I have been asked to post this anonymously-jackketch

This'll probably seem incredibly insecure and stupid to a lot of you... and really it is, I know, especially given the circumstances.

Ok, been with my gf for about 1.5 years. During the first 6 months or so, she was at school, I was 3.5 hours away. Had hard times, but it somehow made it through. She developed a few less than choice (IMO, of course) friends at that point, the sorts of girls who drink and toke till they pass out every time, go to parties with the aim of bedding a random guy, generally loose morals. She used to regularly join these friends, it seemed like she didn't care for a while, I rarely heard what happened, and we argued about it on a decent basis back then, though she never did anything to the best of my knowledge, but that's beside the point.

A year later, the same friends are back, unchanged. She's barely hung out with them since moving back for school, mostly due to being with me a lot.. which I do feel bad for, really.

Going from that point (a year ago) till now, she's solidly devoted, if not obsessed. Neither of us is 20, but she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, has oddly enough 'outlined' parts of it out *but she does that anyways, with everything*. She (used to, till about a week ago before I got roommate complaints) spend a ton of time with me, 4-5 days a week, and feel bad/upset if she didn't see me for a few days. I know it doesn't sound too healthy and I know it isn't, but that's for another thread and another time.

This friday, she's been invited by a group of these friends to what amounts to their typical night out, dressing very suggestively, pre-drinking at a friend's house, then hitting the bars to hit on guys, get free drinks and maybe getting lucky with some random guy.

Before all of you guys jump on it, yes I do trust her, completely. However, I don't trust anyone around her (friends, said random guys with the same intent as her friends), and given the memories that come up in this sort of situation, it makes me (now unreasonably) uncomfortable and worried, though I do trust her, I can't change what comes up in my mind about it.

And.. she is going, I'm set on that. I don't want to make her feel bad about it nor stupidly restrict her social life because I'm an insecure SOB, and there's no recent reason for her not to go.

Twofold query here, a) how to ease my mind beforehand, or to not bother, and just roll with it when she goes, which seems like the better option now b) given that I feel insecure and senselessly worry about it, how to tell her/show that I have no problem with her going, as I tend to suck at hiding (even unfounded) emotion in person sometimes.

Wow, that was long... recap:

-gf of 1.5 years who, with questionable friends, partied/drank a lot last year, but who is now devoted to me, wants to go to the bar with the same friends now, who haven't changed.
-I worry and get insecure like an idiot, and need ways past time and experience to quell this without seeming insecure to her, and showing that I trust her, which I do, at the bottom of it.

Being worried means you care. Don't let her go if she's going to get drunk. Anything could happen then... If she must go, go with her. It's just better off for the both of you that way.

I never will understand male jealousy. It's loony.

Me neither, but this isn't just bog standard Jealousy..
I don't know where you're from, but here the UK people simply cannot drink 'till they're merry - it's drink 'till they fall over, puke, and then fuck some randomer in their own vomit. Doesn't happen all of the time, but most people acknowledge that things like this will happen.
Nothing wrong with getting legless sometimes, but it's so easy to do things that you wouldn't dream of when sober, and it just adds complications when you're in a monogamous relationship. I'd say it's easier at clubs to avoid slipups, parties are harder; booze and drunks are cheaper or free, there are rooms to go to.. etc etc..
I'll post more later, sorry if this is messy, got to go to college.

Women who indulge in this kind of behaviour simply cannot be trusted. Even if by some miracle she won't do anything dodgy, she's still asking for troulbe (ie molestation, violence, rape...no I'm not saying "drunk women deserve this" I'm saying "people are scummy assholes and these things happen".

You are right to be worried.

Tough decision.
You could of course just hope that she's changed enough and loves you enough she's not going to do anything.
But if she ends up having 'just one drink' to keep face, or if they pressure her, there's no knowing how far she'll go or what will happen.

I'm in a similar situation at the moment. My boyfriend is going to be going out with these old friends, and I'm pretty sure they're going to try and push him into drinking alot, and getting him to cheat on me. I wouldnt normally care about who he goes out with, it's none of my fucking buisness. But when I'm specifically UN-invited to something with this miserable nasty bunch of people, I know they're up to something.

But really, what can you do? NOTHING.
If you tell her not to go she's likely to get pissed off that you're trying to destroy her social life, or keep her caged, or some bullshit like that.
If you ask to go along there's a chance she'll say no, or get pissed off that you dont trust her, thus opening another can of worms alltogether.

All you can do is let her go, hope for the best.... and dump em as fast as possible if it turns out the did fuck someone else.

She wants to spend the rest of her life with you...Hehehehehehehehehe...I remember the last girl who said that to me...Then she cheated on me God only knows how many times, dumped me and kicked me out.

Forgive my cynicism mate...I have a hard time trusting anybody...Especially women (I have mother issues too!)

Hire a friend to tail her and watch her...If she fucks about, at least you have solid ground to dump her and get on with life.

Wish I'd done that.

what kind of mother issues ?

just asking i think i got those same issues.....

Way too many to list when I should be sleeping for work tonight and not drinking vodka out of the bottle!

Here's what I did in a similar situation.

"That's cool, but you're crashing at my place, and you have to give me a big kiss when you arrive. Here's $20 for a cab."

All in a light hearted tone. It let her know that I was a little nervous about it, without being excessively controlling or lacking in manliness. She thought it was sweet, and came home early to have her way with me.

Here's what I did in a similar situation.

"That's cool, but you're crashing at my place, and you have to give me a big kiss when you arrive. Here's $20 for a cab."


Thanks. I'm going to modify that and try it myself.

why don't you just follow her the entire night, making a sort of ninja mission out of it.

any guys hits on her, the moment her's out of her sight line, swoop in from the shadows and cut of his head..easy-peasy.

And.. she is going, I'm set on that. .

***Sidenote to Jack....I got a lovely little ditty in mind for Bitch and Moan, but since I'm too shy of a guy to post it....I was hoping you could assist in the matter. Whatta ya say bud, you up for it? : )

Yes OP, you ARE an insecure little SOB like you said. Also a control freak. Listen to yourself....the words I quoted above. Like you are her parent or keeper.

Its this simple....if she REALLY loves you and wants you forever, she'll behave herself and not mess around behind your back. Drinking/drugging does NOT make people do stuff that isn't in their hearts or minds already. ALL IT DOES is lower inhibitions/fears making people act out things they are too scared to do sober. She's either a committed girlfriend totally gaa-gaa with you, and you'll live happily ever after. Or she is a lying, cheating, whore.....and you'll have closure and quit wasting any more time on a trollup.

And you wouldn't need advice on "how to deal with it/show no emotion" if you had more in your life than this girl. Me, I would look at it as ....."cool, girls night out for her, guys night out for me....now I don't have to worry about being home, answering her calls, whatever." But NO, you sound like one of those guys whose entire universe is wrapped around a piece of ass and you let HER emotions/circumstances dictate your mood or happiness.

Personally I believe you 2 aren't right for each other. Best case scenario would be you 2 break up and then you find a girl as equally insecure as yourself and then neither would go out without the other....and you would never face these scenarios again. You could then live happily ever after clinging to each other 24/7 as if you each were life rafts in the ocean. Grabbing on for dear life as if your entire existence is going to end if you are apart for a couple of hours. So my wish is your current chick gang bangs 6 dudes and a great bukake scene is on deh netz in a couple of days.....because in a long term universal sense, I think that is the only way YOU will ever find "happiness and security", by getting with a different girl.

I'm in a similar situation at the moment. My boyfriend is going to be going out with these old friends, and I'm pretty sure they're going to try and push him into drinking alot, and getting him to cheat on me. I wouldnt normally care about who he goes out with, it's none of my fucking buisness. But when I'm specifically UN-invited to something with this miserable nasty bunch of people, I know they're up to something.

just because they want a night out with the guys and none of them enjoy your company does not mean that they will push him into anything

you are reading too much into being asked not to come; it merely means that they do not like you and think your presence would make the evening less fun

to the original poster just voice your concerns to her and say that you know they are stupid but that you feel these kind of things anyway (not right before she goes out either), plus give her the money for a taxi as has been suggested

the best thing for your trust of this girl is for her to go out and not do anything and if you consider it a risk then it is a risk you will have to take

to all the females who can not understand male jealousy, how would you feel if your boyfriend went out to a party with ten old female friends with the intention of getting extremely drunk?

to all the females who can not understand male jealousy, how would you feel if your boyfriend went out to a party with ten old female friends with the intention of getting extremely drunk?


The OP isn't going out with guys, she is going out with old FEMALE friends. So your analogy has no relevance.

And male jealousy can all be broken down to this.....little BOYS with insecurity problems. That is THEIR problem, not the women. If its too much for a male to hook up with a chick that has *gasp* an actual life, with actual friends, with an actual past....then its best to just keep on fappin until they do grow up, or just find an insecure shrew that has an equal amount of emotional issues and insecurities.

just because they want a night out with the guys and none of them enjoy your company does not mean that they will push him into anything?

I mean it's a few of his old friends and their random girlfriends and some new people.

I'm not thin enough or pretty enough to partake of this,obviously.

If you feel that you have to do or say anything on the subject, which you don't, then the option of asking her to come back to your place afterwards is a good one.

well yoyobek it is probably less to do with how attractive you are than it is to do with your personality

i am sure you look fine

people would have to be really shallow to exclude people based on looks

I'm not thin enough or pretty enough to partake of this,obviously.

I'd invite you to my parties

Here the guy's reply-jackketch

Alright, seeing as I'm not replying here in person, I'll try and pack all my replies into one post, with some order to it.

Firstly... she is going to drink, obviously enough. She has pretty good self control but is willing to have another beer or shot if her friends egg her on enough. I know, kinda crummy for a almost 20 year old, but hey.

I'd rather not bring up me going along, for a few reasons, some better than others. First, she already spends a lot of time with me, and little to none with her friends, I believe everyone should have their private time, however it is spent. Also, I'd rather not spend the night babysitting her, doesn't feel like it'd do either of us much good. it's a girls' night out, so I feel weird thinking of intruding. Were it a party, yeah sure I'd tag along, since there's often something for me to do (read: beer pong) as well. Last, asking to go will give a big impression that I don't trust her at all to the point of having to literally look over her shoulder. As yoyo said, this is a whole new can of worms, not what I want to do and not what I'd like to start up since I don't think I should be watching over her, seems excessive and weird to me.

To clear it up, yes she is sleeping at my place that night, I offered cab fare to my place, or to pick her up, She went with option B, which is fine by me.

The reason I said that she is going and I'm set on it is because I feel too much like a control freak as is. She considered not going thinking that it may upset me, I convinced her otherwise, and I'll leave it at that. I feel horrible feeling like I'm constricting her social life like that, no matter what the situation is. Weird, I know, and I'd bet I still come off as a control freak anyways, but hey.

DaGuru, gotta say I completely agree with you in that 3rd paragraph, as to what alcohol does. Thinking about it, besides the tiny little stupid fear of it, I don't think she'd do anything by her own will, which is why I feel dumb over all this, though I don't trust her friends' morals or influences, to which she's already said she feels pressured into (the drinking part, not so much the guys) before.

I've already thought of making it a night out with a few friends, given that it would be a slim/no drinking night seeing as I'd have to pick her up after, but the idea is there and likely what I'll do. No use sitting at home ignorantly worrying over it.

Surprisingly enough, she's essentially digging her nails into me otherwise, in ways that make me seem completely secure and normal. She doesn't like me as much as staying at a friend's in rez for a few hours without knowing some detail as to who's there and so on. She just wants to spend some time with her friends, though I don't think it would usually be her first choice of activity, it is theirs.

I generally feel like I have less say here because it (rightfully, to be frank) feels like she's already restricted her social life because of me (I know I have because of her, on the other end), which I feel pretty damn bad for, and don't want to press that idea further, so I feel almost obligated to let her do what she'd like. Ironic that though I find issue with feeling like I'm controlling her (indirectly), I also find it with trying to feel like I'm not. Yeah, I'm messed up like that. Bit of the kettle calling the pot black, as much as I don't want to admit it.

How about setting a 1-2 drink limit?

I feel really bad for the poster of this problem. :(

I cant think what to suggest, really.

With any luck she'll realise that these old friends are actually a bit crap and sad, and she'll leave early to be with you.

Old friends often dont turn out to be what you remember them to be.

When I get fretted out by things like this I shrug and embrace the fact that no matter how worried or sad I may get, things are going to happen regardless, I cant controll what happens, atleast not much.

If she cheats she cheats, but really.. she's with you,she's dating you for a reason, I doubt she's going to throw all that away.

Try to have a good night yourself, even if you dont go out with friends get in a movie or game and some beer.

To clear it up, yes she is sleeping at my place that night, I offered cab fare to my place, or to pick her up, She went with option B, which is fine by me.
That's pretty good then, isnt it?
Make sure your place is tidy and there are some candles lit and all that.Make it known you missed her and make it very evident that you are better than her slaggy friends.

This is a typical "I'm a nice guy and can't control my girlfriend" thread.

Which is awesome for me because by the end of the night these chicks are easier to pick up than a thai hooker.

wtf?
What fucking right has he got to 'control' her?

Would YOU say to your girlfriend "well babe, YOU'RE not going out tonight,because I dont feel like it" ???

I thought that was part of the problem here, the thread starter is worried and stressed, but at the same time it would be damn selfish to 'forbid' his girlfriend from going out and having a good time, wouldnt it?

Whats with all these anon. threads....?

Some people have friends and aquaintences on Totse I guess, and would rather they didnt know their deep and painfull secret?

Some people have friends and aquaintences on Totse I guess, and would rather they didnt know their deep and painfull secret?

I'm just curious about all the sudden amount of them. I figured most people would be like me and when in doubt, make up a whole new screen name and then post.

If you actually read what he said, he can infact control her but doesn't want to...which takes more balls IMO than to just be insecure and say she can't do anything.

You're a decent enough guy but you try way too hard.-

I'm just curious about all the sudden amount of them. I figured most people would be like me and when in doubt, make up a whole new screen name and then post.

A lot of people do indeed use a second account inorder to post things they don't want linked to their normal accounts and S&A is one of the few forums where you may use a 2nd account without fear of infraction. I have and will defend that policy before Jeff.

But some people don't have 2nd accounts, yeah I know that's surprising but its true!

Others know their 2nd accounts are also well known (for example regulars here know mine).

Why this current run? No idea..it goes in cycles.

Also the fact that registration is closed ? so people cant make second accounts to post here.

Reg being closed is what made me want to start an anon thread, I'm the 'OP' here.

Seeing as she's out now, and there's nothing here that I'd mind her seeing after the fact, I feel it's alright to speak up now, or at least I'm more comfortable with it.

Hasn't been the easiest day, or at least nothing has helped me out any.

I did ask her how much she planned to drink, initially didn't get a reply, so I asked in about an hour, she said she didn't know, 'a few'.

Came to my place to get ready (attire of a strapless tank top, tight jeans, small jacket/vest), since I was gonna borrow her car after dropping her off to run some errands before going out. Came back to my place to get my wallet, and I see a bra on the floor, the same one she was wearing 15 min ago, I text her (crappy, I know, but it works for quick contact at best) and ask if she switched bras or something, says that she did. I know it doesn't mean anything, but it was a bit of a mindfuck and didn't help me any. *shrug*

She calls me about an hour later, asking if I can pick her up an hour or 2 later, apparently they decided to go to the bar a bit later, at 11 or so, making it 12-1 that she'd leave, give or take. It's supposed to be her night out, so I say that if she wants to, sure, but I won't pick her up that late (I said I'd pick her up 11-11:30 or so), because I'd likely be very tired or asleep, been a long week with midterms and all.

I ask if she could leave a bit earlier, and she complains, wants to spend some more time with her friends and more than 30 min at the bar since she's never (legally) gone to one before. Reasons that 'well I still want to spend some time with you, and you'll still be up at 12-1' True, I will, always am, but she won't, she's usually out at 10, 11 tops, much less after drinking. I've seen for a total of 3 hours all week due to my midterms and her not wanting to drive to my place last night, because she was too tired and it was snowing a little while ago. :\

I say ok, but I can't say I'll be awake then. Doesn't make me happy, but I won't argue with her over the phone in front of her friends when she's supposed to be out having 'fun'.

Gotta say, this is the most pathetically pussy-whipped and generally shitty I've felt in a while, and I despise it deeply but don't see much else I can do without causing a massive argument, which really, is going to happen anyways. Maybe it's the end of us, which would suck, but I'd live with it, sounds sometimes like she'd be happier like that, despite all she says to me.

I really don't want to complain over the one time in literally months that she goes out, looks bad and I'd look controlling again, as shitty as this is.

Wow, this is long.. think I'll start to wrap it up...

Well, that's about all my thoughts right now, any comments of 'that sucks' or 'you pussywhipped insecure piece of shit' are welcome. For any looking for a soundtrack to my mind right now, listen to the chorus of 'Lights are blinding my eyes' by The Streets. That, and 'The Freshmen' by Verve Pipe. Well, that sort of mood/tone at least. Not fun, c'est la vie sometimes, I'll see where it goes from here. Think I'll catch a nap or go for a walk for a while.

So i'm guessing your g/f is out right now tonight orange? If I'm reading this correctly? I mean, i'll do you a favor and text her or something to see if she's sober to try and ease your worrying.

Orange, thanks for the update and more disclosure. First, let me ease your mind about the whole "bra issue". Dont' even spend 5 more seconds on that note, because that could be ANYTHING. When it comes to women and clothes, any possible scenario could take place. She might have realized the shoes she originally wanted to wear weren't fitting properly....and you know some women, you change just one piece of that outfit....BAM! they gotta change everything.

At this point I wouldn't call you pussy whipped, although uber-paranoid would be a better description. The only "mistake" I really see you making at this point is your reluctance at picking her up later in the evening. You said it yourself.....she doesn't go out very often with these gals, the least you could do is accomodate her night and let her have as full a night as possible. Cmon guy...exams or not, you can man up and lose a couple of hours of sleep. Its a small sacrifice to pay so the night goes off without a hitch....lessening any chance of drama or "attitude" she might come home with.

Honestly, as I've seen this thread evolve and your stance alter somewhat.....you seem to be coming back down to earth. The first post seemed somewhat irrational by a butthurt control freak. Now that you've elaborated more, and chilled out significantly it doesn't sound nearly as bad. You do seem to be more grounded, albeit you still do have room for improvement.

My advice at this point would be what someone else already suggested.....make a warm and hospitable atmosphere when she comes home. And don't give her the third degree tonight, especially if she has a good buzz on. Wait till morning when she isn't so drunk, both of you aren't so tired, and the impulsive emotions are still so fresh. With any luck she'll come home just drunk "enough" to ravage you and give you some real funky loving. But if you have any luck like I usually do with my wife, she'll have just one drink or one shot too many.....and that person that was the life of the party dancing her ass off for hours, will be either passed out or get sick the minute her ass hits that bed. For your sake, and your cock's sake.....I'm crossing my fingers hoping she didn't have that last drink with her friends. Good luck!

uber-paranoid

this.

I did go pick her up, for the record. The car ended up breaking down and I limped it to a gas station, spent 30 min in 0 degree Celsius weather in a t-shirt fixing it enough to make it home. She called me before I got to texting her, she was already drunk (11ish) and wanted me to come in about 45 min.

She ended up drinking more than what she said she would, equal to about 4 beers or so (she said 2... but later mentioned that these were 1L beers). Pretty much no short term memory at that point, got into the car to drive once, forgotten she had drank, before I asked how much she'd drank previously. Using my best knowledge of effects of alcohol... that's equal to an average guy having about 8 beers, on an near empty stomach.

She's a very different person when drunk, which is why I don't like seeing her drunk... giggly, touchy, cant remember a thing past 20 seconds ago, and lacks any common sense (she walked for 10 min, in low heels with a very thin jacket before I found her, because 'well you were taking too long'. Eventually got home, she undressed, and fell asleep in 2 min flat. That half-arsed 'time with you' went about as well as I'd predicted,oddly enough. I'd expect a bit better from someone almost 20 who spends their spare time planning out their life in details. *shrug*

Apparently she didn't have that great of a time either, her friends bickered and bitched too much, I can't personally say that I consider them good people, but they're not my friends to judge. Despite this, she's gonna go out with them again, much like this, within a month or 2, simply because she wants to spend time with them. Seeing that I looked less than happy (I didn't say anything though, I'd like to avoid drunk arguments), she suggested that next time she'll just cab to her place instead. I don't think I replied, maybe a sigh to myself.

This all likely does sounds a little hostile or angry... only because the sort of situation that made me worried at the start is exactly what she put herself into without a second though, and I'll likely calm down even from this given a bit of time. Kinda why I don't want to talk to her about it too soon, but I fear that the chance to change anything will be lost equally soon.

She has to work at 7 am... about 4 hours away from now. She'll basically rush out of the door and off to work, I know I won't get a chance to speak to her then at all, doubt I'll be able to squeeze in 'good morning' at this rate.

I hate situations like this... I'm usually one of the most levelheaded people that you're likely to meet, but my mind races around with stuff like this... not without some cause though, I suppose.

I probably won't see her for a good 3-4 days from now, due to her working over night plus some late 'shifts' (works at a sort of foster home) and my schooling taking up the rest of the time.

In what probably looks like an annoyingly pessimistic and pathetic way, I'll guess that I'll swallow my emotion in a day or two, I have before plenty and I likely will again. I don't like it, but it almost happens by itself now.

I love this girl, I don't want to see her upset or unhappy, I know what that does to me but I've (ignorantly, I know) pushed it aside so far.

I do wonder sometimes if she'd be better off or happier without me, the answer comes up as yes more than I'd admit... but knowing how much that would hurt her (and, y'know, suck for me for a good while) has been a (what should be nonexistent) barrier so far.

I don't want to feel like I'm placed so far back, so easily in what seems to matter. Feels like I got used tonight for a ride and a place to crash, from someone who says they love me, and does seem to otherwise, really.

Unfortunate how I still feel that I have no right telling her what she can or can't do.. but it's twofold...1) I don't want to seem controlling, that scares me 2) I shouldn't have to remind her, if she cares enough she'll set limits and be able to tell what's right and what's not. That got shattered a good deal tonight, gotta say it hurts me more than I'd tell anyone in person.

Of course, there are good times, though when rains it pours, I suppose. :\

Now, from this I do expect to be called weak, whipped and other fun things, but c'est la vie some days.

Very easy, let her go and if she comes back she is yours.

Dude, I totally understand your emotions but, believe me, you need to change them.

First of all, focus on at least one or two passions or hobbies. This will take the prime focus of your life away from her. Sure, she's important, but it's imperative to have other things that make you feel good too.

Secondly expand your social circle so when she's going or out, or working late, you have a plethora of social options only a phonecall away so you're not waiting up for her!

Thirdly, come up with a way of making some extra money, whether it's a full business plan or just selling a few items a month on ebay.

Fourthly, develop your spiritual side. Meditate or do yoga, it will help you let go of circumstances beyond your control.

Fifthly, be a man. I could write pages upon pages defining this, and if you want to know pm me and I'll tell you, but for now, try watching some films with strong alpha males in them and try and incorporate some of their positive traits into your character; body language, voice tonality, confidence, belief, passionate, strong, adventurous and independent.

You keep saying that she's almost 20 as if this means she shouldn't be a little wreckless...

She's not almost 20, she's only 19!

Trust her or let her get on with her life...

So you became the trusty driver.
You're not pussywhipped...but you are un-appreciated.
:(

This makes me feel kind of sad and funny feeling.

That's about it, really. Today my thankless 'job' before not seeing her for essentially the rest of the week is to go out, while she's at work, buy 4L of tranny fluid for her car (it did break while I was driving it, technically), poke around under the car looking for leaks, and perhaps limp it to shop to get it fixed. She gets off work at 3, and asked me to see if she could get it back, fixed or everything arranged, by around then so she's not without a car for too long.

I've been thinking on this a lot... trying to narrow it down a little. I know I don't like to see her drunk because she acts so different than when she's sober, and that bothers me a lot for some reason. I didn't like that she never put a limit or thought about limiting how much she'd drink, she knows her own limits well enough, but I never got more than an "I dunno... a few, im not sure" when i asked before. I don't know how well asking her to limit her drinking to one or two drinks would go over, or if it would work at all.

It never used to be like this, but over the last month she's become a lot less affectionate and quicker to get frustrated, but anytime I've tried to bring it up she says nothing is wrong, and I frankly can't spot any changes to make this happen.

That's the funny part, unless something winds me up like this, and as far as my friends know, I'm the overly confident guy with no shame, according to some one of the most easy-going people they know, and so on. Part of why I find this frustrating.

I do have a few hobbies, mostly XC mtb riding/racing when it's warmer, snowboarding (alpine/races) in winter. Studying is taking up a ton of my time lately, so I haven't been able to have much free time, much less any of it to myself for a while. I lack the time for a job (in any given week I have <10 hours free as is), and I've never been religious in my life.

I'd just like to add that she called me a minute ago to see if I'd done anything yet, complained a little when I said no, I've pretty much only had breakfast so far (got to bed at 5, woke up at 11:30), and that it's stressing her out a lot, and that 'you said you'd help me with it', and generally how bad it is being without a car for the day so far. :\

EDIT: She has the car keys, so I'll have to walk over to get them. Meh. She also mentioned wanting to pay me for the help. Come on, I'm your boyfriend, not a hired mechanic. Somehow, this is far from the girl I signed up to date a year and half ago, hell far even from what she was like 3 months ago.

Edit^2: Just got back from grabbing the keys. She again offered to pay me (which feels degrading more than anything else, really), saying that I need the money (I do, I'm broke, but not like this, I never take handouts) so I declined. Looking back I suppose it's been going south for a little while, being less and less affectionate, treating me as more of a acquaintance than an SO. I was a little distant and cold when I went to see her, $5 says she calls me I'll get something like "I don't need this/don't need to be stressed when I'm at work". Bah.

I remember we didn't see each other for about a week a little over a month ago. She called me either every night or every other, and said she missed me all the time. We didn't see each other for the last week, I got 2 calls, one during her break for 2 min, and one the night before she went drinking. I hate watching it go down like this, but she doesn't seem to see anything wrong and complains when I try to mention it. We all but don't discuss anything now, she just rolls over or turns away, or tries to change the subject. :\

Lol at this idiot.

I never will understand male jealousy. It's loony.



And here is another one...

Women who indulge in this kind of behaviour simply cannot be trusted. Even if by some miracle she won't do anything dodgy, she's still asking for troulbe (ie molestation, violence, rape...no I'm not saying "drunk women deserve this" I'm saying "people are scummy assholes and these things happen".

You are right to be worried.

Yeah because we know rape, molestation, and violence all occur when people are drinking at a bar.

Here's what I did in a similar situation.

"That's cool, but you're crashing at my place, and you have to give me a big kiss when you arrive. Here's $20 for a cab."

All in a light hearted tone. It let her know that I was a little nervous about it, without being excessively controlling or lacking in manliness. She thought it was sweet, and came home early to have her way with me.

Fucking lame, no wonder Australian women love American men.

Thanks. I'm going to modify that and try it myself.

You are a woman retard. You do not want to initiate "dominance" in the relationship, oh wait, you did surgically attach nuts and a penis right? Continue on...

***Sidenote to Jack....I got a lovely little ditty in mind for Bitch and Moan, but since I'm too shy of a guy to post it....I was hoping you could assist in the matter. Whatta ya say bud, you up for it? : )

Yes OP, you ARE an insecure little SOB like you said. Also a control freak. Listen to yourself....the words I quoted above. Like you are her parent or keeper.

Its this simple....if she REALLY loves you and wants you forever, she'll behave herself and not mess around behind your back. Drinking/drugging does NOT make people do stuff that isn't in their hearts or minds already. ALL IT DOES is lower inhibitions/fears making people act out things they are too scared to do sober. She's either a committed girlfriend totally gaa-gaa with you, and you'll live happily ever after. Or she is a lying, cheating, whore.....and you'll have closure and quit wasting any more time on a trollup.

And you wouldn't need advice on "how to deal with it/show no emotion" if you had more in your life than this girl. Me, I would look at it as ....."cool, girls night out for her, guys night out for me....now I don't have to worry about being home, answering her calls, whatever." But NO, you sound like one of those guys whose entire universe is wrapped around a piece of ass and you let HER emotions/circumstances dictate your mood or happiness.

Personally I believe you 2 aren't right for each other. Best case scenario would be you 2 break up and then you find a girl as equally insecure as yourself and then neither would go out without the other....and you would never face these scenarios again. You could then live happily ever after clinging to each other 24/7 as if you each were life rafts in the ocean. Grabbing on for dear life as if your entire existence is going to end if you are apart for a couple of hours. So my wish is your current chick gang bangs 6 dudes and a great bukake scene is on deh netz in a couple of days.....because in a long term universal sense, I think that is the only way YOU will ever find "happiness and security", by getting with a different girl.

Funny you start out calling him insecure, after a little request from Jack to aid in covering your own insecurities.

Reg being closed is what made me want to start an anon thread, I'm the 'OP' here.

Seeing as she's out now, and there's nothing here that I'd mind her seeing after the fact, I feel it's alright to speak up now, or at least I'm more comfortable with it.

Hasn't been the easiest day, or at least nothing has helped me out any.

I did ask her how much she planned to drink, initially didn't get a reply, so I asked in about an hour, she said she didn't know, 'a few'.

Came to my place to get ready (attire of a strapless tank top, tight jeans, small jacket/vest), since I was gonna borrow her car after dropping her off to run some errands before going out. Came back to my place to get my wallet, and I see a bra on the floor, the same one she was wearing 15 min ago, I text her (crappy, I know, but it works for quick contact at best) and ask if she switched bras or something, says that she did. I know it doesn't mean anything, but it was a bit of a mindfuck and didn't help me any. *shrug*

She calls me about an hour later, asking if I can pick her up an hour or 2 later, apparently they decided to go to the bar a bit later, at 11 or so, making it 12-1 that she'd leave, give or take. It's supposed to be her night out, so I say that if she wants to, sure, but I won't pick her up that late (I said I'd pick her up 11-11:30 or so), because I'd likely be very tired or asleep, been a long week with midterms and all.

I ask if she could leave a bit earlier, and she complains, wants to spend some more time with her friends and more than 30 min at the bar since she's never (legally) gone to one before. Reasons that 'well I still want to spend some time with you, and you'll still be up at 12-1' True, I will, always am, but she won't, she's usually out at 10, 11 tops, much less after drinking. I've seen for a total of 3 hours all week due to my midterms and her not wanting to drive to my place last night, because she was too tired and it was snowing a little while ago. :\

I say ok, but I can't say I'll be awake then. Doesn't make me happy, but I won't argue with her over the phone in front of her friends when she's supposed to be out having 'fun'.

Gotta say, this is the most pathetically pussy-whipped and generally shitty I've felt in a while, and I despise it deeply but don't see much else I can do without causing a massive argument, which really, is going to happen anyways. Maybe it's the end of us, which would suck, but I'd live with it, sounds sometimes like she'd be happier like that, despite all she says to me.

I really don't want to complain over the one time in literally months that she goes out, looks bad and I'd look controlling again, as shitty as this is.

Wow, this is long.. think I'll start to wrap it up...

Well, that's about all my thoughts right now, any comments of 'that sucks' or 'you pussywhipped insecure piece of shit' are welcome. For any looking for a soundtrack to my mind right now, listen to the chorus of 'Lights are blinding my eyes' by The Streets. That, and 'The Freshmen' by Verve Pipe. Well, that sort of mood/tone at least. Not fun, c'est la vie sometimes, I'll see where it goes from here. Think I'll catch a nap or go for a walk for a while.


You sound exactly like my friend who's girl just broke up with his ass like two weeks ago. You are controlling way too much of what she does, and your lame excuse of "I'm tired" for not picking her up makes you look like a bitch. She wants to stay out later, why not pick her up? You want to be the last thing she sees before going to sleep. Not sure how you even kept her this long.

You don't like your girl being giggly and touchy? What the fuck is wrong with you? I would dump your fucking ass if I was her. Get over it, she is drunk, does it really fucking matter how much she drank? It isn't like she was vomitting blood.

The reason she acts different drunk is obviously because she isn't comfortable around you. Seems like she is afraid to "hurt" your feelings or "disobey" what you deem "acceptable" behavior. Get your shit together man, because you sound like a controlling asshole.

You don't like your girl being giggly and touchy? What the fuck is wrong with you? I would dump your fucking ass if I was her. Get over it, she is drunk, does it really fucking matter how much she drank? It isn't like she was vomitting blood.

The reason she acts different drunk is obviously because she isn't comfortable around you. Seems like she is afraid to "hurt" your feelings or "disobey" what you deem "acceptable" behavior. Get your shit together man, because you sound like a controlling asshole.

Yes, I was, it's been snowing this week and it was midnight. I just jumped into the car to pick her up, not expecting to be out of it for that long.

I don't mind her being touchy, she's my gf, it's just amplified x1000 when she's drunk to the point where she's like that with her friends, either guys or girls.

*shrug* I've got no idea why she'd act so different, but that's an idea.

I fail to see why I'm being a total controlling jackass.

And get the fuck out of my thread and onto a treadmill if that's all you've got to say, fucktard.

Edit: I do think a lot of the time that she'd be better off without me, and I'm starting to think that that's entirely right. I expect a few QFT's of this, going the by the tone here so far.

Yes, I was, it's been snowing this week and it was midnight. I just jumped into the car to pick her up, not expecting to be out of it for that long.

I don't mind her being touchy, she's my gf, it's just amplified x1000 when she's drunk to the point where she's like that with her friends, either guys or girls.

*shrug* I've got no idea why she'd act so different, but that's an idea.

I fail to see why I'm being a total controlling jackass.

And get the fuck out of my thread and onto a treadmill if that's all you've got to say, fucktard.

All I've got to say? Not even near all I've got to say for a prick like yourself. Get on a treadmill? What kind of superficial asshole are you? I now know why your girlfriend secretly feels stuck with you. Friends are a good excuse, and she is definitely playing your ass.

Have fun being insecure with your girlfriend "touching" her guy and girl friends. While you sit in the corner being an angry chump.

Perhaps you're at a stage in the relationship that, after being together for 18 months, she is wondering where it is going.
Especially when you don't live together and spend a fair time apart from each other...
It's up to you how you play it from here man.

As for not being religious, you don't have to in order to meditate.
Check out a book on the subject, maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't.

The money issue sucks, man. Any way you can get around that?

That's the thing, before about 2 weeks ago, we spent 4-5 days of each week together, and it was fine. I never asked her to stay or come over, she wanted to.

She wants to move in with me next year, heck she's been looking at apartments already, right down to the kind of couch she'd like in the living room.

Meditation is something I did randomly before, cleared my head nicely, but I'm never in the mood or never have the time here. A gay neighbor who loves karaoke isn't so great for having much silence.

And besides winning the lottery, not really. I refuse to borrow money from my parents because I know they've got their own debts and need it more than I could. I can't think of any places that would hire someone who can only be there a few hours at a time, and calling in a lot because of exams/assignments.

A gay neighbor who loves karaoke .


This story keep getting worse and worse! First thing you need to do is kill the self indulgent faggot!!!!

Seriously, the more I hear your take on all this.....the more I'm thinking you just need to ditch her. You ain't compatible, your interests don't seem to be the same, and you are in two different phases of life right now. From what you describe you don't appear to have time for a decent relationship any way....as if this whole thing is just one more thing on your schedule. Most importantly..... I see you doing A LOT of giving, and very little receiving. Not saying she is using you, just taking you for granted. Honestly, what are you really "getting" out of this relationship? Having a mate by your side should ENHANCE your life....not burden it. When it is no longer a "partnership" and instead you are doing most of the work, then its time to bail. Neither one of you is "wrong" here, it just doesn's mesh and wasn't meant to be.

Funny you start out calling him insecure, after a little request from Jack to aid in covering your own insecurities.


You really are one stupid fuckin twit, ain't ya? Anyone that has read even just a couple of my posts in B & M knows, I am anything but "shy" or "insecure". My request to Jack was a joke.....poking fun at all the shit I stir up there. And real shit too, not simpleton kidiotic remarks like yours.

Poor Poor Carbon.....

Sees all the big people talking about *GASP*.....gurlz, deh nakedz, and butts3ks....and the only contribution he can make is his feeble, amateurish, and failed attempts at trolling.

ROFLMFAO @ you harder and harder with every post!!!!!

You really are one stupid fuckin twit, ain't ya? Anyone that has read even just a couple of my posts in B & M knows, I am anything but "shy" or "insecure". My request to Jack was a joke.....poking fun at all the shit I stir up there. And real shit too, not simpleton kidiotic remarks like yours.

Poor Poor Carbon.....

Sees all the big people talking about *GASP*.....gurlz, deh nakedz, and butts3ks....and the only contribution he can make is his feeble, amateurish, and failed attempts at trolling.

ROFLMFAO @ you harder and harder with every post!!!!!

That was kind of a lengthy reply...insecure much?

That was kind of a lengthy reply...insecure much?


You call that lengthy? Geez, when I said you were a simpleton in my last post.....I didn't realize it reached a level to THIS degree.