with was acting in this manner?

Yes, the fantasies are harmless, but what happened went well past simple fantasies.

Yes, you both slipped up, but I doubt either of you would be able to look at it straight, or constructively.

Nevertheless, I think his position as your doctor, and yours as his patient has been nicely compromised. I don't have any experience with this so I can't say where it can go now, but I hardly imagine it being easy or clean cut, especially with the emotional involvement.

The fact you are minimizing this entire situation with the words above just proves you haven't listened to ANYTHING that even one poster has said on this thread. Honestly, why do you even post your life issues here? Why not just start a diary and have these conversations with yourself? Seriously, what's the point?

Well why do you think it's such a huge deal?

Well why do you think it's such a huge deal?

Because you're on the edge of cheating on your husband, after semi-replacing him with your shrink for 3odd years, but you don't want to stop seeing the man, as harmful as it may be to your marriage. I'd say your husband would be pretty unhappy to hear that those years of 'treatment' were paired with plain lust for the doc.

I'd say the question a few posts ago was a good one, does your husband know, have you guys ever talked about it, or is it something you keep quiet or hidden from him?

Well why do you think it's such a huge deal?

Go reread this whole thread....SLOWLY.....and then witness why EVERYONE ELSE thinks it's a big deal. Everyone but you.

Well I haven't told him about how hawt I think my shrink is, but seriously my husband isn't blind. He can see that the man is handsome for himself. I mean I don't just hang around wishing my husband was gone and that the doctor and I were together! I love my husband and I would never cheat on him or leave him for another man. I probably could've taken the encounter with Dr. Knob further but I didn't despite the fact that I really wanted to. I didn't because I love my husband and I want my relationship with the doctor to remain blameless.

Go reread this whole thread....SLOWLY.....and then witness why EVERYONE ELSE thinks it's a big deal. Everyone but you.
I'm asking why YOU think so.

Ok, I'll one question, I'd like to see the answer.

Given that your husband wouldn't find out, and that your relationship with the doc wouldn't change one bit (i.e. no strings attached), would you, given the opportunity, have sex with this man?

If you can't, or won't, talk to your husband about what happened, then you shouldn't see this shrink again.

Ok, I'll one question, I'd like to see the answer.

Given that your husband wouldn't find out, and that your relationship with the doc wouldn't change one bit (i.e. no strings attached), would you, given the opportunity, have sex with this man?

No I wouldn't

I'll go ahead and 3rd (nth?) jack's comment that you should be smacked upside the head.

Actually i meant she should have slapped him upside the head. Although she badly needs a trip over her husband's knee.

So do you put Mrs. Ketch over your knee?:P

I'm asking why YOU think so.

At the risk of wasting text on someone who I don't think is going to listen....I'll give it a go since you asked. Please keep in mind I've been to a couple of therapists in my time, and currently have a counselor I've been seeing for about the last 18 months. A sidenote to my history is the best therapist I ever had that I thought really "got me" retired from the industry in the middle of my progress.....him being burned out by the whole profession. Admittedly, I've never had an opposite sex therapist...so I can't personally relate to your situation.

Your mind is confused and muddled, its that simple. You are mixing up the same emotions of trust, intimacy, vulnerability that you open up for a man in a relationship sense with your therapist. This goes along the lines of why MOST women have to have an emotional attachment with a man before getting sexual with them. In order for you to allow a man to "penetrate" you in the literal sexual sense....they have to first penetrate your mind and your heart. Once they've gotten inside your heart/mind....then and only then do most women feel comfortable enough to allow the literal entrance into their very bodies.

Which is where you are at with your therapist. He HAS stripped away those defense mechanisms.....giving you a comfort level, a sense of trust, that lack of fear for exposing your vulnerability to him. The problem is, you have mixed up your emotional mental progress on the same level as it being romantic/interpersonal. As I said earlier....yes it appears he over stepped HIS professiona boundaries, but we don't know for certain because we are only getting your one sided interpretation of events as they played out. I'm not saying you are lying, just observing the fact you brought to us YOUR biased take on how it all played out.

You also admitted you've had "this thing" for him for quite some time. Even masturbating thinking about him. So not only have you stepped over the normal line of patient/therapist in thinking about feelings for him.....you have taken it to another level entirely by now allowing his essence to give you legitimate pleasure/fulfillment.

Think about why you started therapy in the first place. To work on YOU, and fix YOUR problems. And somehow in the middle of all this, you have put a designation on your doctor that is neither appropriate or productive. Now the therapist is creating even MORE problems in your psyche.....whether by his own inappropriate actions, or just your fantasizing/labelling him as being a potential sexual being in your eyes.

The reason everyone is telling you to talk to your hubby about this, is because you have replaced him to some extent. You now have a different male in your life....that you have all of these emotions for, because you perverted the therapy process. I don't mean to say "perverted" in a mean way.....but you HAVE let your emotions take over mixing up your "I'm opening up to this guy" to equate it in a dating/courtship scenario.

To summarize in simplistic terms all of that above. You are the kind of woman that needs emotional intimacy before getting sexual with them. Having morals, you never seeked other male emotional intimacy before in your past if you had already had a lover.....because your emotional/sexual needs were already met. But you crossed over the grey area because in seeking out your emotional/mental health you now started a process of intimacy with another male. Again, that "trust, intimacy" is what is SUPPOSED to happen during a normal happy therapy process. And you have now equated the mental intimacy with "ok, I can now be sexual" with him....because of your morality and past experiences with other lover's....including your husband.

Tellin ya, there is NO good ending to this after all of the lines you've crossed. You are confused emotionally, and can't just turn the switch to "off". Perhaps in the future with a different therapist you can learn from this current situation and not let it happen again. But I don't see how this can be fixed and you can just suddenly go back to a normal healthy patient/therapist relationship like it should be.

He didn't replace my husband...But he has filled in some gaps that are in my marraige. My husband is a great guy, but he doesn't really understand me. A lot of times I'll try to talk to him about stuff and he'll be all like, "That's ridiculous" or "That's insane!" And I think his feelings about things are different than mine, so he can't see where I'm coming from. My shrink...He can really see me and I can really see him. There have been a few occasions where he's let his guard down and we've really talked about stuff together and in those moments I let go of my constant anxiety and I actually felt...Okay.

I want to stress that I really don't want romance with him. For one thing he is married and he's also a lot older than me. He's at least 40 years old by now and he has kids of his own. Mainly, though I need a doctor more than I need another husband figure in my life, you know?

I'll probably talk to him today, so I'll see how that goes.

Where is Xiao and what have you done with her???!

I thought my reputation as a 'beater' of females proceeded me here?

Yes of course I bloody well put her over my knee. Weird question.

At the risk of wasting text on someone who I don't think is going to listen....I'll give it a go since you asked. Please keep in mind I've been to a couple of therapists in my time, and currently have a counselor I've been seeing for about the last 18 months. A sidenote to my history is the best therapist I ever had that I thought really "got me" retired from the industry in the middle of my progress.....him being burned out by the whole profession. Admittedly, I've never had an opposite sex therapist...so I can't personally relate to your situation.

Your mind is confused and muddled, its that simple. You are mixing up the same emotions of trust, intimacy, vulnerability that you open up for a man in a relationship sense with your therapist. This goes along the lines of why MOST women have to have an emotional attachment with a man before getting sexual with them. In order for you to allow a man to "penetrate" you in the literal sexual sense....they have to first penetrate your mind and your heart. Once they've gotten inside your heart/mind....then and only then do most women feel comfortable enough to allow the literal entrance into their very bodies.

Which is where you are at with your therapist. He HAS stripped away those defense mechanisms.....giving you a comfort level, a sense of trust, that lack of fear for exposing your vulnerability to him. The problem is, you have mixed up your emotional mental progress on the same level as it being romantic/interpersonal. As I said earlier....yes it appears he over stepped HIS professiona boundaries, but we don't know for certain because we are only getting your one sided interpretation of events as they played out. I'm not saying you are lying, just observing the fact you brought to us YOUR biased take on how it all played out.

You also admitted you've had "this thing" for him for quite some time. Even masturbating thinking about him. So not only have you stepped over the normal line of patient/therapist in thinking about feelings for him.....you have taken it to another level entirely by now allowing his essence to give you legitimate pleasure/fulfillment.

Think about why you started therapy in the first place. To work on YOU, and fix YOUR problems. And somehow in the middle of all this, you have put a designation on your doctor that is neither appropriate or productive. Now the therapist is creating even MORE problems in your psyche.....whether by his own inappropriate actions, or just your fantasizing/labelling him as being a potential sexual being in your eyes.

The reason everyone is telling you to talk to your hubby about this, is because you have replaced him to some extent. You now have a different male in your life....that you have all of these emotions for, because you perverted the therapy process. I don't mean to say "perverted" in a mean way.....but you HAVE let your emotions take over mixing up your "I'm opening up to this guy" to equate it in a dating/courtship scenario.

To summarize in simplistic terms all of that above. You are the kind of woman that needs emotional intimacy before getting sexual with them. Having morals, you never seeked other male emotional intimacy before in your past if you had already had a lover.....because your emotional/sexual needs were already met. But you crossed over the grey area because in seeking out your emotional/mental health you now started a process of intimacy with another male. Again, that "trust, intimacy" is what is SUPPOSED to happen during a normal happy therapy process. And you have now equated the mental intimacy with "ok, I can now be sexual" with him....because of your morality and past experiences with other lover's....including your husband.

Tellin ya, there is NO good ending to this after all of the lines you've crossed. You are confused emotionally, and can't just turn the switch to "off". Perhaps in the future with a different therapist you can learn from this current situation and not let it happen again. But I don't see how this can be fixed and you can just suddenly go back to a normal healthy patient/therapist relationship like it should be.

If you're posts get any better I'm going to have to resign in your favour.

j/k....you can have my modship when they prise my cold grey fingers from the keyboard :P

Well I haven't told him about how hawt I think my shrink is, but seriously my husband isn't blind. He can see that the man is handsome for himself.

Rule #1: Men can't read your mind. There's no reason (that you've told us) for him to suspect that whatever goes between you and your shrink is anything but professional and what should be going on.

Jack, my mistake there for misquoting you, but I'll say they both need to get some sense smacked into them.

Bottom line, this is still very damaging to the relationship between you and your husband, seeing as being essentially replaced in a lot of ways. I'd say it's best to tell him, but I can't see that going well. You're in quite the pickle here.

nothing but trouble and stress will come of this, and you will worse off for it. for you sake and you family's i'd change shrinks, or just not go anymore.

My husband is a great guy, but he doesn't really understand me. A lot of times I'll try to talk to him about stuff and he'll be all like, "That's ridiculous" or "That's insane!" And I think his feelings about things are different than mine, so he can't see where I'm coming from. My shrink...He can really see me and I can really see him.


Again, your are confused about the whole therapy process. Of course your therapist isn't going to say "that's ridiculous" or "that's insane".....because its his JOB not to. Just like he wouldn't call you a stupid bitch, or walk out in a huff and head to the bar after a heated argument. (Not saying your husband would, just listing a few other male responses to someone "not understanding" you). Xiao, his entire livelihood is based on making people internalize their feelings and come to logical conclusions about it. THAT is why he seems so understanding. But in your mind that "understanding" has now taken a sexual connotation. It would be like if I sat down at a table in a diner, and the waitress smiled at me. Would I be rational in thinking....."whoa, she LIKES me....look how she smiled at me!". Nope, that smile is part of her job, just like your therapists job is to be "understanding".

I'm gonna add one more thing here and I apologize if I take this discourse too far. But I'm going to make a dimestore psychological guess about you, and if you have posted about this in the past keep in mind I never witnessed any discussion about the topic. My gut feeling at this point is somewhere in your past you were either raped or molested.....possibly as a little girl. That isn't a question I expect answered, just an observation. Because that would explain even MORE why you have such a hyper sense of....."trust, intimacy, understanding = potential sexual encounter". If in fact there is truth to my guess, that is even more of a reason to seek out another therapist. Perhaps one that is a woman that speicalizes in such things, or even had similar experiences in her past that you could better relate to.

If you're posts get any better I'm going to have to resign in your favour.

j/k....you can have my modship when they prise my cold grey fingers from the keyboard :P

LOL....thanks for the kind words Jack.

Uh huh, not me.....I can't handle the responsibility or obligation! I'm best left just popping my head up from time to time....rather than darken S & A's door with my constant presence! And there is NO WAY IN HELL I would try to follow in YOUR footsteps. That would be like replacing Led Zeppellin with Milli Vanilli.....I ain't worthy.

****Bows down to Jack's superior modding and posting

Xiao, Dr. Knob is not keeping you sane. This is evidenced by the fact that you're not particularly sane. You're probably less sane than anyone on this board. Maybe this is due in part to your having a crappy shrink who tries to feel you up while he asks you about your sexual fantasies. Or maybe it's due to the fact that you intend to spend the rest of your life with a man you can't even communicate with, who has horrible outdated ideas about a woman's (and thus your) role in society and the household. I'm sort of drawing a lot on memory of past threads here, so sorry if I'm a touch off base. But whatever the reason for it, you're not all that sane. You need help, and you need it from someone who's fit to help you. I know you're not going to listen to this, but dude, you need to see another shrink and you need to leave your husband. And leave your daughter with him. You're not fit to raise a kid.

Assuming your a average, not mentally abnormal or anything of that nature. meaning your just 1 of the many normal females in society..THIS is proof that if you(a male) show/act and match what a female wants to hear/witness that you can always make the girl think that her guy is lacking in some way,shape,form, thus busting an opening for the possibility of cheating.

Assuming your a average, not mentally abnormal or anything of that nature. meaning your just 1 of the many normal females in society...

she has been seeing a shrink for three and a half years

bad assumption

My husband and I do communicate...Just not about everything that I want to talk about. And I think it's a little extreme for you to insult my ability as a parent and to say I should leave my daughter for her own good. I'm not saying I'm the worlds best mom, but I try my best and my daughter seems happy and she is well behaved and making straight As in school. I'm the one taking care of her pretty much all of the time, being as her dad works really long, irregular hours.

I can't believe you think I'm crazier than Jackketch! He's like Jackketch The Ripper or something!:P

My husband and I do communicate...Just not about everything that I want to talk about. And I think it's a little extreme for you to insult my ability as a parent and to say I should leave my daughter for her own good. I'm not saying I'm the worlds best mom, but I try my best and my daughter seems happy and she is well behaved and making straight As in school. I'm the one taking care of her pretty much all of the time, being as her dad works really long, irregular hours.

Yeah, that was extreme. I'm sorry for saying that. But I do think you should leave this shrink. The fact that you say you love him is a little disturbing, or at the very least, not normal. Really now, you can't think that's how everyone else feels about their shrink.

And no, I guess you're not crazier than jack. But that guy's insane. Luckily we love him for it.

Why exactly is it that you can't talk about the more delicate, emotional aspects of your life with your husband?
He is your husband... he shouldn't have any problem with something like that.
If you aren't able to connect with him on that kind of level, then you might as well run off with the doctor...


Also,
I'm not sure I see what exactly the doctor did wrong here...
I can see where some people might not like being touched on the hand or something ridiculous like that, but after 3.5 years, I'd think it would be pretty understandable what sort of action might bother her and what wouldn't.

The way you try and explain away both his and your actions is the most disturbing thing. Clinging on to any desperate reason to keep seeing him when it's CLEAR nothing good will come from it.

I'm assuming you have to pay for this therapist, which makes it even more reprehensible that he would act like this. He truly is a terrible person.

Yet you defeind him, and you desperatley reach for any excuse to absolve yourself from guilt and keep seeing him. Reminds me of druggies/alchies explaining away their addiction. This is an addiction.

The way you explain the disturbing thing. Clinging on to any desperate reason to keep seeing him when it's CLEAR you have to pay for this, which makes it.

you desperately reach for any dic.

amirite?

Maybe I have to be stupid or insulting to get an answer to my questions.

I'm sitting back a little, reading every reply and getting a clearer understanding of it, maybe even trying to see a bit of Xiao's angle.

Another question though. If your husband finds out (should be when), would you leave the shrink?

amirite?

Maybe I have to be stupid or insulting to get an answer to my questions.

I'm not stupid, and I'm not being insulting or asking questions, I'm just telling it like it is

I'm not stupid, and I'm not being insulting or asking questions, I'm just telling it like it is

lol, hi. how goes it?

I wasn't talking about you, I was referring to Xiao.

Sorry euda, I actually DID reply to your question, but for some reason it was deleted or something.

Anyway, what I had said was that no I probably wouldn't like it if my husband had a similar relationship with a woman therapist. And how can I tell him? WHAT would I tell him? I don't even understand it myself!

I don't actually have to pay for the therapy, because I'm covered under military health insurance.

I don't actually have to pay for the therapy, because I'm covered under military health insurance.

You are missing the point and continuing to defend your situation by focusing now only on petty semantics. The doctor IS getting paid by someone.....hence it is his JOB.

Sorry...I meself is very warped?

I couldn't read more than 90% of your post as the kinky eroticism & violation of the doctor patient boundary was too outre' for this li'l boy, thanky ewes verrrry much.

I don't know if I'll read more of this thread as...I might be to delicate & sensitive for such wonkiness. Have a care girl...it wasn't that long ago that you could hardly function as an adult in the real world.

for both the purposes of keeping a clean career record, and not negatively affecting the patient.



That's what makes it so hot.

Ugh society.

Moonmeister what do you look like?

Didn't get a reply, and though I think I know what you'd say, I think I'll re-ask. 2 parts: If you were asked by your husband to stop going, would you? And if you were asked by anyone but your husband to stop going, would you?

What sucks about this is that I can recall many threads where you've antagonized your husband whether intentionally or not.

What sucks even more is that I can remember telling you your husband was the selfish, uncouth, son of a bitch (not verbatum what I said) and that you needed to get rid of him, when clearly you're the one being selfish, unjust and dramatic as hell.

Not only are you laying your marriage--the one you've claimed to not want to end--on an uneven footed pedestal, but you've also completely disregarded the fact that your shrink is married and has children as well, thus putting his home at risk.

Who do you think you are?

If you and your husband have such major differences, if in fact he does not understand you and/or respect you you need to go your seperate way, and hopefully consider the person you're associating yourself with if the possibilities of a new love arise.

Aside from the above, I completely agree with DaGuru and encourage you to please think things through before you fuck yourself over.

Cheers mate.

I suppose I'd stop going if my husband REALLY wanted me to. He actually pushes the whole therapy thing and he actually likes Dr. Knob, so I don't know that he'd want me to stop seeing him. Even if I told him what happened...I think he'd think the benefit of the therapy outweighed any negative stuff. I really have improved a lot under Dr. Knob's care...I used to spend almost every day drifting along as if in a dream or a nightmare depending on the day. My husband was pretty desperate when I started seeing the good doctor and he's very grateful towards him because of my improvement. Sometimes I even suspect it's them together united on their own side instead of both of them on my side.

Dood I did say that I wasn't going to have an affair with him.

"I'm worried about what happened in therapy and I'd like to hear what you think about it".

[Insert story here]

Maybe she's trying to sort out her feelings in her own head using totse?
totse in it's own way can be therapy.

But I'd get so fucking bored of going to a professional for help and it taking THREE YEARS. Thats a guy not doing his job, imo.

Your husband is inadequate and self-centered. Typical assertive forward-charging tough guy, attractive to women because of his confidence until they see it's just a facade to hide the lack of real substance in his personality and existence. He honestly sounds like a failure as a human to me.

Your shrink sounds just as bad. He made obvious and unprecedented sexual advances on you with a weak attempt to hide it as true medical concern and compassion. He takes advantage of your trust just for sex. Do you honestly think he wants a caring relationship with you? If he did really care about you, don't you think he would reveal his feelings in a more up-front and honest way?

Still, I think the best way to overcome your desires in the long run is to give into them in the short run. He's your doctor, you have an excuse to have a close relationship with him. Perfect cover. You have an unhealthy patient/doctor relationship. Perfect excuse to break it off whenever you want.

I can see what you want. You want to sleep with him, and he has the same desires. No two people should be denied something when they both want it. Never let your life get boring, because one day you'll be dead.

Maybe she's trying to sort out her feelings in her own head using totse?
totse in it's own way can be therapy.

But I'd get so fucking bored of going to a professional for help and it taking THREE YEARS. Thats a guy not doing his job, imo.

It's not a quick fix kind of problem.

It's not a quick fix kind of problem.

The fact you feel you need 'fixing' kinda worries me.

But I'd get so fucking bored of going to a professional for help and it taking THREE YEARS. Thats a guy not doing his job, imo.

you obviously do not understand the nature of severe psychological problems

not everything is a matter of an hour on the couch and a speedy recovery with no risk of relapse

you obviously do not understand the nature of severe psychological problems


Actually I'm pretty sure she does have some insight. Its rather an american thing to see having a shrink as an almost life time commitment.

I only skimmed the thread so my pop-psychology may have already been suggested by someone else, but:

Is it possible that you're confusing the security and guidance you receive from your shrink for something more? I mean, if he's any shrink worth his salt, he'll realise that you've developed a dependancy on him, as well as some pretty strong sexual feelings, and he'll try and work through that with you and point you in the right direction - toward your husband.

Or, he could be a bastard who you should never see again. But it's really only your judgement that can tell here. Is there a chance that he was just trying to confirm what you were trying to communicate to him, without scaring by asking it point blank, and now that he's realised what's going on, he's going to fix it? Is he that kind of person? Or is he someone who's going to mess with your head over this?

Who knows, maybe he'll make the decision for you and realise he should send you to a new shrink?

- T_M

I think it's very clear that after all these years of intimate sharing and trusting between you and him, you've started to developed feelings for this guy. And there is nothing wrong with it really, since that we are all humans and we get attracted to attractive members of the opposite sex, especially the ones that you've developed emotional attachment too.

If you truly value your marriage, you will stop seeing this shrink again. Because to continue seeing him you will only sink further/become more emotionally involved with him.

I don't want to jack Xaio's thread and get in a lengthy debate about the whole process of therapy.....maybe another thread another day? But real quick to all of the naysayers questioning the validity of therapy.....I find it to be quite effective and get much out of it. And no there is no "time limit"....because often there is no quick fix. Some of the mental/emotional issues people deal with never go away. So saying that Xiao's therapist has "failed" because after 3 1/2 years she isn't "cured" is not a fair or accurate analysis. Xaio and myself could very well be in therapy the rest of our lives (hopefully in her case not with this current therapist).....and I for one don't consider that a "weakness" in my character, instead it enhances it.

Saying he's failed because he's turned her into a lovesick, starry-eyed, dependent puppy is pretty justifiable, though. Or maybe she did that herself, but I doubt it. Nothing wrong with being in therapy, but I have a feeling she's staying in it because of her feelings for Knob, not because it's beneficial to her mental health (not that Xiao doesn't need to see a shrink, but clearly it should be a different one.)

Xiao, I will give you a brief summary of what I think. Not that it matters since you've not listened to anyone else, but hey, I'm bored and opinionated.

I don't think you love your husband.
You've turned Dr. Knob into the perfect male specimen when in fact he's a scum of the earth bastard who probably takes advantage of all his remotely attractive female patients in the same way. Surprise surprise, you're not special.
The fact that you think you can't live without him shows the "therapy" has done more harm than good.
And lastly, I honestly can't understand how you can say you don't want to have an affair with him when you're having sexual fantasies and provoking inappropriate behaviour. Sooner or later, if you keep seeing this asshole, there will be creepy shrink-patient sex. And you probably won't even regret it.

As I say, this thread be all too kinky for my tender sensibilities, but I think Demoi has her points. Obsessing about one's shrink can in no way be healthy. This armchair shrink who builds all his castles on sand & grasps at every straw thinks that thou doeth the same in this regard.

I be all up mad as a hatter & am liable to come to no good end. Don't you be the same... :p

Far too needy.

You've compromised the relationship with your shrink, and you should probably move on.

Being from Georgia is my only explanation.

His name is Doctor Knob? You got to be making this shit up...

His name is Doctor Knob? You got to be making this shit up...

Haha, unless I'm mistaken she nicknamed him Dr. Knob because he was such a douchebag. Oh the irony...

Haha, unless I'm mistaken she nicknamed him Dr. Knob because he was such a douchebag. Oh the irony...

I thought she loved him? Him and all this knobs...

you obviously do not understand the nature of severe psychological problems

not everything is a matter of an hour on the couch and a speedy recovery with no risk of relapse

Oh yeah, I obviously dont understand the nature of severe psychological problems because I made a comment on the internet.

Been there, kid. Done that.

I for one see no benefit or possible use of going to someone who's paid to pretend to care about whatever bullshit problems I may be having.

you make the mistake of assuming that your problems and recovery are comparable to the problems and recovery of everybody else

Can't spell therapist without 'rapist'....

What happens if your psycho analist is too anal? Could leave you on quite a bummer. 'Specially if he has noticed your milfy qualities. Mid 20's...one child...time on her hands...could well be milfalicious. :p

Haha, unless I'm mistaken she nicknamed him Dr. Knob because he was such a douchebag. Oh the irony...
Yes this is true.

So I talked to my husband about it last night and he thinks we should both go see Dr. Knob on Monday and talk about stuff. He was all sad when I told him I felt like he doesn't understand me or care to understand me. He told me he's just been really caught up in work and he doesn't mean to be emotionally distant. He wants me to ultimately stop seeing Dr. Knob and instead for us to see a marraige counselor.

So we'll see what happens.

I've been to a shrink or two & to me? They seemed as nutty & distracted as all get out.

One worked at a hospital & claimed I was schizo & turned me back to my GP for plain medication. I returned to him after six months & mentioned the 'schizo' diagnosis.

He kind of sneered & asked, "Who told you that?" He'd insisted I take medication, which I didn't want. Then he treats me like I'm trying to get drugs from him. What an effin' mind-fuck paranoid.

I gave him the truth, "You did."

He just sat there, shuffling the papers on his desk & not saying anything. I just left. The guy was a nut. :D

At another H, the shrinks said, "There's nothing wrong with you, nothing at all. Get lost."

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Yes this is true.

So I talked to my husband about it last night and he thinks we should both go see Dr. Knob on Monday and talk about stuff. He was all sad when I told him I felt like he doesn't understand me or care to understand me. He told me he's just been really caught up in work and he doesn't mean to be emotionally distant. He wants me to ultimately stop seeing Dr. Knob and instead for us to see a marraige counselor.

So we'll see what happens.

I think you need to see a marriage counselor and another shrink. Judging from what you've said before, your problems are way deeper than just your unsatisfying home life.

Are you ^^^following me?

Well, apparently this time you are. :p