Basically, This girl has been treating me as if Im her boyfriend.. In all the negative ways. Getting pissed off when I get close to other girls/bisexual guys [Yeah, Im straight aswell...]. Trying to pick my friends. Now I wont deny, I love her and let her get away with it until I opened my eyes and I noticed other girls where getting freaked out by it.

Now she says she loves me, and could never hate me. But we argued on Tuesday, basically she couldnt answer why she didnt let people close to me. and I lost my temper and said the friendship was working.

Now heres a message I've drafted to her - but I dont want all that bullshit - I just want it straight and too the point. But I cant do it myself. "If you're going to give me the negatives as if I'm a boyfriend, You can give me the positives aswell"

Anyway, Heres the message:

Right, Its about time I quit beating about the bush and get straight to the point. I've tried the nice approach and you just throw hostility at me, to the point of anger.

You wont let people get close to me. You admit you're jealous - and I appreciate that, really I do. That alone I can live with. But when certain names bring you to the point of actually being Angry... It becomes different. If someone is a big part of my life then, How can I talk about it to you? And If I cant talk to you about stuff... I don't really see you as being a friend. I can confidently talk to *all* my friends, about *everything* - Without fear of reprisal.

Yet my "best friend" can't bear to here a name that shouldn't mean anything to her. You say she's stolen me - but I hardly feel welcome when I can't talk to you about her. If theres 2 people, 1 you can talk to, and 1 you cant - which would you go for? I did stick around, and I just didn't talk to you about her. Maybe if you let me, You'd see it wasn't all paradise - its a fucking mess.

Wanna know something - In one discussion with her she said she's "slightly jealous" of YOU. Why? "because she [you] means so much too you [me]" - See, she feels similar, but she doesn't get angry that you're my myspace number one. She doesn't pass remark on any comments from you. She even wanted to talk to you and try and get friendly - Just to make me happy, as she felt this was hurting me. [Which, Yeah - it was.] No offence, But she feels similar but shes taking a much more positive attitude.

This happened in this past with Steph [Which, Admittedly you where warning me about her. But I'm not totally naive..], Laura [Girl I met in the park last year. I seem to remember abusive comments on her website being sent.] and Ben [A fucking MALE. A *MALE* who was *18* and worked in a gay bar...]. Hell, I remember you saying on the phone "Oh, It would be different if I was Dan or Ben".

You *know* I feel exactly the same. I have felt the same for ALOT longer, and ALOT worst - But I didn't throw a fit every time I heard their name. I put up with J*, J*, J* for easily 7 months. Then C*, C*, C* for about 4. Then there seems to be a new name every few months. The thing is - I LET you talk about these people [and hell you did.. you wouldn't stop], I hid my feelings.

So if I can't let people get close to me, as you don't like it - What the hell am I meant to do? Means I'm missing out on
all sorts - A girlfriend, going out loads, parties... No offense, but you're not providing a alternative are you? Like I can't
have a girlfriend while I'm your best friend - Look at Naomi, Steph, Laura... Was all going well. Now this is just unfair -

You have Perry. He is YOURS. I am not. Truth is I've felt lonely the past few weeks, and what doesn't help is not having someone special - that I can say "is mine". Sounds stupid? But its true. Its like a hole or a part that I'm missing.

One friend said the other day "heh, Like all the downsides of having a girlfriend - but nothing else.". Meaning - I can only get close to people that you "approve". But, I don't have a similar power over you [Nor do I want one], I hardly see you out of cadets.. etc.

I don't think you understand - you see your friends everyday, no matter what. You have too - You're at school. Whereas I am not. My friends are the ones that stuck with me through thick and thin, who stuck at my side during the 18 months I was away from W******ton and stuck by my side when I left W*******n. I get to see them minimally and the time I do spend with them means a lot.

So when I do get close to someone - it means alot to me. Then you *pointlessly* make me feel like I can't talk to you because I have someone else to talk too. As if I'm only aloud to have 1 person close to me. Whereas you can have as many as you want. The end result? Me feeling depressingly lonely. Thats got to stop.

Then when I question it calmly, you flat out refuse to speak about it and give me sarcastic and stupid answers. Just trying to annoy me then act like I've committed some cardinal sin when I raise my voice.

Then you have the audacity to say I treat YOU as second best?! What about how you'd go mysteriously quiet when J* was at home? Or how despite knowing my lack of tolerance for C* [at that time...] you'd invite me somewhere then try and invite him. EVEN getting him out one time. So don't use my words against me - as it doesn't work. The fact is I'm only ever

gonna be second best as you've got a boyfriend.

Basically - What do you want from me? Can't you be straight forward with me? I'm not a mind reader. How do you feel? These are the only questions I want answered. You don't make it easy for me AT ALL.

Can't you see its WRONG for me to still love you when you have a boyfriend?! Can't you see how that makes me feel? Basically it just means I'm gonna feel dejected. [note: *de*jected] Now can you understand why you make that worst when I can't get close to people because you turn against me when I do? [You complain about being second best. I'm ALWAYS second best, maybe third at times.]

In closing, I don't feel the same way about Naomi as I feel about you - but whats the point in me sticking around? Its got to be said that I'm not a possession. I can't be "stolen" and similarly - its wrong to decide who I can and who I cant get close with.

Buddy...I didn't read the letter to be honest...It's been a long night.

Forget the letter and go with "Unless you are my girlfriend, which involves sex and dating, you are not allowed to treat me like a boyfriend!"

Ive gotta see her tonight, I'm thinking about going for that. Much easier.

At least she cant mis-interpret it.

I thought the letter was worded very well; it didn't seem like you were trying to accuse her of anything, just letting her know how you see your situation. See if talking to her about it works, and if not, try the letter. it honestly looks like it might work, if she's prone to getting hostile when you try to bring it up talking.

If the letter fails, then perhaps you should just choose your friends over her, and forget about it. no sense arguing with someone who won't listen to reason.

I read it, its good. Do your thing tiger!

EDIT: give her the letter rather than talking to her about this.

Cheers guys, I dont want to be confrontational - But I wanna get my point across.

So the letter seemed a good idea. Sometimes I just think "Fuck it.. " though and worry about just coming out with it a bit too blunt.

Stop being a bitch. Tell her to get fucked and TITS OR GTFO

Ive gotta see her tonight, I'm thinking about going for that. Much easier.

At least she cant mis-interpret it.

Letter way too long.

Basically thread title makes more sense.
What right has she got to scare off potential girlfriends if she's not going to give you anything in return?

Do you WANT to go out with this girl?

I'm with Yoyo on this man...You saw what I would do...And she's saying the same thing I'm on about.

I know you don't want to be conrontational but in this instance I would say say it to her face mate...It will hit home a lot better than a letter.

People like her need that verbal slap accross the face or they won't learn...With a letter you're going to look like a wuss who can't sort things out in person.

But yeah dude..."If I'm not fucking you or getting a good blow job from you, I will flirt with, get close to and talk to whoever the hell I want and whether you like it or not, you gotta get used to that. Or are you secretly in love with me or something?"

Difficult situation, depends how she treats you overall though- Generally if a woman has something more than one paragraph long to read, she'll just skim for the keywords. The keywords she's intrested in are anything in there that'll piss her off, don't act so confrontational to her, even if she's in the wrong, no heart was won with angry words.

She is. Not secretly.

We got uber close again a few weeks back. And she was telling me about these lovey songs that remind her of me. ["Michael Buble - Everything" sticks out in my head]

But, She said this about 9 months ago. 9 Months are telling eachother we love eachother, we're in the same shit position. Its so fucking frustrating. I dont know if its because no one will make a move or what.

But I can act all calm to her, and when shes in one of her moods she will just say "I dont know" in such a arrogant and patronising way that I want to punch the bitch a hundred times.

NOTE: I felt deeply inlove with this girl up until recently, and I am FAR from violent. Its just her - She unleashes a deep anger in me. Mainly because of the way she acts like Im a boyfriend... without benefits.

Letter way too long.

Basically thread title makes more sense.
What right has she got to scare off potential girlfriends if she's not going to give you anything in return?

Do you WANT to go out with this girl?

Its saying that to her though. It isnt that easy. Shes been shat on by guys saying "Oh.. If you loved me you would." - and all the times thats happened I've been there, and taken the tears, brought a smile to her face. Taken her out etc..

I'm just running out of patience.

leave out the sexual aspect altogether

do not ask why you are not getting the 'benefits' because that is just implying to her that you do not value the close relationship you have as much as getting your dick wet

(that is how she will take it anyway)

plus it is not fair to use sex as a leverage when she has a boyfriend and has been coerced into it in the past

just voice your concerns and ask why she sees it as fair that you should be denied the right to do things you have no reason not to do

however i suspect the reason is simply that she loves you and does not want anyone else to have you and will be irrational and illogical about it

it will come down to an 'i want' scenario

it is probably going to piss you off

you will either have to acquiesce or hurt her feelings

Ok, I've been the one guy who has never brought up sex with her. I've seen them come and go - all after that one thing. [Yeah, Come and go while shes had a boyfriend.. Its a fucking joke]

Now after 18 months+ I'm getting sick and tired of her treating me like her boyfriend. Im missing out on parties, Im missing out on friends, Im missing out on girlfriends.. Yes, I admit - The lack of sexual interaction is a bitch. [So Im also getting really.. erm.. inexperianced.]

I'm just getting pissed off with the whole situation. I feel used. I feel like I'm her fucking puppet and I feel lonely.

I don't get invited to parties anymore. My mates are having a good time - I dont, as I made choices 1 year+ ago involving her. Now my mates are all at their gigs, at the days out into the city.. HAVING FUN. While I do what? Sit at home and watch TV/Mess about on the computer - What? Waiting for her call.

Fuck. That. Shit. The fact is - My friends aren't even my friends now because of her. I have lost it ALL. And she has given me NOTHING. I dont mean just sexual interaction - I mean ANYTHING. An "I love you" whenever we have an argument, that and a pack of bullshit.

Yeah it does sound like you got the shitty end of the stick there. Even if she were your gf she should not be able to irrationally declare "you now have no friends". Girlfriend or otherwise she does seem to be one of that sort of female that demands control.

My advice would be to clearly explain to her in PERSON about what the situation is at the moment. There should be no problem with telling her the truth, because at the moment she is teetering on a point trying to figure out which is the best outcome for her. If you don't upset the balance she will just continue in her indecisiveness and you will be the one suffering.

I think she's waiting for you to grow a pair.

Yeah, Its a pretty shitty situation. Shes manipulative, posessive, slightly obsessive and has severe anger issues... Not a very nice girl when I look at it that way.

Well, She just rang me. But my sister, showing her take on the situation, just said "No, Hes out at the moment.." and hung up. :/ I think I just need to tell her that this has got to stop, and that I need a decision.

Oh, and CarbonB - I dont think she's the only one waiting for something, I think the whole forum is waiting for you to STFU.

Oh, and CarbonB - I dont think she's the only one waiting for something, I think the whole forum is waiting for you to STFU.

carbonb actually has a point on this one

you said yourself you have been taking this from this girl for 18 months

what the hell is wrong with you

you have spent a year and a half of your life staying in and being bored and letting your social life disintegrate because one girl is possessive over you

you need to realise that this girl will not give you the love or affection or even acknowledgment that you desire and is using you as an emotional crutch and maintaining control over you for the sole reason that she does not wish to lose that control over you

you need to go out and live life the way you see fit without letting this girl hamper or constrain you because if you carry on being her bitch (and you are being her bitch if i am honest) then you will lose a lot more than you have already lost now

imagine looking back on your teenage years as an adult and realising you let one possessive manipulative girl ruin it

get out now

i am going to repeat this because it is so important it sinks in

this girl will not ever give you the affection you want from her

you may be hesitant to let go because you have spent 18 thankless months being there for her and it stings your pride to let go without getting something you want out of it because it is all wasted effort but if you carry on you will just be wasting more effort and putting yourself through more shit

she would not be worth it even if she did reciprocate the affection

Its saying that to her though. It isnt that easy. Shes been shat on by guys saying "Oh.. If you loved me you would." - and all the times thats happened I've been there, and taken the tears, brought a smile to her face. Taken her out etc..

I'm just running out of patience.

Well no wonder!

I know you want to be the nice guy and all and not another guy who shits on her,but what she's doing to you is the female equivalent!

She's using you in her own way, dangling this big sexy carrot infront of you so you'll continue to let her use you however she wants. And you know that if nothing comes of your relationship soon, chances are she'll get the generic SomeRandomAsshole to date and fuck, and you'll still be there when she want someone to bitch at about her boyfriend to.


Damnit man, friends are friends and all but this girl is treating you like the token gay friend!


The shit she does wouldnt be a problem if it werent for the fact she's driving other girls away from you. It seems she's the mentality that she doesent want you, but she couldnt deal with anyone else having you. And that's such a fucking shitty mentality, and a selfish one.

When did males become such pussies? Grow a fucking pair buddy and just smack the bitch in the jaw next time she pisses you off.

Its saying that to her though. It isnt that easy. Shes been shat on by guys saying "Oh.. If you loved me you would." - and all the times thats happened I've been there, and taken the tears, brought a smile to her face. Taken her out etc..

I'm just running out of patience.

Says it all to be honest. She hates the idea that you'll be another girl's bitch, she likes it just fine with you being exclusively her bitch.

Do her in the bum.

That way she will know who's boss.

She is. Not secretly.

We got uber close again a few weeks back. And she was telling me about these lovey songs that remind her of me. ["Michael Buble - Everything" sticks out in my head]

But, She said this about 9 months ago. 9 Months are telling eachother we love eachother, we're in the same shit position. Its so fucking frustrating. I dont know if its because no one will make a move or what.

So...She loves you...And you're not screwing her why?

Nine months? Pah! If she said that nine months ago and is still acting like she loves you and gets all jealous of other girls and shit, why are you not dating her?!

The way I am seeing it you got two choices...Date her and shut her up...Or tell her that even though you love her and she loves you, a relationship is not on the cards and that's final.

Much like a sheep eh mate?! ;)

Buddy...I didn't read the letter to be honest...It's been a long night.


5char

I agree that it really sounds like she will never be affectionate for you at all, but if you think there is a chance you have to go up to her and just tell straight up;

'your feelings for her and that you want a real relationship with her to be more than just friends. If she isnt ready for that then all you can be is normal friends, which means she can no longer treat you like you are hers and she has no control over you.'

LMAO, read shakespear much?

Do you really think it is worth it?

Maybe it is time to cut and run. Things have gotten very complicated, do you think you could actually form a loving relationship after all this history?

By the sounds of it this girl needs to sort herself out before getting involved in relationships.

I agree with the above.


And yeah, this girl sounds scarily possesive, and probably quite incredibly clingy. She sounds..worse than me.

Go out and get a girlfriend anyways, ignore her. If (when) she complains, say 'well weren't dating, now were we?'

This sounds like a rather extended and complicated mess.

Nine months of professing love, but no forward movement; this is simply stagnation.

Do something.

Oh, and CarbonB - I dont think she's the only one waiting for something, I think the whole forum is waiting for you to STFU.

I'm sure anyone would want God to shut up as well when he is condemning them with their sins too, right?