lets see, yeah, i'm really lonely, today is the second day of never talking to my best guy friend that's been sexually abusing me for the past 3 weeks so I'm feeling kinda lonely. Yeah I'm kinda fucked up I actually liked the sexual abuse more then the loneliness. anywho, i Know this is better for me. Its been almost 3 months since my ex and I broke up and I still am not really over him. Just life was so much better before... I hate being by myself and then every chance I have at a relationship these days I get to needy and scare the guy away because I'm scared to death of going back to being lonely as shit. Anyways. I'm also gonna attempt to not have randum sex, and possibly find a guy thats worth getting all emotional over to have sex with. hmmn. now to find the guy. shit im bored and i cant sleep

Sexual abuse = what?

I don't know it's kinda complicated. It was more mental abuse through sexuality just like breaking me down to the point where I felt helpless and telling me he needed to fulfill his sexual needs so stop my crying about it and basically just fucked me while i cried every time.

Nothing complicated about him getting off on your tears. Not all sadists need or want to use a whip to make you cry. Its a control thang when all said and done.

the funny thing is though... I'm a masichist at heart. like i used to have my ex pretend to rape me and hurt me as much as possible without punching me (skratching, biting, choking)
but this... just... wasn't hot
i guess cuz it wasnt for fun
and i knew my ex loved me. this friend of mine is farr farr farrrrrrrr from having any of those feelings for me.

You need to open your fucking eyes and realise you're not alone as long as you can rely on you.

You don't need to be used by anybody...Friend or foe...Especially a friend.

Put some stock into you and who you are, what you can be and who you want to be and work on it...Don't let anybody fuck you around like that again.