OH my!! According to Hodgkinson I can very much be a person who can fall in love and be a stalker!!!!! OH no!!!

That explains a lot. I don't ever wanna fall in love.


Potential Causes

Hodgkinson believes several factors create a climate for obsessive love. Leisure, because obsessive love almost always coincides with boredom, as stated by Anthropologist Branko Bokun. Feelings of vulnerability and a perceived failure to belong because those who feel they do not have a recognised place in the world (e.g., those who are required to perform an unfulfilling job), and/or those undergoing dramatic life changes and the associated fear and lack of self-confidence will seek out an outlet for their anxieties. Hodgkinson believes this is the most important factor. An inflated opinion of oneself, as this is believed to ultimately stem from insecurity, with this insecurity driving the obsessed to seek an individual with attributes that they want for themselves. Particular childhood experiences, such as deep feelings of unworthiness during childhood that lead the obsessed to seek out one who finds the obsessed similarly unworthy in adulthood. Feelings of being special and/or different, as there is an apparent correlation between feelings of distance from peers (whether real or perceived) and obsessive love. Inequality between the lover and the beloved, e.g., the beloved may be married, older, too young, famous, or otherwise unattainable.

It is worth noting that almost all of these conditions apply exclusively to the obsessed, and not to the target of their obsession.

Hodgkinson recommends realizing that one who loves obsessively has not fallen in love with a real person, but rather an illusion. It is estimated that up to 90% of obsessive love is motivated by projection. The obsessed is not falling in love with their target because of any salient properties of the target, but for what that target represents to the obsessed. Hodgkinson suggests Regression Therapy as the most useful remedy.


How much do you fit in with this?

Self diagnosis is often incredibly inaccurate. As you said, projecting is everything.

not a self diagnosis, just past experience making sense to m now lol.

I don't really know how much of that applies to me, but I definitely have a history of obsessive love. I also have a bit of a history of stalker behavior.